Exposed: Get The Most Out Of Chia Seeds by Soaking Them!

You can’t look at any health blog these days without reading about the amazing benefits of eating chia seeds. While this superfood reaps lots of positivity for our health, there has been some negative side effects depending on how we prepare them.

Do we eat them dry or soak them first? Both methods are safe when it comes to consumption but the problem comes if chia seeds are eaten dry and not enough fluids are being taken in alongside them as this can actually cause gastrointestinal problems such as constipation, bloating and gas. So should we always soak them first?

WHAT?! The Benefits of Chia Seeds May Actually Harm Some of Us?

Chia seeds do live up to their hype. They can inject a high amount of fibre, protein, calcium, antioxidants and omega-3s into our diet.The problem is that their high fibre content may be what’s the biggest issue.

Unless you’re very conscientious about your fibre intake, most people don’t actually get enough fibre on a daily basis. Introducing chia seeds will increase soluble fibre intake massively and if the body isn’t used to this then constipation can occur.

Another problem is that chia seeds are highly absorbent and soak up a lot of fluid. When soaked fully, they form a gel. If you’re ingesting them dry, you can imagine how much liquid they soak up within the body making constipation an even bigger threat. But by soaking them ^[1] prior to consumption, you make it much easier to digest eliminating the chance of constipation or other stomach problems.

The Benefits of Soaking Chia Seeds

There are multiple benefits to soaking chia seeds so before you sprinkle your dry seeds on top of your morning porridge, see why you should soak them first.

1. It Takes Away Natural Negative Properties

While chia seeds are pretty amazing, as a seed they do contain phytic acid. Nuts and seeds all contain this acid because it helps boost the plant to grow initially. Unfortunately, it isn’t always compatible with the human body and can impair the absorption of iron, zinc and calcium.^[2]

Simply soaking chia seeds actually releases this acid and stops it from binding to essential minerals and nutrients and stops it blocking these from being absorbed by the body.

2. It Cleans Your Gut

The mucilage (or soluble fibre) that’s contained in chia seeds, helps remove unwanted items in the digestive tract as it moves through. ^[3] As this mucilage can absorb up to 27 times its weight in water, soaking chia seeds before consumption will make this process much more efficient and prevent them from absorbing essential fluid in the body.

3. It Creates ACE Inhibitors

ACE inhibitors are used synthetically to treat cardiovascular problems and high blood pressure by pharmaceuticals but when soaked, the enzymes contained in chia seeds obtain this ACE inhibitor naturally.^[4] This goes towards getting a healthier heart and all the health benefits that go with it.

Therefore, soaking your chia seeds is much more beneficial to your body than eating them dry from the packet. Simply soaking this superfood in water before you eat it will have your body thanking you and allow it a better chance of getting the true benefits of this miracle seed!

How To Soak Chia Seeds At Home?

It’s really simple and easy to soak your chia seeds but a bit of preparation goes a long way. The rule is that there’s really no way you can soak chia seeds for too long.

Just placing some chia seeds into a container with a ratio of 1/3 cup of chia seeds to 2 cups of water, giving it a good shake and placing it in the refrigerator overnight is all you have to do.

If you want a quick method you can soak for 2-3 hours which is enough time for the seeds to form the mucilage gel.

For extra health benefits you can replace water with regular milk or almond milk to make a great breakfast or simply add a squeeze of orange or lemon juice to the water to boost your vitamin C intake.

So go ahead and soak those chia seeds and soak up the benefits while you’re at it!

Reference

[1]	^	Breaking Muscle: Soak It Up: 3 Superfoods You Should Be Eating (And Soaking!)
[2]	^	The Paleo Diet: Seed Fatty Acid Content
[3]	^	NHS: Why is fibre important?
[4]	^	Hindawi: Angiotensin I-Converting Enzyme Inhibitory Peptides of Chia (Salvia hispanica) Produced by Enzymatic Hydrolysis

The post Exposed: Get The Most Out Of Chia Seeds by Soaking Them! appeared first on Lifehack.

How to Negotiate When the Person You're Talking to Is Stubborn

It can be very frustrating when the person you are talking to is stubborn. It can feel like they are not willing to listen to a word that you are saying, which makes you wonder why you are even bothering to make your point in the first place.

However it may be more than just stubbornness that is stopping your friend from changing their mind. According to psychologists, the more one person tries to convince someone else of something they don’t agree with, the more the other person will blindly stand their ground. ^[1]

This might make it seem like it is impossible to change their mind, but that isn’t the case. In reality you can use useful negotiation tips to help the other person see your point of view, and this can be beneficial for both of you; it opens your minds up to new ideas and it makes it easier for you to understand each other.

If you want someone to see your point of view, here are four useful negotiation tactics that will help.

Present Both Sides Of The Argument

It may seem counter intuitive to present the other person’s side of the argument as well as your own, but in reality this will make you seem more rational and reasonable. If you want to change someone’s mind about something you need to make sure that they don’t dig their heels in and start feeling defensive, which will happen if you only present your own side of the argument. They will feel like they have to defend their side, which will quickly disintegrate into a disagreement that can’t be resolved.

If you present both sides of the argument you are giving the other person a reason to try and see your point of view so that you can co-operate with each other.

Focus On Showing Them The Whole Picture, Rather Than Trying To Prove Them Wrong

It can be tempting to prove the other person wrong as soon as you realise that you disagree with their point, but instead you show present the whole picture. Instead of focusing on the disagreement between the pair of you, focus on the underlying problem that bothers both of you. For instance, maybe your friend has a different political opinion to you, but it is likely that you both want the best for your country in all senses; economically, politically and socially.

Bring the argument around to the points that you can agree on, so that the other person knows that you both have similar interests. This will make it easier for you both to discuss your opinions with a positive mind set.

Highlight The Negative Parts Of Your Argument

No-one likes to acknowledge that their argument is flawed, but if someone disagrees with you that means they must perceive flaws in your argument. For this reason they will find your points more credible if you highlight the negative parts of your argument. This will make you seem reasonable and rational, and it will make it seem like you have spent a lot of time thinking about both sides of the argument before settling on an opinion. You can even put a positive spin on the negative points to help them see the argument from your perspective!

Point Out That In The End It Is Their Decision

Stubborn people will feel defensive and annoyed if they think that you are forcing your opinions on them or trying to change their mind, so you should remember to take the time to point out that in the end it is their decision. You may be debating with them and providing them with useful facts, but you are not trying to shove your opinion down their throat; they are free to refuse or accept your opinions.

Reference

[1]

^

PNAS: Anatomy of news consumption on Facebook

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If You Want Your Kids to Succeed in the Future, Help Them Become Minimalists

I became a minimalist long before it was fashionable. IKEA hadn’t yet crossed the Atlantic and Madonna belted out tunes about the material world. I lived with an extreme hoarder. My mother kept everything- from cringe worthy art projects to illegible high school French notes, plastic disposable cups to magazines and newspapers. Minimalism became my form of rebellion. When I left home I stoically declared that anything I couldn’t fit in one bag, I couldn’t keep. I kept that stance for years.

When I began my own family, I vowed my children would receive not stuff, but the things money can’t buy, like quality time and experiences, hugs and kisses. Living a good life doesn’t necessarily mean being surrounded by opulence and luxury, but becoming a minimalist doesn’t mean you have to give up all of your possessions and live in a bare room either. Minimalism actually makes your life richer, albeit simpler.

“The secret to happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” -Socrates

Fewer toys mean more creativity in kids

Humans have incredible imaginations. We don’t need excessive external stimuli to bolster that imagination either. I’ve seen kids declare they are bored, even though they have rooms brimming with the coolest toys, while others are happy digging in the dirt with their hands, making pretend roads for their one toy car. The fewer toys a child has, the more apt they are to exercise their ingenuity.

Take a kid to the beach to see the extent of their creativity. With nothing but nature, a Hogwarts-worthy castle can emerge from the sand, ready to defend itself against the incoming tide. We actually do a disservice to our kids by dulling their ripe imaginations with video games that require little thought and toys that with a mere push of a button keep them amused with mindless lights and sounds. Imagination and ingenuity are two important skills that help kids to succeed in life.

Sharing helps kids practice interpersonal skills & develop empathy

Practicing minimalism means that you have to learn to share. This is a soft skill that everyone needs to learn from an early age. Siblings often have a hard time with this, but if there’s only one ball or one swimming mask, they have to learn to take turns or do without. Their empathy levels can spike along with way, and you’ll find that an older child may hand the toy to a younger one first, or your child may realize he didn’t want the toy as badly as his friend.

Sharing can help your child pick up on non-verbal clues from others, such as body language, eye contact, facial expressions & hand gestures. They can begin to notice when someone is getting antsy, upset or even bored. All from sharing toys. This skill, used by successful entrepreneurs, won’t be found in the classroom, it has to be learned.

Kids are less anxious and stressed in minimalist environments

That messy room is doing more damage to you and your kids than you think: Over stimulation causes stress and anxiety.^[1] Clutter distracts and makes you lose focus. Bottom line: it’s bad for your health, mentally and physically.

A study^[2] on Kindergartners showed that they performed better on tests when they were taught in a room with only bare walls as opposed to the children who were in a room with walls decorated with posters and other visual aids. The kids in the bare room were able to focus better and be distracted less than the children in the decorated room.

Many kids and parents tend to overfill their schedules with after school activities, but the pressure can be physically and emotionally detrimental, leading to headaches, stomachaches and even depression.^[3]

Becoming a minimalist will help you calm down- you can actually relax and not feel guilty when you don’t have a mess around that needs to be sorted or a practice that your child needs to attend. Give your kids a healthy boost in life and teach them to be calm and focused by decluttering your environment.

Minimalism teaches children to be conscious consumers and more aware of the reality of finances

The only way kids can learn finances is through us- the parents. If they see us splurging on a regular basis- guess what, they will eventually follow suit. If they see us stop and consider purchases first, questioning aloud if we need it or just want it, they are more apt to be weigh the pros and cons before making purchases themselves in the future.

If you tell them they can’t have something because the dog needs some heart worm pills, but explain if you save X amount of money a week, that by their birthday, such a purchase may be possible, you are teaching them the importance of delayed gratification and budgeting all in one!

Kids tend to think money grows on trees, but by instilling a minimalist approach to finances and involving them, they can learn important life skills that they won’t learn elsewhere.

Becoming minimalist is the best way to teach kids gratitude

Minimalism is the best way to truly teach your kids to be thankful for what they have. Someone who is provided with everything on demand doesn’t know how important each thing is if they are surrounded by a multitude of stuff. Your child will be more grateful for that one toy or video game at Christmas than if they had a pile of them.

Give thanks for all that you do have, because even if it’s not a lot, it may be even more than someone else dreams of having. There are many people in the world who don’t have clean water, something we tend to take for granted. According to the charity Water.org, there are 332 million people without access to clean water in Africa alone^[4]. Be grateful for what you have every everyday.

Kids develop a practical, better perspective on life

Minimalism is not just the act of cleaning out your house, it’s a whole perspective on life. Simplify your life. Borrow books from the library instead of buying them. Spend a night out watching the stars instead of the latest movie. Eat a picnic in a park instead of dining in a restaurant. Live the good life through special moments.

The memories you make with your children are what they will always remember, and even treasure, not the stuff you bought. What you do now will affect how they are in their future. Raise them to embrace simplicity and they will have a better perspective on life.

Adopting a minimalist lifestyle will help your children grow to appreciate the good life – a life defined by strong family bonds, gratitude, and love and experiences, a life where less is definitely more.

Reference

[1]	^	Psychology Today: Why Mess Causes Stress: 8 Reasons, 8 Remedies
[2]	^	Association for Psychological Science: Visual Environment, Attention, Allocation, and Learning in Young Children:When Too Much of a Good Thing May Be Bad
[3]	^	KidsHealth.org: Is Your Child Too Busy?
[4]	^	water.org: The Water Crisis Leaves Million without Safe Water

The post If You Want Your Kids to Succeed in the Future, Help Them Become Minimalists appeared first on Lifehack.

Creative Brain Test: 10 Best Ways To Test Your Creative Intelligence

Did you know you can boost your levels of creativity by simply moving your eyes from side to side? While there is no firmly established formula for creativity, there are ways to increase it; ways just as crazy as eye movement!

Yet, how do we know how creative we are? Luckily for us, there are ways we can test our creativity. Let’s look at 10 of the best ways and see how creative we really are.

1. WKOPAY

What Kind of Person Are You (WKOPAY) is a measure of inquisitiveness, self-confidence, and imagination. This creativity test is a self-assessment for creative intelligence. ^[1]

Test it: Take a self-assessment and determine what type of personality trait you possess at BuzzFeed.

2. Reverse Thinking

Instead of adopting the typical logical way of looking at a problem, try the reverse approach. Turn around the challenge and look for the opposite ideas.

Example: A good example of reverse thinking is as follows. ^[2]

• Typical Approach: How can I double my fan base?
• Reverse Thinking: How do I make sure I have no fans at all?

Looks like this:

Test it: Think of a problem you would like to solve. Now think of the reverse of that idea and write it down. Do you see anything interesting?

3. Anagram

An anagram is switching of words or word play. It is where we rearrange letters of a word or phrase to produce a new word.

How it works: Simply rearrange the letters of a word or phrase. For example, change Life hack to hack file.

Example: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland author Lewis Carroll famously used anagrams. Carroll’s real name was actually Charles Lutwidge Dodgson. In developing the pseudonym Lewis Carroll, Dodgson began by translating Charles Lutwidge into Latin – Carolus Ludovicus. He then reversed the order of the Latin translation and translated the back into English arriving at Lewis Carroll. ^[3]

Looks like this:

Test it: Test your anagram creating skills at www.wordplays.com.

4. Storyboarding

A storyboard is simply a sequence of illustrations demonstrating how a story will unfold.

How it works: Here is a great step-by-step guide on how to create a storyboard with a group of people. ^[4]

• Step 1: Choose the problem.
• Step 2: Take notes.
• Step 3: Mind map.
• Step 4: Crazy eights.
• Step 5: Storyboard.
• Step 6: Silent critique.
• Step 7: 3-minute critiques.
• Step 8: Super vote.

Looks like this:

Test it: Choose a problem, grab a piece of blank paper, fold the blank sheet of paper in half four times, then unfold it. Take five minutes to draw eight sketches (one in each panel) and crank out your ideas. ^[5]

5. Riddles

Riddles are an extremely creative way to wrap your mind around a puzzle shrouded in mystery. Riddles challenge your mind and make you think beyond the simple words. ^[6]

How it works: Answering a riddle is difficult enough, but creating one is extremely difficult. Use the following guideline and create your own riddle. ^[7]

• Step 1: Choose an answer.
• Step 2: Brainstorm your answer.
• Step 3: Use a thesaurus.
• Step 4: Think like the object.
• Step 5: Use figurative language.

Example:

• Riddle: Imagine you are in a dark room. How do you get out?
• Answer: Stop imagining it.

Test it: Riddles.com is a great place to visit to test your ability to solve riddles. Take their 10 Best Riddles Quiz and see just how inquisitive you are.

6. Analogy

An analogy is the comparison or similarity between two things in order to explain something.

How it works: The following is a great step-by-step outline for creating your own analogy. ^[8]

• Step 1: Choose your analogs (two things you are comparing). You should be familiar with analog #1.
• Step 2: List the characteristics of analog #2.
• Step 3: Start relating.
• Step 4: Figure out which points you want to write about.
• Step 5: Merge and clean up your list.
• Step 6: Expound on each point.
• Step 7: Finalize your analogy.

Example:

Analogy: Be involved in things but don’t commit. It’s like eggs and bacon. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.

Looks like this:

Test it: Visit Museumofhorror.com and see how creative you are with analogies.

7. Incomplete Figure

Incomplete figure is a test developed in the 1960’s by psychologist Ellis Torrance as one of the elements of the Torrance Test of Creative Thinking (TTCT). ^[9]

How it works: With this test, you are provided a shape and asked to complete the image.

Looks like this:

Test it: Visit 99u.com and try it yourself. Print out the figures from the site and see what you can turn them into within 5 minutes.

8. Nine Dots

The 9-Dot puzzle is a lateral thinking puzzle that some believe as the origin to the expression thinking outside the box.

How it works: You have nine dots arranged in a set of three rows. You must draw four continuous straight lines going through the middle of all the nine dots without removing your pencil off the paper. ^[10]

Looks like this:

Alternative Solution: There are alternative solutions to this puzzle. One solution is the Tridimensional solution.

Test it: Try this puzzle out for yourself online at Brainstorming.co.uk.

9. Morphological Analysis

The morphological matrix is a tool that helps us generate ideas based on possible variation of a problem. It provides us a systematic approach in generating a large amount of possibilities.

How it works: Use the following steps for this tool. ^[11]

• Step 1: State the task clearly and identify the parameters.
• Step 2: Select the first parameter and enter it as the heading.
• Step 3: Generate many attributes (including unusual ones) for that parameter. List them in the rows under the column heading.
• Step 4: Repeat steps 2 and 3 for each parameter. List the attributes for each.
• Step 5: Randomly select combinations.
• Step 6: Write each combination and dive into each.
• Step 7: Explore several potential combinations.
• Step 8: Choose one of the potential combinations to apply.

Looks like this:

Test it: Identify a problem and follow the tips and suggestions at Creativethinktank.

10. SCAMPER

SCAMPER is a mnemonic device that stands for: Substitute, Combine, Adapt, Modify, Put to another use, Eliminate, and Reverse. You or your team my find it difficult to identify new ideas. SCAMPER can assist with this. ^[12]

How it works:

• Step 1: Find an existing product you want to improve.
• Step 2: Ask questions using the mnemonic device SCAMPER to guide you.

Example:

Example questions for each element of the mnemonic device.

• Substitute: What rules could you substitute?
• Combine: What could you combine to maximize the uses of this product?
• Adapt: What else is like your product?
• Modify: What element of this product could you strengthen to create something new?
• Put to another use: How would this product behave differently in another setting?
• Eliminate: What features, parts, or rules could you eliminate?
• Reverse: What if you try to do the exact opposite of what you’re trying to do now?

Test it: Identify a product or service you would like to improve. Now, use the mnemonic device SCAMPER to get in the right frame of mind in order to ask the right questions.

So, did any of these creativity tests give you a boost in your creative abilities? If not, try them again! Boosting your creativity will help you in every area of life. Use these tools and techniques in order to find your creativity sweet spot and tap into your creative genius!

Featured photo credit: Flaticon via flaticon.com

Reference

[1]	^	World of Digits: 6 useful creativity tests to know if you are creative
[2]	^	Cleverism: 18 best idea generation techniques
[3]	^	David Day: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland Decoded
[4]	^	Co.Design: The 8 steps to creating a great storyboard
[5]	^	Co.Design: The 8 steps to creating a great storyboard
[6]	^	Riddles: Riddles and answers
[7]	^	Read Write Think: Write your own riddle
[8]	^	Osmosio: How to create killer analogies by relating anything to anything else
[9]	^	99U: Test your creativity: 5 classic creativity challenges
[10]	^	Archimedes’ Laboratory: Most wanted puzzle solutions
[11]	^	Center for Creative Learning: Morphological matrix
[12]	^	Mind Tools: SCAMPER

The post Creative Brain Test: 10 Best Ways To Test Your Creative Intelligence appeared first on Lifehack.

The Ultimate Guide to Dealing With Every Embarrassing Moment in Life

Think back to when you were at school. Most of the time, you probably enjoyed learning new things and having fun with your friends.

However, you almost certainly encountered some cringeworthy, embarrassing moments.

Like the time when a teacher asked you a simple question in front of the class – but you answered it wrongly. Your classmates began sniggering, before quickly shifting to uncontrollable laughter! Despite the teacher telling them to be quiet, the damage was done. You made yourself look like a fool in front of your class. And your obvious embarrassment was written all over your face.

On an subconscious level, this frightful experience is likely to be still impacting you today.

Most of the embarrassing moments that plague our lives fall into six categories:^[1]

1. Privacy. You’re getting changed in your bedroom when someone opens the door without knowing you are there. As you’re only half dressed – you’re hugely embarrassed by the incident.

2. Lack of knowledge and skill. You’re feeling confident that your interview for a dream job is going well. Suddenly, however, you’ve been posed a question about a skill you’ve listed on your resume. The interviewer knows a lot about the skill, and it’s clear that you don’t!

3. Criticism and rejection. You’ve gone to your local bank to see if you can arrange a car loan. The adviser spends a long time collating your financial details and asking you questions about your intended car purchase. After 30 minutes with you, the adviser says that everything looks okay, but she just needs to run a credit check. It was all going well until then. Unfortunately, the credit check reveals that you’re not entitled to a loan from the bank. You feel defeated and embarrassed.

4. Awkward acts. Your friend has just bought a new apartment, and they’ve asked you to come along to their housewarming party. You turn up with a bottle of wine and some chocolates. The party is going great until disaster strikes… You’ve knocked over your glass of red wine, and it’s spilled all over the pure white carpet. Awkward, for sure!

5. Appropriate image. You’ve been invited to a theatre show by some work colleagues. You casually agreed to go, without paying too much attention to what the show was all about. On show day, you agree to meet your colleagues outside the theater. You’re running a little late, but that’s not the worst of it. When you arrive, you immediately see that everyone is dressed formally – and you’re in jeans and T-shirt. (That’s the last time you went to the opera!)

6. Environment. You’re a teenager. And you’re watching a movie at home with your parents. Between the drama and the action, the movie is proving to be a compelling watch. However… out of the blue, a graphic ‘adult’ scene begins to take place. It’s not just you that’s embarrassed by this – your parents clearly are too!

Have you noticed that embarrassment hits most of us hard, but some people seem much more resilient?

I’m sure you’ve seen it happen. A young waiter is carrying several plates of food, but unfortunately trips and falls. The food goes everywhere, and the plates are smashed to smithereens. What could be more embarrassing than this? However, he looks completely unruffled by the incident, and instead, begins to calmly clean up the mess from the floor.

Impressive, for sure.

People who appear immune to embarrassment have a different mental outlook to most of us.

Firstly, they tend to be very self-confident people, who don’t easily feel shame or humiliation. They have powerful self-belief, and don’t allow themselves to be knocked down for long.

Secondly, they have a different perspective on mistakes. While you may regard mistakes as a bad thing, the ’embarrassment-immune’ minority sees mistakes as vital learning cues.

So, how can you become more like the above people?

Let’s start with the everyday embarrassing moments we all face and how we can tackle them.

Here are some of the most common embarrassing moments, and the best ways you can handle them.

Having your debit/credit card declined at a store…

It’s horrifying. You feel that you’ve been immediately judged by the people in the store.

Counteract this by looking and sounding confident, and saying something along the lines of: “My mistake, that card has actually expired. Here, please use this valid one.”

Falling on a treadmill…

This is both dangerous to your physical body – and to your ego!

If you’re unfortunate to fall while using a treadmill, firstly, be sure to check that you’re not physically injured. If you’re okay, then you might want to make a joke about the incident with other gym members. You could say: “I think I was too quick for the treadmill!”

Asking if someone is pregnant – when they’re not…

This has happened to several of my colleagues and friends. They thought someone was pregnant, when really they had just put on weight (especially around the stomach area).

This scenario is humiliating for the person being asked, and hugely embarrassing for the person doing the asking.

My recommendation is to profusely apologize to the person in question, and then explain that you thought you’d heard that she was pregnant. Something like: “Oh, I’m sorry. The gossip in the office was that you were expecting. I’ll make sure the gossip stops.”

Listening to your stomach making groaning noises while you’re in a quiet meeting…

This happened to me. I’d skipped breakfast and was existing purely on coffee. However, my stomach clearly was expecting something more. I went into a meeting that was quiet (bordering on silent), and my stomach decided to make an appearance. Despite my best efforts, the groaning became louder and louder. Let’s just say, that I was relieved when the meeting was finally over!

This scenario can be dealt with in several ways.

Firstly, make sure that before going into a quiet zone (church, meeting, theater, etc.) that you’ve eaten a decent amount of food. Secondly, if your stomach has begun to make noises, you could choose to excuse yourself from the gathering and then quickly eat something. Lastly, if the noise from your stomach is not too bad, you could apologize to those around you by saying: “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was so hungry.”

Failing to open a door correctly…

I’m sure you’ve done this. Pulling a door when it should be pushed – or pushing a door when it should be pulled. It’s always a little embarrassing to do this, even though it happens frequently to most of us.

I’ve discovered a trick that prevents me from making this mistake. Before opening a door, I have a quick glance at the hinges at the top of the door. In most cases, this reveals which way the door opens.

However, if you still fail to open a door correctly, then redirect the attention away from you, by saying: “This door should really be marked with push and pull signs.”

Realizing that you have coffee stains on your pants…

This happens to all of us from time to time. It can be coffee, tea or even chocolate. But the results are the same, an embarrassing stain on your pants – that you may not have even known about.

Practical ways to resolve this include changing your pants, or attempting to wipe off the offending stain.

From a psychological point of view, try to see this episode as nothing more than a humorous incident. It can be embarrassing – but it can also be funny. It’s purely dependent on your perspective. To make people laugh about it, say something like: “I might have to start wearing nappies again!”

Discovering that your phone is not on silent during an interview…

I remember my brother telling me a story about someone who interviewed at his company. The interviewee not only forgot to put his phone on silent – but actually took the call during the interview. He proceeded to speak with the caller for several minutes… while the interviewers looked on in amazement.

This guy wasn’t embarrassed (but he should have been!), but for most ordinary folks, a cellphone ringing during an interview is a nightmare scenario. It can make you look bad, and instantly knock your confidence.

Deal with this situation by always double-checking that your phone is on silent. If necessary, turn off your phone completely.

If the worst happens, then you need to move into damage limitation mode. You could apologize by saying: “I’m so sorry about that. I was sure I had put my phone on silent, but it appears that I was mistaken.”

Forgetting someone’s name when introducing them…

Have you experienced this issue in your life before? Unless you have a super-powered memory, then I’m sure you have.

If you can’t remember someone’s name when introducing them, then you have a couple of choices. You could say: “This is a colleague of mine from the Finance Department.” Alternatively, you could apologize for your memory loss, and say: “I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your name – can you remind me please?”

Deal with any potential embarrassment by not allowing your memory loss to destroy your self-confidence. You can also put the incident into perspective. (Forgetting a name is a relatively trivial matter.)

Finding out that your shirt is covered in sweat patches…

The air conditioning in your office can’t handle the heat on a particularly hot day. Despite applying your usual antiperspirant, you’ve started to sweat profusely – and it’s now showing through your shirt.

This can definitely be embarrassing, as personal hygiene is expected in modern society.

What to do? Well, if you’re lucky enough to have a spare shirt, then you could change into this. You could also go home early, if homeworking is an option.

If you have to stay in the office with your sweat-stained shirt, then you’ll need to deal with it. Do this by stating to others that the office is so hot that it’s started to make you sweat (i.e., this is not a personal problem). You could say: “Crikey! It’s incredibly hot in here. I hardly ever sweat, but right now I’m feeling the effects of the heat.”

Choking on your food…

Picture going on a first date. You’ve spent several hours showering and grooming yourself. (You want to look and smell great.) You meet your prospective partner at the chosen restaurant, and both of you relax into some friendly conversation. Your food order arrives, and you take your first few bites… It could be nervousness or stress, but either way, the food goes down the wrong pipe – and you find yourself choking!

Definitely not the best look on a first date.

You could avoid this by making sure that you’re as relaxed as possible during the meal. You could even take smaller bites, and chew for longer than usual.

If it’s happened, and you’re choking on your food, the first thing is to clear the blockage. Once this is resolved, you need to find a way to overcome the embarrassment. Do this by making a joke of the incident: “That’ll teach me for being greedy!”

Embarrassing moments are waiting in the wings to spring upon you at the most unexpected times. However, once you begin to practice the tried and tested ways of dealing with embarrassment, then you’ll no longer fear these situations.

Reference

[1]

^

Withers, Lesley; Sherblom, John. “Embarrassment: The Communication of an Awkward Actor Anticipating a Negative Evaluation”

The post The Ultimate Guide to Dealing With Every Embarrassing Moment in Life appeared first on Lifehack.

Why Faking Leadership Is Doomed to Fail

Being an authentic leader requires self-reflection, an understanding of the expectations of your subordinates, and a firm grasp of your context. Different leadership styles can be effective in particular circumstances. For example, a drill instructor is expected to intimidate his or her recruits through an aggressive leadership style. If a schoolteacher used the same methods, he or she would be out of a job.

Part of the challenge of leading from a place of authenticity is understanding which approach is best for a given situation.^[1] If you’ve ever witnessed a manager offer a tone-deaf response, you know that a leader’s style can have major impacts on company culture.

There are many ways to classify leaders, but Daniel Goleman’s ^[2] designations provide a valuable framework for our purposes.^[3] You may see yourself in one or more of these styles.

Here are the 6 types of leadership styles.

Pacesetting leader

This type sets a rigorous standard for others to follow. Pacesetters work alongside their team with the intention of executing a specific objective. They have no tolerance for team members lagging behind.

Pacesetting leaders excel in the military. In this case, the team’s ability to perform as a unit affects the success and safety of the mission. Ambitious entrepreneurs and high-level leadership also have this level of urgency and insistence upon meeting high standards.

When your team is adequately prepared and you need something done quickly, this approach is most effective. This style is more concerned with forward motion than heaping on praise, which means that team members will need to be confident in their duties. Continual use of the pace-setting leader model without including other approaches can cause employee burnout. Inexperienced team members may become frustrated by limited opportunities to receive positive feedback.

Authoritative leader

Sometimes known as the visionary leader, this style is firmly grounded in a vision. Some of the most recognizable innovators, such as Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, and Oprah Winfrey^[4] count themselves among the ranks of authoritative leaders.

This position is helpful if you are pioneering an approach. Your vision represents your values and those of your company. In the face of uncertainty, you stayed grounded in your vision. This leadership style is not effective when your team members have more experience than you.

Affiliative leader

If you consider getting to know your employees to be an important part of your leadership style, then you likely possess the qualities of an affiliative leader. This style necessitates compassion and good listening skills. These leaders see workers as people first.

If your organization has experienced an upheaval, this caring approach can put your culture back on track. The manager that has regular one-on-one meetings with staff members and takes the time to listen to their concerns embodies this style. This approach breeds loyalty because it provides encouragement and makes employees feel understood.

If your style is too soft, you risk breeding apathy. To prevent slacking performance, you will need incorporate other leadership styles to help you demonstrate the importance of high-quality work outputs.

Coaching leader

Even though coaching requires a greater time commitment for leaders up front, the rewards are a major return on investment. Coaching creates a positive work environment in which people use feedback and support to improve their performance.

Employees and leaders who approach their work with a growth mindset^[5] are more likely to feel affirmed and buy into the organizational mission. This collaborative approach does not work well if you need results in a hurry, and it is not effective if workers are unwilling to engage.

Coercive leader

The coercive leader, like a drill instructor, does not leave room for debate — they simply want their workers to follow instructions as quickly and effectively as possible. Using this approach for extended periods of time will have a negative impact on morale.

Despite the potential for negative impact, there is an appropriate context for this leadership style. During an organizational crisis or emergency, workers need a leader who can act decisively. Employees who refuse to respond to collaborative approaches may fare better with a commanding leader.

Democratic leader

When you solicit the buy-in of others, you empower them through democratic leadership.^[6] Leading through votes or by committee can foster a positive work environment because workers feel that their concerns are taken into consideration.

This style can avoid the conflict among groups in which people wish to voice their opinions, but there are contexts in which this style will not be effective. A committee full of aggressive communicators might spend more time arguing than fulfilling their duties. If employees lack access to all the information necessary to make an informed decision, then this approach is unlikely to yield the best results. For projects that require a quick turnaround, you will need to exercise a more authoritative style.

A strong leader can always apply the right leadership style depends on situations.

A strong leader will need to be able to embody different leadership styles depending on their circumstances. Consulting this flowchart can help you understand which styles you identify with most and which aspects of your personal brand of leadership will require refinement.

With so many considerations for how one can lead, finding your authentic voice as a leader can seem overwhelming.^[7] So here’s what you can do.

Call in the SWOT team to help you lead best.

SWOT analysis can help you understand the best leadership style for you. SWOT, an acronym for “strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats,” ^[8] helps you understand your gifts and mitigate deficiencies. Knowing which leadership styles work best for you gives you a greater capacity to inspire workers and respond to challenges in the workplace.

• S – Strengths: What are the things that you can do better than anyone else? What are your greatest accomplishments? Based upon these strengths, you can narrow down the types of leadership that resonate with you the most. For example, if you are a patient, asset-based thinker, then you may find that you are most comfortable as a coaching leader.
• W -Weaknesses: Are there certain types of interactions that you seem to flub every time? Do you have tasks that you avoid because you don’t think that you do them well? In the context of finding your leadership style, this can help you understand the types of leadership that do not resonate with you. If you hate telling people what to do without providing lots of feedback, then a coercive style is going to be uncomfortable for you.
• O – Opportunities: After you have a clear understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, look for opportunities. Where are the places that you can use your strengths? Which leadership styles exploit your best characteristics? What can you do to improve your weaknesses? Can you attend training or find a mentor to help you improve?
• T – Threats: External threats can impose limits on your leadership. Threats include prohibitive policies that prevent you from expressing your best leadership talents. Does the hyper-competitive environment prevent you from using coaching, affiliative, or democratic leadership techniques, which require greater time investments? Comparing the threats you face to the strengths and limitations of the leadership styles can help you find the strategy that maximizes your strengths in your environment.

Amplify your strengths, always.

After you perform a SWOT analysis, you’ll have a good idea of your individual gifts, and you’ll be more cognizant of your weaknesses as a leader. Knowing your weaknesses can help you avoid leadership styles that make you come off as disingenuous.

Mind your mentors.

Picture a person who epitomizes strong leadership style for you. Analyze their style using the SWOT model, and pinpoint what types of leadership they most closely represent. Acting as an observer can help you understand your own values as leaders.

And know thyself.

To be an authentic leader, you have to be yourself. Leslie Stein eloquently illustrates the gains that come from owning your truth.

If you try to adopt a style that doesn’t fit your personality, it will be difficult to function in a leadership capacity. Workers can always spot a phony, and if they know that you don’t believe in the way that you are leading, they will be less likely to respect you. Your authentic self is your greatest leadership asset.

As a leader, you will be faced with situations that require you to adopt specific approaches. With some self-study and a strong vision for your team, you can be yourself and take charge.

Reference

[1]	^	Forbes: The True Qualities of Authentic Leaders
[2]	^	Harvard Business Review: Leadership That Gets Results (HBR Bestseller)
[3]	^	Fast Company: 6 Leadership Styles, and When you Should Use Them
[4]	^	Forbes: Are you a visionary business leader?
[5]	^	Harvard Business Review: What Having a “Growth Mindset” Actually Means
[6]	^	Chron: Leadership style examples
[7]	^	Entrepreneur: 50 Rules for Being a Great Leader
[8]	^	Mind Tools Editorial Team: Personal SWOT analysis

The post Why Faking Leadership Is Doomed to Fail appeared first on Lifehack.

How to Give a Relationship Another Chance When It's on the Rocks

Here you are, sitting next to your lawyer, across the table being your soon-to-be former spouse and their own lawyer, discussing alimony terms,^[1] property classification and other important things of your divorce. Because you are divorcing your partner. It’s not the outcome you expected when you got married and you are probably wondering how it all ended this way.

Well, marriage counseling might prevent the divorce and get your relationship on track once again. According to the numbers, marriage counseling helps 7 in 10 couples^[2] find their happiness again. The counselor is not going to tell you what to do and how to do, but they will provide you with all the tools needed to fix your relationship. Marriage counselors simply allow the couple to explore their relationship from a new perspective, giving them the opportunity they needed to sort out their issues.

One of the major benefits of going to couple counseling is that you will improve your communication skills,^[3] which allows you to solve any future issues that may arise over time. In a relationship, effective communication is the key, so counseling provides you with the means to support your relationship both in the present and in the future.

With this being said, you have to know there are plenty of choices when it comes to couple counseling. Here are 11 options to choose from.

1. Nancy Graham

Graham is specialized in relationship issues and she thinks people should focus on the positive things in their lives. She is helping couples find their strengths and improve their communication, so they can save their marriage. Graham is a licensed social worker and therapist.

Call or Email Nancy Graham now – (713) 965-6957

2. Yaji Tramontini and Love Therapy Center

Yaji Tramontini is the founder of the Love Therapy Center, where couples benefit from a holistic approach on their relationship. Tramontini uses a method called EMDR therapy, which helps the spouse deal with the painful experiences in their past, which could be ruining the relationship. The therapy center offers a big diversity of services, all based on the belief that unconditional love is the path towards restoring a relationship.

Call or Text directly: (415) 412-6615

3. Alison Leigh

Leigh is a licensed therapist who can help you focus on healing, instead of the past mistakes. She has over 20 years of experience and she is specialized in Somatic Psychotherapy, a a method which uses the body to access the unconscious, allowing the couple to experience an instant change, unlike other therapy methods. With Leigh you can focus on finding the solutions for your couple problems. She is also specialized in working with LGBT couples.

4. Fiachra O’Sullivan

With a family of psychotherapists on the back, O’Sullivan took his time to become one himself. He is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, specialized in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. O’Sullivan sees the relationship of a couple as a force that can heal and restore the power, so he helps his clients use that force and mend their relationship. The typical first session is 80 minutes, followed by 50 minutes sessions.

Call or mail at 415.967.3447 / figs@therapywithfigs.com

5. Mark Spurlock MFT

Spurlock is in the field of couple counseling for more than two decades, during which he developed his unique therapy method. His sessions are fun and productive, as he uses creative ways to help couples restore their relationship. In the past, Spurlock worked with drug and alcohol addicts, providing therapy for victims of child abuse and domestic violence, which gives him a broad view upon relationships. Most couples will have 45 minutes sessions, once a week.

Call him at (619)813-0315

6. Michelle Germain

Germain is another experienced therapist with 25 years of practice under her belt. She is also the author of the The Jill Principle: A Woman’s Guide to Healing Your Spirit After Divorce or Breakup and has a master in social work. If you are not in San Diego area, close to Germain, you can have phone therapy sessions with her. Germain’s focus is to approach the individuals wholly, mind, body and soul, so they can improve their couple relationship.

Call her at 760-290-1047 or email michele@michelegermain.com

7. Dr. Barbara Cunningham

Cunningham has been helping couples restore their relationship for years and she is specialized in a less common type of therapy: divorce therapy. Because she is committed to her work, she offers a free first session, so you can see if she is the right therapist for you. If things go well, you can schedule the rest of the sessions. Cunningham also works with gay and lesbian couples.

8. Barbara Neal, LPC

Neal approaches couple therapy with a solution-focused method, using her broad experience in the field. She helps couples develop new skills and improve their communication, so they can reach the perfect balance in their relationship. Neal always follows realistic outcomes with her clients. At her clinic there are several insurance plans accepted: BCBS Texas, Blue Cross and Blue Shield, CIGNA, HUMANA and MultiPlan.

9. Dr. Carl Ward, PHD

Dr. Ward believes relationships are indeed complicated and he understands that couples do have their ups and downs. At his clinic, Dr. Ward provides couple therapy for everyone who needs to improve their relationship. With almost three decades of experience, Dr. Ward has handled hundreds of couples, as well as individuals. His clinic accepts four insurance plans: Coventry Health Care, Blue Cross and Blue Shield, HUMANA and MultiPlan.

10. GRASP Group

GRASP’s mission is to support couples to enjoy a healthy relationship. The center provides 50 minutes therapy sessions that offer an insight on the problems you have inside your relationship and a way to solve these problems via effective communication. The Group works with both same sex couples and hetero couples.

11. Symmetry Counseling

The therapists at Symmetry have a pragmatic approach to couple therapy, aiming to help couples see that positive effect as soon as possible and mend their relationship. The licensed therapists provide a supportive environment for couples. The clinic accepts various insurance plans, among which Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO, Aetna, Cigna, Magellan, and Value Options.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1]	^	Tennessee Divorce: Alimony terms
[2]	^	JMFT: Research on the Treatment of Couple Distress
[3]	^	Psychology Today: 7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success

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