Useful Time Management Tools And Tips To Gain More Time

Have you ever had the feeling that time runs out so fast and you can’t finish everything on time? Or sometimes you have a super long to-do list and you have no idea where to start with?

You’re not alone.

Fortunately there are a lot of time management tools that can help. And we’ve also prepared some practical time management tips plus some common mistakes people make.

Time management tools

Toggl: Keep track of your time

Forget about the traditional timesheet. Toggl is the best tool for you to keep track of your time spent on different tasks. It consists of a timer and a dashboard which gives you an overview of how much time you have spent for different tasks in the past week.

Panda Focus Mode: Stay Focused On Your Tasks

Panda Focus Mode is an extension for you to stay focused on your daily tasks. You can simply enter your tasks to be finished on the day and then whenever you open a new tab, you will immediately see them as a reminder.

Hocus Focus: Hide your inactive windows automatically

If you always open many apps and they often distract you from your work, you should try Hocus Focus. It is a Mac menu bar utility that hides your inactive windows.

Forest: To beat internet addiction

Forest is an interesting app that helps you to beat Internet addiction. When you press the button to plant a tree, you can’t switch to another app unless you give it up. It helps you to make good use of 30-minutes to fully concentrate on your work and finish it effectively.

Trello: Organize Your Tasks Well

Trello is a productive app allows a team of people to monitor on the same task together. You can categorize different tasks according to their natures. Everything is just at a glance.

TimeTree: A neat overview of your schedule

TimeTree is a user-friendly app allows you to arrange your schedule with your friends and family. You can share events with them so that you can discuss and confirm plans together. Sorting your schedules by updates allows you to review any updates instantly.

Wunderlist: Clear to-do list with reminders

Are you looking for an app which allows you to create a comprehensive to-do list? Wunderlist might be the answer. It allows you to create different to-do lists and you can even add hashtags on each item of the lists.

Remember the Milk: Create a list of tasks with specific search criteria

The Smart Add feature of Remember the Milk allows you to enter your task’s properties in one line, including due date, priority, repeat, and tags. Also, the magical search wizard helps you to create a list of tasks with specific search criteria effortlessly (e.g. tasks estimated to take 15 min or less).

Todoist: Distraction-free to do list

Todoist has a simple and distraction-free design for you to stay focused and motivated. By breaking big tasks into smaller sub-tasks with multi-level, you can organize and review tasks in a better way. You can also easily add due dates using normal language, such as “monday at 2pm”.

Noizio: Ambient background sounds

Perhaps sometimes the noise of surroundings is the reason why you find it difficult to focus on your work. Here’s the solution: creating an ambient background sounds to find your comfort. You can even mix the sounds on your own.

Best time management tricks

Apart from the tools, there are also a number of tips that can make us much more productive.

Spend The First 90 Minutes On The Most Important Task

As our brain are most active in the morning, we should spend the first 90 minutes of the day on the most important task so that we can finish it efficiently. Stop doing trivial matters like scrolling the to-do list or checking emails in the morning. You would miss the golden time of getting things done.

Have A Timesheet To Keep Track Of What You Have Done

A timesheet is the simplest and perhaps the best tool to have a clear picture of what you have done in each time slot.

By dividing your day into different time slots and filling in what you have done, you can compare the reality and the expectation. Did you finish your task as expected? Or did you spend too much time on it? And why? You might also see how much you have improved on your efficiency day by day.

Create A Stop-doing List

Instead of a to-do list, which most people have, a world-class productive person should have a stop-doing list.

You might find yourself spending too much time on things that don’t really matter. That’s probably the key to manage your time in a better way and become more efficient. Stop scrolling social media at work and quit doing all those meaningless things. These might be the items you would write on your list.

Set Time Limit

Work expands itself if we allocate more time to a task. That’s what the Pakinson’s law about. In other words, as Cyril Northcote Parkinson writes, ^[1]

If you give yourself a week to complete a one day task, then (psychologically speaking) the task will increase in complexity and become more daunting so as to fill that week.

So set time limit. If you can finish a task within an hour, then next time, try to finish it with 50 minutes. By allocating less time to a task, you would gradually figure out the actual time needed for you to finish it without wasting any time.

Identify Your Peak Hours And Schedule The Most Important Tasks For Those Hours

Everyone has different working patterns. What’s important is to identify your own peak hours.

Our brain has limited attention span and it varies among people. So it’s important to organize your day around your body’s natural rhythms. Try to schedule your most important task for this period and work on minor tasks during your non-peak times. For example, arrange an appointment with a client during your peak hours and check emails during your non-peak times.

And Here Are The Don’ts:

Make Checking Email The First Thing To Do At Work

Checking email seems to be the vert first thing you have to do at work. But that’s not the case.

It is not the most important thing at work and it gives you an illusion that you’re achieving something. Think about it: what have you achieved actually after marking all emails read? Probably you have something more important to work on.

Multitask And Think That Would Make You More Efficient

Some people believe multitasking do work. But expert tells us that it brings harm to our brain: ^[2]

In fact, multitasking was found to increase the production of cortisol, a stress hormone, as well as adrenaline, which can overstimulate the brain and cause “mental fog”.

Put simply, the more information you have to handle, the less time you have to give it the thought it deserves. When you enter a “mental fog”, you start making poor decisions or responding irrationally. So don’t try to do research for an article and write it at the same time. This probably takes you a longer time.

Not Taking Breaks

Taking breaks is not a waste of time. In fact, it boosts our productivity.

As we know our brain has a limited attention span, there is no use in working for consecutively for a long period. After an hour or two, we begin to lose focus. That’s the time for you to take a little short break and give your brain some fresh air to recharge. Have a cup of tea or grab some snacks to eat. The valuable down-time enables you to think creatively and work effectively.

It is fair for everyone. Regardless of age, gender, occupation, and anything, everyone has 24 hours a day. But why some people can do that much within just a single day? The key is time management. With suitable tools and smart tricks, you can maximize your productivity and succeed in whatever your goal is.

Reference

[1]	^	The Mission: The Secret to Getting More Done in Less Time
[2]	^	Lifehacker: Limit How Much Information You Have to Process to Avoid “Mental Fog”

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Successful People Aren’t Gifted. They Just Master Some Goal Setting Techniques

Many people think that IQ is the most important factor that determines if one would be successful or not. Researchers have found something different.

They did a 30-year study^[1] on 1000 children and found that cognitive control is a more reliable predictor of success than IQ. Having better cognitive control means they have the ability to delay gratification in pursuit of their goals and to keep their focus.

What’s the implication? Successful people aren’t smarter than most people. They’re just better setting goals and achieving them

So how to set goals well? How to set them in a way that you won’t forget them so easily after a month or some years?

The ultimate guide to goal setting

Here are the steps:

Step 1. Don’t set small goals. Set long term goals FIRST

It’s so easy to set a long list of small goals like

“Visit Asia.”

“Learn to ski.”

“Find a new job.”

Human tends to seek for an easier path. And it feels good to write a long list even if you won’t be able to finish all the items.

However, life is short. When we just follow the flow and aim at nothing big, we’ll end up achieving nothing big too. Successful people start with long term goals first. They are ambitious and dare to set big goals and work towards it step by step.

Having long term goals forces us to look beyond today’s work. It helps keep us motivated, especially in the face of mundane, tedious, but necessary everyday tasks.

Long term goals are more concrete than dreams. There is a big difference between saying “Someday I will be an authority in brain research and possibly find a cure for a dreaded disease” and “By 2020 I will have my Master’s Degree in Neurologic Surgery from Johns Hopkins University and will find a job in brain research.” The first statement is a dream that has no firm basis in reality. The second statement is a long term goal that was derived from a dream to become a brain research expert, but it also includes a clear and tangible path on how to get there.

Step 2. Break down big goals into smaller ones

While long-term goals provide us with focus and direction, short term goals give us momentum.

After setting long term goals, setting short term goals is critical because they provide you with quick wins and allow you to experience lots of “little successes” on your way to the big success.

Let’s pretend that your long term goal is to run a chain of bed and breakfasts (B&B’s) on a beach–somewhere.

First you need to break it down into a slightly smaller goal like to open your first B&B in a specific location or area within five years.

To further break it, you could start by working at a local B&B and shadowing the owner for six months in order to learn the business.

If you don’t break it down, it can be overwhelming and many of us would end up just always thinking about the dream without taking any actions.

Step 3. Check if the goals are SMART enough

When setting goals (long or short), use the SMART framework^[2]. This means that goals should be:

Specific

You should have a clear idea of what exactly you want to achieve. This helps you set your priorities right and not be sidetracked by things that don’t matter. It will also be easier for you to develop an action plan if you know what steps you should take in order to achieve your goal.

For example, ‘I want to be famous’ is not specific. A specific goal would be ‘I want to be a famous YouTuber. It helps you identify which direction to go, such as learning the video editing skills needed, so that you can stay focused on your goal.

Measurable

You should also be specific about how much or how many you want to achieve. For example, if you want to be a famous YouTuber, gaining 1 million subscribers is a measurable goal. That way, at any time, you are able to tell how much progress you’ve made since you started, as well as how much more needs to be done. Having a concrete reminder of how far you’ve come pushes you to move forward.

Attainable (achievable)

Your goal here is to achieve a goal, and you can’t do it if your goal is impossible! An achievable goal should match your abilities and resources. If it involves something else that’s out of your control, then it probably isn’t achievable to you.

For example, if your goal is to become a famous YouTuber with 1 million subscribers, but you’ve never made a video before, you should ask yourself whether you will be able to learn all the skills you will need. If you feel you can’t, then your goal is not achievable.

Relevant (realistic, reasonable)

A relevant goal matters to you. It should fit in nicely with other aspects of your life. If you have to sacrifice many other things in order to achieve your goal, ask yourself: is it worth it? Will my effort be rewarded?

For example, if gaining 1 million subscribers on YouTube means you have to spend 10 hours a day in your bedroom editing videos, you may struggle to maintain your day job or relationships while getting enough sleep. If you’re not willing to make such sacrifices, then your goal is not relevant.

Time-based (timely, track-able)

A time-based goal has a specific deadline. You should also plan your milestones and the expected time to reach them. For example, your goal could be to reach 1 million subscribers on YouTube within 1 year, with a smaller goal of reaching 300,000 subscribers within the first 3 months. This helps you track your progress while working towards your goal.

Step 4. Re-evaluate your big goal every two years

Success is a dynamic process that requires constant readjustments and recalculations.

Re-evaluate your goals often (at least twice a year) to ensure that your goals fit the SMART framework and to ensure you are still on target^[3].

Make adjustments to your plan and processes when necessary but always maintain a laser like focus on your goal and refuse to settle^[4]. Interruptions and hiccups to the plan will occur, but you must push past those and keep yourself locked in on the prize.

Your goals dictate your actions and set your course. They provide you with a sense of purpose… and pretty soon you will have turned your dream into a reality.

Featured photo credit: OnInnovation via flickr.com

Reference

[1]	^	Linkedin: What Predicts Success? It’s Not Your IQ
[2]	^	Mind Tools: Smart Goals
[3]	^	Personal Growth: The Most Powerful Questions That Shaped My 20s (So Far)
[4]	^	Oliver Emberton: If you want to follow your dreams, you have to say no to all the alternatives

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Before You Let Go Of A Past Relationship, You Need To Go Through These 5 Stages

Breaking up with someone you love so much is always hard.

How many sleepless nights have you been through since the day you said goodbye? How many painful days have you been through since the day you fell apart? How long have you been trapped in the past and unable to move on?

You want to forget. And you want to forgive. But it you just can’t.

You thought you had forgotten the best memories of the past. But whenever you walk past the place where you two first met, the good old days pop up in your mind again and you just can’t help but burst into tears.

You thought you had forgiven him for everything he did to you. But whenever you see his/her face appearing on your Facebook news feed, you find your heart is filled with a complicated feeling of melancholy and anger.

Letting go is never easy. But here’s what we can do with the grief and loss.

The 5 Stages of Grief and Loss

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss psychiatrist, introduced the five stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying (1969).^[1] The model was initially inspired by her work with terminally ill patients. But now it is also widely adopted to explain the behavior of people who experience grief and loss. After all, facing death and facing the death of a relationship share so much in common.

1. Denial: This CAN’T be happening

The first reaction to the loss of a relationship is to deny the reality of the situation. This is a defence mechanism to stop you from dealing with painful feelings.^[2] You try to pretend everything’s alright but deep down in your heart you know it is not real.

When you have the feeling that you’re denying the loss of a cherished one, you should focus on accepting the brutal truth:

• Remind yourself things have changed every day
• Stop texting or making phone calls as you used to
• Allow yourself to cry whenever you feel the pain
• Stay with someone who can help you recognize the truth
• Keep a diary to write down how you feel every day

2. Anger: How could he/she do this to me?

As time goes by, the reality becomes less blurry and you would gradually feel the pain of heartbreak. The pain is sometimes redirected and expressed as anger. You need someone to be blamed for causing you pain: your ex, people around you, the universe, or even yourself. Rationally, you know they might not be the one to be blamed but you just can’t control your emotions.

What you need here is to forgive:

• Know that both of you share the responsibility for the breakup
• Forgive yourself for any inadequacies as no one is perfect
• Realize that you are not the only one who suffers the pain
• Admit that you are not functioning at your best right now
• Distract yourself through exercise

3. Bargaining: Can’t we just give it one more try?

When you realize that the reality is pushing you towards to the edge of a cliff, you panic and strive to survive. You would do everything and anything to reverse the situation. You look for any possible ways to win him/her back, perhaps through negotiation or threat. You just don’t want to feel the pain.

But for most of the time, things don’t happen as you wish. You should better let it go:

• Avoid direct contact temporarily
• Stay away from social media where you might find anything about him
• Reassure yourself that you two are not getting back together
• Never try to win him/her back again and again
• Realize that you are independent enough to be single

4. Depression: It’s all OVER

When you finally realize you can do nothing to alter whatever you are experiencing, you are real depressed: feeling tired all the time, not wanting to do anything, avoiding friends and family, losing appetite or overeating, suffering from insomnia or sleeping too much. The hopelessness makes you feel hard to move on.

Nobody says it is easy but you should regain your mental and physical health before it is too late:

• Surround yourself with positive people
• Take a break from work
• Talk to someone who is willing to listen
• Go to countryside and breath some fresh air
• Listen to sad songs(Lifehack: Can You Believe That Sad Songs Actually Make Us Happy? See What Science Explains!)

5. Acceptance: Okay, I’m trying

Now, you are almost there. When you begin to accept whatever happens on you, you would gradually be able to make peace with the loss. It doesn’t guarantee happiness as you are still in one of the stages of grief, but you will be less emotional and begin to find some light along the road. And the light will eventually guide you home.

Things that evoke memories might still trigger your emotions but you can prevent self-absorption again:

• Put the old photos in a place where you can’t easily reach
• Keep yourself away from the places which trigger your emotions
• Focus on the benefits of letting go
• Only reconnect with him when you are ready to be friends
• Believe that everything is going to be okay and it is just a matter of time

Letting Go Makes Us Stronger

We always want a long-lasting relationship. We want someone to stay with us whatever happens in life. We want to hold on. But sometimes what makes us strong is letting go instead.

When you look back in the future, you will be surprised at how much you have grown.

Reference

[1]	^	Psychology Today: The 5 Stages of Grieving the End of a Relationship
[2]	^	Psych Central: 15 Common Defense Mechanisms

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Why Our Personal Values Matter More Than Ever Today

What’s important to you? Your morning coffee? Making time to walk your dog? Getting that assignment to your boss on time? Okay, but what’s valuable to you?

According to Atlantic Magazine, 7 out of 10 Americans say people’s values have been getting worse in America over the past decade.^[1] What are your personal values?

What Are Values?

Your values are a testament to your true self, because they are what matter most to you when it comes to personal and professional life.

Your values influence that little voice in your head that tells you whether or not to care about something, and how you should prioritize your time.

Your values are the things that you believe are in important in the way you live and work.^[2]

Your core values help determine what you truly want out of life, while simultaneously acting as the measuring stick you use to tell if you’re satisfied with your current situation and living in a meaningful way.

Core values define who we are while helping us find our purpose. Here’re a few good examples of the core value words:^[3]

• Reliability
• Dependable
• Respectful
• Loyal
• Committed
• Teamwork
• Caring
• Adventuros
• Efficient
• Listening
• Diversity
• Humility

Some of these values are instilled in you from childhood. They can be cultural or learned through watching your family and hearing their discussions about things they’re passionate about.

Perhaps now, in adulthood, you realize you’re passionate about those same things. It’s not a bad thing to share core values with those around you, but it can be detrimental to live a life that doesn’t honor those values.

How Do Core Values Affect Our Day-to-day Decisions?

We make decisions based on our values every day, but we sometimes forget about the important decisions we face, big and small, and the potential stress those choices can create.

When you can identify your values and make choices that align with them, life suddenly becomes a little easier. But when you’re running on autopilot and not allowing your values to coincide with your choices, you can find yourself becoming incredibly unhappy, and maybe you don’t know why.

Discovering your core values don’t help with huge aspects alone, they also impact seemingly small things, too. Remember that thing you bought that you didn’t really need, but you just felt like having? You made the decision that spending money wisely was not valuable to you. But is that truly how you feel? Now it’s the end of the month and bills are due. Perhaps it would be really helpful to have that money back, so it’s created stress. That disconnect stems from living a life that doesn’t correlate with your core values.

When you begin to make those choices that seem small at the time knowing what you find valuable, you begin to feel less stress in other aspects of your life. This has a snowball effect, and leads to continued better choices and prolonged stress-free existence. And the best part is, there’s no hard work needed, just some introspection and self-awareness. And if simply sitting alone for a few minutes could impact the rest of your life in a positive way, wouldn’t it be worth it? After all, knowing your values make important decisions, like accepting a job, starting a business, or making a big change, much easier.

How Do We Find Out Our Personal Core Values?

Core values are so important to us that we should figure out the things which matter to us most for a better life. Here’re two ways to help to find out your personal core values:

Start with what you already know about yourself; your morals.

Knowing your core values can certainly sync up with your morals. After all, your values have a direct impact on your standards of behavior.

Think about it: if it is morally important to you to arrive at your workplace and focus on nothing but work on company time, it will also be true that being an honest and efficient employee is a value you carry to every job you occupy.

Maybe you’re the kind of partner who puts their phone away when on a date. This probably means you are a morally loyal person and want to ensure your partner knows you value time with them. This is a strong indication that, as a core value, you put relationships first and work hard to show people you care. You could easily list respect and commitment to your list of personal core values.

Your own experience will be your best tool in realizing what’s valuable to you.

For instance, think back to a time you were the happiest. Why were you so happy? Was the fulfilment you felt due to other people? Who were they? Think about when you were proud of yourself, and why you felt that pride. Your own experiences can shine great light on what you hold important.

And don’t be afraid to look ahead; what values do you want to exemplify to your children? If you want others to value it, it’s valuable to you.

What Should I Do With My Core Values?

Just sit down and make a list of what comes to mind, and let yourself explore those core values words. There is no set limit on how many values you can have, but allow yourself to list as many as you can.

Prioritize Your Values

If you wind up with 20 words, consider crossing out those that barely made the list and prioritize your values.

Personal development blogger Steve Pavlina suggested identifying the top value, then the second highest value, and so on until you’ve rebuilt the list in order of priority from the top to the bottom.^[4] As you’re trying to prioritize the values, have this question at the back of your mind: if I have to choose from these, which one go first and which one I can live without?

Some of the words may easily float to the top, where as others might stump you. Allow that to happen and accept that it aids in teaching you who you are.

Look To Your Values Every Day

Once you’ve determined what your values are, it’s vital to look to them every day. We all face challenging situations and decisions, and Sam Whittaker put it best when he wrote,^[5]

All [people] are thrust into tough situations from time to time…situations where the right thing to do isn’t obvious. Knowing which values are most important to you before these situations arise will help make you make better decisions.

So, let your values be valuable to you. Everyone is on their own path, and no one can tell you what your core values are but you.

Don’t Be Afraid To Rework Your List In Future

When you realize your values and begin to live by them, you may find that not all of them are as important as you believed. Rework your list! You’re allowed to consciously change your values over and over again.

You are not your values. You are the thinker of your thoughts, but you are not the thoughts themselves. Your values are your current compass, but they aren’t the real you.^[6]

Remember: Your values should aid in creating your best life, and your most authentic self. You make the rules. Be patient with yourself and dedicate the time to discovering your core values. You’ll be amazed at the things you can accomplish.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1]	^	The Atlantic: 21 Charts That Explain American Values Today
[2]	^	MindTools: What Are Your Values?
[3]	^	ContentSparks: Big List of Core Value Words
[4]	^	Steve Pavlina: Living Your Values Part 1
[5]	^	Sam Whittaker: How to Define Your Personal Values
[6]	^	Steve Pavlina: Living Your Values Part 1

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You Only Have 7 Seconds To Leave A Good First Impression. Here's How You Can Nail It.

There are 86,400 seconds in a day. More than 30 million seconds in a year.

But it only takes 7 seconds to form a first impression.^[1]

And these 7 seconds can change your coming years if not the entire life.

7 seconds to leave an impressive first impression on your future partner.

7 seconds to make your prospective employer think you’re trustworthy and bright in an interview.

If we know how to make the best out of these magical 7 second of time, it can be a pot of gold. We will be well ahead of the others.

If You Make A Bad First Impression, You Can Hardly Change It Afterwards…

Wait.. First impression isn’t that important. People can eventually understand who we are actually capable of through interaction afterwards. We can easily prove who we really are later on, can’t we?

Well… Of course we hope we can.

But science has revealed at least twice the effort is required to change the first impression.^[2]

The die is cast at the very beginning.

First Impression Is A Trick The Brain Plays On Us

Ever heard of anchoring effect and confirmation bias?

Anchoring effect is the tendency to base too heavily on the first given piece of information to make decision.^[3]

Confirmation bias is the tendency to favor in a way that confirms the preexisting beliefs and hypotheses. More importantly, disproportionately consideration is given to the alternative possibility.

What do they do with first impression?^[4]

First, with limited understanding of new friends we meet, we tend to instantly rely on our intuitive to form our perceptions of who they are.

Second, confirmation bias makes it difficult for us to change our biased perceptions. When we further interact with our new friends, we will keep collecting information to prove our judgement is right and ignore anything against our beliefs.

That means, first impression is the by-product of our biased minds.

Do I Need To Disguise Myself If I Want To Leave A Good Impression?

Nah. Not to be confused between ‘impressing others’ and ‘leaving a good impression’.

Impressing others means changing ourselves to fit in others’ expectations.

Leaving a good impression means showing your best self to the others. No changing is involved at all.

Don’t pretend. Don’t disguise. Don’t hide our true self.

The key is that we want the others feel good by our presence, as if the way we want to be treated when we meet new friends.

True. We should not judge a book by its cover. But who will bother picking up the book if its cover scares people off? In order for others to explore us further and deeper, we need to seek a way for them to be interested in us at the very first.

Be a book with rich content as well as an attractive cover.

How To 100% Make Sure I Leave A Great First Impression

Well, leaving a good impression can be done in a multitude of ways. From clothing to posture, from talking style to body language. Below are several tips for you to begin with:^[5]

Physical Appearance Matters. We’re Visual Creatures After All.

Before actually knowing you deeper through interaction, physical appearance is the first clue one relies on to interpret who we are.

Besides, it is a way to show respect by choosing appropriate attire for different settings. It also means the person means something to us by dressing properly.

If it is a business setting, be aware of the dress code or culture. The requirement varies from culture to culture. A thumbs-up here does not mean the same elsewhere. Do the research!

Grooming and dressing are the key here. Are you cleanly shaved? Is your hairstyle messy? Are the clothes neat and tidy? The neatness and tidiness from all these little areas affect much on the impression on the whole.

Don’t Fake A Smile. People Will Doubt Your Sincerity.

▲ (Left) A fake smile vs (Right) A genuine smile

Don’t squeeze a fake smile. A fake smile looks unnatural and it may even creep people out. It can potentially do more harm than good in our attempts to leave a good impression.

Then what makes a genuine smile?

A genuine smile means a Duchenne smile. It means when you smile, you raise the muscles at the corner of your mouth, of your cheeks and of your eyebrows. Smile is only genuine when our brows are raising and more importantly. It is an involuntary action.^[6]

It is understandable that sometimes it is hard to suddenly crack a smile. Then at least try not to look intimidating and grumpy!

Positivity plays a crucial part in shaping our first impression.

Look Into People’s Eyes Until You See The Colors of Their Irises

Maintaining a moderate amount of eye contact delivers a sense of intimacy to the one we interact with. Consequently, they feel more connected to us and tend to be more positive toward the interaction and our content.

What makes a quality eye contact? Well, try to identify the color of the others’ irises. Get it? That makes a good eye contact example.

Moreover, numerous studies have shown that eye contact is associated with the following traits:

Attractive. Competent. Trustworthy. Sincere. Confident.

Are these the impression we want to leave? Stop staring at the ground and look at people in the eye then!

It’s Not About What You Speak But How You Speak

The manner we talk also contributes to our success in leaving a good impression.

Dressing and grooming, check.

Smile, check.

Eye contact, check.

We are confident about our qualification. Now, delivery is the key.

Don’t rush your answer. Think thoroughly before any words come out of our mouth. Rapid answering gives an impression of insecurity and anxiety. Yet, don’t stay too long to answer or you appear hesitant. Try to ask ourselves whether the answer is complete and perfect. Fine? Then answer.

Give ourselves a break of one to two seconds before answering. We need time to put it in the best possible way.

The tempo matters too. Never speak too fast. It’s difficult to capture the gist in a machine-gun style of flow. It is lethal to any interaction. It is deadly to our impression.

Instead, talk with ease. Have a steady and calm flow. Properly segment our sentences to ensure the others can follow us and get the idea.

Tones play a role too. Moderate alternation of tones avoids us sounding too dull and monotonous. A slightly raise or dip of tone can hint on the important part of the message. Raise of volume also works.

In the end, we will find ourselves sounding more appealing than we can imagine.

Never Perform Your One-Man Show In Communication

The notion ‘interaction’ implies the participation of everyone. None is solely responsible to do the talking part and neither is listening.

Remember conversation is a turn-taking action. We talk. They listen. They respond. We listen.

It is simply nonsense to constantly talking, depriving others of their opportunities to speak.

I know we are eager to show our best self. I know we can’t wait to express our brilliant thoughts. Sometimes it is essential for others to respond to us.

Learning to be a good listener is often overlooked by gifted speakers.

While listening, take notes of what the others are talking about. Attend to the others’ speaking by leaning slightly toward them.

Don’t idle our minds away. Communication involves interaction. If we only concern our own content and never respond, this is called ‘turn-taking individual speaking’, which is definitely irrelevant to leaving a good impression.

Do You Hate Compliments? I Don’t

Look for something to praise the others. It can bring closer one another and connect with others more.

If we are thinking about the physical appearance, be careful! It appears superficial to comment on the looks of other people.

Try to turn to the dressing styles. Compliment on them.

Are they well matched? Does the color bring about some enlightening power?

Remember conversation is interactive. If we praise the others, they are more willing to praise us and BINGO! We get the desired remarks and impression.

Remember that 7 seconds are enough to change your life!

Lastly, there are two videos to give you some insights on how to leave a good impression at work and in the first date:

Reference

[1]	^	The Glass Hammer: It Takes Seven Seconds to Make a Good First Impression!
[2]	^	Live Science: Why First Impressions Are Difficult to Change: Study
[3]	^	You Are Not So Smart: Anchoring Effect
[4]	^	Psy Blog: Anchoring Effect: How The Mind is Biased by First Impressions
[5]	^	American Psychological Association: First impressions count
[6]	^	Psychology Today: What Science Has to Say About Genuine vs. Fake Smiles

The post You Only Have 7 Seconds To Leave A Good First Impression. Here’s How You Can Nail It. appeared first on Lifehack.

How To Tell Someone You Love Them Subtly Yet Sweetly (100 Ways Provided)

For all of their love, strength, and beauty, relationships can be fragile things and, much like a delicate plant, must be watered and fed if you want them to survive.

The biggest reason couples fall out of love is simple: they don’t feel loved by their partner. Why? Because even though they may say “I love you” at the end of phone calls and before heading off to work, those words have no magic if not backed by thousands of other simple gestures.

100 small things to make someone feel loved

1. Don’t forget to hug before you say goodbye. Physical gestures often go undervalued after a relationship has been going on for a while.
2. Tell them how special they are to you. This goes beyond just saying, “I love you”.
3. Express understanding when it’s needed by saying, “I understand how you feel.” If you don’t understand, express your desire to by saying something like, “Tell me how you feel so that I can understand.”
4. Tell them frequently how much you appreciate it when they do things for you. We often get used to how much our spouses or partners do for us and tend to forget how much easier they make our lives.
5. Tell them how much you enjoy certain aspects of their personality. For example, “I love your sense of humor.” You need to be praised for who you are and so do they.
6. Go an entire day with your partner without saying anything but positive praise. You can make this as frequent a practice as you like.
7. Fix your partner their favorite food without them asking.
8. Offer to help cook.
9. If you have kids, offer to take them out so your partner can spend some relaxing time alone. Alone time is important!
10. Send an intimate text message to your partner for no reason.
11. Email your partner while they’re at work just to see how they’re doing.
12. Call your partner when they’re on break just to say hi.
13. Reach across the car, the table, or the couch to touch their hand, if only for a moment.
14. Pull out their chair, or open the door for them- chivalry, guys!
15. Remember to give them a smile. I don’t mean smile at them or fake it. I mean giving them their own personal smile- the one you save for them.
16. Instead of taking your frustrations out on them after a hard day, say, “I really needed to see you today because … “, or, “I had a hard day and I need a hug.” They probably aren’t the cause of your bad mood, so let them help you out.
17. Joke and laugh, and laugh with them.
18. Go to bed at the same time for a week. Talk or read together, or just sit quietly.
19. If you have children, compliment your partner or spouse in front of them. This will make your kids happy, too!
20. Brag about your partner in public. Yes, they may turn beet red if they’re shy, but they’ll appreciate it.
21. Try to avoid their pet peeves (e.g. sponge left in the sink or toilet seat left up). You may think they’re silly but it’s important to them.
22. Light a candle or two when you have dinner together to make the atmosphere more romantic, just because.
23. Find creative ways to tell each other “I love you” in code.
24. Have date nights. Go out or stay in, but make the night about one another.
25. Pick her some flowers.
26. Offer to watch a movie with them that they like.
27. Give them a massage after a long day, or for no reason at all.
28. Tell them they’re your best friend.
29. Don’t be shy about sharing your feelings. Let them know if you’re happy or unhappy at the moment, and why.
30. Listen when they tell you how they’re feeling.
31. Buy small “just because” presents outside of a holiday or birthday.
32. Write intimate messages on a piece of paper and slip it into their bag for them to find.
33. Hold hands in public.
34. Take lessons together. It doesn’t matter what kind.
35. Apologize when you make a mistake.
36. Let them be right sometimes.
37. Play games from your childhood together.
38. Give your partner space when they need it. But let them know you’re there when they need you.
39. Run a hot bath for your partner when they seem stressed.
40. Wash your partner’s car for them.
41. Put a cute little toy that reminds them of you in their glove compartment.
42. Try to do one random act of kindness every day for your partner.
43. Try new activities together. Challenging ones are the best.
44. Take a day off work every once in a while to spend doing nothing together.
45. Let your partner sleep in. Turn off their alarm.
46. And bring them breakfast in bed.
47. Remind your partner that they’re hot or sexy.
48. Take bike rides or go for walks together.
49. Wear matching outfits every so often.
50. Keep your partner’s favorite snacks on hand at all times.
51. Volunteer together.
52. Do each other’s hair.
53. Create goals as a couple. They can be about fitness, finance, personal-growth, etc.
54. Take an unplanned vacation together.
55. Plan a special day for your partner.
56. Use a photo of them as the wallpaper on your phone, and show them that.
57. Do a chore that he/she usually does.
58. Keep a shared journal between the two of you.
59. Accompany him to game night/football night and be “one of the guys”.
60. Take time to get to know your partner’s friends.
61. Let your partner have a guys/girls night out sometimes.
62. Put on your partner’s favorite song or music and invite them to dance.
63. Be silly sometimes. Make fun of yourselves. Don’t be too serious.
64. Sing for your partner or play them something if you’re instrumentally inclined.
65. Tell them, “I’m more in love with you than I was yesterday.”
66. When you’re having a bad day, lighten the mood by saying, “I hate everything today– but you’re pretty cool, as always.”
67. Tell them that you think they’re even more attractive than when you met them.
68. Tell them you were thinking about them.
69. Tell them you support them.
70. Tell them you love their body and mind.
71. Tell them what made you happy today, and how it reminded you of them.
72. Ask them how their day was.
73. Say good morning every day.
74. Say goodnight every night.
75. Make sure they know you’re their “number one”.
76. Show your partner you respect them by listening to their opinions on important decisions, and actually act on them.
77. Tell them you appreciate what’s good about their opinions, even when you disagree with them.
78. Lovingly tease them. Call them names too sickeningly sweet for anyone else.
79. Flirt! Everyone enjoys flirting.
80. Ask them to choose your outfit for work.
81. Go to the gym together.
82. Write a poem or song for your partner, even if it’s goofy.
83. Make your partner a sweet card for no reason at all.
84. Recreate your first date, run-in, kiss, etc.
85. If you’re crafty, make them something. It doesn’t have to be useful, but make sure it’s adorable and reminds them of you.
86. Tell them you’re lucky to have them. Tell them how you’ve changed since you met them.
87. Be truthful. Let them know about the naughty mistakes you’ve made.
88. Be gentle about pointing out your partner’s flaws. They may need to hear it, but always softly.
89. Show your partner how you trust them. Don’t feel the need to know their whereabouts if they don’t open up first.
90. Buy your partner a gift certificate for their favorite store.
91. Never blame your bad mood on your partner.
92. Write them a story about your love.
93. Make a picture collage of the two of you.
94. Do something silly together.
95. Invite their family to dinner (if they’re on good terms, that is).
96. Make a playlist of your favorite songs as a couple and play it on a road trip.
97. Rent some cheesy romance movies.
98. Ask your partner to share their dreams with you.
99. Laugh when they joke, even if the joke isn’t funny.
100. Make it easy for them to love you. You’ll find that they’ll act in kind.

The post How To Tell Someone You Love Them Subtly Yet Sweetly (100 Ways Provided) appeared first on Lifehack.

How To Make Ambitious And Achievable Goals For Great Success

Perhaps you’ve been working extra hard towards a goal. You think you have the perfect plan, but you just don’t seem to be making progress. You don’t understand. Now you’re feeling a little tired, and you want to give up. Tomorrow won’t be any better, anyway.

Perhaps it’s true: you won’t succeed—just yet.

But the reason you get stuck isn’t that you don’t have the abilities to do it, or that you’re not putting in enough effort. Rather, you’re missing the point of goal-setting—you’ve made yourself the wrong goal in the first place.

To achieve what you want most, what you need is a SMART goal instead.

S-M-A-R-T is a set of 5 criteria to help you judge whether a goal is good or not. It helps you make better use of your time and energy, and achieve your goals effectively. Setting a SMART goal is the first step to success.

When setting a new goal, or making changes to a current goal, you should ask yourself whether your goal fulfils these 5 criteria:^[1][2]

S for Specific

It is important to have a clear idea of what you want to achieve. That way you can focus your time and energy on achieving your goal. Also, having a specific goal helps you stay away from distractions.

A simple trick to set a specific goal is to start with a verb.^[3] This helps you remember exactly what you’re going to do.

M for Measurable

You want to know it when you’ve achieved your goal. You should also be able to tell how far you’ve come during the process, and how much further to go. Be specific with how much or how many about your goal.

A for Achievable

Your goal should be possible within your abilities. Look at what skills you already have, and compare them to the skills needed to achieve your goal. If there’s a skill you don’t have yet, find out whether you’ll be able to learn it.

Make a plan of the exact things you’ll have to do for your goal, and make adjustments where you have to.

R for Realistic

Research into the facts and figures relevant to your goal. Then think about the resources available to you, such as your budget, time frame, the help you can get, etc. Ask yourself if your goal makes sense in your situation.

Also, be realistic about the effort you’re willing to put in. You may want to see if it’s a worthwhile goal to pursue in itself, or how it will fit in with your other goals.

T for Time-bound

Think about when you want to achieve your goal. Setting a time limit adds to your motivation. Also, work out a timeline to keep track of your progress.

Keep in mind the total time you have while deciding the daily or weekly target. It will be a constant reminder to keep you going when you’re tempted to slack off.

Adapting SMART goal is a bit tricky, try to start by learning from different examples.

Here’re some examples of how you can can use the SMART formula to set goals and make them achievable.

Goal Example 1: I want to be more productive at work.

My problem: By the end of my work day, I always have lots of pending works still and have to work over time a lot. I figured that I spent too much time on the first few tasks, leaving no more time for the rest of the works.

• Specific: Finishing all the tasks planned for the day requires tasks prioritization as well as effort and time estimation. Prioritization, and time and effort estimation for tasks are my weaknesses. In 30 days, I will prioritize tasks efficiently and accurately estimate each task’s time and effort and do as planned.
• Measurable: By the 30th day, I should be able to have my task list well-prioritized, with the time correctly estimated for at least 90% of the tasks. And I will be able to follow the estimated time and complete all the planned tasks on the list.
• Achievable: I will set aside 10 minutes every day to organize and prioritize the tasks I should do the next day. I will also set aside another 5 to 10 minutes to review whether my estimation of time and effort is correct, and whether I can follow my plan in completing tasks.
• Realistic: Setting aside around 20 minutes in total each day to plan for the 7 to 8 hours of tasks is realistic and beneficial to my work efficiency.
• Time-Bound: In 30 days, I should be good at prioritizing and completing tasks according to my plan, ensuring my tasks will be done on time without extra working time.

Goal Example 2: I want to start to read more books.

My problem: I often struggle to find the right words to express my ideas in my assignments. I also have trouble with my grammar, and make lots of mistakes when I write.

• Specific: I want to read more books so I can learn more vocabulary and sentence structures to use in my writing. In this semester, I will read books, take notes of new vocabulary and sentence structures, and revise them.
• Measurable: By the end of this semester, I should be able to score at least 8 out of 10 in the ‘grammar and style’ component of my essays.
• Achievable: I will finish reading 2 books of at least 300 pages each. I will read 15 pages each day, 5 days a week; and revise my reading notes for 45 minutes on each of the remaining 2 days of the week.
• Realistic: Reading 15 pages each day is manageable. Also, reading consistently is an effective way for me to learn writing skills.
• Time-Bound: I want to see improvement in grades from 6 to 8 (out of 10) by the end of this semester, which is 92 days in total.

Goal Example 3: I want to wake up earlier.

My problem: I am always 5 minutes late to work because I snooze my alarm too many times in the morning and don’t have enough time to get ready.

• Specific: I currently set my alarm at 7am, but I wake up at 7:30am. I have to leave for work at 7:45am the latest, and I need 45 minutes to get ready. So my goal is to wake up at 7am.
• Measurable: In 1 month, I should be able to get out of bed without pressing snooze. My first target is to press snooze only once within the first week.
• Achievable: I can train myself to wake up earlier by putting my alarm further away from my bed, so I’m forced to get up. Also, I can set my favorite song as my alarm ringtone so I don’t feel annoyed by the default sound early in the morning.
• Realistic: I usually go to bed by midnight. Waking up at 7am means I can get 7 hours’ sleep, which is enough for me. So waking up at 7am is a realistic goal.
• Time-Bound: I will get up at 7am sharp and stop pressing snooze in 1 month.

Goal Example 4: I want to eat healthier.

My problem: I am overweight. I know what I should and shouldn’t eat, but I lack the motivation to make the right choices.

• Specific: In order to practice making healthy decisions, in the next 3 months, I will make plans before meal times come around.
• Measurable: I want to lose 5 kg in order to get back into the healthy weight range within 3 months. I will eat healthy meals for 6 days a week, an indulge in a nice dinner on Sunday.
• Achievable: I can spend an hour on Sundays to plan my meals for the week. I can look online to see what restaurants near my office serve healthy options. I can also cook my own meals at weekends.
• Realistic: I have the knowledge to make healthy choices, and the ability to cook myself healthy meals. Also, allowing myself 1 ‘cheat meal’ per week makes my goal manageable.
• Time-Bound: I will make healthy food choices over the next 3 months, and build momentum for the future.

Goal Example 5: I want to spend more time with my family.

My problem: I don’t see my wife and son enough since I always let work take up my leisure time even when I’m at home.

• Specific: I will spend more time to chat with my family every day and do fun activities with them at weekends.
• Measurable: In the coming month, I will spend time with my family without thinking about work when I get home. I will spend an hour after dinner to chat with my wife and son every day, and go out with them on either Saturday or Sunday.
• Achievable: I can switch off the email notifications on my phone when I’m with my family. I can also take some time to discuss with my family what activities to do at weekends when we have dinner.
• Realistic: My job doesn’t require me to stand by outside of office hours. So having work-free time with my family shouldn’t be a problem.
• Time-Bound: I will spend weekends with my family and pay my full attention on them when we’re together for the upcoming month, and make it a habit.

Break down big goals and take small steps, and you’ll achieve them eventually.

If you’re looking for some motivation on achieving big goals, watch this cool doodle video about breaking big goals down and taking small steps to reach the goals:

Reference

[1]	^	Project Smart: SMART Goals
[2]	^	Mind Tools: SMART Goals: How to Make Your Goals Achievable
[3]	^	OnStrategy: How to Set SMART Goals

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