Why Do Parents Become Helicopter Parents

It began innocently enough with Suzy helping her daughter Jane with her 1st grade diorama. Her daughter began the diorama on her own, but Suzy began to see that it looked as though a 3 year old had done the work. She knew she needed to intervene or her daughter would not get a good grade on the project and would be hurt when she saw how good the other kid’s projects looked. Suzy knew that all the other parents would be helping their kids. She didn’t want her daughter’s project to look like a joke. Suzy did such a great job on her daughter’s diorama that she got an A+. What a relief, since she was certain the diorama that Jane had begun would have resulted in a failing grade.

Suzy then started helping Jane with other homework projects, essays, and even extra curricular efforts like debate and mock trial speeches. Jane earned high marks in school and all her teachers adored her. Unfortunately, a day came when Suzy was no longer able to help Jane with all of these school projects. Jane went off the college and found herself overwhelmed. Instead of making A’s, she was now barely pulling C grades. She was feeling stressed out, defeated, and depressed.

Suzy’s case is becoming more and more common.

Our culture of competition is making parents try even harder when it comes to parenting their kids, which can lead to helicopter parenting. Many parents believe they are using good parenting skills to the max. Unfortunately, maximizing good parenting skills can skew the skill and it is no longer beneficial. For example, a parent who helps their child with homework when the child is struggling and asking for help is far different from a parent who hovers over their child at the table each night as the child completes hours of homework under the strict guidance of their parent.

Helicopter parenting is taking a good parenting skill to the extreme, where it is no longer helpful or beneficial in the long run. Helicopter parents are taking over their kid’s lives to the detriment of their children. There is a rise in the prevalence of helicopter parenting and a subsequent rise of children who are truly struggling when they leave home to begin life as an adult. Over parenting is harming our kids in the long run.

Research has shown that there is a correlation between helicopter parenting and children who develop depression and anxiety. This research also showed that these young adults had poorer coping skills, less ability to think creatively on their own, and had difficulties in problem-solving.^[1]

How Parents Become Helicopter Parents

The first reason that most parents become helicopter parents is because they want their children to be safe.  This form of helicopter parenting is often seen with the parent who is following their child all over the jungle gym even holding them down the slide out of fear that they will get hurt if they are left to play on their own.

Some fears are legitimate when it comes to safety and some are stretching the fear to far and a blanket of worry envelops not only the mom or dad, but subsequently the rest of the family. Allowing for small injuries on the jungle gym is ok and even helpful in the long run, as children learn to be more careful on their own.  Otherwise, children may end up with bigger injuries when they experience bigger physical challenges, such as a skate board park when parents aren’t there to prevent injuries and provide the words of caution.

A few injuries when they are younger and in safer environments (places intended for small children to play) will help them learn on their own that they need to protect themselves from harm. Children need to learn to protect themselves from harm, as they will not always have their parents there to protect them, especially as they get older.

They love their children and don’t want to see them fail.  Parents want their children to succeed in life, as they want them to feel that confidence of doing well in life.  They desire the best for their children and their abilities.  They don’t want their children to be harmed, and failures can be painful.  However, not allowing for small failures prevents them from learning how to cope with failure, which creates more problems for children in their future.

The parent’s ego gets in the way. Too many parents are identifying their own personhood with their child’s.  They see their child’s failures and successes as their own. Therefore, they want to help their child be a success, so they over-parent to the detriment of their child in the long term.  Parents must separate their identity from their child’s for the sake of their child’s future.

The Fallout of Helicopter Parenting

When parents over-parent or engage in helicopter parenting they are hindering their child in the following ways:

Stifle Creativity

That homework project they were assigned was for them to brainstorm and creatively think about in order to construct the project of their own ideas. If parents give their kids the ideas and brainstorm the ideas for them, they are stealing the opportunities for their children to think creatively.

Instead, parents need to allow their children to think creatively in constructing their projects or assignments.

If they ask for help, a parent can help their child to help themselves. Asking open ended questions that can lead to the child producing creative thoughts is helpful. Children should be praised for their own thoughts, even if it is far different than what their parents would think or do.

Encouragement of the child to think for themselves and not minimize their intellectual capabilities by criticizing their thoughts in any way is paramount.  If their thoughts are unrealistic then parents can ask more open ended questions so that the child can realize they need to reel in the idea on their own and see the potential pitfalls along the way.

Children may surprise parents with their creativity and solutions to set backs along with way.

Prevent Development of Coping Skills

If Jane had earned a failing grade because of the diorama in 1st grade, she would have experienced a failure and learned how to handle those feelings.  She would have also learned that she earned her grade herself, which gives her more autonomy and power over her academic career very early in life.  Allowing for failures along the way, allows children to develop the skills for coping with those failures.  It also allows for them to react to the failures by trying things differently the next time or asking for help if needed (help, not the parent to take over the project).

Instead, parents need to allow their children to experience small failures along the way, so that they can develop healthy coping skills.

Parents need to refrain from rescuing their child from all of their small failures.  They need to allow them to fail on their own.  Parents will see that their child’s character will begin to develop. They will discover their work ethic along the way and they will figure out how to best handle failures on their own.

If parents rescue their kids from all the small failures, then what will happen when they have a huge failure (like dropping out of college or getting fired from their first job) and there is nothing a parent can do to solve this problem or prevent the failure once it happens?  That child, or young adult, can get seriously depressed or worse, since they don’t have adequate coping skills developed earlier in life.

Parents must allow for their children to fail.  A parent can help them cope with the failure in a healthy manner.  Children will subsequently learn to do things differently to have a different or better outcome next time round.

In developing good coping skills, parents should be there to provide support. This means parents are there to listen to their child when they experience a failure, hard ship, or are simply dealing with a difficult situation.

A good way of coping with these things is to verbally talk things through and to use “I feel” statements.  Parents can help a child develop coping skills by encouraging their child to express their feeling about the situation at hand using “I feel” statements.  Utilizing this method helps children take responsibility for their role in the situation rather than pointing fingers at others and simply placing blaming on others.

Helping children open up and talk is one of the key ways to help them learn to cope with a situation.  They can also problem solve their issue while coping with the difficulties they are feeling at the same time, as they can go hand in hand.

It can be hard for a parent to see their child experience sadness, anger, and disappointment.  However, if they can learn how to cope with these feelings earlier in life they will be better equipped to handle even bigger issues as adults, which will inevitably come their way.

Take Away Chances to Build Self-Confidence

If a child’s grades are being earned by projects completed entirely or even partially by their parents, the child can’t feel confidence in their own abilities.  Kids are smart.  They know when they have or have not earned the grade or marks based on their own abilities.

If their parents are helping so much along the way, that child can feel that their parent is helping them because perhaps they are not capable of earning decent or acceptable grades. Their parents stepping in to help all the time undermines the confidence they may have in their own abilities.  If a parent is continually overstepping the child’s ideas and work for a project then that child will learn that their work is subpar and thus their confidence slips away.

Instead, parents need to encourage children in their own abilities and capabilities.

This means that parents need to allow their child to do projects on their own so that the child can earn the grade themselves so that they have confidence in their abilities.

When they do things on their own, it is empowering.  Even if the grade is not what a parent may desire, it’s more important that children are confident and able to do tasks on their own.  Parents can’t hold their child’s hand through adulthood and help with the projects that they will undertake on the job, so parents must allow them to experience doing things without help early in life.

Allowing for independence in the completion of their work will help them become confident and competent at the same time.

Inhibit Decision Making Practice

When a parent decides everything for their child from their clothing, to their food, to which schools to apply to study at, they are taking away that decision making power from their child.  If the child has not experienced the necessity of making everyday decisions, then they will be ill equipped to enter adulthood.

Adults needs to be able to make good choices and decisions. If a child hasn’t been allowed choices or decisions, they haven’t experienced the success or failure of their own personal decisions.

Instead, parents need to help guide and direct their children on big life decisions but also allow them to make smaller choices and decisions along the way.

It is empowering for a child to make personal decisions over their life, but it can also be scary. That’s why parents must start small and grow the decision making abilities as their child matures and shows good judgement. A good parent isn’t going to allow their 5 year old to get a tattoo, because they want it and made that decision for themselves, as this is far too important and permanent decision. However, it is empowering at age 5 to allow the child to pick out their own clothing or to select gifts for their siblings for holidays.

Parents need to allow their children to begin to make age appropriate decisions at a young age, that way when they become adults they have made enough good and bad decisions along the way that they know the consequences. They also will develop personal preferences and opinions. These are all empowering things to have as a young adult.

Obscure the Consequences of Their Own Behavior

If a parent is continually bailing out their child from bad situations and not allowing consequences to occur, then the child will not develop an understanding for real consequences.

For example, if a child is continually late for school and they walk themselves to school, yet their parent calls the principal and takes the blame, thereby getting the child out of detention, then the child has not learned that being late for school leads to detentions. They learned that their parent can bail them out and get them out of trouble. This can lead to higher risk behavior because the child believes their parent can rescue them from consequences.

Instead, parents need to allow their child to take responsibility for the actions and suffer the consequences.

Will it be hard for a parent to see their child suspended or kicked out of an activity because of their actions? Of course. But these are all learning experiences. The goal is for a child to understand that their behavior affects themselves and others. Consequences are essential to this learning process. If a parent always prevents the consequence then the child does not learn the lesson. This can lead to worse behavior and worse consequences that a parent may not be able to help their child with in the future (such as jail time).

Parents who allow their children to learn from their consequences are being good parents, even if those consequences are difficult on the child and parent.

Hinder Independent Problem Solving Skills

Problem solving is an essential life skill in order to become a competent adult. If a parent is always solving their child’s problems that child doesn’t learn how to think of solutions on their own and carry out these solutions. If the parent is problem solving for their child always because they are trying to make their child’s life easier, they are doing a huge disservice to this child.

How will they know what to do when their flight is cancelled someday in the future, or what to do about their flat tire when they are stranded on the side of the highway? They can call their parent for advice, but what if that parent isn’t available? Their ability to survive in the real world is greatly diminished when parents problem solve their issues all throughout childhood.

Instead, children need to experience problem solving from early on in life to learn how to get out of tough situations.  Parents can guide their children through appropriate questioning to get their child started in the right direction.

For example, if a child cannot find their toy anywhere and they go to Mom to find it, then what is the best response from Mom? Is it to go and look for the toy? Or is it better for Mom to ask the child where they last had the toy and suggest that they take some action on their own?  The later is more helpful, as it empowers the child to think about where to begin looking for the toy and they do it on their own.  They will find the toy and thus solve this problem with little to no help at all.

That is goal of parenting, to help our children develop skills by which they can solve their own problems as they arise in life.  If they feel that their parents will solve their problems, then they will become dependent on their parents for this life skill that is utterly essential for survival in the real world.

Parents must help their children problem solve their own issues early in life, with some guidance and directed questions, but allowing the child to follow through with the solution on their own. Doing so will empower their child to eventually become independent problem solvers in the future.

Helicopter Parenting Turns Children into Sheep

The end result of parents who helicopter parent their children is young adults who don’t know how to be human on their own, they are merely sheep and the parents are the shepherds.

Children who grow up with helicopter parents don’t have the skills needed to make life decisions, to cope when things go bad, and they don’t understand the consequences of bad decisions and behavior. Their parents have been hovering over them for years, making every decision, completing every project, and controlling every behavior to the point that the child doesn’t have an identity that is separated from their parent and likewise for the parent.

Parents whose ego or identity is tied to their child will make decisions on the basis of themselves, rather than allowing for the child to have autonomy (with some parental guidance and direction along the way). Parents must realize that independence, and to experience failure, are essential to creating competent and successful adults. If children never experience failure or the ability  to even make their own decisions during childhood, they won’t be able do so in adulthood.

Parents need to allow for their children to do the things that they are able to do, to try to do the things they may be able to do, and to allow for failure and consequences along the way in order to learn from these things. Doing so will help children become autonomous, confident, and competent young adults ready to take on the world, not sheep who enter adulthood and the real world without their shepherd.

Featured photo credit: Helicopter Parents via bing.com

Reference

[1]

^

Slate: Kids of Helicopter Parents Are Sputtering Out

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What Employers Are Really Looking for in the Most Common Interview Questions

No matter how much we may love our job, there are always aspects that we could do without. And among all of my duties as Chief of Product Management at Lifehack, interviewing is by far my least favorite. It’s an awkward, draining task that wears me down both mentally and physically. Most interviews take around an hour to get through, a grueling 60 minutes that neither I nor the interviewee enjoys. I hear the same answers to the same questions time and time again. Boring, basic answers that by no way separate the individual from their competition. But every once in a while I will hear an answer that catches me off guard, leaving me impressed and inspired.

To help you to knock out your next interview, I’ve compiled a list of the best possible answers to common interview questions, and what to avoid.

“What can you tell me about yourself?”

Your interviewer isn’t looking for little fragments of information. They want to hear a story. This will help to draw them in and keep them interested. Be sure to include your progression and how it brought you to where you are today.

Avoid including irrelevant personal things like your love for cats. Your potential employer is only interested in your work persona, so only focus on that aspect of yourself. Summarize your experience and explain to them why you are an expert in this field. Highlight your achievements, as well as obstacles you have encountered and how you managed to overcome them.

Here is an example of an intriguing answer to this question:

“Previously, I had worked for a prestigious company, managing a team of 15 people. My job was to improve the company, but the longer I stayed, the more I realized that there was very little potential for growth. That is why I am here today. To further myself in this field, as well as advance this company with my skills. “

“What are some of your strengths as well as weaknesses?”

When speaking about your strengths, focus on elements that are necessary for this potential job. Briefly describe your skills, and elaborate on how they will be beneficial for this company.

Don’t make the mistake of avoiding speaking about your weaknesses. Your interviewer will not be impressed, instead they will think that you lack the ability to self-reflect and improve. But when you do mention your weaknesses, include what actions you are taking to improve them. This will highlight your problem solving skills as well as your humility.

For example, let’s say that you are interviewing for a sales position. When your interviewer asks for your strengths and weaknesses you could say:

“I am very skilled at thinking on my feet, and using the art of persuasion to make a sale. Although sometimes I tend to shut down when dealing with an agitated customer. I am currently reading a book on how to quickly diffuse conflict to reroute the customer and have them meet me on common ground.”

“Why are you the right fit for the job?”

Before the interview, consider the position you are interviewing for and all of the duties that will be expected of you. Reiterate these duties to the interviewer, and how you possess the skills necessary to fulfill these requirements.

Be sure to include specific duties that were listed in the job ad, but doctor them so that it sounds organic. You don’t want the interviewer to feel that you’re just regurgitating the job description they’ve already provided for you.

“What do you know about our company?”

Do your research before the interview. Familiarize yourself with the basic functions of the business, and the goals that they are working towards. Identify the challenges that the business is facing, specifically in the department that you are interviewing for. Mention these challenges, and how you have noticed the advancements they are making to alleviate them.

Search for individuals in a similar position on LinkedIn for example. Pay close attention to their specific job duties, as well as the challenges they have faced and how they overcame them. Use their technique to describe how your skills will help to improve the business.

“Why do you want to work here?”

Similar to question number 3 (please refer above), make sure you know the details of the position before the interview. Then, include how your involvement with the company will bring you satisfaction. This makes your answer more personal, as well as shows your interest in the actual company and not just a paycheck.

Reassure the interviewer that you will be very committed and passionate about your position, because it appeals to you on a personal level.

For example, as a Production Manager, I love to see projects grow exponentially instead of just naturally. I like to see big results right away, and will throw myself entirely into a project to see that happen.

“Why did you leave your last job?”

Do not by any means belittle the previous business that you’ve worked for. It will make you appear unprofessional. Instead, speak about how you learned all that you could from said company, and the reasons that you eventually outgrew it.

What has really impressed me during interviews is the highlight of an achievement before leaving the company. This shows that you are a team player, and didn’t leave your previous employer high and dry.

Example:

“At my last job as a Production Manager, I realized that I didn’t believe in traditional media anymore, and my ideals did not line up with the concept of the company. But before leaving, I trained the editor so that the company could continue running as it had.”

“What is your greatest achievement?”

Use this opportunity to tell another story to keep your employer captivated. Don’t only speak about your achievements, but the action that you took to get there. Include how you analyzed the situation, the various options you came up with to resolve the conflict, and what led you to your final decision.

Don’t be vague! Don’t answer the question like this:

“I had the highest record of sales at my previous company.”

Definitely start off your answer with this achievement, but then elaborate.

“In order to achieve the highest record of sales at my previous company, I collected market research on the demographic that I was aiming to sell to. I considered what appealed to them, and how I could use those variables to make them want my product.”

“Tell me a story about how you overcame a conflict or challenge in a work environment.”

Use every opportunity to tell a story instead of just providing a simple answer. This gives your interviewer the opportunity to focus on individual aspects of your story and expand on them. You want to engage your interviewer as much as possible.

Again, stress the steps that you took in order to resolve the conflict. If your interviewer is engaged, go on to tell them more stories about overcoming conflicts.

This is your golden opportunity to sell yourself and showcase who you are. At this point you can delve a little deeper into how your techniques reflect who you are as a person, but still keep it professional and work related.

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To Make Space for Creativity, Stop Looking for Great Ideas

You’ve probably used a handy invention called “coffee sleeves” if you’ve ever visited a coffee shop.  These insulators make it bearable to hold that super-hot cup of coffee.  Jay Sorensen is the inventor of the coffee sleeve.  He came up with this idea when he was driving his daughter to school when he spilled a cup of coffee in his lap, because the coffee was too hot to hold.

It’s common wisdom that innovative ideas must be original, new, and a flash of creativity out of the blue. But this belief is a real obstacle to creativity.

Jay Sorensen didn’t create the coffee sleeve because he was setting out to innovative. He needed to solve a problem.

Innovation is not about creating something from nothing.

There are problems everywhere, as long as you pay attention to them. Lots of great inventions come from the daily problems people encounter.

When it’s raining and you don’t want to wear clunky, unfashionable rain boots – but you don’t want to get your feet wet?  There go the Dry Steppers.  You want to bring a water bottle to work, but the shape of normal water bottles don’t work with your briefcase? Someone came up with the idea of Letter paper shaped bottles.

True breakthroughs happen when you notice problems and create solutions. Problems stimulate you to really think about what can be improved. Observing problems is a good start.

Different Levels of Problems

There are different types of problems. Some are easier to stimulate innovative ideas, some are more difficult.  Finding out the type of problem you have identified helps you to know your effort needed to create new ideas.

Type 1: Problems with Good Solutions Available

Difficulty Level: ★★★

Some problems already have good solutions available. For example, in hot and humid climates, people have adjusted to the use of fans and air conditioning. It would take a huge breakthrough in order to think of a solution superior to what’s already available.

So, a brand-new invention to address hot climates would be a very difficult innovation to accomplish. There is no clear need for a new solution.

Type 2: Long Existing Problems with No Solutions Yet Found

Difficulty Level: ★★

A more intermediate scenario is when a problem has existed for a long time, and no solutions have yet emerged.

These intermediate problems are often very hard to fix because of their scale or complexity. For example, poverty is a huge problem, and everyone knows that. But nobody has “fixed” it probably because it’s hard to fix, and there are limitations on the resources to fix it.

When anything is possible, it’s difficult to know when and how to kick it off. But this situation can also be positive. With intermediate problems, you have no restrictions, and so you’re free to try out creative ideas. Take this as a source of inspiration. You might not have the resources to apply your solution right now, but that shouldn’t hold you back. Think of a solution and try it out when the timing is right.

Type 3: Problems That Have Flawed Solutions Available

Difficulty Level: ★

Finally, there are easy innovations. These include problems that do have available solutions, but those solutions are flawed. You can take what’s already there and improve on it. For example, the smartphone is in many ways an improvement of the original cell phone; it has added a lot of new functionality to an old technology.

While you might feel inspired to tackle a 3-star problem, you might try to kickstart your innovation with an 2-star or 1-star problem first.

Start with a Problem Within Your Reach

There are tons of problems out there, in every conceivable area of life. Look for one that is within your own field of expertise – where you can excel by using your knowledge and skills. By narrowing the scope of the problem, you also won’t get distracted by problems that you can’t control.

In your own field of work, you see recurring problems all the time. Find one that bothers you and dig deep into the root causes. Ask yourself, why does this happen all the time? Are there layers of causes? Understanding the problem deeply helps you think of more and better approaches to it.

Once you have identified the causes, turn to solutions.

First, are there any existing workarounds? If there are some, why aren’t they effective? Perhaps they don’t really address the root causes, or only address some of them. Consider how you might improve the available solution. If it’s possible to improve an existing solution, it could be easier to implement than something brand-new.

If there are no available solutions, then start brainstorming new solutions. In this scenario, it could be pretty tough to fix the problem outright. So instead of aiming to fix the root cause immediately, try to target individual layers of causes one at a time. This piecemeal kind of approach can help you work your way up to a complete solution.

Stop Thinking of New Ideas, Find Problems

Don’t look for a great idea. Look for a good problem. Observe the troubles that you come across in your everyday life.

It’s by addressing these problems that you can make the most positive impact on the world.

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The CEO's Guide to True Leadership

Leadership will never just ‘happen’. It is a state of mind and a way of acting in the world. Simply working hard and growing older will not guarantee that the opportunities and skills will just come to you. In other words, you need to actively grow into a leader instead of passively hoping that life will be kind to you.

Definition of Leadership

Some of us will be in the right place at the right time – your chance may come as you shuffle up the hierarchy and into a leadership role. But getting promoted doesn’t make you an instant leader. This is just the beginning of your journey – a chance to realize your potential.

This even applies if you are the CEO of a company – you may be a ‘boss’ but you may not be a ‘leader’.

• Leadership Has Nothing to Do With Age
• The Growth of Leadership
• Differences Between a Boss and a Real Leader

Begin Your Leadership Journey

Being a leader is about inspiring others to join you in pursuit of the same goals. Remember that leadership skills can be practised anywhere at any time, regardless of your official status. Be a leader at home, at school, at work – it’s a way of life.

As the CEO of Lifehack, I’ve been taking the leadership journey – and I’ve gathered together into one handy guide some of the most useful tips for all aspiring leaders.

1. Positivity Is at the Core of Leadership

• Staying Positive as a Leader: Leaders lead in good times and bad. Throughout life you will experience many ups and downs. Strength is accepting this, and knowing how to weather any storm that comes your way.
• Find Motivation When Giving Up Is So Tempting: Leaders understand that instant results are impossible – here’s how to not give up when things are difficult.
• Stay Passionate When It Feels Like Suffering: Leaders are willing to suffer for a better future for all.
• Handle Stress as a Smart Leader: Leaders embrace negativity and balance it out with positivity.
• Tackle Difficult Problems Positively: Leaders actively look for solutions instead of looking for someone to blame.

2. Confidence Comes from Within

Only a fraction of people are blessed with natural confidence – luckily, for the rest of us, it can also be built. Don’t draw confidence from the external world because it’s unreliable and ever-changing. Instead.

• Build Self Confidence From Scratch: Leaders build confidence by overcoming challenges and learning from their experiences.
• Stop Letting Envy Drain Your Confidence: Leaders don’t compare themselves with others but instead they focus on themselves.

3. Learning Is Everything

• Discover Skills and Knowledge Out of the Comfort Zone: Leaders never stop learning things that take them out of their comfort zone.
• 100 Productivity Books Summarized In the Best 15 Tips: Leaders read a lot. Here are 100 great books they often turn to, summarised into one article.
• Put Knowledge Into Practice: Leaders take their knowledge and apply it to their work and life.

4. Mistakes Are Nothing

• Make The Most Mistakes: Leaders do not shy away from taking actions that may be in error. They take risks and make controllable mistakes – from this they learn and grow.
• Master Making Mistakes: Leaders can handle mistakes because they excel at resilience.

5. Criticism is Opportunity

• Take and Utilize Feedback to Improve: Leaders accept – and even encourage – feedback. Criticism can be used to help you learn and grow.

6. Capitalizing Strengths

• Pick the Right Battlefield for the Biggest Leverage: Leaders recognize that time is a limited resource. So the best things to focus our energies on are things that give the biggest leverage. Developing strengths is more effective than fixing weaknesses. A leader will always address any weakness that’s holding them back – but not without capitalizing on their strengths first.

7. Selling Visions

• Sales Skills Turn You From Good To Great: Leaders sell visions and goals to those they lead and to their target clients. So brush up on some key sales skills here to convince others that your dreams are worth pursuing.
• A Presentation That Will Impress Everyone: Leaders are storytellers – they know that a compelling narrative can inspire others to accept their ideas. So learn how your presentation skills make all the difference when you want others to get on board with your dream.

8. Every Second Counts

• Prioritize on What Matters and Worth Spending Time On: Leaders seize every moment for things that contribute to their goals.
• Not Waiting For Better Timing: Leaders don’t wait passively for the right moment, but instead use the time available to create their own opportunities.

9. A Disciplined Life to Stay on Top Form

• Morning Routine to Stay Sharp Every Day: Leaders live a disciplined life in order to always be at peak performance. This discipline begins right from the moment they wake up. A morning routine allows them to keep their brain sharp every day.
• Rituals that Guarantee A Good Night Sleep: Leaders are no strangers to the reality of stress. But they know that balancing an active and energetic life with enough sleep is essential).

True Leadership Takes Time

Becoming a leader is not easy. That’s the beauty of it – everyone could learn to be a leader, but not everyone believes it or actually takes action. If you put in the time and effort, you can reach the top first – and then help others rise up too.

Go out there and be the leader you’ve always meant to be!

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Expertise Is a Lie and Why We Need a Better Definition of It

In 2015, an eighth grader did some research into the story behind the ‘No Irish Need Apply’ signs that were alleged to have existed in 19th century United States. Despite claims in 2002 from a distinguished historian that the signs were a myth and had never existed, the eighth grader Rebecca Fried was able to prove the historian wrong simply by doing some basic research on Google.  Not only did Fried found photographic evidence of the signs – but she found lots of it.^[1]

Just because something is stated by an ‘expert’ doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s true.

Back in 1830, scientific writer Dr. Dionysius Lardner said rail travel at high speed is not possible because passengers, unable to breathe, would die of asphyxia.  And in 1903, the president of the Michigan Savings Bank advised Henry Ford’s lawyer not to invest in the Ford Motor Co because the horse is here to stay but the automobile is only a novelty – a fad.^[2]

There are many more examples like these, and this is why not all experts are as highly regarded as they used to be.

How Society has Raised the Bar for Experts

Until recently, society looked up to and respected all experts and their opinions. However, in our new internet-age, knowledge is available to all at the click of a button.

Previously, years of education, work experience, and formal titles were the ways most people used to recognize experts.  Unfortunately, these are no longer good indicators.  For example, materials studied in the past can now be outdated. And as for those people with extensive work experience, this doesn’t guarantee they operate in an efficient or high-quality way.

Titles like doctor of ____, or psychologist of ____ are licensed/exams-based, but whether qualifications are up-to-date is open to question.

Judging whether a person is an expert based on the above indicators fails to take into account for the way information and knowledge changes over time. Not all experts will be dedicated enough to keep up with the latest developments in their chosen field.

Traditional experts became experts by taking a lot of time to investigate topics, but nowadays, the internet has massively reduced the time needed to research or learn a topic. You could think of it this way: In the past, experts owned the knowledge, these days this knowledge is freely available on the web.

Clearly, the internet has rapidly shifted information from the hands of those who have it – into the hands of those who do not.^[3]

Of course, the development of the internet hasn’t wiped genuine experts of the face of the earth.  We should still respect real experts, especially those who have gone through the stages outlined below.

The Five Stages That All Genuine Experts Must Go Through

The Dreyfus model of skill acquisition lays out five distinct stages that all people must go through on their way to becoming experts.

Credit: Dreyfus Model of Learning

Stage 1: Novice

• Follows the rules and plans they are taught.
• Lacks flexibility in handling works and challenges.
• Doesn’t know how to make judgements based on what they’ve learned.

Stage 2: Advanced beginner

• Has more experiences and starts to interpret different situations.
• Uses the same approach for different situations because they don’t have enough experiences to look deeper at each scenario.

Stage 3: Competent

• More holistic in handling problems.
• Starts to know how to interpret different situations with flexible plans.
• Starts to formulate their own routines to achieve things.

Stage 4: Proficient

• Able to solve problems intuitively.
• Continuously adjusts their ways and approaches.
• Perceives deviations from the normal pattern.
• Gives suggestions and guidance to others based upon their knowledge and experiences.

Stage 5: Expert

• Understands the whole picture intuitively with a deep and tacit comprehension.
• Creates the guidelines, plans and rules for others.
• Continuously self-tunes and self-learns.
• Knows how to handle problems that have never happened before based on their knowledge.

As the stages show, experts don’t need to be child prodigies or intellectual giants. In fact, ordinary people can become experts, provided they are willing to invest the necessary time and effort.

The Dreyfus model of skill acquisition not only shows how true experts are made – but also reveals what’s missing from fake experts. Let’s take a look at these people now.

Don’t Be Fooled by ‘Fake Experts’

Many people who claim they are experts are actually just at stage 2 or stage 3 of the Dreyfus model.

These people have gained some knowledge and experiences, but they have not embraced the continuous learning and self-tuning process that real experts have. Because of this, when these ‘fake experts’ encounter problems that they’ve never seen before, they fall back on the same approaches and methods that they’ve been taught.

However, when it comes to these challenging cases, traditional methods may not work, and so-called experts will be unable to come up with original resolutions. (Unlike genuine experts who have reached stage 5.)

You now understand what makes a true expert. Read on to find out how to become one.

The Journey to Become a True Expert

To become a genuine expert, you must start as a learner and move naturally through each stage. There are several things to pay attention to when you experience each of the stages, and here’s the guide to help you get through each stage efficiently.

From Novice to Advanced Beginner: Log Your Experiences and Knowledge

Your step from moving from novice to advanced beginner should involve the development of a personal library of experience. A logbook of experience and knowledge learned should be completed to show your progression. Ask for feedback from your tutor/instructor, and add this information into your logbook. Finally, log your reflections for actions you’ve taken.

Let’s say that you want to learn how to play guitar, as a budding guitarist, at this stage you’ll be learning more and more chords, scales and techniques. Be sure to note down as much as possible in your logbook, so that you can easily come back to what you’ve learned.

From Advanced Beginner to Competent: Grab Every Opportunity to Practice Knowledge

Learning is by participation and interaction with others. Normally, this takes place through the exchange of ideas and opinions. As you move from advanced beginner to becoming competent, you’ll evolve from the acquisition of knowledge to participating in learning. You’re likely to find yourself starting to see beyond the normal situations and beginning to suggest ways to do things based on what you’ve learned.

In the guitarist world, this is the stage where you’ll find yourself practicing more – and even starting to experiment with your playing.

From Competent to Proficient: Reflect, Reflect, Reflect

This stage will take you the longest because it’s rooted in continuous exposure to different cases and reflections. You’ll learn to look at things from different angles, and suggest different approaches based on what you’ve learned. With continuous reflections and experiences in guiding others to perform, you’ll deepen your knowledge and skills.

This is the stage where your guitar playing is good enough that you could start to help others to learn and improve.

From Proficient to Expert: Continuous Learning and Tuning

A true expert doesn’t stop learning. They continue to look for new methods and approaches for different cases. They also reflect on what they can do better, and keep a close eye on the ever-changing information world. If you’ve reached this stage, but stop learning and reflecting, you’ll eventually fall back to previous stages.

At this point in time, you’re a genuinely expert guitarist. You’ll be good enough to perform professionally – or to be a top guitar tutor.

True Experts Don’t Possess Knowledge, They Explore and Share Knowledge

Due to the impact of the internet, knowledge is no longer exclusively in the hands of qualified experts. However, just because we can now Google information at the tap of a key, this doesn’t mean that we’re all now experts. Genuine experts still need to go through the five stages of skill acquisition.

Now you know what you need to do to become an expert in your field. Follow the five stages, and work your way up to becoming a true expert.

Reference

[1]	^	Aeon: The crisis of expertise
[2]	^	Fight the New Drug: 15 Things Experts Said That Eventually Got Proved Wrong In A Big Way
[3]	^	Steven D. Levitt: Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything

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How Our Brains Manipulate Us to Eat Irrationally

Do you think you could resist if there’s a pizza fresh out of the oven in front of you? Smells good and looks crispy? Whether or not you’re actually hungry, you probably wouldn’t turn down a slice. If you had to wait 15 minutes for it, would it be easier to say no?

We’re bombarded with opportunities to make unhealthy choices every day. When junk food is readily available, the urge to indulge is even greater. There’s a satisfaction that comes with seeing a warm chocolate chip cookie or an ice cream cone and indulging right away.

You brain is wired to eat on impulse

Our relationship with food hasn’t evolved even though our dining options are more plentiful than ever. Eating high-fat and high-sugar foods when they were available was once a key to our survival.^[1] Our brains are wired to enjoy the instant reward we get from chowing down, which leads to the impulse munching you catch yourself doing in the break room or the food court.

When you have the opportunity to enjoy something, your brain gets a hit of dopamine, a powerful neurotransmitter that rewards us for our behavior.^[2] The positive association we make with the action drives us to be impulsive, even when taking advantage of the situation now may yield less favorable results than waiting. Would you rather have the piece of cake now or a beach body in six months?

The brain’s chemical response to these enjoyable situations is amplified by society’s need to have everything right now. Every time we check our smart phones or social media, we are also rewarded with dopamine.^[3] We no longer wait for anything, and it’s turning us into dopamine junkies.

We want it all, and we want it now

This drive to get everything as quickly as possible leaves us chasing instantaneous rewards. We want instant gratification.^[4] It’s our need to get what we want as quickly as possible that causes us to do things like neglect our retirement accounts so that we can buy the newest gadgets. Instead of spending 45 minutes preparing a nice home-cooked meal, we head to our freezers to microwave a substandard dinner in five minutes.

We’re all guilty of chasing instant gratification, and it is only through mindful consumption and interactions that we can learn to control our impulses.

You can see the big picture, but you’ll still battle your drive for more dopamine

Society and chemical reactions in your brain set you up to get your reward by the quickest means possible. This is an absolute nightmare for people trying to live a healthier lifestyle.

When you indulge in the hot slice of pizza in front of you, the reward that you get is instantaneous. Junk food really does make you happy. The problem is that too much of it can also make you unhealthy. Exercise can make you happy too, but it takes time to get satisfaction from working out. You have to endure a certain amount of suffering before you can see and feel the rewards.

It is so easy to become lost on your journey to better health when it seems like you have to run the gauntlet of temptation every day. You may know that you’ll live longer and have an improved quality of life by taking care of yourself, but it takes time to see and feel the results. You can feel the joy of that cookie as soon as you eat it.

Commandeer your body’s drive for rewards

If a person trying to lose weight sees the number on the scale go down, then he or she feels a surge of motivation. People who experience a plateau in their weight loss or fitness goals tend to become frustrated.

We have to change how we think about being healthy if we want to stick to fitness goals. We know that the rewards of living a healthy lifestyle are present every day when we commit. We have the autonomy and physical capability to do whatever we choose. We gain the energy that we need to do challenging and exciting work.

Obesity leads to a myriad of health-problems such as heart disease, stroke, and diabetes.^[5] Many of these issues are life-threatening, or at the very least, they are life-altering.

Feeling tired all the time can cause you to under perform at work, and it prevents you from enjoying activities associated with an active lifestyle. Tired and unmotivated people do the bare minimum to satisfy their requirements, but they don’t innovate and they don’t typically enjoy what they do.

You know what being healthy can do for you, and you’ll have to actively wrestle control back from your dopamine-seeking brain. If you can learn to recognize small rewards that happen instantly when you opt for a healthy lifestyle, you may be able to overcome temptation.

We are less likely to commit if the reward is not certain

One of the things that makes enjoying immediate rewards so gratifying is that we don’t know what the future holds. Imagine that someone offers to give you $1,000 today or $10,000 10 years from now. Which would you choose?

Even though $10,000 is a significantly larger sum, most people opt to take the $1,000 in quick cash. They may think, “I could really use the grand right now,” or “I might be dead in 10 years,” or “The person who made the offer might change his mind.” It’s normal to worry about the uncertainty of the future and act in favor of the here and now.

When we ignore our long-term health for short-term gain, we will almost certainly end up with nothing. As the old saying goes, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of the cure.” We can’t control everything about our health, but we can certainly put forth an effort and make a commitment to wellness.

Making changes that lead to a healthier lifestyle doesn’t have to be hard. Start with small choices such as going for a walk every day or avoiding keeping your favorite snack within easy reach. At first, you’ll crave the instant gratification of lounging on the couch or chowing down, but eventually, you’ll want movement and healthy choices more.

As some point in your journey, the paradigm will shift in your mind. You will appreciate feeling more energetic and less achy, and that reward will overpower your desire to eat a sleeve of cookies. It may take a long time to reach this point, but if you can celebrate small victories every day, you’ll make it.

Don’t make it harder than it has to be

Making healthy choices becomes more difficult when you try to do everything in absolutes. People who try to become vegan overnight or cut out sugar all at once make their health journey harder. Their first step is so much more drastic, and when they give into temptation, the dopamine hit and the subsequent guilt are also much stronger.

The reward for dramatic change is almost invisible, which means that you’ll lose motivation quickly when you don’t see results. Take small steps toward your goal. Instead of banning all sugar from your diet, cut back on select snacks or tell yourself, “If I want cookies, I am not allowed to buy them. I have to bake them from scratch.” The aspiring vegan would do well to cut out one type of meat at a time instead of emptying the entire contents of their fridge and living off toast and hummus.

You’ve already taken the first step

If you’re reading this, then you are already interested in improving your health. The first step on a journey to wellness is to be more conscious about food choices and exercise. By understanding the forces that could stand in the way of a healthier you, you can make sustainable changes.

Retrain your brain so that its reward response is triggered by different activities. When you make subtle changes over an extended period of time, you’ll readjust your definition of what you find rewarding.

Reference

[1]	^	Business Insider: An Evolutionary Explanation For Why We Crave Sugar
[2]	^	Live Science: Brain Chemical Makes Us More Impulsive
[3]	^	Metro: You Get A Little Bit High Every Time You Check Your Phone
[4]	^	The Chopra Center: Why Instant Gratification Doesn’t Create Lasting Happiness
[5]	^	WebMD: Health Risks Of Obesity

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Are You Spending or Investing Your Hard Earned Money?

According to Australian Millionaire, Tim Gurner, our inclination towards frivolous items such as Avocado Toast are the reason why millenials can’t afford to put a down payment on a home.

As outlandish as this observation may sound, there is some truth to it. I seriously doubt that your decision to eat avocados is going to deter you from ever buying a home. But the act of irresponsible spending certainly will. The future is some far-off, unknown entity, and those of us who like to live in the now tend to indulge instead of invest. And while that instant gratification feels oh so good, eventually it will catch up with us. We need to start planning ahead.

Don’t squander away your hard earned money

We’ve been hearing it over and over since we were children. Our parents would give us a small allowance and tell us, “don’t spend it all in one place.” We may have laughed it off, but they were trying to teach us a very valuable lesson: we need to spend our money wisely.

We have reached an era where adults between the age of 24-35, what used to be ample home-buying age, are not able to afford a home of their own. A number of factors contribute to this issue: Credit standards have become stricter, making it more difficult for people with faulty or no credit at all to get a loan. Student loans are on the rise, burying millenials in crippling debt. Lifestyle changes- people are delaying getting married and having children, no longer prioritizing this as their ultimate goal. Many millenials are not receiving salaries that make them able to afford a home; many of them are living hand to mouth. Individuals in this age group are inclined to move to inner cities, where the act of renting is more prevalent than buying.

Ultimately, you don’t have to save up your money in order to buy a flat or home. If that’s just not your style, then do what makes you happy. But still be aware of your spending habits. Like I said, you work hard for your money. By all means treat yourself, but also consider the time you’ve put into earning that cash. It won’t be instant, but investing in yourself now will pay off big time in the future.

Avoid these money spending mistakes:

1. Don’t be a sucker for a seemingly “good deal.”

Imagine you’re in the market for a new television set, and you’ve narrowed it down to two choices. Both televisions are priced at $500, but one of them has been marked down from $800. Immediately you conclude that the one that has been marked down would be a better value. This thought process is known as Anchoring Bias. This means that we make decisions based on one piece of information (the anchor). In this case, the discount is the anchor. You don’t know why the store chose to discount this item, and what issues it may have.

I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of naming ourselves, “bargain shopper,” never being able to pass up a good deal or sale. Many of us fall victim to this marketing tactic during the holiday season. Everything is on sale! And since we can’t resist a good sale, we spend money we normally wouldn’t, on items we normally wouldn’t buy. The end result? We just end up with stuff. Stuff we don’t need, and doesn’t bring us any fulfillment. If anything it makes us feel empty, because everything new eventually loses it’s charm.

2. Buying the things we WANT, instead of what we NEED

Do you ever find yourself sifting through your bottomless closet, filled with nearly identical shirts and shoes, only to realize you have “nothing to wear? Shop Therapy make us feel good. But only momentarily. How good will you feel about those items when you realize you can’t pay your bills?

It is exciting to get something new, and in the moment, we believe that this new item will help to shape us into the person we want to be (this jacket makes me look professional, more people will take me seriously). But the truth is, these items won’t change us. And we’re likely to lose interest in them just after a few days.To avoid this dilemma, really consider how much you need an item before you buy it. Don’t buy it on impulse, wait until the next day and consider if you really need it. Chances are you’ll forget about the item.

3. Spending money we don’t have

You just got your first credit card, and your soaring high on the possibilities. You can just buy things without worrying about your account balance. So you buy. You buy until you max out your credit card. So what do you do? You apply for another credit card to support your spending habits. Next thing you know, you’ve racked up $20k in debt with no way to pay it off. Your credit score plummets and your phone is ringing off the hook with debt collectors.

The money isn’t tangible, so you don’t feel any real loss as you’re spending. Credit cards make spending way too easy, and debt that much easier to fall into. You can easily miscalculate how much you can afford; or worse, go into denial about how much you’re spending.

This is why so many adults are buried in debt. Since they don’t physically see the money leaving their bank accounts, they’ve disassociated the loss that comes with spending.

4. Buying instead of investing

Say that you’re an Instagram star, promoting a vegan lifestyle and the benefits it provides. You could spend $1000 on a new hand bag, OR, you could spend that money on a Nutrition Certification Course. Consider which is more beneficial to you: buying an expensive handbag that you’ve had your eye on, or investing in something that could potentially further your progress in life?

Sure, you’ll get that temporary high from buying that handbag, flaunt it around and be the envy of the town. But as soon as you’ve felt that satisfaction, that handbag no longer benefits you. It’s old news. However, if you spend it on the Nutrition Course, you could be well on your way to expert status on a subject that truly interests you. That is a benefit that will pay off for years to come; well after that ragged old handbag fell apart and became useless.

Never let the instant gratification trump you from investing something more rewardable.

5. Trying to “buy” a relationship.

Your relationship has been on the rocks for a while, and you’re not really sure how to show them that you care. So you buy them tokens of your affection, showering them with gifts. This may temporarily fix the tension in the relationship, but the core issue is still there.

If your partner is only with you because of what you can offer them materialistically, then you should know it isn’t real. You shouldn’t have to buy your friends or romantic partners with extravagant items. If your partners love for you is determined by how much you spend on them, then they don’t love you for you. They love your money and what it can get them.

You are buying the relationship; an investment that will ultimately end in loss.

6. Opting not to invest in Health Care.

You take great care of your body. You eat right, work out daily, and take all of your vitamins. You feel great! There’s no need for health insurance, your health is just fine. One day on one of your runs through the park, you slip on some mud, fall awkwardly, and fracture your neck. An ambulance picks you up and takes you to the hospital. They perform x-rays, cat-scans, keep you overnight for observation, and provide you with painkillers to alleviate your suffering. When all is said and done, you now owe the hospital just shy of $30k. Your health was in great shape, but you just can’t predict these things. If you had health insurance, you wouldn’t have to worry about these costs on top of your injury. But now you do.

Millenials may feel that they don’t need to waste their money on Health insurance, because they’re still young and still have plenty of energy to spare. Health isn’t the first priority, because time and age is still yet to take a toll on us. But before we know it, our bodies start to give out on us. We eventually will age, sending our energy levels and health on the decline.

Now, health insurance or not, you need to seek medical attention. And without coverage, your payments will be astronomical. An issue you never would have dealt with if you just sucked it up and made the monthly payments. Maybe you don’t need it now. But someday you will.

Invest in yourself and the future, and the payout will be well worth the sacrifice

When you really break it down and consider what is important, you realize you don’t actually need very much. What do you actually need? Your health, food (if that includes avocado toast so be it), water and shelter (clothing optional, but for the purpose of social norms I suppose we’ll include that as well).

Featured photo credit: Mashable via google.com

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