12 Things You Can Do to Learn to Trust Again

T R U S T--a simple five-letter word. Yet one that carries so much weight. Trust is the soul of any relationship. It is the super glue that binds it together. If you have it, it is the reason you can go to sleep at night next to your partner and feel at peace; the reason that the ding of a text, or the ring of a phone doesn't shoot off alarm bells; the reason that your partner working late doesn't cause an anxiety attack. Lack of trust, however, creates just the opposite effect. It causes untold psychological distress. It turns you into a spy as you search for clues that will validate your suspicions. It pits you against your worst insecurities. It makes you sick and hypervigilant; it keeps you up at nights wondering, Am I not good enough? Is it my fault? Is everything we have a sham? What will people think? If your trust has been shredded, you might feel hopeless. But, there is good news. A relationship that has been tarnished by a betrayal can be saved. As Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D, writes in her article in Psychology Today:((Psychology Today: How to Rebuild Trust with Someone Who Hurt You))

"Relationships are very complex and, depending on the circumstances, betrayal doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the relationship."

Like a masterful tapestry, relationships are colossally multiplex. Understand that trust was broken because something in the relationship was broken. Are you willing to invest the time and effort it takes to salvage what took you years to build? Are you willing to find the missing pieces that made the relationship crumble? If so, then it's possible to put the pieces back together. Let's learn some of the ways to do that...

1. Get Clarity

When a betrayal occurs, it feels cataclysmic. Emotions are fragile, fingers are pointed, and a war of sorts ensues. But no event that big is born in a vacuum. Things happen for a reason. To gain clarity, you must dig deep. Was there something that should have been addressed, but ignored instead? Talk to your partner. Find out what happened and why. You are going to be angry, no doubt, but if you want to reconcile, you must listen. The answers will often reveal the corrosion poisoning the relationship prior to The Event. The betrayal was the symptom, not the actual problem. In her article, How to Regain Broken Trust in a Relationship, Dr. Magdalena Battles talks about "Coming Forth." She writes,

"Both sides must be willing to come to the table and be open, honest, and vulnerable. They must also care enough to want to put forth the effort that is required to make the relationship work again."

If this doesn't happen, then the relationship will surely die in a heap of pain, regret, and resentment.

2. Discover the Motivation

People do things for different reasons. Usually, those reasons are significant and rational to the person doing them. They might feel hurt, lonely, and/or unappreciated. Sometimes, an outsider does the job that the other partner is failing to do. For instance, in the film Thief of Hearts, Mickey Davis, played by Barbara Williams, is constantly ignored by her husband, Ray Davis, played by John Getz, whose main focus is writing. He's always working against a deadline. His wife is nothing short of an accessory in his life. It doesn't take long for an encounter with a handsome stranger, played by Steven Bauer, to open up her lonely heart and have her fall, heart first, into an affair. He pays her all the attention she isn't getting from her husband. Of course, it helps that he's a thief, has stolen all her diaries, and now knows her deepest, darkest wants and desires. Motivation plays an important role on whether or not your relationship can be saved. Neglect, an unsatisfactory sex life, anger, lack of commitment--they can all lead to infidelity. You might blame yourself for what happened, maybe even had a part in it. Then again, you may have had nothing to do with it. In an article by A. Pawlowski, she states:((Today: Infidelity: 8 Reasons Why People Cheat))

"You could be doing everything right and your partner could still be tempted to cheat for reasons that have nothing to do with you or the quality of feelings you share."

3. Commit to Rebuilding the Relationship

How valuable is your relationship to you? Once the dust settles after the infidelity, ask yourself these questions: Am I willing to commit to him/her despite what happened? Do I still love him/her? Will I be able to do what it takes to get through this crisis? Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW, in her article in The Gottman Institute writes:((The Gottman Institute: Learning to Love Again After an Affair))

"Do you have enough admiration and respect left to salvage the relationship? Be honest and ask yourself: Do we still have fun together and enjoy each other’s company most of the time?"

If you answered yes to those questions, then despite the long road ahead, it will be a worthy endeavor. If you are committed to each other, willing to examine the situation, and work on rectifying it, it is possible to pull through and come out on the other side. Once you commit, forge ahead. Don't half-heartedly work on it. It's got to be all or nothing. If you're halfway in, that means you're halfway out.

4. Consider Couple's Therapy

In some instances, regaining trust and working through an affair might be too difficult a challenge. In that case, perhaps couple's therapy is in order. With a trained professional, you can address issues you might not otherwise be able to do sitting at home, talking over a bottle of wine, and asking, "Was she better than me? Tell me everything! I want all the details." You actually don't, but I won't get into that here. Outside help is an invaluable tool. You'll learn how to navigate the rockiest of roads. And this is exactly what you need at a fragile juncture such as the one with which you are dealing. Find out more about this here: Is Relationship Counselling for You? Find Your Answer Here

5. Forgive

You've fought hard for your relationship; worked tirelessly to get beyond what happened. Your relationship is still tender, but at least you're still together, and working to keep it that way. Sometimes, however, even though you're still together and you think you made it through the crisis, anger and resentment linger. All is not forgiven. The victim can start using that to their advantage. "You have nothing to say about (blah, blah, blah), especially after what you did!" The hurt party can hang the betrayal over their partner's head, reminding them continuously that they better tow the line, or else. Because of what happened, the hurt party feels entitled, and maybe even becomes a little punishing. In order to really get beyond The Event, there has to be forgiveness. On both sides. The betrayer may be feel so guilty that they can barely stand themselves. In fact, they may start acquiescing on things that they shouldn't. Forgiveness, while not easy, is key to the survival of the relationship.

6. Give it Time

My son required jaw surgery when he was 19 years old. It was quite a painful ordeal. After the surgeon broke his jaw and put it back together, my son's jaw was wired shut for six weeks in order for the proper healing to take place. He could only eat soft foods through a little syringe in his mouth. It took a good month and a half before his jaw was healed. Unfortunately, betrayal is not like jaw surgery. It's much worse. To mend a broken heart requires the skill of a surgeon and lots of time. You're looking at about 18 months to three years, depending on how long you've been together. If you're committed to making your relationship work, patience is crucial. You're going to be nursing anger, sadness, disbelief, insecurity, maybe some even shame. That's a full plate. Take it one loving step at a time. Talk things out when necessary. Eventually, if you keep taking those tiny steps, you'll get to the Healing!

7. Be Transparent

...like a perfectly see-through glass window! In order to regain trust, the guilty party needs to be absolutely transparent. The betrayed cannot think for a minute that there are any secrets. Secrecy will create further distrust. For instance, when the phone rings, don't say, "I've got to take this," and walk into another room. As a trust trasher, there is a lot of mending to do. Put aside the fact that you feel like your privacy is being invaded. You haven't earned it at this point. You will need to re-earn their trust, so be open.

8. Cut Ties Completely

If you are the person who has betrayed your partner, you must cut all ties with the interloper. That means no phone calls, no texts, no emails, no coffee dates. No last meeting for "closure." No contact means no contact. If it's over, then let it be over. Your partner deserves that. You may have had your reasons for doing what you did, but have a better reason for rebuilding your relationship. That can't happen if you maintain contact with the "Other" person. Your partner will not be able to rebuild trust if they know you're still seeing and talking to the person that nearly destroyed your lives together.

9. Don't Keep Bringing up the Event!

When you arrive at the point where you've picked up most of the debris, rebuilt your lives, and feel like you can move on, move on. That means, do not keep bringing up what happened. That will only serve to re-open the wound. Imagine severely cutting yourself. You get multiple stitches, and get it bandaged up. Instead of letting it heal, you keep taking off the bandage, and ripping off the stitches, just to look at the damage. Ouch! If you truly want your relationship to become solid again, put the affair in the past, and leave it there. Learn from what happened, make the necessary adjustments, then proceed onward. Talking about it ad nauseam will only keep the pain alive.

10. Do What You Say You're Going to Do!

If you're the betrayer, then this one is very important: Don't lie! Say what you mean and mean what you say. Even the smallest lie, a "white" lie, if you will, could cause doubt to sprout, and result in your relationship taking another hit. At this point, irreversible damage can be done. Be consistent, reliable, and honest.

11. Do Things That Brought You Comfort and Joy before "the Event"

After the Event, it is easy to get buried in the rubble; difficult to pull yourselves out. But here's the encouraging news: your relationship is not defined by what happened. There were good years prior to the betrayal, right? Now, it is time to pull from that reserve. Sit with your partner. Talk about all the things you used to do when you were both happy; about all the places you used to go to that made you feel warm and cozy. It's time to revisit them again. Start dating. This will psychologically take you back to the good times. Build on those. Then create new moments. Betrayal always creates a big mess, leaving in its wake incalculable emotional detritus. Betrayal has sharp claws. It takes a lot of work to heal the scars. But they can be healed. Sometimes things have to be torn down in order to rebuild them better and stronger.

12. Apologize

Express your remorse. Be genuine. This goes a long way to start repairing the damage. Do what it takes to let your partner know how truly sorry you are. The suggestions listed above can work. But there has to be a willingness to try, a commitment to do what it takes, and a decision that the relationship is worth saving. But that's a decision only you can make. So what's it going to be?

7 Effective Ways to Cope with Stress

We all experience stress, but how we handle it affects our lives to various extents. Maybe you've tried to be less stressed, but you haven't found many effective ways to cope with stress. Before getting into how to reduce stress, let me give you an introduction to what stress is. There's no medical definition of stress, and health care professionals often disagree over whether stress is the cause of problems or the result of them. This can make it difficult for you to work out what causes your feelings of stress or how to deal with them. Stress affects us in a number of ways, both physically and emotionally, and in varying intensities. During my career, I've helped many people that had an extremely demanding lifestyle (mainly due to their job) to manage and reduce stress. The core of my practice is to help busy people feel good (both physically and mentally), and managing stress is often the most important component of every program I write. Over the years, I came up with a set of practices that, when done consistently, can help even the busiest executive to keep his/her stress levels under control and generally be healthier and more productive.

Did you try to be less stressed but with poor results?

To fully understand why these practices are so effective, we first need to understand that stress can actually be divided into two different categories that are tightly intertwined:

Emotional Stress

Emotional stress is a feeling of being under abnormal pressure. This pressure can come from different aspects of your day to day life; such as an increased workload, a transitional period, an argument you have with your family or new and existing financial worries. You may find that it has a cumulative effect, with each stressor building on top of one another. During these situations, you may feel threatened or upset, and your body might create a stress response. Your body's reaction to your emotional state is the release of a multitude of stress hormones that, in turn, affect the way your body feels, moves, and responds to external stimuli. This can cause a variety of physical symptoms, change the way you behave, and lead you to experience more intense emotions. You can see that emotional stress has a tangible physical repercussion on your body. This is due to your body's reaction to your thoughts and not to physical activities or external sensory inputs. In simple words, when you're thinking "stressful thoughts," and you are unable to stop thinking about them (especially if you are worried about something that is outside of your control), you experience what I call emotional stress.

Physical Stress

Physical stress is your body's reaction to external stimuli that trigger a "fight or flight" response and also, your body's metabolic reaction to what you breathe, drink, and eat. Physical stress is not intrinsically bad; in fact, it can be very helpful. For example, exercising causes physical stress, but it relieves emotional stress.((Science Direct: Aerobic exercise reduces levels of cardiovascular and sympathoadrenal responses to mental stress in subjects without prior evidence of myocardial ischemia)) Also, having a stress response because a car is about to hit you while you're crossing the road may turn out to be life-saving. On the contrary, eating processed food, drinking alcohol or sugary beverages, and smoking or using recreational drugs are all negative physical stressors. Physical stressors like exercising are something that we want our body to experience often, but they are still a form of stress that, when added to a lot of other stressors, may actually have a detrimental effect on our health. For example, trying to run a 10k fasted when you had a four-hour sleep and an emotionally stressful week may not be optimal for your health. You would probably be better off doing a 5k after a good meal and a 20-minute long meditation. At this point, it's easy to see that everyone experiences stress to various degrees. However, when it is affecting your life, health, and wellbeing, it is important to tackle it as soon as possible.

7 Effective Ways to Reduce Stress

If you had looked online for "ways to reduce stress," you probably found a bunch of generic advice like "try to sleep more" or "exercise regularly" and "eat healthily." While these are all great things that we all should do every day, I found that, when trying to help a very busy client to reduce his/her stress levels, this simple advice wasn't really helping them. In fact, it only made things worse. For this reason, instead of giving you generic advice, I am going to give you 7 practical strategies that instantly reduce stress, and can be implemented in your daily routine without taking too much of your precious time.

Reducing Physical Stress

1. Manage Your Blood Sugar Levels

When we ingest foods or drinks that contain sugars (20g or more) or high glycemic carbohydrates (like white rice, bread, or potatoes), we quickly experience a burst in energy. This is due to our blood sugar levels rising. When this happens, our pancreas produces the hormone insulin, which, in turn, lowers blood sugar levels by storing the nutrients we have in our bloodstream either in our fat cells, muscles, or liver. This process causes an "up and down" in our energy levels and, also, when the blood sugar levels become low, we experience hunger and cravings.((Journal of Applied Physiology: Role of Blood Sugar Levels in Spontaneous and Insulin-Induced Hunger in Man)) These ups and downs in blood sugar have been linked to an increase in stress. It's easy to see that, when we are having a stressful day, being all of a sudden tired and hungry won't really make our stress levels go away. Quite the opposite, in fact, fatigue, and eating disorders are clear symptoms of stress. In the book 12 Rules For Life, Dr Jordan B. Peterson explains how, when treating patients suffering from stress and depression, he always prescribes them to swap their breakfasts and lunches with low carb options like eggs, meat or fish. Dr Peterson says that this little trick is often as effective as prescription drugs. In fact, most patients won't need any prescription drugs and simply get better because they have stabilized their blood sugar levels throughout the most stressful part of the day. If you are used to having a high-carb breakfast like yoghurt, cereals, Caffe-lattes, or fruit smoothies, try to swap them with scrambled eggs, bacon, cheese, or sliced meat. You can do the same for your lunch by having meat or fish with some vegetables. This little bio-hack will allow you to have a more stable level of energy throughout the working day and, also, give you a feeling of satiety. Reducing hunger and fatigue will inevitably help you reduce stress too.

2. Drink More Water

Drinking water has a multitude of health benefits, but when it comes to reducing stress, the most noticeable are:

• Improving brain function
• Improving overall energy
• Reducing cravings

A well-hydrated body allows you to think clearer and faster and get more things done because you won't feel as tired. Most biochemical processes that happen inside the brain require water and minerals. Staying constantly hydrated will optimize your brain function and help you to perform better at your job. Having too many things to do and, yet, feeling unproductive, is a huge cause of stress amongst busy people. Something as simple as having a refillable water bottle always with you and sipping every five minutes or so can have a positive impact on your stress levels, health, and performance.

3. Working out on the Same Day/Time Each Week

I already said that physical exercise had been proven to reduce stress levels (despite being metabolic stress itself). I also said that working out when you are already stressed and short on time may actually have the opposite effect and increase your stress levels even further. Having a fixed day and time each week dedicated to exercise (preferably in the morning, before meetings, and calls start to disrupt your day) is essential if you want to reduce stress. A very useful trick is to book the time blocks you want to dedicate to exercise a week or two in advance, before booking work meetings and social events. By doing this, you accomplish two very important things that will lower your stress levels:

• Be more consistent with exercise (since you will be less likely to skip your sessions once they're pre-booked in the early mornings)
• Remove the thought that "you still have to exercise" from your head, so that you won't have to think about ways to squeeze that hour-long workout within an already packed working day. The less stressful thoughts you have in your head, the lower your stress levels are.

4. Sleep Following Your Circadian Rhythm

We all know that sleep is paramount when it comes to managing stress. What you might not know is that each individual may benefit from sleeping and waking up at different times. In the book Why We Sleep, Dr. Matthew Walkers observes that some individuals benefit from a regular sleeping pattern (the typical 10 pm to 6 am) while other individuals have a better quality of sleep when they can sleep late at night and wake up late in the morning ( 1-2 am to 10 am). This phenomenon is due to the body's tendency to follow the circadian rhythms (basically our natural clock that is affected by the movement of the Earth). Dr. Walkers noticed that, when the latter group of people had a typical 9-5 job, they were much more prone to stress, and they were also more likely to develop conditions like depression and neurodegenerative diseases. If you are a fan of early mornings, waking up as early as 5 am and going to bed as early as 9 pm is probably a good thing for your health and will definitely lower your stress levels, since you will have some extra time in the morning to either exercise or to get ahead with your to-do list. If you are a nocturnal animal and you struggle to get to bed before midnight, you should try to get at least three lay-ins (when you wake up later than 9 am) each week. This could be done by taking some late shifts at work and not booking early activities during the weekend.

Reducing Emotional Stress

Before exploring my favourite ways to reduce emotional stress, I need to stress the fact that physical stress should be addressed first. This is because emotional stress is often due to interaction with other people or situations that are outside of our control zone. You might be emotionally stressed because you're being pressured by your boss or because you're experiencing some tension in your relationship. You also might be stressed because you're worried about things that you can't do much about (like someone else's health or the economy). Emotional stress is often outside of your control zone, while physical stress is nearly always a conscious choice that you have total control over. Put simply, you can't change the economy, but you can definitely exercise, eat well, and sleep more. Now that I've made this clear let's move on to my favourite ways to reduce emotional stress.

5. Carefully Plan Your Week on a Sunday Evening

The one thing that will help you manage and reduce stress after taking care of your health is "improving productivity." Being able to get more done in less time can help you stop feeling overwhelmed and allow you to find some extra time to do activities that reduce stress like meditation, being in nature, or reading a book. For this reason, spending a whole hour on a Sunday evening to carefully plan your working week, hour-by-hour is a must-do. Use this system to maximize the efficacy of this exercise:

• Start by booking exercise, grocery shopping, and time alone (to do whatever non-work-related activity you desire). Give those activities the same priority you would give to a work meeting.
• Once you booked those, go through your to-do list and prioritize the different voices from most important to least important. Book them accordingly.
• Make sure to book the least important activities later in the week, so that you can reduce the stress load caused by the most demanding tasks before it starts to build upon you.
• Last but not least, book your sleeping time. This might sound funny to you, but you probably check your calendar more than 20 times each day. Seeing a time-block called "sleep" at a precise time in your calendar will automatically instruct your brain to prepare for sleep around that time.

6. Book Big Chunks of Alone-Time for Your Most Demanding Projects

Another crucial factor in reducing stress is avoiding distractions. Phone notifications, emails, phone calls, and interactions with people can totally disrupt your flow when you're working on a demanding task. Multiple studies confirm this. Distractions don't just eat up time during the distraction; they derail your mental progress for up to a half-hour afterwards (that's assuming another distraction doesn't show up in that half-hour). In other words, that "30 seconds to check Twitter" isn't just 30 seconds down the drain; it's 25 minutes and 30 seconds. And all these distractions not only hurt productivity, but they also have negative emotional effects. Research has shown that attention distraction can lead to higher stress, a bad mood, and lower productivity. In the book Deep Work, Cal Newport explains how the greatest thinkers in history had the habit of isolating themselves for hours (or even days) to fully focus on their most meaningful work. While you don't need to move on alternate weeks on a medieval tower with no electricity (like Carl Jung used to do), you can definitely find a quiet space where you can immerse yourself in your most stressful tasks. When you do that, make sure to turn off all phone notifications and ask not to be disturbed. You will be surprised by how big of an impact this practice has on your overall stress levels.

7. Delegate the Least Important Tasks

Last but not least, spending time on doing tasks that you don't deem important or could/should be done by someone else can cause stress. This is due to the fact that you won't dedicate time to the most important voices of your to-do list and, consequently, build up emotional stress. When you plan your week, spend some time thinking about how you could delegate those annoying tasks to either a paid professional or someone that would be eager to help you. Don't be afraid to open your wallet and hire someone like a cleaner or an online assistant. If you fall ill because of stress or you end up in need of a therapist, your bill will turn out much higher. Here's a guide to help you learn to delegate: How to Delegate Work Effectively (Step-By-Step Guide)

Bottom Line

These seven tricks I've just listed are extremely effective and very easy to implement in your day-to-day life. Feel free to experiment with them and find the perfect mix that works best for you. Note that I didn't mention any strategy to deal with your own negative thoughts, I actually wrote a whole book about it -- Stress-Free in 7 Simple Steps: A practical guide to mindfulness for beginners. When your negative thoughts are the main cause of stress, you should always seek the support of your loved ones and also the help of a skilled therapist.

More About Stress Relief

• 7 Stress Management Techniques to Get You Back on Track
• How to Stay Calm and Cool When You Are Extremely Stressed
• How to Find Motivation When You're Totally Burnt Out

How to Complete Any Task in the Most Time Efficient Manner

It’s not just you: We’re all busier than we used to be. Whether you’re a working mom, a college student, or a small business owner, managing your time can be challenging. Between classes, meetings, doctor appointments, and kids’ after-school events, how does anyone find time for exercise or, heaven forbid, fun? We all get 24 hours in a day. So how do some people seem to breeze through their tasks while the rest of us flounder? They’ve learned how to be both time efficient and effective.

What Does it Mean to Be Time Efficient?

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “efficient” as, “Capable of producing desired results with little or no waste (as of time or material).”((Merriam-Webster dictionary: Efficient)) But what does it mean to actually be efficient in how you spend your days? To me, “efficiency” means negotiating each day’s circumstances while ensuring I have enough time for non-negotiables like sleep and self-care. This nuance is especially important for working professionals. Efficiency doesn’t always mean sitting down at a desk in the morning, whittling down a to-do list, and leaving the office by 5 p.m. Efficiency means doing your best despite internal and external factors, leaving ample time to take care of yourself. I start my work days by writing down my deliverables. Inevitably, though, I get roped into an unexpected meeting or investor call. Yes, I could stay up all night doing the work to hit my deadlines — but if I did, I’d be too tired the next day to get anything done. That’s being effective, not being efficient (we’ll talk more about that later). To be efficient, I might divide the work with a colleague, or complete half the assignment and request an extension. When you’re juggling work, parenthood, and a social life, you have to continuously optimize your days and hold yourself accountable. But of course, you still have to be effective as well.

Effective vs. Efficient: What’s the Difference?

There’s a fine line between what it means to be effective and efficient. Let’s start with the dictionary definition: “Effective” means “producing a decided, decisive, or desired effect.”((Merriam-Webster dictionary: Effective)) Put simply, being effective is about accomplishing a specific result; being efficient means accomplishing that result without wasting time or effort. In theory, you have to be efficient in order to be effective, but that’s not always the case. Look at it this way: You have a task to complete that should take you an hour. But between distractions like the internet and office chatter, that task winds up taking you four hours. You accomplished your end goal, but you didn’t exactly do so efficiently. If you think about it, we’re all “effective” in one way or another. If you have a job that keeps a roof over your head and food on your table, it means you’re effective enough at work to get a monthly paycheck. But your paycheck probably doesn’t reflect how much time you spend on social media each pay period. The exception is entrepreneurs and freelancers. To make more money, people who own a business need to be not only effective, but efficient. So how do they do it?

6 Ways to Be Both Efficient and Effective

Effectiveness is a byproduct of efficiency. Although it’s safe to say that most entrepreneurs are efficient, it’s a skill that takes practice. Even if you aren’t trying to run a profitable business, you can still benefit by operating the way successful business leaders do:

1. Set Measurable Goals

Although every entrepreneur has his or her own method, productivity experts suggest setting SMART goals. Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-dependent goals promote both efficiency and effectiveness -- not only can they be realistically achieved, but progress toward them can be quantitatively checked.((Calendar: How to Set Business Goals You’ll Actually Reach)) Say you want to bring in $100,000 per quarter. You might set weekly milestones of $8,000, making the goal more manageable and giving you a cushion in case you fall short one week. Setting goals helps you be efficient because it focuses your energies on what you want. That, in turn, improves your ability to achieve those goals. And if you’re a leader, you set the example for how your employees can get more done, too.

2. Communicate on Your Terms

Whether it’s meal-planning or product development, most projects take a team. But that doesn’t mean you have to refresh your email every five minutes for updates. Working professionals waste an average of 21 minutes per day simply over-checking their inboxes.((Harvard Business Review: How to Spend Way Less Time on Email Every Day)) Over four work weeks, that’s nearly 7 hours a month you could claw back. Entrepreneurs, in particular, need to be careful with email. Investor messages might merit a quick response, for example. Does it actually matter how quickly you read that employee-welcome email you were copied on, though? If an employee needs something immediately, ask that they call you or stop by your office in person. Dedicate one or two hours per week to combing through your full inbox to ensure you don’t miss something crucial.

3. Default to Trust

Even if you aren’t working with a team, you still depend on others. When my wife and I added a laundry room upstairs in our home, I had to trust that the contractors I’d hired to do their jobs. I had to trust my wife to answer all those “Where do you want it?” questions that inevitably came up. If I hadn’t defaulted to trust, I would’ve slowed the project down and perhaps even scrapped it completely. Learn to trust others the same way you would your romantic partner. Be clear about your intentions. Make sure your actions match your words, and assume others’ do as well. Be sincere in how you communicate. Most importantly, accept that others are their own people. Not everyone works or communicates in the same way, and that’s okay. That doesn’t mean they’re failing you or attempting to undermine your efforts.

4. Take Regular Breaks

The more time you spend on a project, the faster you accomplish it, right? Not necessary. Research suggests that the most productive workers actually take the most breaks. A study by the Draugiem Group showed that the ideal work rhythm is actually 52 minutes followed by a 17-minute break.((Inc: For the Most Productive Workday, Science Says Make Sure to Do This)) Although the study didn’t look at other types of work, it’s a fair bet that breaks promote efficiency across the board. Set a timer to remind you once an hour to take a break. If shorter intervals are more appropriate for your task, try the Pomodoro Method. Work for 25 minutes, then do something else for the following five. Not only will you get more done, but you’ll be less stressed to boot.

5. Use Your Resources

Not long ago, I had to cut down some trees in my yard to protect my house. I could have pulled out the bow saw and spent the next hour slowly slicing my way through the trunk, but I didn’t. Why not? Because I had a chainsaw sitting in the garage. Once I fired it up, the tree work took about ten minutes. Take the same approach at work. If you need to transfer information between multiple browser windows on your computer, you could constantly click back and forth between multiple tabs. Or you could hook up the spare monitor sitting in storage, which would help you work quicker and make fewer errors.

6. Know When to Say ‘No’

Small projects have a bad habit of ballooning into bigger ones. If all you set out to do is mow your yard, stick to that. Don’t tell yourself (or let anyone else tell you) that you also have to trim the bushes and pull weeds. Get done what you want, and move on. That’s being effective as well as efficient. What if it’s a work project? You may not be able to say “no” directly to your boss, but you can suggest alternatives. If you’re worried a task is a waste of time, throw out a different idea. If you truly don’t have time on your calendar, ask your him or her to help you prioritize your project list. Get it right, and your boss may thank you for saving company time. Having a full understanding of time management is key to knowing when to say “no” and when something could make sense for a time investment.

Bottom Line

Planning is key. Whether you’re an entrepreneur like me or a stay-at-home dad, you’ve got a job to do. The work itself may differ, but the value of being efficient and effective does not. If you want to succeed — and have time for yourself to spare — think before you grind the day away. Working wisely is better than working hard. Learning to trust others is more important than the outcome looking exactly like what you had in mind. Efficiency and effectiveness may differ definitionally, but both boil down to two things: having a plan and pivoting as needed.

More About Time Management

• 20 Quick Time Management Tips to Super Boost Your Productivity
• 10 Practical Ways to Improve Your Time Management Skills
• How to Be Productive at Work: 9 Ground Rules

How Long Does It Take To Learn A Language? Science Will Tell You

Learning a language is not as easy as it seems. You might have spent years learning it whole-heartedly, but still, aren’t even close to mastering it. This is because learning a new language could take months and even years of dedicated study. Not to forget, this will only help you become conversational. In case you want to be fluent, then complete immersion in the native country is what you will need! So how long does it take to learn a new language? Let’s find out.

What Happens to Your Brain When You Learn a New Language

In a recent study conducted by Swedish scientists, it was found that learning a foreign language could increase the size of your brain.((Science Daily: Language learning makes the brain grow, Swedish study suggests)) They reached this conclusion after scanning the brains of people who learned a second language. The participants were classified into two categories: young military recruits with a flair for varied languages and a control group of medical science students who although studied hard, but not languages. It was found that brain structures of the control group remained unchanged while the brains of the language students showed significant signs of development in terms of size.

Who Tend to Be Fast Language Learners?

A new paper published in the journal Cognition used a Facebook-quiz-powered method to understand how human being learns a language, and what impact age has on this process.((Science Direct: A critical period for second language acquisition: Evidence from 2/3 million English speakers)) The study found that you are more likely to obtain a native-like fluency in the language if you start learning it before the age of 18 than if you start leaning later. However, this doesn’t mean that adults can’t attain fluency just because they started late. The study found that thousands of adults who started learning after they were at least 20 years old were able to attain a native-level fluency. Another recent study studied the correlation between bilingualism and learning a third language.((Science Daily: Bilinguals find it easier to learn a third language)) It was found that students who already knew two languages were easily able to gain command over the third language when compared to people who are fluent in only one language According to Prof. Abu-Rabia,

"Gaining command of a number of languages improves proficiency in native languages. This is because languages reinforce one another, and provide tools to strengthen phonologic, morphologic and syntactic skills. These skills provide the necessary basis for learning to read. Our study has also shown that applying language skills from one language to another is a critical cognitive function that makes it easier for an individual to go through the learning process successfully. Hence, it is clear that tri-lingual education would be most successful when started at a young age and when it is provided with highly structured and substantive practice.”

How Long Does It Take to Become Fluent in a Language?

Undoubtedly, there are various factors that impact how long it will take you to learn a new language. There are more than 6,000 languages, and they all range from easy to difficult. Spanish, for example, is easy to pick up for English speakers. While others like Arabic and Mandarin which make use of different alphabets and symbols could be really tough to master. Learn more about the difficulty of learning different languages here: 7 Hardest Languages to Learn For English Speakers Another important factor that impacts the time it will take you to learn a language is how you choose to learn it. Are you going to join language classes? Or do you intend to use an app or an online program? Or do you plan to travel to the concerned country for a more immersive experience? Answers to all these questions will help you in gauging as to how much it will take you to master the language. According to the American Council of Teaching Foreign Language Guidelines measures the time, it will take by breaking down the different levels of language learning into varied steps.((American Council of Teaching Foreign Language: Teaching Guidelines)) Foreign Service Institute (FSI) believes that determining the difficulty of a language to calculate the timings are essential: Category I includes languages closely related to English like Swedish, Afrikaans, Dutch, French, Norwegian, Romanian, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese and the likes. Mastering these languages will take around 575 to 600 hours or 23 to 24 weeks. Category II includes the languages which are similar to English like German and estimated that it will take 30 weeks or 750 hours to attain the desired fluency. Category III talks about languages which are different linguistically when compared to English. Such languages include Swahili, Indonesian, and Malaysian. They will take you 36 weeks or 900 hours to master. Category IV includes languages like Hindi, Thai, Hungarian, Latvian, Bulgarian, Bengali, Nepali, and others. Essentially, these languages have significant linguistic differences and take around 44 weeks or 1100 hours to attain mastery. Category V includes languages that are exceptionally difficult for native English speakers. These include Korean, Japanese, Arabic, Mandarin, and Chinese. They take around 88 weeks or 2,200 hours.

What's Next?

If you are planning to learn a new language, now is the right time to get started. Learning a new language not only eliminates language barriers, but it is also found to be associated with various other benefits – it can improve memory and perception and lower your chances of suffering from dementia and Alzheimer’s. You can find more benefits of learning a new language in this article: 12 Surprising Benefits of Learning a New Language If you're ready to take up a new language, here's what to do: How to Learn a New Language Fast (A Step-By-Step Guide)

8 Reasons Why You’re Unhappy at Work (And What to Do)

Work isn't great right now. Do you remember when you were so excited to get this job? But now, the excitement of change and accomplishment has worn off, and you find yourself in a general state of unhappiness at work... Why are you really unhappy at work? There are plenty of reasons to be unhappy in your job role and it is easy to place blame on other people or things out of your control. What is the real reason, underneath your excuses and the feeling of just knowing you aren't happy? And why don't you just quit? That is always the go to move, isn't it? You don't like your job, quit it and find another. But after a few jobs, you find that the problem isn't the job, it is like no matter what dream job you get, you end up back here. Unhappy. Even if this job was your dream before, the crushing reality that it is not all you thought it would be is setting in. And in reality, not all of us can just quit our jobs and flit off and get their dream job, we have lives and responsibilities. So I compiled a helpful list of all the top 8 reasons people are unhappy at work and what to do about it to help you move forward towards a happier life in your current job role.

1. You Hate Your Boss

Your boss, thou who decides thy fate doth hath the uncanny ability to rub you up the wrong way. Not everyone likes their boss, we all dream of this perfect boss who doesn't micro manage and isn't incompetent. But nobody is perfect, not even your dream boss. Your boss controls your work environment, they organize work, define your job role and is your support network and back up if you reach a problem. If you have an issue with your boss, it's time to take some responsibility and do something about it. You are not responsible for your boss' behavior but you can control your reactions, actions and attitude moving forward. If you walk into the office every day committing to hate your boss, there is no room for growth or amending fences. You need to decide to find a way to make this work, here are the 3 things you can do to help you take control of your happiness at work:

• Discuss your issues with your boss and find a way you can both work together. Team up and create a plan so that you can both work and not vex each other.
• Improve your communication skills with them. We all communicate in different ways, you need to find a way to see eye to eye. Find out how they communicate and learn to communicate in that way so that they will respond to you better because they feel heard and understood.
• Step up. If you can't reason with your boss and they keep shutting you down, find a way to work around them so you don't have to rely on them. Take on more responsibility.

2. You Hate Your Co-Workers

We ALL have co-workers we do not like, they drive us up the wall in ways you couldn't even imagine. Your happiness is dependent on your environment and, if you spend 40+ hours of your week in an environment that doesn't make you happy, you will be unhappy. Co-workers play a huge part in this, as social creatures, we crave social interaction and we are forced to socialize with our co workers simply by proximity. If we are surrounded by negative people who don't make us feel good about ourselves, unhappiness and a drop in self confidence follows. What can we do about this? We have two options when dealing with annoying co workers:

• Change your attitude about them. Realize that the things your co-workers are doing that annoy you are just reflections of your own inner judgement. For example, Brenda from accounting tells lots of white lies and it drives you mad because you hate lying. That is an issue with your experiences with lying and not something you can control. You can't control their actions (the white lies) but you can control your reactions (your very obvious eye roll and comment). Instead of responding negatively to them, change the narrative to a more positive judgement and release the negative one. Re-write who you think they are and see the other side of the picture. So when Brenda tells a small white lie, think about how she does it to make someone else feel better, even if she doesn't believe it herself, she's compassionate and focus on the good.
• Avoid them. Some people are just incompatible, it can't be helped and if you can't change them or accept them for who they are, simply avoid them at all costs. Requests to move desks if you have too, find a way to not be around them if they are causing you this much pain and stress.

3. Your Job Isn't Fun or Rewarding

Your job isn't always going to be fun and games; and when it no longer becomes rewarding, you are going to feel unhappy. Human beings thrive on rewards and entertainment and we love competition. By making your work environment fun and rewarding, you will start to enjoy going to work. How can you make your job more fun and rewarding?

• You can try creating games for yourself to play, friendly competitions with your co workers (if you like them!)
• Create a rewards system so if you hit a target or goal, you get a coffee from Starbucks or another small treat. An example of this would be, if you close 3 files by 5pm, you get to have a cocoa nib; or if you win today's sales target, you get to have the victory trophy on your desk for the day.

4. You Don't Believe in the Work That You Are Doing

This one is one of the core reasons you're unhappy in a job role; you are living out of alignment of your core values. If your job role doesn't match up with your core values, then you will be miserable. If you value helping people and you work in program coding, you will struggle to be happy, unlike someone whose values problem solving. It isn't impossible to enjoy your job if your values don't align with your work. You could reason that by doing program coding, you are helping someone, be it your co-workers or the people who will eventually use your project. You can always flip your perspective. Learn what your core values are and find a way for them to align with your job role, in doing so changing the motivation that drives you to do your work. For example, to help people or to problem solve. And if you can't, maybe it is time to start to consider a career change into a job you have always wanted to do secretly, deep down.

5. You Feel Stagnant in Your Job Role and You Are Bored

Your job isn't going anywhere and you feel like you are wasting your time on this earth, feeling utterly unfulfilled. We love being safe and secure but we also love progression, we get bored of the same ol' same old, we want new challenges and things to do. If you are just pushing through papers, day in day out, you will become unhappy so what can you do about it?

• Apply for a promotion or ask for new challenges from your boss.
• Mix up your attitude, find ways to make it more fun and exciting.
• Shop around for a promotion at another firm.

6. You Are Underpaid

You feel underpaid for the work that you are doing and it is making you feel unhappy because all the hard work you are putting in isn't being appreciated enough. If it was, you wouldn't feel underpaid. Let's ask the hard question, are you really being underpaid? Or do you just feel unappreciated or overworked? Maybe it is because you have taken on additional responsibilities and you feel like you aren't being rewarded accordingly. People who are unhappy because they feel underpaid are stressed about money, they are working hard and it is going unnoticed and unappreciated. The key component at play here is stress. Increasing bills and expenses in their personal life, general life stresses, more and more work is coming in and it is being unrewarded and you feel like you need a reward for handling all this stress. And you do, but you have been purchasing stress relief for a while and you need more money to pay for more stress relief, as more stresses get dropped into your inbox each day. If you feel underpaid, it is because you don't love your work and it's is not worth the amount of stress for your salary. Have you heard that famous quote:

Working for something you don't care about is called Stress. Working for something you do care about is called Passion.

Here are things you can do to spark happiness when you are feeling underpaid

• Reignite your passion with your work, find meaning in it and see the results that you are creating. Every day you come in and you make a difference somehow, start to see how it's affecting other people, and start to appreciate yourself for doing it.
• Ask for a raise. Simple but often never done option.
• If you are being underpaid and if there is no room for a raise (and you have asked), then I suggest finding ways to reduce your stress levels. Trying things like guided meditations, exercise or stress relieving hobbies can reduce the feeling of being undervalued because your life is suddenly so much more than just working for money.

7. You Are Overwhelmingly Overworked

We all get burnt out from work sometimes as work comes in flows of business. And at some point, you crack and the pressure and stress gets to be a little too much; especially since you have sacrificed your personal life just to try and keep on top of this ever increasing workload. If you feel overworked, you need to learn some self-care so you can keep on top of the burnout:

• Stop helping out unnecessarily, at least until you feel under worked. Start saying no to anything that isn't vitally important.
• Find a way to automate or reduce your workload. Delegate, hire new staff, get programs into to automate parts of your job role.
• Keep on top of your mental health, make sure you are doing the necessary things to keep it in check, whatever your process is (or find a process and implement it).
• Set boundaries. Work shouldn't be your life, if you say you are clocking off at 6, you clock off at 6. Set hard boundaries because this technologically advancing modern world will push them. If you finish work, don't check your emails, leave the office, go do something recreational to help you relax and rest, I advise going on a walk to let your head relax.

8. You Are Feeling Really Unappreciated at Work

One of the core driving elements in humans is our need for recognition and if it goes un appeased, you will feel unhappy. You can try and force appreciation out of your co-workers and bosses, like a child with their 10th crayon drawing sticking it under their parents noses and gladly proclaiming what they have done. But that is never as satisfying as it seems and the validation received is not authentic enough, it feels hollow and empty. So what can you do about it since you cannot control anyone expression appreciation of your hard work? Be the change you want to see in the office. Create an initiative to show everyone else they are appreciated, I bet that half of your office feel unappreciated. Start a culture of appreciation and gratitude, start thanking people and noticing their hard work. Go out of your way to make someone else feel appreciated, the more you do it, the better your environment will become. With all things, Expectation equals Manifestation. If you treat everyone with appreciation and make an effort, they will most certainly make an effort to appreciate you back. Someone just has to start the chain, why shouldn't it be you? All of these issues can also be resolved by you quitting your job and finding a greener field. Sometimes your job just sucks, your boss is just unworkable, no matter how positive you are, people are always unappreciative and negative and you really are underpaid.

What If You Hate Your Job But Can't Quit?

There is a difference between being unhappy in your job role and hating your job which makes it much harder when you want to quit and you can't. Not everyone can just quit their job whenever they feel like it, even with some savings hidden away, you have bills to pay, a social life to maintain (when you can get one!) and people who rely on you. But you HATE your job, you wake up in the morning and you really wish you could wake up as somebody else in an alternate timeline. Here are our top 3 things to do when you really hate your job and can't quit.

1. Change departments or job roles within the business. Shop around, see if there is another role that would be more suited to you or that you would actually find more interesting.
2. Change your attitude. You attitude controls your reality, if you wake up and decide that you hate work, you are not going to have a good day. Change your mindset from negative to gratitude. Make a list of all the reasons you are grateful for your job, it may take a while, but the more reasons you find the be grateful, the easier it is going to work will become.
3. Apply for other jobs, there is nothing stopping you from quitting your job if you have another solid job lined up and if it's making you THAT miserable. No amount of money is worth the struggle to your mental health.

Final Thoughts

Remember that happiness is completely within your control. How you handle outside influences trying to wreak havoc on your happiness by putting you down and making you feel unworthy is completely up to you. You can't always let every comment bounce off you like water off a duck's back, but you can control the environment you are in, the attitude in which you face adversity, and you control what you think. Make an effort to learn to see things in another way because even if you quit and go to a greener grass, not everything will always be "perfect".

More About Leading a Fulfiling Career

• How to Have a Successful Career and a Fulfilling Personal Life
• How to Know if You Need a Career Change Now
• What to Do When You Hate Your Job but Want a Successful Career

9 Efficient Learning Habits of Smart Learners

Whether you are learning a new instrument, language, or from a course, you can always learn in a better way. With the learning community growing constantly, there is always research and studies that have talked about certain habits; specifically habits that promote a smarter and efficient learning atmosphere. In fact, the habits I'll bring up are so effective, most schools don't talk about them. This post will explore why that's the case and how you can integrate these learning habits in your life.

What Is Considered To Be Efficient Learning?

Before getting to the techniques, first it's best to understand what efficient learning is. In short, efficient learning is a blanket term that applies to widespread techniques. There's no one method of learning efficiently that is above everything. It's any technique you can think of that smoothes out the learning process and makes retaining the information easier. For example, one technique that Inc. recommended was the idea of spreading out learning. Research uncovered that if you want the information to stick, then try out "distributed practice."((Psy Blog: The Very Best Learning Method Is Not Taught To Students Or Teachers)) The idea behind it is to study briefly, take a break, and then study again. These intense bursts of learning over a long period of time are similar to other techniques I recommended in the past. As such, they are highly effective in any field. Some other examples can be self-directed learning, leveraging a memory palace, and more. As you can see, these techniques make studying and learning easier than it otherwise would be. But that raises a key question I hinted at above: If they're so effective and highly regarded, why haven't schools adopted these strategies? Kent State's John Dunlosky commented about it once and shed some light on the problem:

"These strategies are largely overlooked in the educational psychology textbooks that beginning teachers read, so they don't get a good introduction to them or how to use them while teaching."

You also have regulations. In the United States, there is a Federal Curriculum (FC) that teachers must structure their courses around. As you are no doubt aware, the FC is not up to date with current learning strategies. That being said, it doesn't mean you can't apply these techniques in your everyday life. Whether you are going to school or not, the methods below will help you to better grasp efficient learning and retain information better.

What Can You Do To Learn More Efficiently

There are all kinds of research studies out there talking about various methods. Below are some simple and ready to use strategies:

1. Eat and Avoid Certain Foods

Research has uncovered that there are certain foods that boost learning while others inhibit learning. The focus on these studies revolves around general brain function. For foods to avoid, a lot of it points to food that has refined sugar or is highly processed.((Harvard Health Publishing: Nutritional psychiatry: Your brain on food)) This also includes baked goods like doughnuts and cookies. However, there are other foods you might not have expected. Examples are margarine, fruit juice, or white bread. As for foods to actually eat, good brain food would be foods with Omega-3 fatty acids and folic acid.((Nat Rev Neurosci.: Brain foods: the effects of nutrients on brain function)) What this means is you want to eat sardines, salmon, walnuts, broccoli, spinach, celery, avocados, and blueberries. As the study uncovered, eating these particular foods - in their raw or cooked state depending - will help you focus and have a better memory. These foods also reduce brain injury. All you need to do is eat the right foods around the time you are planning on studying. This also means avoiding the listed bad foods at any cost during that time, even after you finished studying.

2. Drink Water

Our brain is 73% water. So if you feel your brain isn't working right, it's likely you are dehydrated. Even a mild case of dehydration can inhibit your learning capabilities. One study found that when we feel thirsty, we experience a 10% decline in cognition.((Physiology.org: Effect of water deprivation on cognitive-motor performance in healthy men and women)) This might not seem like much but 10% can be a big difference. It can be the difference between grasping and processing information properly and misinterpreting it. So stay hydrated over the course of the day. And if you struggle remembering that, or any other information, bring a water bottle with you and sip on it during class. There are also all kinds of helpful apps and water bottles that help you to stay hydrated during the day too.

3. Sleep

While this one seems counter-productive, it really isn't. Harvard researchers found that dreaming may be used as a method to reactivate and reorganize material recently learned.((Harvard Health Publishing: Learning while you sleep: Dream or reality?)) This makes sense since so many other studies have mentioned that sleep is conducive to improving brain function in general. But don't think that you need a long sleep in order for this to work. One German study also found that even a 6-minute nap can help improve memory too.((BBC News: Six-minute nap 'may boost memory'))

4. Collaborative Learning

Teamwork provides all kinds of benefits. When you are in the right kind of group, studying and learning together can provide ample benefits. One study from Science Direct found that through this, students:((Science Direct: Benefits of collaborative learning))

• Improves both collaboration and communication skills;
• Were more engaged with other students and the topic;
• Had a deeper understanding of the subject;
• And had long-term retention benefits.

Of course, this technique can be hit or miss with some people. Some people don't always have the luxury of studying in a group. Some may prefer studying by themselves naturally. And there are benefits to studying alone. Take self-directed learning which is focused more on independent learning. That being said, studying in a group does have those benefits amongst finding motivation, and learning new perspectives. Who knows, you may be one conversation away from solving a problem that you've struggled with.

5. Remove Stress

No matter who you are, stress can be a massive impairment to learning and even recalling information. Most people have experienced the feeling during test time where they blank on an answer. That's likely due to stress at that moment. But even stress outside of testing situations is bad. One study looked at short term stress and how it would associate with brain-cell communication.((Science Daily: Short-term Stress Can Affect Learning And Memory)) It impaired it so much that individuals experienced those blank moments. What's worse is those stressful events occurred a few hours before tests or presentations. Because you want to avoid stress, you want to practice all kinds of techniques to reduce stress. Physical activity, breathing exercises, and meditating are all techniques that calm us and remove stress. Try these 7 Stress Management Techniques to Get Back on Track.

6. Listen To Music

In studying situations, you'd think you want a nice quiet area to curl up and study. In school, that's typically the library. However, there's been research that shows that a quiet place may not be the most ideal spot. In fact, one study from Stanford found listening to certain music to improve studying.((Stanford Medicine: Music moves brain to pay attention, Stanford study finds)) The study uncovered that music activated certain areas in the brain associated with making predictions and paying attention. It also made students more receptive to information.((Science Direct: Music during lectures: Will students learn better?)) Unfortunately, these studies do have a bit of a flaw. They used classical music. So it's hard to say what other types of music would be conducive for studying. Regardless, there are all kinds of calming and soothing music online. And there're also music for productivity: Productivity Music for Focus (Recommended Playlists). You're always just one search away from various music that's meant to help you learn. Try it out!

7. Avoid Multitasking

Over the years, we've grown used to doing multiple things at once. Texting, reading, and streaming media all at once for example. However, in a studying atmosphere that won't work. Trying to do multitasking is merely a distraction. It reduces our brain's ability to store new information and to properly process it.((informED: How Technology-Based Multitasking Impacts Learning)) After all, we are forcing our brain to jump from one task to a completely different one. To help with avoiding multitasking, find yourself a learning environment to help you not get distracted. A library, a café, or a room in your house or apartment that's away from other noise. And if you absolutely need your laptop, perhaps getting apps like ColdTurkey or Anti Social to block out pesky distractions.

8. Teach Someone Else (Or Think About It)

As one of the many old sayings go: "While we teach, we learn." That saying is true thanks in part to a study that was published in Memory and Cognition. The study found that students who taught - or even thought they had to teach - the material were efficient learning. The study found that those students spent more time thinking about how they would explain topics or concepts. This, in turn, improved their overall understanding and grasp of topics and theories. Even if you don't end up teaching someone, the mere thought you have to can help you to solidify topics.

9. Try Various Learning Techniques

The last efficient learning technique I'd suggest is to learn using various strategies. Not necessarily these techniques but other forms of learning. Are you someone who learns from a book or needs visual aids? Try learning by listening to speeches, or podcasts. Do you study alone most times? Consider forming a study group and collaborating with people. Each study method is good in its own way. But the thing with these study methods is they activate certain parts of your brain. They also store that information in those particular parts. So by having information spread out throughout various sections of your brain, the more interconnected the information is.

Bottom Line

At the core, efficient learning is a matter of retaining, recalling, and understanding a topic. Each person has their own tricks and tips that work for them and its a reason to explore. To explore new study methods. Who knows, maybe you'll find a better system to help you grasp topics like never before. That's the beauty of learning! There are no right or wrong answers for what method is best for you.

More About Learning

• 7 Most Important Cognitive Skills for Fast and Successful Learning
• Essential Learning Methods to Help You Learn Effectively
• How to Apply the Adult Learning Theory to Learn Faster

Top 10 Interview Questions for Hiring the Best Managers

Whether you’re considering a management role or wanting to hire the best managers, a common assumption is that being a high performing technical expert makes an ideal manager. This idea is precarious for both the candidate and employer. Becoming a manager isn’t for everyone. Before you review the interview questions for managers, it’s important to know and learn that managers require very different skill sets:

• Common challenges managers face
• Key mindset shifts(Center for Creative Leadership: 6 Shifts New Leaders Must Make to Succeed))
• Basic skills and competencies for managers
• Advancing management skills

Don’t make the mistake of hiring someone who is not ready to become an effective manager.

Top 10 Questions to Ask a Management Candidate

Too often, people are hired to become managers because they are high performers in their technical roles or have been with the team for a long time and it seems to be a natural progression. As an employer, to increase the chances of success for the company and the individuals working within it, you’ll want to critically review the key mindset shifts and basic skills and competencies of an effective manager. Are you hiring the best person for the job? Consider asking these interview questions. Assuming that all the candidates have similar technical skills, these people-focused and interpersonal skills-based interview questions can help gauge their readiness for a management role.

1. How do you manage conflict (with your team, stakeholders, and immediate manager)? How would you describe your conflict management approach?

It’s inevitable that we run into conflict at work. And it’s even more important for managers to know how to handle these situations when staff escalate tricky situations that they need help with.

2. How do you have difficult conversations with stakeholders about performance issues?

Some employees, suppliers or customers are overzealous while others may be underperforming. Wherever your stakeholders fall on this spectrum, remember it’s the manager who needs to address any issues impacting the performance of the team and business.

3. Describe a situation when you coached or mentored others. How would you describe your coaching style?((Harvard Extension School: 3 Coaching Books to Help You Be a More Inspiring Manager))

Knowing how to empower others so that they feel good about the work they are doing provides a creative environment that indirectly enhances the performance of the organization. Companies need managers and leaders who can listen, understand, and partner with others to realize the potential within themselves.

"As we look ahead into the next century, leaders will be those who empower others." -- Bill Gates

4. Describe your management style. How will you handle unexpected changes and direction from management?

How will you handle unexpected changes and direction from management? This response will give you insight into how they will fit into the existing corporate environment or complement it. Consider the personalities, work environment, and stakeholders that are involved in the business.

5. How do you appreciate other people’s efforts?

We all give and receive in different ways. How will this individual accommodate the various styles on the team?

6. Why do you want to be a manager?

The candidates need to be clear on their rationale. This will give you an idea of what motivates them. Ask follow-up questions to dig deep and learn what drives them.

7. How do you provide positive feedback and constructive feedback? How do you tend to receive feedback?

Managers need to be able to work in diverse settings, adjust to change and troubleshoot. Their ability to provide observable and objective feedback impacts how others behave and ultimately perform at work.

8. The team you’re overseeing does a great job at __________. However, some of the challenges on this team include __________. What’s your plan to manage a team with such unique abilities, personalities and work styles to achieve the company’s objectives?

Is the candidate ready to let go of technical responsibilities to develop others? This question can give you insights about that.

9. What do you plan to accomplish within your first 30 days as a manager? How will you get to know the individuals on your team?

Change is usually coupled with a fear of the unknown and uncertainty. It’s no different when there is a new manager. People may feel uneasy and not know what to expect. It’s good to know how the new manager will handle this type of change.

10. How would you address mistakes that your team made to senior management?

Are they ready to be responsible for the success and failures of their team? The manager may not have made the mistake, but their team did and this is an indication that something was mismanaged. Is the manager politically astute enough to support the actions of the team and or learn from the errors made?

Bonus: How to Prepare for a Management Interview

As an employer, you need to know how this management role impacts the organization and vice versa.

Know Your Company

When you’re caught up with the daily operations, it's easy to forget if the strategic direction of your company will change what is required for new management hires. Take time to review the opportunities of your management role against current and future initiatives:

• Why do you need this management position?
• What are the key people challenges that someone in this role will face in your company?
• Who are the key stakeholders she/he will need to interact with?
• What are the key interpersonal skills required for these relationships to be successful for the business?

Talk to Key Stakeholders

Speaking to internal and external stakeholders who will interact with this management role will provide you with insights about the type of skills and competencies required for this role. Here are some questions to ask them:

• What are the key challenges someone in this role will face in her/his work with your department?
• When you have worked with a high performing manager in this role, what were the key behaviours and skills that she/he demonstrated?

Also, getting insights from your People and Culture or Human Resources department will help you understand the leadership competencies required for management roles that are aligned with the organization's objectives.

Bottom Line

When it comes to hiring the best manager, be organization-aware. Talk to key stakeholders to find out the people skills required for the new management role. Don't make the mistake of hiring a high performing technical expert to become a manager. Take time to hire the best manager with effective interpersonal skills.