The Lifehack Show: Improving Social Skills with Dr. Daniel Wendler

This episode of The Lifehack Show features Dr. Dan Wendler, who has a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology and is the author of two books with a focus on social skills improvement. In this episode, Dr. Wendler breaks down the principals of achieving social success using his own personal journey as a guide. Dr. Wendler also has spoken at two Tedx Talks: “What Being Autistic Taught Me About Being Human” and “My Life with Asperger’s.”

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7 Tips for Coping with Stress Effectively

Stress can happen to anyone, anywhere at anytime. It can be mild or intense. It can be short or long lived. It can lead to panic, sadness or inability to handle things. Or it can be dealt with effectively. You don’t have to let stress control you. Instead, coping with stress is possible.

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another." - William James

Stress can either define your life experiences or be something that motivates you. Instead of worrying all the time, use that energy for positive motivation. Stress can stop you, if you let it. You only need to let life happen and learn to go with the flow in order to cope with stress. Give up the notion of total control because it does not exist. When stress happens, we are either pushed forward or stopped in our tracks. We either let it help us rise or let it sink us down. The choice between the two are in coping skills. You can be having a great day and suddenly something happens that lets you down, and suddenly the whole day is ruined. You will rise though, if you learn that stress is a part of life, and that you don’t need to control it. You only need to find a way to cope with it. Some signs of stress are elevated heart beat, sometimes leading to panic or panic attacks. Sweaty palms, fear rising, catastrophizing the worst will happen, feeling pressure, having a timeline to solve your problem or complete a task... This is how we start to experience stress. People and circumstances can stress us out. It can be daunting to solve every problem on your plate. But it’s possible to solve some problems effectively with coping skills so you can tackle that to do list. It’s not possible to solve problems WITH stress. In fact, stress can hinder us from success when we let it take over. You need tools to do the job well done. These tools are helpful when dealing with stress to overcome difficult situations. You only need to learn to cope, not control it. Some effective ways to cope with stress are the following:

1. Break down Your Task or To-Do List

The first step towards clearing it is writing it down, so you create a to do list. But what do you do once you get there? Do you start with the easiest task and work your way to the most difficult? Do you start with the most urgent or the most important or a mix of both? Breaking down your task list can help you cope with stress. You will find that people, circumstances will change that lift the stress from you, but your attitude in any situation is what keeps stress truly at bay. Start with prioritizing your task list. What are your long-term goals? What satisfies most of that for you? You can decide to act on tasks that help you in the longterm the most while also tackling the urgent, right here right now needs of your life. Mind Tools says:((Mind Tools: Time Management))

“With effective time management, you can take control of your time and get on top of your to do list.”

Breaking down your task management is about what is most important to you in life and your day to day functioning:

• Write down all your tasks that need done, in no particular order.
• Color code, flag or whatever method you like-urgency and importance in a ranking order that you decide.
• Take out a calendar or planner and plot out when you will tackle each task.
• Prioritize each day what you need to get down and follow this method.
• Start over and do it all over again regularly.

A to-do list is more than just task and time management. It is about priorities. When you know your priorities, you are less stressed about choices you have to make. Learn more tips about using to-do lists here: The Right Way to Make a To Do List and Get Things Done

2. Find a Good, Therapeutic Outlet

When you find an outlet, it can include therapy, but it also can be coping skills that you pick and enjoy. It’s something that lets out the stress. Exercise, journaling, talking to someone or to a therapist, listening to music, meditation, cooking, relaxing in general, reading a good book, watching a movie or TV show... What you do is up to you. Once you pick a coping skill, your stress will decrease and your ability to COPE will increase. You will then be able to perform the task at hand. You will be able to use your coping skills to achieve your goals. Once you have less stress, you can resume working. You can decide what you do with your time, even when stress is daunting and big. You can decide to spend your time your way. You can rest. You can recharge. You can find strength again when you use your coping skills. You just need an outlet for the stress. You can’t just push through everything in life and decide not to feel. Let yourself feel. Feeling is not the enemy. Lack of focus is. You can be focused on a task ahead and still decide to feel. You can even use that feeling to motivate you. The key is to let it out. Stress management is not just about overcoming stress. It’s using it. It’s not letting it control you. It’s effectively coping you so you can still breathe.

3. Schedule Breaks for Yourself

It’s very important to recharge. When you are creating a to do list, you need to ask yourself, “When is the best time for me to recharge and relax so I don’t let this overwhelm me?” This isn’t the same as procrastination. You give yourself a timer and let yourself rest when you set it. Scheduling breaks in your day is something many of us forget to do. According to Harvard Business Review,((Harvard Business Review: To Be More Creative, Schedule Your Breaks )) it says that you should trying even switching up tasks to keep yourself from being overwhelmed and burned out when you are problem solving.

“When you’re working on tasks that would benefit from creative thinking, consciously insert breaks to refresh your approach. Set them at regular intervals- use a timer if you have to.”

It says that this may be indeed the best use of your time, to schedule breaks, to get better results. Be guilt free in your pursuit of the best problem solving skills. Taking breaks will actually enhance your skills leaving you with less stress overall.

4. Meditate to Release Tension in Body, Mind and Soul

Meditation and mindfulness can help in each circumstance with learning how to use our inner strength to grow and give. We can learn from meditation that life is a current, and we can either swim with it or get pulled under. This is very important to note when we are stressed. Meditation can help us release stress sometimes more than anything else. It brings us very much into the present. Worrying is about the future; stress is an emotional response to worry and pressure that tends to feel very negative. But we can dial it down with meditation so that we can deal. Mindfulness is about using the present moment to the best of your ability. You can be meditative in it with the simplest of tasks. It’s grounding yourself with each moment in terms of using the task at hand to be present. You can be cooking, washing your hands, eating, or walking outside. All you need to do is breathe and be in the moment in order to meditate. It can even be as simple as releasing tension in your body. Unclench your jaw. Release your shoulders from your ears. Release all tension from your whole body by thinking of each body part's release. Start with your head and go down to your feet and toes. Do it as often as you like. Learn how to meditate easily: Meditation for Beginners: How to Meditate Deeply and Quickly

5. Be Grateful

Stop what you’re doing. Think about what you still have. Rather than seeing the odds as against you, see what you have already done and already have. This will help you to move forward. You are still alive. You still have tools that you can use to help you. You have resources. You have people; you are not alone. You have abilities. Where you lack, you can ask for help. So you only need to be grateful. It doesn’t mean you discount the pain you have had in any situation, but you acknowledge what you can do with it. You are not over. This stress will not define you or decide for you. You can use what you have right here and right now to make a difference. Write a gratitude list daily. Even if you only think of three things to be grateful for, that is more than enough. Remind yourself of this list of gratitude to help you cope with the stress you feel. Through realizing what you still have, you can find better solutions and release the stress from overtaking you. Your thoughts have power. Using gratitude to defeat stress is something you can do daily. You can actually train your brain to be more grateful by coming up with at least three things daily that you are grateful for.

6. Find the Motivation

Finding motivation for many can be difficult. But you’re not like other people. You are the only you in this whole universe. That means what motivates you may be different from what motivates someone else. You may decide to pursue things other won’t agree with or understand. That’s okay. The key is that you have decided something. And that often comes with a lot of stress. When you are stuck, it’s up to you to find the motivation. You can let situations define you or you can reclaim your story. You can stand for something. You can do a social good. You can help a friend. You can release the negativity by focusing on the positive. It’s up to you. You have control here. You have some power. You have some say. According to Barking Up the Wrong Tree, a science based answers and expert insight blog that has been featured on The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Wired Magazine and Time Magazine, there are 3 steps to motivating yourself backed by science:((Barking up the Wrong Tree: How To Motivate Yourself: 3 Steps Backed By Science)) They are getting positive, rewarding yourself and getting peer pressure are the best ways to motivate yourself. It also says,

“Think of yourself as a motivated, productive person. Research shows how people feel about themselves has a huge effect on success.”

When you decide to be positive, you make a decision to not let the stress or negativity weigh you down or define you. Reward yourself because you deserve goodness and you deserve happiness and you deserve to be recognized for your work in life. Lastly, getting peer pressure is about letting others in on your goals. That helps you stay motivated and stay moving forward.

7. Ask for Help

When you are struggling, you don’t have to have all the answers. You just need a healthy outlook and to let input in. You will be better with stress when you have others to help you. Even if it is a professional such as a therapist or an expert such as someone in your field, or a friend, or family member you trust, all that matters is that you’re not afraid to need help. Perfection is something we all strive for, but we can’t have because it doesn’t truly exist. We can get close to it, but there’s always a way to do something better that will be found out in the future. So, ask for help. Ask for people’s input. Don’t be afraid to get feedback. Maybe there’s a more effective way to do something. That will lead to less stress and more productivity. If you find it difficult to ask for help, these tips can help: How to Ask for Help When You Feel Silly to Do So

Final Thoughts

Stress is unavoidable. It will always be present in our most trying times. You can either learn to cope with it or let it ruin you. It doesn’t have to control you in the way it has been. You can make the change today, right now to take your power back. These 7 tips for coping with stress effectively can do just that. Good luck!

More Tips on Stress Relief

• 7 Stress Management Techniques to Get You Back on Track
• How to Relieve Stress: 9 Quick Relaxation Techniques
• How to Stay Calm and Cool When You Are Extremely Stressed

6 Common Types of Learners (With Learning Hacks for Each)

Everybody knows that the secret to growing in life is learning more. But not everyone is cut out for extensive learning. In fact, most people never learn beyond the textbooks they’re taught in high school or college. And those who do try and go out of their way to learn new skills are met with a hostile mind that won’t retain the slightest bit of info for them. The solution? Learn the types of learners and identify which category you fall into. You see, not everyone learns the same way. Everybody has their own method of learning and it’s vital for you to know yours. Why? By knowing which type of learner you are, you can speed up your learning process and make it more effective as well. In this article, I’ve only chosen the learning styles that actually work using the principles discussed in our article: How to Know Which Types of Learning Styles Work? So I’ll be going over the 6 most common types of learners to help you identify which one you are. In the process, I’ll also provide learning hacks for each type.

6 Types of Learners

To identify the types of learners and their characteristics, we’ll be using the VARK model which is an acronym for Visual, Auditory, Reading, and Kinesthetic.((Vark-Learn: The VARK Modalities)) But here’s the deal: The VARK model alone doesn’t cut it. I, by no means, find it exhaustive because there are a lot more ways in which you could categorize learning styles. So, I’ll be adding a couple of extra learner types in this list to make it more complete and inclusive. Without further ado, here are the types of learners:

1. Visual Learners

Most learner types lean towards a specific sensation when learning. Sounds technical? Allow me to simplify: Most people learn best when they focus on learning primarily through one of their basic senses. In the case of visual learners, that is their sense of vision. These people learn best through graphics, charts, animations, and maps. They’ll learn effectively if they doodle their ideas and create a flowchart that they can easily follow. Visual learners have the ability to condense information into visual perceptions. They can distill rather complex ideas into simple diagrams and retain them effectively.

Learning Hacks for Visual Learners:

If you are a visual learner, try making flowcharts as short notes to memorize what you’re learning. This may be a lecture, technique, skill or anything you’re trying to master. Doesn’t matter what you’re learning, just try to follow the information our ideas in a logical manner and jot it down in the form of a flowchart. You can further master the art of visual learning by reading: How to Use Visual Learning to Learn Effectively.

2. Auditory Learners

Remember in high school when the teacher would ask a question from someone who apparently wasn’t paying attention and that person would answer in a jiffy? Well, chances are that the person was an auditory learner. This type of learner uses their hearing ability to understand and retain information. Even with their heads down and with no eye contact, they can absorb information in lectures or meetings. Although a physical or visual connection should enhance their learning ability, not having one won’t affect them greatly. Often, auditory learners are the ones who get offended by (or notice) changes in people’s tonality.

Learning Hacks for Auditory Learners:

According to a 2019 survey, 20% of American adults listened to an Audiobook in the last 12 months.((Statista: Penetration of Audiobooks Consumption in U.S. 2011-2019)) As an auditory learner, you should most definitely be a part of the audiobook community. Listen to as many high-quality audiobooks on the topic you wish to learn about. If you’re trying to memorize something, record it on your phone and then keep listening to it on repeat while you go through your day. You can also try and speak the words you read to stimulate your hearing senses.

3. Reading/Writing Learners

This is the most basic type of learner. However, it’s the most vital one as well as almost all of us have tried learning by reading or writing. Reading/writing learners learn best through the aid of written text. They’ll either bury their nose in a book or fill notepads with the information they’re trying to retain and learn. For them, creating flowcharts or diagrams is an ineffective method of learning as it tends to leave out important bits of information.

Learning Hacks for Reading/Writing Learners:

Don’t waste your time writing everything you read. As you progress in your discipline, you’ll want to devote more time to practicing rather than memorizing. So, try shortening your notes and highlighting information that you’ll want to revisit later. Put in the maximum effort upfront to jot down and highlight important points so you can save time later. Also, if you’re taking any sort of online course, opt-in for those that have written transcripts alongside audio or video lectures.

4. Kinesthetic Learners

Kinesthetic learners are the ones who, arguably, understand their discipline the most. That’s because they’re not just aware of theories, but practical applications as well. Kinesthetic learners learn best by applying information. They enjoy having hands-on experience in learning and are constantly reflecting on how to make information more practical and easy-to-use. They are usually less interested in theory. Instead of reading a book or buying an online course, they’d much rather dive head-first into it and try learning along the way.

Learning Hacks for Kinesthetic Learners:

The biggest problem with this type of learner is that they waste too much time trying to figure it out by themselves. There’s ample information out there for you to understand the basics of whatever you’re trying to learn or do. No matter what your discipline, chances are that someone has already walked down the same path as you are today. So, it’s best to learn from other’s experiences and mistakes instead of making the same mistakes yourself. Now, here’s the thing: My advice to all kinesthetic learners is to supplement their learning with a high-quality information source; be it written, visual or auditory. Don’t expect to learn everything yourself. Even if you do, you’re going to waste lots of time in the process; time that you could otherwise spend on learning more. Secondly, while studying your subject or skill, try thinking of ways in which you could incorporate that information in real life. For example, if you’re learning how to do financial reports, do a free one for a local business. By the time you’re done, you’ll know more about making financial reports than you would have ever expected.

5. Group/Social Learners

This is a learning style that isn’t part of the VARK model. However, I find it to be quite a common and interesting one. We all know people who crave social gatherings. They work best if they are part of a group; surrounded by people that are trying to learn the same stuff as they are. Group or social learners have a strong sense of teamwork, which is often complemented with inherent leadership qualities. Often, you’ll see group learners volunteering for leadership roles and being the center of attraction in social gatherings.

Learning Hacks for Group/Social Learners:

If you’re a group learner, then it’s best for you to enroll in a physical class instead of an online one. Even though online courses seem to be all the rage nowadays, they don’t provide physical group interactions. Although you can get a shared sense of purpose in online classes that have a community atmosphere, learning together in the same room is something that probably can’t be replicated over the internet. Even if you’re trying to learn something alone, try finding an accountability partner that can listen to you and your journey along the way as well as remind you to stay true to your purpose.

6. Multimodal Learners

Although not part of the original VARK model, the multimodal learner type is essentially recognized by it. In fact, according to the Vark Learn website, multimodal learners make up to 50-70% of the population.((Vark Learn: Multimodal Strategies)) Now, the question is: What is a multimodal learner? Simply put, multimodal learners are ones who learn using more than one learning style. For example, a multimodal learner could lean towards auditory and reading/writing learning style or a group and visual learning style. What’s more, such a learner could even use more than 2 styles without breaking a sweat. The key ability of this type of learner is the transition that he makes while adjusting to different learning styles. Such learners don’t believe in sticking to one learning method and can easily adapt to different teaching styles.

Learning Hacks for Multimodal Learners:

Don’t worry too much about learning types and styles. Maintain your agile learning ability and employ whatever learning style suits you for the task at hand.

How to Find Which Type of Learner You Are?

This is a question that I get asked a lot. Now, one way to understand what type of learner you are is to take the VARK Learn questionnaire. You can take this questionnaire in about 2 minutes or less and receive automated results based on your answers. However, this isn’t the most effective option. In fact, I think the most effective way of understanding your learner type is to simply notice what clicks for you. Over the span of a couple of days, notice what learning styles and techniques you adopt. This way, you’ll understand what does and doesn’t work for you.

Bottom Line

A 2009 study concluded that there isn’t sufficient data to prove that a particular learning style works better. More so, the study concluded that people or educational institutions need not devote time for adapting to a particular learning style.((SAGE Journals: Learning Styles--Concept and Evidence)) So the bottom line: No particular learning method provides better results than the rest. Learner types aren’t that important. Different people use different learning methods depending on what works for them. Just because a learning style sounds cool to you doesn’t mean you need to spend time adapting to it. It becomes irrelevant what type of learner you are if you learn well.

More About Effective Learning

• 13 Ways to Develop Self-Directed Learning and Learn Faster
• How to Learn Faster with a Feedback Loop
• 12 Powerful Learning Strategies to Help You Retain Info Fast

10 Smart Time Management Techniques to End Busyness

Do you find that your days are constantly filled with piles of tasks that seemingly have no end? Being busy doesn’t necessarily mean you’re being productive at work. In some instances, it can even suggest a lack of time management skills. Here are 10 smart time management techniques to help you overcome busyness.

1. Track Your Time

Monitoring the time you spend on tasks can give you an overview of areas that need improving. It allows you to learn from experience and is a simple and straightforward time management technique. By simply setting a timer when you begin a new task, and then switching it off once you’re done, you can gain insight into how long you spend on a certain task. This enables you to compare your expectations to reality, and make improvements based on your findings.

2. Eat the Frog

Eating the frog is a term put forward by Brian Tracy, which refers to completing your biggest task first. It derives from a Mark Twain quote where he said,

“If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.”

There’s no greater feeling than accomplishing a big task and getting it out of the way. The concept suggests that if you complete your biggest task first, the feeling of accomplishment will be so great that completing the rest of your tasks in comparison will seem like a piece of cake.

3. Apply the 80 20 Rule

Also known as the Pareto Principle, the 80 20 rule suggests that 80 percent of effective results comes from 20 percent of your tasks. This basically means that for every 10 tasks you have, only two would produce quality results, so of course, they’re the ones you want to focus on. Write down a list of 10 tasks you have to do in prioritized order. Look at the first two things on the list and put your focus into them throughout the day. Even if you don't complete your list by the end of the day, at least you'd complete the most important ones.

4. Block Your Time

Scheduling time blocks is a time management technique that can help you get rid of distractions. The idea is that you block out chunks of time throughout the day for a specific task, and during that time, you concentrate on that task only. An obvious way to do it is based on your deadlines. If you have an urgent task to hand in the afternoon, then it makes sense to block a couple of hours in the morning to work on it. However, another way to effectively block your time is to schedule tasks according to when you’re most productive. For example, if you find that you’re less productive right after your lunch break, then schedule routine tasks that don’t require too much creative thinking, such as checking your emails.

5. Use the 2-Minute Rule

A huge barrier to effective time management is procrastination, and applying the 2-minute rule can help overcome it. Most menial tasks are usually things you’re already capable of doing, it’s just getting started that’s the hard part. The first part of the rule, which stems from David Allen’s book, Getting Things Done®, states that if a task takes less than two minutes to complete, then just do it. Finish it and complete it then and there. The second part of the rule advises that if you’ve started a new habit, then make sure it takes you less than two minutes to complete, because it follows the idea that every goal can get started in two minutes or less.

6. Avoid Multitasking

While it may seem like you’re doing more in less time, multitasking can actually have the opposite effect. Known to actually lower your productivity, it can diminish your focus and take you longer to complete your tasks. To help fight the urge of multitasking, get rid of anything that has the potential to divert your attention away from the task at hand. For example, only keep one tab open when working on a computer or make your browser bigger so you don’t see anything else.

7. Say "No" More Often

Learning to say no may not seem like one of the most obvious time management techniques, but once you start doing it, you’ll realize how much time you’ve saved for tackling your tasks. Saying no to things doesn’t mean saying no to everything. Instead, it encourages you to re-think and re-prioritize the things that matter. Once you know which tasks are important, you’ll find that you’ll no longer waste your time sitting in meetings that you don’t need to be in or doing a task that isn’t really relevant to your job. Learn how to say no from Leo Babauta The Gentle Art of Saying No.

8. Establish a Morning Routine

Daily routines have the power to help you recover wasted time and revitalize you. As it provides structure to your day, they can also make you more productive and set the momentum for the rest of the day. An effective morning routine doesn’t mean you have to run 20 miles before the sun comes up and drink a glass of raw eggs. All you have to do is plan a few tasks that can help you feel re-energized in the morning and repeat it until it becomes a habit. Some examples of tasks you can include are making your bed, stretching for five minutes, or drinking a glass of lemon water: Need Morning Motivation? 30 Routines to Help You Start Afresh

9. Create a Nighttime Routine Too

Just like a morning routine, a nighttime routine can provide structure for your day. Winding down during the last couple of hours before bedtime can also give you a better night’s sleep, which is always useful for time management. Once again, you don’t have to do anything drastic, but think about tasks that could help you the next day. Your nighttime routine could include packing your gym bag or getting your breakfast and lunch ready. Take a look at this for inspiration: The Ultimate Night Routine Guide: Sleep Better and Wake Up Productive

10. Take Breaks

Although it may seem like a counter-productive time management technique, taking regular breaks at work is important for your mental health and maintaining efficiency. It’s important to take your breaks because working straight through them can make you more susceptible to decision fatigue and a decrease in creativity. Your body and mind require rest and sustenance, so take advantage of your breaks at work and go out and grab a healthy lunch or stretch your legs. You will get back to your desk feeling refreshed and more motivated to keep working. In this case, the Pomodoro Technique maybe good for you: Why the Pomodoro Method Is the Best Productivity Timer

The Bottom Line

Busyness isn’t the equivalent to being productive at work. If anything, it could be a sign of bad time management skills. But trying out these time management techniques is just the first step. If you find that you've yet to see effective results, then you have a talk to your manager. Your busyness could be down to simply having too much on your plate and the need for a restructure. Remember, being honest about your workload is better than constantly stressing and risking a burn out.

More Time Management Tips

• 10 Practical Ways to Improve Your Time Management Skills
• 50 Ways to Increase Productivity and Achieve More in Less Time
• 13 Strategies To Jumpstart Your Productivity

16 Good Habits of Happy and Successful People

If you have ever battled depression – deep depression – you know that happiness is not to be taken for granted. If you have had the experience of ever struggling to pull yourself out of bed and go through the song and dance of getting yourself together, you may analyze the days when you feel good. You think about what you did, what you ate, where you went, who you were with. You think about the conversations that rejuvenated you and those that seemed to zap the life right out of you. You study these things like you are completing a research project. You understand that one day, perhaps one day not in the distant future, you will need to retrace your path and duplicate the very things that at one time brought you joy. If this is you, or someone you know, this article is for you. Many of us spend a considerable chunk of our lives on a happiness journey. We search for happiness thinking we’ll find it in relationships, in our kids, in our careers, in our life experiences, in our social media connections, in status, even in our homes and in our material possessions. But happiness is so much bigger than our latest conquest or accomplishment. Happiness is a deep sense of ease and comfort. It is joy, and joy that isn’t fueled by external motivators. In an interview with Business Insider’s Jacqui Frank and Sara Silverstein, Deepak Chopra said this in reference to happiness:

“Social scientists say that happiness depends on lots of factors, the first is do you look at the world as a problem, or as an opportunity? Basically your attitude toward life. Secondly depends on your financial resources, because lot of people are, these days anyway, very scared about health insurance, about retirement benefits, about their future. But that adds about 10-12%. Your attitude determines 50%. And then the last part, which determines 40% of your daily happiness and experiences, do you have the ability to make other people happy? That's the fastest way to be happy.”

I loved the movie “Eat, Pray, Love” because it documented, for me, the journey to happiness and peace. Because I have been on my own journey to find happiness and some measure of success. I have reflected on when I am at my happiest. I have also studied people who appeared to be genuinely happy and successful to understand what they do and why. Through this research and years of self-work, I have come to believe that happy and successful people maintain 16 habits that perhaps we should all consider.

1. They Have a Positive Outlook.

As Chopra inferred in the Business Insider article, people who have a positive outlook view the world as full of possibility and opportunity. Their inherent attitude toward life is one of possibility. Cultivating positivity is then linked to happiness. And happy people, according to Chopra and others, are optimistic.

2. They Know Themselves.

Happy people may enjoy other people, but they have also spent a considerable amount of time getting to know themselves. They know what makes them upset, and they know what brings them happiness. They know what they like and dislike. Happy people, and successful people, are in tune with themselves.

3. They Rest.

I’m convinced that rest is an undervalued superpower. It is what enables us to heal and recover, yet many of us fill our lives with so many obligations that rest becomes illusive. Even when we lie down to rest, our minds are racing with the commitments we have for the following day or the things we were unable to accomplish earlier in the day. This can lead to restless nights and an inability to get deep sleep. But happy people and successful people value rest as much as they do productivity. They understand that they cannot bring their best selves to the work if they are tired, worn down and exhausted.

4. They Are Content.

When I was a kid, my father would say, “Jennifer, do you want to know how to save money? Learn contentment.” It was a marvelously simple explanation. Being content solves a multitude of problems. It can help you save money by ceasing from continually wanting the next best thing. It can also help you to enjoy where you are at any given point in your life. Content people are present. They do not live in search of the next big thing. They celebrate what they have and take pleasure in the here and now.

5. They Embrace Self-Compassion.

Happy people have learned the difference between guilt, shame and blame. They understand that the key to their happiness is being gentle and compassionate with themselves. They offer themselves the grace they would extend to a close friend. When they make mistakes, as each of us do, they respond with compassion and grace.

6. They Silence Their Inner Judge.

I once had a friend who was extremely difficult to please professionally. She seemed to find fault in everything. As I got curious about how to please her, I committed to really listen to what she was saying and what was left unsaid. I learned that this person was highly critical of herself. She judged herself harshly, and therefore judging others harshly was second nature. I learned, then, that judgmental people judge themselves first and others second. This is counterproductive and incompatible with happiness. To be happy, we must silence our inner critic. One way to do this is to give our inner critic a name. When we hear the critic rising up to condemn us or others, we can call that part of ourselves by the name we’ve chosen and gently thank it and ask it to have a seat. Another way to silence the inner critic is to develop as much self-love and compassion as possible. When we practice self-love, the love we give to ourselves will gradually extend to others. And when we walk through life without the need to judge ourselves or others, we can and will experience emotional freedom and happiness.

7. They Feel Their Emotions.

Happy and successful people understand that being present in their physical bodies includes being able to experience the range of emotions that come with the human experience. Rather than running from unpleasant emotions and feelings, they allow themselves to experience and feel emotions. They give name to their emotions, and most importantly, they don’t judge themselves for feeling anger, sadness and hurt.

8. They Realize Their Chief Competitor Is Themselves.

Happy and successful people are narrowly focused on their own growth and development. Rather than focusing on others’ accomplishments, they focus on what they want and lean into that desire. They are inspired by their peers, but they hold themselves to standards that they themselves create.

9. They Care About Their Mental Health.

Happy and successful people ideally understand that health is bigger than one’s physical body. It also includes the mind. They understand that they cannot give what they do not have, and they take time to care for their mental well-being. This includes going to therapy or counseling, and it also includes ridding themselves of toxic people and situations. Caring for one’s mental health also means examining harmful thought patterns and working to develop a healthier worldview. It’s important to note that happy and successful people can still experience depression, anxiety and mental health disorders. The difference is that they have a plan to combat those emotions and work through them. They are not passive passengers when it comes to their mental health. They are working a plan and committing to continue investing in their mental well-being.

10. They Care About Their Physical Health.

Happy and successful people understand that they have one body and one life to live. While they may be on a journey to optimal health, they are mindful of the need to care for their physical health. This looks like making and keeping dental, doctor and mental health appointments. It looks like exercising, and it also entails a healthy and nutritious diet. Happy and successful people aren’t chasing an ideal body but rather aiming for developing an ideal body for them. This means they are less concerned about beauty standards and more concerned about what they must do to look and feel good internally.

11. They Understand What Brings Them Joy.

If I am sad, I have learned that there are fail-safe things that I can do to get into a better mood. I have learned that being outdoors, namely being on a trail or someplace in nature, will automatically bring me joy. The smell, the terrain, the beauty of parks and trails conspire to snap me out of my circumstance and into a place of possibility. Happy people have taken the time to research what brings them joy. They understand what activities bring happiness, and they make time to invest in those activities. They do regular internal work to understand how to be their happiest selves, and equipped with this knowledge, they make a plan to do more of what lights their souls on fire.

12. They Invest in Themselves.

Happy and successful people refuse to live their lives pouring into others without taking the time to pour into themselves. They know that with investment, they can be better and do better. They make time to invest in themselves by returning to school, taking courses to learn or enhance a skill, learning a new language, taking a cooking class or engaging in a sporting interest.

13. They Disconnect.

Happy people and successful people are able to disconnect from social media and other distractions. They can focus intensively on their work, families and commitments and regularly take breaks from social media. They are not glued to their phones, iPads or other communications devices. Citing a happiness study from Kent University,((Psychology Today: Excess Cell Phone Usage Reduces Happiness))

“Excessive use of even the best technologies reduces our happiness in meaningful ways.”

14. They Help Others.

One of the most rewarding activities is being in service to others. Years ago, as a noncustodial mom, I decided that when I would get down about not seeing my son on a daily basis, I would help my nieces, whose mom was a single mother. I would pick them up, take them shopping or out to eat or otherwise spend the day with them. Before long, the sadness I’d felt would dissipate. In serving and helping others, I am, in a sense, helping myself. The same is true today. Happy people understand that giving is its own reward.

15. They Seek Help.

While happiness is elusive, it is indeed possible. The great news is you don’t need to have all the answers, you only need to know where to turn. Therapy is an excellent resource along your journey to live a happier life. A therapist can help you get unstuck and discover strategies for living a happier more fulfilling life. If you aren’t sure where to turn, start with a search on Psychology Today. If the cost of therapy is prohibitive, consider speaking with a counselor, faith leader or trusted friend.

16. They Live with Gratitude.

When you practice gratitude, you create a habit of identifying and celebrating the good. You train your brain to look for the positive. An undeniable habit of happy and successful people is gratitude. They practice it daily, and the practice brings them happiness. One of the biggest myths about change is that it is possible or impossible depending on your age. With age, it is thought that people are less capable of change. Alternatively, if you have lived with a condition for an extended period of time, it may be easy to assume that change is impossible.

Final Thoughts

Fortunately, anyone can change. As Dr. Laurie Santos, professor of Yale University’s most popular class, “The Science of Well-being” and host of the new podcast, “The Happiness Lab,” said,

“Happiness is possible, even for people in serious psychological distress.”

More on Living a Successful Life

• How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life
• 12 Weekend Habits of Highly Successful People
• How to Change Your Mindset for a Happy And Successful Life

7 Reasons Why Creating a To-Do List Makes You Productive

There are all kinds of productivity hacks out there. From the famous Pomodoro Technique to having a well structured, high-energy morning routine. The list can go on and on for various productivity methods. But none compare to the productivity hack of making a to-do list. While some would disagree with me, the fact remains we are people in the end. There is something powerful when we put what we need to do on a piece of paper. In fact, putting together a to-do list can make us more productive in the right circumstances. What are the benefits of creating a to-do list? If you couldn't tell, I'm a huge fan of a to-do list. They are what govern my day and I stand by them. Through my use of to-do lists, I've come to learn the perks to them and how to make the most of them. I say this because as I mentioned above, some people would disagree with me. Some turn to articles that claim specific CEOs don't use to-do lists or they've got first-hand experience how to-do lists have failed them in the past. I won't deny that I've struggled at first with a to-do list in the past. But there have also been times where a to-do list has saved me a lot of headaches and strifes as well. As we explore the benefits of these lists, I hope you'll see these lists the same way I do.

1. To-Do Lists Create Order

First on our list of benefits is the fact it creates order in our lives. Whenever we are tackling a project or following through with a plan, we need it broken down. We do this because our own brain can only handle so much in terms of a task. So if we break down a task into bite-sized and doable chunks, it's easier to process and get things done. You can even stretch this to the point that this helps us strategize our day too.

2. To-Do Lists Help You Create Accountability

In today's age of technology, it's rare for us to write things down. While that might be troubling to some people, I'd say it's a good thing. It's powerful because when we do write things down, we create accountability for ourselves. Not only that, but something we write down sticks into our mind more than writing it in our smartphone or tablet. Now that you've written something down, you've given it life and it's up to us to accomplish that goal.

3. You Can Personalize Your To-Do Lists

If you look around, you'll find all kinds of styles of to-do lists. Each one is unique and has it's own perks to it - like this 1-3-5 to-do list created by The Muse. The point is that, there are so many styles that you can take one style and make your own out of it, and still reap the benefits. This means there is plenty of room for you to experiment too.

4. To-Do Lists Help Relieve Your Stress

One other benefit I want to highlight is that it's a stress reliever. I want to bring attention to this for two reasons:

• The feeling of moving forward and scratching off items on your to-do list is a feel good.
• But it's that feel-good feeling where some people argue where to-do lists can be destructive.

You see, the act of scratching things off your to-do list releases a substance called dopamine into your brain.((How Stuff Works: How Dopamine Works )) It makes us feel good and happy. But it's also addictive. Where some people argue against to-do lists is the fact some people will purposely make to-do lists excessively long just to get that dopamine fix. This makes sense because like an addiction, we grow numb and eventually need larger dosages to get that same feel-good feeling. While that's not a lie, the truth is that's not on the fault of a to-do list by that point. A to-do list, when done constructively, can relieve stress. When you consider the various methods of making a to-do list, you'll find they're conservative.((HubSpot: How to Make the Most of Your To-Do List: 7 Styles to Try )) People are only focused on a handful of tasks every day. They don't bother writing a list for every single action they take. You can also incorporate other principles into your to-do lists in order to stay focused and relieve stress

5. A To-Do List Leaves You Open to Rescheduling and Organizing Time

Part of that stress relief comes in the form of more flexibility and organization of your time. Where there are so many deadlines for us to follow, knowing what's coming up in advance can help us plan better. In the event where you have too many things to do, you can try to reorganize the tasks. This can also work in the reverse where if you see an opening in your schedule, you can pick up your productivity so you can relax more later. Having a to-do list can also help you in getting back to things whenever you are pulled away. Life throws distractions our way all the time, and having a to-do list can help you in getting back after you finished with something that took your attention.

6. To-Do Lists Help You Delegate

And on the note of feeling overwhelmed, putting a to-do list can also help you in figuring out what you can delegate. If your list is way too long, you can shorten it by giving it to someone else. The scenarios are different in every situation but for anything work related, there is large and thriving freelance industry ready to handle any task. In other cases, you could find an employee or possibly a family member or friend to help you out with a task outside of work.

7. A To-Do List Helps You Grow

When jumping into something, there are bound to be some bumps along the way. While these pitfalls cause people to get turned off from to-do lists entirely, I find them as a reason to grow. With every new problem comes an opportunity to learn, and grow. There are all kinds of pitfalls people fall into with to-do lists((The Muse: 5 Reasons Your To-Do List Is Making You Less Productive)) and facing these problems gives us a chance to thrive, learn and improve. Remember that failure is only truly a failure if you give up and refuse to learn anything from the experience.

How to Reap the Benefits of a To-Do List?

Feeling overwhelmed. Missing deadlines. A tendency to forget about important things. General stress or anxiety and a lack of direction in life.... These are some of the common symptoms some people can experience when they lack a to-do list. At their core, a to-do list is a list of priorities. They can also be a list of goals that you want to achieve in your life or over the course of a week. To-do lists are incredibly flexible tools for people but, it essentially serves as a compass for people. When we are writing something down, it sticks to us and further consult of that list serves as a reminder for us to get it done too. Of course, there are times where a to-do list will fail you. When we don't use them properly, they are what many others have said: a waste of time. After all, most who use to-do lists poorly are unfocused and can be unreliable. But when we are using them properly, this sense of order creates structure and can keep us in check. There is a sense of stress relief because we put into perspective how many things we have to do and the time allotted. This compass aspect also plays another significant role in that it allows us to boost our productivity in several ways. While we think of to-do lists as a simple list of things to do, I've already outlined there are many ways to organize lists. With this in mind, it makes sense there are various ways we can build on that. When we understand how we get things done, we can start to prioritize ways to get things done. Similar to the 80 20 rule, we begin to leverage the methods that will push us the most. For some, it may be narrowing the items into specific instructions. Or maybe we work better with a few items but make them the most important tasks to complete. Whatever the case, when we have a direction, we get a better idea of what are some upgrades((Greatist: How to Actually Get Sh!t Done With a To-Do List)) to an already productive system. Furthermore, if we are struggling with getting things on our to-do list, we can turn to active solutions or find some other things that are sapping at our energy. Ultimately, if we are failing at making a to-do list, we can learn to make them better and helpful.

The Bottom Line

A to-do list is the ultimate form of boosting productivity. Unlike many other tools out there, this one can incorporate multiple methods. Not only that, but it also takes a deeper look at our views and how we work. The fact that a to-do list is so flexible allows us to use various methods and building blocks to make it a tool to help us improve and get so much done. I hope by the end of this you will give this a try and see how much a to-do list can change your life.

More to Help You Get Organized

• 24 Best To-Do List Apps to Keep You on Track
• 3 Steps to Organize Your Thoughts And 10X Your Productivity
• How to Bullet Journal to Skyrocket Your Productivity

23 Goals in Life to Achieve for Personal Success

Have you ever wanted to achieve personal success in your life but aren't sure how? Almost all of us have. Except it is only a select few that realise that it is having the right goals in life that will carry you towards the dream of having your best days in front of you. Personal goals come in every area of life, whether it be deeply personal ones, health-related, financial-related or how to become a better person in society. Prioritising sleep, practising mindfulness and keeping up with long, lost friends are just some of the goals you need to adopt to lead a happy and successful life. Imagine if you had a set of amazing goals that you could begin today and continuing pursuing until your final days. How would that make you feel? Once you realize that there is no set destination in this game of life, only a dance to be danced, you are free to achieve your own version of personal success. This article is set out to help you achieve just that. It highlights a variety of goals in life in different areas such as health, finance and creativity that will help guide you toward fulfilling your own potential. With 23 different goals, it is intended for you to take your favourites and run with them: Personal Goals in Life:

1. Pursue Equanimity in Yourself

Whilst many people pursue happiness, wealth and health in themselves, it is usually only through equanimity where most of these things become accessible. Equanimity is defined as peak calmness and composure, no matter what life is throwing at you. If you can find equanimity in the most difficult of situations, then you will breeze through situations that others (and your previous self) found extremely stressful. The best way to achieve equanimity is to practice putting yourself in tough situations again and again. Just like learning to drive a car, gradually what used to terrify you becomes routine and that is how you start to level up.

2. Travel as Often as You Can

People often talk about travel being a gateway to the soul but it is hard to recognize just how true it is until you have done it for yourself. Travelling doesn't even have to involve flying to the other side of the world to become a Buddhist monk for a year. The benefits of travel can come from something as simple as a weekend away in a foreign city in your own country. Travel not only opens you up to new people, new cultures and new experiences, it also helps you grow as a person by reminding you that there is more life going on outside of your own personal bubble. So get out there and make travelling one of your goals in life!

3. Take a Class That Interests You but Is Irrelevant to Your Career

As a person who is passionate about self-improvement and creating a better quality of life, you probably love to learn new things and feel productive. Sometimes though, you can overdo the whole career thing and forget about what truly sets your heart on fire. You forget about all of the hobbies you used to pursue before 'life got in the way'. So go out and take a class that you are fascinated by or used to love that has nothing to do with your work. Not only will life get back some sparkle but it will keep you much more refreshed for when it is time to work again.

4. Practice Mindfulness

Things that get a load of hype very rarely live up to their expectations. Mindfulness is definitely an exception. People have been preaching about mindfulness for a long time now and its roots go all the way back to early Buddhism. Until very recently, the benefits were purely anecdotal but scientific evidence is now emerging about the power of mindfulness.((Science Direct: Mindfulness-based stress reduction and health benefits: A meta-analysis )) Mindfulness is most effective when it is practised daily, even for just ten minutes. Sit comfortably and simply pay attention to your surroundings and your thoughts. It sounds simple but is incredibly effective. Take a look at these 7 Simple Tricks To Bring More Mindfulness Into Your Life

5. Love Life for What It Is, Not What You Think It 'Should' Be

There are countless times when life doesn't go your way. It is useless to fight it, so you just need to accept and embrace whatever life has in store. When you are consumed by what life 'should' be like, you are drowning in your own expectations and shortcomings. This is a sure-fire way to lead a life of frustration and disappointment. The only way around this is to enjoy every up and every down. Life is a symphony with a variety of notes and melodies; stopping and replaying one note that you like or don't like spoils the whole thing.

6. Live Presently

Living in the past or in the future is where most of human suffering lies. It is often regrets about what you should have done or worries about what you need to do that lead to unnecessary negative emotion. It is easy to forget that you only ever live in the present moment. Every thought and experience that you have ever had has taken place in the ever-flowing 'now'. Therefore it makes a lot of sense to make one of your life goals to live presently, as this is the only place where life happens.

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Health Goals:

7. Run for 10km

Why 10km? Because it is not short enough that you can tick it off your life goals list with only minimal training but isn't too long that you never start training. 10km at a good pace equates to about an hour of running. You can do that, right? Even if you do happen to fall short of the marker, running is an excellent health habit to pick up anyway as it requires no gym membership and is accessible to anyone with a pair of running shoes. It should definitely have a place on your list.

8. Hold a Deep Squat for One Minute

You might think that this is an easy goal in life to accomplish because tiny babies can do it with ease. You might want to think again! Although some of us can do it with relative ease, a surprising majority of people either struggle to get deep enough or fall backwards off balance when they get into the deep squat. As an article on QZ points out, it is a form of active rest that is evolutionarily designed to counteract the bodily harms caused by sitting for long periods during the day.((QZ: The forgotten art of squatting is a revelation for bodies ruined by sitting )) Holding a deep squat for a minute or more every day is a great way to boost your ankle, knee, lower back and core mobility as well as boosting your balance. All essential for moving (literally) through life.

9. Eat for 80% Health, 20% Pleasure

One of the best pieces of advice that I have ever received comes from a certified dietician talking about her own diet. She eats 80% for health and 20% for pleasure. Let me explain: 80% of what she consumes is food that she knows is good for her that she may or may not particularly like. The other 20% is food that she loves, no matter how 'bad' it is for her. This is an awesome life goal and diet to have and live by. It recognizes that the vast majority needs to be the good stuff but life isn't truly lived without the tasty stuff every now and then too.

10. Drink More Water, Less of Everything Else

Although things like coffee, protein shake, herbal tea and even nicotine have their place for making you feel like a more productive human being, it is important to remember the water. With over half of your body made up of H2O, getting at least a couple of glasses of the good stuff a day is essential to your overall well-being. Especially as your body uses water in all of its cells, organs and tissues and the role it plays in many other vital processes. All of the other stimulants can also be addictive - everyone knows a guy who is hooked on coffee to keep a normal functioning body. Substitute in the water as a worthwhile long-term life goal for your health.

11. Prioritize Sleep

The hustling 'no-sleep culture' is slowly fading away and with it, a new appreciation for our oldest biological friend - sleep. The literature on the importance of sleep is growing every day and is causing even the hardest-working entrepreneurs out there like Gary Vee and Mark Manson to start prioritising some shut-eye. Sleep has been shown to improve learning, reduce risk of depression and even napping has been shown to be a great way to counteract some of the effects of a bad night of sleep.((Nature Neruscience: Sleep benefits subsequent hippocampal functioning, Sleep and Depression, The Short Term Benefits of Brief and Long Naps Following Nocturnal Sleep Restriction)) These are just some of the exhaustive number of benefits of getting a good night sleep; so make it a priority.

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Creative Goals:

12. Write Every Day for a Month

This is one of the goals in life that isn't actually as complicated as it might first seem. By writing every day, it might mean anything from one page of journaling to writing 1000 words per day on your blog. The act of writing helps to both clarify and organise your thoughts. It is common to be brooding over a problem for days at a time only to realise how silly it sounds and looks when you see it written down on paper. Simply keep a small pad of paper and a pen with you wherever you go. Sit down and write a story at your desk or write down some ideas about your next business venture. Even if you only pursue this goal for a short period of time, you will learn a lot about how creative you can be.

13. Write down 10 Ideas a Day on Any Subject

Legendary entrepreneur James Altucher was the first to coin this idea of becoming an 'Idea Machine' and the effectiveness of writing down just 10 ideas a day. Since it went viral, thousands of people have adopted it as a life goal of their own.((James Altucher: The Ultimate Guide for Becoming an Idea Machine )) The concept is simple: by writing down 10 ideas, you flex your 'creativity muscle' that rarely gets pushed hard. Your theme for the day might be ideas for a book to write or ideas for becoming more productive or even something as silly as ideas about what you would spend $1 million on. The theme doesn't matter. The thinking does. It is usually around point five or six when people have to start thinking. Don't give up! This is where the goal becomes most valuable and in no time, you will be an Idea Machine.

14. Pursue Being a Beginner Again

As you progress through life, your late teens and early twenties is far behind you. You have a better sense of who you are, what you like doing, what gives you joy, what irritates you and how to interact with other humans (usually!). All of this might be convenient but it involves a slow slide into your comfort zone. And as you probably know by now, not much exciting life is lived in the comfort zone. Ask yourself when was the last you time you were a beginner at something? The last time you knew that you looked a fool because you didn't know what you were doing? The answer should be often if you want to keep growing your character, personality and fortitude when it comes to dealing with new and uncertain situations. So get out there and try a new sport or a new hobby!

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Relationship Goals:

15. Learn How to Say Sorry

Alongside 'I love you' and 'Irish wristwatch', saying sorry is one of the most difficult phrases to say in the English language. There is something about an apology that can really interfere with your ego and lead the blame to be passed on to something or someone else on a frequent basis. Because of this, not many people apologise in their lives at all. Therefore it might seem like a bit of a trivial goal to have in life but if you can learn the art, you will be one of the few people out there who knows how to say sorry. That is something worth striving for.

16. Call or Text Someone You Haven't Spoken to in Months

As life ticks on, you tend to drift away from certain people that you were once close to. Even with your best friends or family that you still love deeply, it might be the case that you now only see them once a year as life starts to 'get in the way'. Incredibly, you are fortunate enough to live in an era where distance has shrunk because of technology. Those friends and family that you don't get to see face-to-face anymore are just a text or phone call away. It is an extremely easy and fulfilling goal to satisfy and one that you can complete today. Pick up the phone and have a quick chat with someone you haven't spoken to in months. You will be glad you did.

17. Consciously Maintain a Work Life Balance

When you are at your productive best and the work piles up just as quickly as you complete it, it can become easy to get lost and think that work = life. The two are not equated though. Work is just one facet of life; usually the activity that you complete to make money or if you are fortunate, something that you enjoy too. However, there is far more to life than just work. Your relationships, friendships, hobbies, health and many other aspects are just as important and often become neglected in the face of work. It is a noble goal in life to limit your work and to take time for all the other essential parts of life as well. Nobody regrets working too little on their deathbed, only too much.

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Social Goals:

18. Communicate Your Ideas with the World

It is surprisingly common for an infinitely complex human like yourself to put themselves down and not feel like they are worthy enough to share their opinion. Whether you realize it or not yet, the world needs you. It needs your ideas, your enthusiasm and your unique perspective on the human experience. Whilst many people think they are doing good by keeping thoughts to themselves, they are actually doing a disservice to everyone who would benefit from their voice. Your communication goal doesn't have to be giving a TED Talk. A great goal is to simply be more expressive about your thoughts and opinions and to be receptive to those of other people. Starting your own blog or podcast is one of the best ways to do this, but simply telling your ideas to a friend is a fantastic start.

19. Fix Things That Are Broken

If you pursue this goal, even passively, it will lead to not just a much better life for yourself but also for the world around you. The beauty of this goal is that it can be as small-scale or as large-scale as you want it to be. Don't like the way the door handle to your bathroom is wonky? Fix it. Don't like the fact that there is no app for that problem yet? Build it. Entropy may be the natural state of the observable universe, but we can keep things in order for just a little longer.

20. Volunteer for a Charity

This is one of those life goals that seems to be on everyone's bucket list but not everyone gets round to doing. If you can manage to complete it, the results can be life-changing. Volunteering for a charity gives you an impression of what life is like for those in less favourable circumstances than your own. It provides a unique perspective about all of the blessings in your own life and is usually followed by a profound sense of gratitude. Of course, not all of the reasons to volunteer for a charity are self-focused. Many people are left benefitted by your charitable actions and like with the 'fix things' goal, the world is left in a slightly better way after you have done your part.

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Financial Goals:

21. Aim to Live Debt-Free

Debt is something that will hang over your head for the rest of your life if you let it and it can definitely be a hindrance to achieving the other goals on this list if there is too much of it. Debt is almost inevitable in life. Whether you are paying off a mortgage, have monthly car payments or use a credit card. However, living debt-free has to be the goal and the associated peace of mind to go with it. There are a number of ways to manage it, but perhaps the best way is to save a little more money when you get paid. Not only is it easier to save when you get paid compared to when you are running out of money, these small savings eventually accumulate to big ones that allow you to pay off big chunks of debt. This is one of the best goals in life.

22. Stop Trading Time for Money

Most conventional jobs do just that. The one resource that you can never get more of - time - is traded away for a resource that you can always get more of and beyond a basic level of income, is only used to by wants not needs. To stop trading time for money is to enjoy freedom. It is to take advantage of the universe's scarcest resource and live life on your own terms. There are a couple of ways to achieve this goal; either find a job that you enjoy and you get paid for or build new income streams like a side-hustle that helps you to buy back your time.

23. Live Below Your Means

To live below your means is the knot that ties the bow to the previous two goals. Just because you earn a certain amount of money doesn't mean that you should spend that amount. In fact, you shouldn't. Living below your means is spending less overall than what you earn and it ties back to the preciousness of time. Trying to fund a specific lifestyle to impress others is not only exhausting but costs both time and money. Spend less and you will gain much more than money. You will gain time to get after all of the other amazing things in life, including some of these new goals that you have set yourself.

Final Thoughts

With all of this information on the various goals that you can pursue in your life for greater personal success, I hope that you feel a little less stuck and a little more inspired than when you first stumbled across this article. As mentioned in the introduction, these goals are something that you can work at basically forever. Because the path is so long, don't be disheartened by all of the bumps and jerks that will inevitably arrive in the journey. This is just part of the process. You don't have to wait to begin any of these goals. You can begin working on any and all of them today. So what are you waiting for? Your personal success awaits!

Tips to Help You Achieve Goals

• How to Create an Action Plan and Achieve Your Personal Goals
• How to Write SMART Goals (With SMART Goals Templates)
• How to Become Goal Oriented and Achieve More in Life

5 Causes of Insecurities in a Relationship Not to Overlook

As human beings, none of us are ever going to be truly confident and certain about every aspect of our lives (after all, we’re not God), and these moments of uncertainty can lead to us feeling insecure on occasion about ourselves. It could be uncertainty over our appearance, our life choices, or even something as insignificant as whether we got on the right bus to work today. The point is, we all have some sort of experience when it comes to facing insecurities. However, why is it that some people tend to face more insecurities than others, with seemingly greater frequency and intensity? This becomes far more apparent during relationships when emotions are involved, and sometimes we end up feeling drained as a result of our partner’s constant projections of insecurity wearing us out. It could even be the other way around and you’re the one who faces insecurity, but you don’t know what’s causing them in the first place. Either way, if you feel that your current relationship has a potential future, but the main obstacle putting it all at risk are insecurities, then being able to identify the root cause behind you or your partner’s insecurity, as well as understanding how to overcome them, could very well go a long way to help you save your relationship.

Causes of Insecurities in a Relationship

Here are the 5 main causes behind insecurities in a relationship that you should not overlook.

1. Low Self-Esteem/Confidence

We’re only ever as secure in a relationship as we allow ourselves to be. But if we’ve already been feeling uncertain about almost every aspect of our lives, then how can we expect our relationships to be any different? Low self-esteem and a general lack of confidence is arguably THE top cause for relationship insecurity and typically links back to a person’s upbringing. Getting teased and bullied in school, being constantly told you weren’t good enough, or perhaps even the lack of proper affection growing up... all these experiences would definitely have long term implications on a person and if left unresolved, will continue on into adulthood. Regardless of where it’s rooted from though, the resulting outcome would remain relatively unchanged, and they often grow up constantly feeling insecure about everything because of the conditioning they received over the years. If you’re constantly doubting their own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, not only would you end up projecting these doubts onto your relationship and your partner, but it’ll also lead to a series of irrational thoughts and worries, which only further amplifies those feelings of insecurity.

2. Negative Past Experiences (Emotional Baggage)

Many of us have walked away from certain relationships either because something bad happened (unfaithful, dishonest, etc.) or perhaps the very nature of the relationship itself had just been too toxic (abusive, emotionally unavailable, etc.). As we walk away from such relationships, the healthy thing to do would be to also leave those negative memories behind and eventually move past them to start afresh. However, some of us end up holding onto those negative emotions and we even bring them into our subsequent relationships as unresolved emotional baggage. This creates insecurity and anxiety that we end up projecting onto our new partners, because we’re subconsciously holding them against whatever pain or hurt our ex inflicted on us. As a result, we develop certain insecurities towards our partner and there may even be difficulties when it comes to placing trust in them, even if they haven’t actually given us any reason not to. When we bring past emotional baggage into a new relationship, we automatically create an environment where there’s insecurity, and we essentially sabotage the new relationship by holding our new partner guilty for something they didn’t even do.

3. Attachment Styles

Based on psychological research (theory of attachment), it has been identified that a child develops different attachment styles (secure or insecure) depending on the way their parent interacted with them. It was also found that these attachment styles could continue into adulthood and would play an important role on the way individuals form their relationships. Having a neglected childhood could result in a person having greater insecurities as an adult and because their emotional needs had not been met while growing up. This causes major insecurity projections especially in a relationship, because the individual with an insecure attachment style has little to no experience when it comes to getting their emotional needs met. The moment they finally understand what it feels like to have their emotional needs catered to, an unhealthy reliance is created. That individual has no other perceived means of receiving such affection. With anything perceived as precious to someone, there also comes the general fear of losing it. And a person who has an insecure attachment style would probably end up projecting these fears in obvious ways. They could get jealous easily, extremely sensitive, are constantly seeking validation from you, and could even become extremely clingy because they feel threatened by anything that could pull their partner’s attention away from them.

4. Personal Life Fulfilment (or Lack Thereof)

As two distinct individuals prior to finding each other, the both of you are going to have unique aspects about yourselves that would make you, uniquely you. Your career, your hobbies, your goals, your views, and even your favourite food, are all tailored aspects of yourself that not only create your personal identity, but would also provide you with a sense of fulfilment. Many people tend to lose their individual identities after getting into a relationship and consequently, also lose that sense of personal life fulfilment. As a result, they turn to their partners instead, and start relying on them in order to provide them with life fulfilment and meaning. This factor by itself while considered unhealthy, may not necessarily create insecurities in a relationship. However, when we develop a reliance on someone else to bring our lives meaning and fulfilment, there’s usually also a subconscious expectation for the other person to feel the same way about us, that comes along with our reliance. This could cause insecurities and even jealousy to form, whenever our partner experiences an external form of happiness unrelated to us, or when there’s a positive change happening in our partner’s lives. Instead of feeling happy and supportive of our partner’s achievements, we end up feeling bitter and insecure, all because something else (aside from us) had been able to make our partners happy and give their lives meaning.

5. Unequal Past Relationship Experiences

By a certain point in everyone’s adult lives, we’re going to eventually exhaust all of our relationship ‘first times’. We may have previously even called someone from a past relationship our ‘soulmate’ before, or perhaps ever came close to settling down. We all progress at a different pace and even the amount of relationship experience will vary for every individual. If you’re not a confident person to begin with, getting together with someone who has significantly more experience than you or previously involved in a serious relationship could easily cause relationship insecurities. If you’re constantly making comparisons between you and your partner’s exes or the emotional connection they once had (which would probably be greater than yours), feelings of inferiority could easily take shape as you begin to doubt yourself and wonder if you could ever quite measure up.

What Can You Do to Overcome Insecurities?

If you find yourself being the insecure one in the relationship, here's what you can do to overcome your insecurities (or help your partner overcome theirs).

Self-Awareness (Mindfulness)

The first step in overcoming any problem is to realize and acknowledge that one exists. If you don’t even know that your insecurities are negatively affecting your relationship or worse still, don’t realize that you’re acting insecure to begin with, then there’s no way you’d ever be able to move past it and those insecurities are just going to be a recurring problem. It’s not enough just to know that a problem exists though, if you aren’t willing to do anything about it. You need to develop a greater self-awareness over your own emotions if you ever hope to improve the way you feel and act about certain matters. Ultimately, having awareness and mindfulness over your individual self is essential in overcoming insecurities and preventing yourself from subconsciously acting needy, getting jealous, or even manipulating your partner whenever you feel insecure about something.

Open and Honest Communication

Regardless of whether it’s you or your partner who faces insecurities, one of you is going to inevitably bring it up at some point during the relationship. The main question here is when and where. Will it come out as ammunition to hurt the other person while in the middle of an argument? Or as an open discussion that both parties can comfortably talk about without getting defensive or feeling offended? Without a healthy line of communication with your partner, feelings of frustration and negativity are only going to bottle up and progressively worsen with each additional insecurity ‘episode’ that takes place, causing the relationship to slowly deteriorate. If you see potential with your current partner, then you’re going to have to start working on establishing an honest, open, and healthy line of communication with them. Don’t be so worried that you’re going to end up hurting the other person’s feelings that you avoid confrontations altogether, because the alternative of bottling it up is only going to result in a far worse outcome. Find the time to sit your partner down and let them know that there’s been something on your mind (NOT when you’re in the middle of an argument or there’s any sort of tension between both parties). First, start off by making a disclaimer that whatever you’re about to say isn’t meant to ‘poke’, hurt, or put them down, but rather because you see a future with them, and would therefore wish to be honest and open about your feelings so that the both of you can grow stronger as a couple by working together to overcome it. Be careful when choosing your words, especially if you’re trying to tell an already insecure person that they’re being insecure. Avoid using confrontational words like ‘you’ (i.e. you’re always acting insecure!) and instead, choose softer alternatives that are less likely to trigger them so that the discussion can continue in a positive manner (i.e. I’ve noticed that there has been some insecurities in the relationship lately). Your objective at the end of the day is to not just get them to realize and acknowledge that they do have these insecurities, but more importantly, to let them know that you’d still be by THEIR side no matter what (remember that their insecurities aren’t going to magically disappear just because you brought it up) and you’re still going to have to make certain compromises when suggesting ways to improve the situation.

Engage a Professional Therapist to Help Address Deeper Rooted Issues

Unfortunately, not all issues can be overcome through self-facilitation, and there are certain people whose insecurities will be so deeply rooted that professional help may be required before any improvement can be seen. If you or your partner’s cause of insecurity is linked back to more serious issues like poor childhood upbringing or experiencing a certain incident that may have brought about severe trauma/anxiety, then the two of you simply aren’t going to be able to overcome these issues alone, and a professional therapist or counsellor should be engaged to help better facilitate.

Final Thoughts

How can we ever hope for others to love us if we aren’t even capable of first loving ourselves? There’s a certain truth to this cliched saying, and someone who has major insecurities about their partners would tend to usually also have a low sense of self-love. When a person lacks confidence and has low self-esteem, their self-worth will also get affected and this leads to insecurities developing as a result. An insecure person constantly doubts and questions their partner’s decision to be with them, simply because they’re incapable of seeing their own worth. They constantly feel insecure about why their partner would choose them when they don’t believe they’re even worth loving in the first place. If you’re someone who’s constantly insecure in your relationship - There was a reason why your partner first chose you and it wasn’t by coincidence or by accident. Your partner chose you because they saw certain qualities in you that they felt attracted to; qualities that you have been constantly failing to take notice of and sometimes even stubbornly remaining in denial over. You need to learn to start embracing these qualities and foster greater love for yourself, because the key to having a secure and loving relationship all starts with you. At the end of the day, insecurities are essentially a projection of a person’s manifested doubts, fears, and uncertainties. There’s never just one single clear cause behind a person’s insecurities and it tends to be a combination of several factors (both past and present) that would create those uncertainties. Identifying the root cause behind you or your partner’s insecurity and understanding how to overcome it are both essential processes to work on, if we ever hope to create a lasting relationship with our partners.

How to Start a Small Business with Little to No Money

How long have you been itching to start a small business? What's holding you back? So many people put off starting a small business because they think they need a healthy injection of capital to do it. That's simply not true. So, how to start a small business? Simon Paine, co-founder and CEO of the PopUp Business School, said,

"You can easily start a business with no money. When you're starting, good enough is good enough. It doesn't have to be perfect. Perfection will kill your business before you start because it costs money, and you don't need to spend money to get going."

Bootstrapping is a great way to build a business. According to Paine,

"The bootstrapped business is the one most likely to survive. Why? Because you've built your entrepreneurial muscle by figuring out how to start for free, and you've engaged yourself in your own business. This process is critical, so don't skip it."

So once you've ironed out everything you need to get started—permits, licenses, registering your business name, opening a business account, creating a basic website, business cards, etc.—bootstrap what you can and outsource the rest. Here are my eight top tips for starting a self-funded small business.

1. Start with You

If you're wondering, What would be a good small business to start? You might want to take a closer look at what you have to offer.

• What are your skills?
• What are you most experienced in?
• What knowledge or insight could you share that someone would pay good money for?
• Who needs your help?

There is no right or wrong small business, just like there's no guarantee that some will succeed more than others. I've watched startups with incredible products fail because they didn't know how to market themselves.((Success Wise: The Money Is in the Marketing)) I've also seen pretty average products do exceptionally well simply because the founders knew how to connect with their prospects and deliver a one-of-a-kind experience. Dmytro Okunyev, founder of Chanty, said,

"The best way to start a small business with a small budget is to start with a problem that somebody else is having and solve it, rather than coming up with something new. That way, you already have your target audience right in front of you, and you can make your first sale immediately instead of spending a fortune on marketing."

So, grab a pen and paper and jot down your skills, your experience, what you really enjoy working on, and who your ideal customer is. Use this as a starting point for figuring out what business you want to be in.

2. Now Talk to Your Potential Clients

Marie Farmer, the founder of Mini MealTimes, said,

"Talk talk talk to your potential customers. Do not spend a penny before you do this."

Conversations lead to conversions. They allow you to get inside your prospects' heads, to discover what they're struggling with, and to devise a solution tailored to their needs. So often, as business owners, we think we know our target market. We think we know what they want, where they consume media, what message would drive them to buy your product or service, and we couldn't be more wrong. I've met many entrepreneurs and small business owners who've invested thousands of dollars into getting their company off the ground, only to realize six months down the line that it's all wrong. The business name, their offerings, pricing—all that money and time wasted, simply because they didn't do their homework. By talking to people, you build relationships and you get valuable feedback. Listen to what they’re saying and how they’re saying it; they're gift wrapping your content strategy. You already know what they’re googling so you can create a video or article that talks directly to them. This on-the-ground market research will also show you:

• Whom you enjoy dealing with.
• Where they're based.
• What their daily routines look like.
• What their pain points are.
• If they have an appetite for what you're selling.
• What they're prepared to pay for it.

Then you need to figure out:

• Who your competitors are.
• What they’re doing that you can do better.
• How you're going to differentiate yourself.

The experience you deliver is your unique differentiator. Do it right, and not only will you win your first customer, but you’ll give them an experience that will keep them coming back for a lifetime.

3. Leverage Relationships

Networking is a lifesaver for small business owners. Building a circle of people who have experience in starting and growing a company is essential to your success. They can be three or four steps ahead of you, but these are people that you can learn from and bounce ideas off of. They've been where you are, and they know what it takes to start a small business. Their experiences won't all be the same, but that's a good thing. Richard Michie, CEO of The Marketing Optimist, shared his startup's story:

"When I began, I sat at home and tried to learn how to run a business. It didn't work, so I joined the Entrepreneurial Spark and then the NatWest Business Accelerator. Here, I was able to share my triumphs and disasters with others who were facing the same struggles. By sharing and listening, I became more resilient to the ups and downs of running a startup. Plus, I was able to build an even bigger network of valuable connections, which helped grow the business massively."

The benefits of leveraging your entrepreneurial network include:

• Finding new leads to pursue.
• Re-engineering your mindset.
• Building your confidence and alleviating your fears.
• Easy access to free advice and support.
• Help with goal setting and holding yourself accountable.

Take a moment to scroll through your phone contacts and email database. Note whom you can reach out to. These are the people you can leverage to grow your network and find new business opportunities.

4. Make a List of Everything You Need to Get Going

Now that you know what you're good at, whom you want to work with, what their pain points are, and what you're going to be selling, you need to make a list. This is a checklist of everything you need to do to start your small business. Yes, you can google it. Or, and this is a better idea, you can reach out to your business network for advice on what to include on this list and whom to contact to assist you in getting things done. I'm talking about lawyers, accountants, creatives, you name it. They'll have these people on speed dial, and you’ll know they come highly recommended. Once you've completed your list, Simon Paine suggests,

"Go through your list of what you need to start your business and see what you can get for free, borrow, barter for, sell something to get cash for, or sell your value before you create it. You absolutely can start a business with no money by following these principles."

5. Be Ruthless with Your Spend

Whether you're starting your small business as a side hustle or you're investing your life savings into launching it, you need to be very careful about what you spend your money on.

Keep It Lean

Santiago Navarro, CEO and co-founder of Garçon Wines, advises to keep it lean in the early stage of launching your startup.

"Spend as little as possible, work hard, and focus on the main goal of developing a quality MVP (minimum viable product) to take to market for testing or selling."

Don't Pull a Salary

Danny Scott, CEO and co-founder of the CoinCorner, suggests not taking a salary.

"Throughout the first six months of our business, the founders took no salaries to help give the business the best chance to get off the ground and gain traction."

If you don't need to pull a salary, don't.

Work from Home

You don't need a fancy office. Duncan Collins, the founder of RunaGood.com, says,

"Work from a house. There are no business rates to pay and no rental or service charge."

Plus, you can write off a percentage of your costs when tax season rolls around.

Barter Your Services

Do you have any skills, extra time, products, or services you could swap? Maybe you're a copywriter and you need a designer to create your logo and business cards. Barter your skills for their assistance. You could offer to proofread their content or recommend their services to any clients you get. Maybe you're opening a coffee shop and you need help with licensing. You could swap unlimited free cappuccinos for their assistance in acquiring and handling the matter. Bartering is a great way to achieve a lot without spending a cent. How can you cut costs? Who can you barter services with? Go back to your list and add this information to it.

6. Think About How You Want to Position Yourself

Don't be afraid to go after a premium client. In business, profit comes from the way you market yourself and positioning determines how much you earn. It allows you to attract a higher quality customer. I'll give you an example: If you're a professional musician and you position yourself as a subway busker, your "customers" will treat you as such and pay you accordingly. You'll work long, hard hours to earn a small amount of money. Conversely, if you position yourself as a professional concert performer, you’ll attract a very different customer and get paid accordingly. Position yourself as a commodity and you'll always compete on price.

7. Focus Your Energy Strategically

While business owners wear many hats, at some point, you have to be realistic about where you should be investing your time and energy. In the early days of starting a company, it's normal to do everything on your own, to work crazy hours, and never get out, but this isn't healthy for you or your business. A study by Small Business Trends found 78% of small business owners report experiencing burnout in the first two years of running their company.((Small Business Trends: Work Burnout Poses Problem for Small Business Owners, Per Xero Survey)) And if you're too tired, stressed, and sick to work, you're not going to make any money. That's why I always tell my clients to master one thing before moving on to the next. That could be one niche, one social media platform, or the first three modules of your online course, whatever. But when you try to do too much, nothing gets done. Just ask Dani Mancini, founder and owner of Scribly.io:

"It wasn't until I took stock of just how much I was trying to do that I realized I was setting myself up to fail. Rather than trying to do everything at once, I now focus on one thing at a time and commit to doing it well. That's meant making difficult decisions like stopping our content strategy entirely until I've nailed other high-priority activities like prospecting and referrals (which have by far been more effective tactics)."

Knowing where to focus your energy is so important. Ask yourself, What is critical to my success? What do I need to do now to guarantee growth over the next six months? Once you've got this up-and-running then move on to the next project.

8. Outsource Whatever You Don't Need to Be Doing

This leads me to my final point, outsource whatever you have limited knowledge in or isn't a good use of your time. Melissa Sinclaire, founder of Big Hair Beauty, said,

"Sometimes you may feel that your business can't afford it and you'll just do it all yourself, but most of the time you can't afford not to."

If you're clueless about accounting, outsource it. If you know nothing about web development, Google AdWords, Facebook Ads, SEO, SEM, CRMs, or creating your standard operating procedures, outsource it to someone who does. There are countless freelance websites where you can find talented professionals willing to take a fixed price for a fixed outcome. Here's a guide to help you delegate effectively: How to Delegate Tasks Effectively (Step-By-Step Guide)

The Bottom Line

Some of the most successful small businesses started as bootstrapped businesses at home, from coffee shops, and even college dorms. They launched with a product or service that was good enough. They spent $100 on a website template, a domain name, and an opt-in form. They regularly engaged with their market to uncover where improvements could be made, what worked, and what needed to go. They set goals, called in favors, lived lean, borrowed equipment, bartered services, outsourced where necessary, and reinvested profits back into their companies—this is how you build a small business with little to no money.

More About Entrepreneurship

• 20 All-Time Best Entrepreneur Books to Make Your Business Successful
• How to Succeed in Business: 10 Skills Every Entrepreneur Needs
• How to Start a Small Business That Thrives (From the Ground Up)