9 Tips on How To Network the Right Way

We’ve all heard the phrase “it’s all about who you know” in regards to landing a job. This really isn’t an exaggeration when it comes to the job market. Having the right connection can make all the difference between “you're hired” and chirping crickets. Studies suggest that 70 percent of jobs are never advertised on job classifieds and 80 percent of positions are filled because somebody knew somebody.((CNBC: How to get a job often comes down to one elite personal asset, and many people still don’t realize it)) That’s right, a connection is paramount if you want to get your foot in the door and secure that dream job you’ve had your eye on. When it comes to making those connections and learning about the unannounced job roles, networking is the key to the castle. Sure, credentials are still important, but if a person knows how to network the right way, they have an advantage that will be of serious benefit throughout their professional lives. Before we jump into how to network the right way, it would be beneficial to spend a moment talking about what not to do. Avoid the mistake of only networking when you need a job. Reaching out to network only when you need something won’t help foster a genuine connection and gives off the stench of desperation. Networking should be about building mutually beneficial relationships, not self-serving ones. Alright, let’s dive into how to go about developing a networking strategy that’s about more than collecting business cards and LinkedIn connects.

1. Make a List of Who You Already Know

There’s a real good chance that you already know a lot more people than you think. One of the best ways to network and expand your connections is by reconnecting with those you already know. Scroll through your social media feeds and jot down those folks that you maybe haven’t spoken to in a while. A few circles to consider:

• Past jobs
• Old friends from college
• Church acquaintances
• Hobby groups or sports league teammates

The idea here is to start with who you already know — particularly those that may be in or have connections to your career field. Even if it’s somebody that you haven’t spoken to in years, add them to the list. Casting a wide net is better than a single line here.

2. Reach Out to Those Established Connections

Now’s when you simply want to reach out to some of these connections. Something as simple as a quick email asking how they’ve been and what they’ve been up to is a great way to get started. Blasting off an email or text to somebody you haven’t spoken to in six years might feel awkward, but don’t let that deter you. You should trust that they’ll probably enjoy hearing from you and catching up. It’s not just about who you know, but who they know as well. Set aside your pride and ask if they know anybody in your related field they could introduce you to. Remember, the people you know are your allies when it comes to expanding your network and building new professional relationships.

3. Listen and Learn

Expanding and building a network of strong networking connections involves a mindset that’s focused on listening and learning.((Peter M. Beaumont: 4 Reasons Why Listening Builds Relationships)) Whether you’ve emailed a connection that an old work colleague gave you, or you're making small talk with a stranger at a business conference, an eagerness to learn goes a long way. It shows you have a natural interest in the other person and what they do. If the person is working in the field that you’re trying to break into, now’s your time to come with a few questions regarding what their role looks like or any advice they might have regarding the field. You should be listening twice as much as you're speaking.

4 Look for How You Can Be Useful

It’s easy to think of networking as a way of getting something for yourself, but that’s not the goal here. The goal is to build new relationships. It’s out of those that opportunities come along. A good mindset to have in networking is to think about how you might be able to contribute or add value — without the expectation of something in return. It’s just this sort of mind flip that can make a big difference. You may know somebody who is perfect for a role their company is looking to fill, but how you add value may not even be career-related. For example, perhaps during your conversation, they mention a love of biking and you know somebody who runs a cycling hobbyist group. Put that out there! It’s those sorts of interactions that lay the groundwork for building relationships.

5. Put Your Successes Out There

There’s a good possibility that at some point during networking, somebody is going to ask about what it is you do. This is your chance to share just what it is that’s so special about you, so be ready. Share what you’ve done in the past and why you’re passionate about your chosen field or the field you’d like to be in. You’ll probably want to keep this relatively short, a few sentences or 90 seconds should suffice. If they want to know more, they’ll certainly ask.

6. Expand Your Potential Networking Horizons

Scroll through your mental rolodex of people you know for a second. You probably know at least one person who is always doing something with one group or another, right? And this person probably knows everybody and their cousin, right? Well, there’s a good reason for that — they put themselves out there. Networking mixers are fine, but they can also be counterproductive and feel more like business card trading events. Joining professional or civic groups can be a fantastic way of meeting new people, as can volunteering or various hobbyist groups. Even if the event or group isn’t business-related, there’s still value in making and building upon new connections.

7. Don’t Just Scroll LinkedIn, Be Active

LinkedIn was built for networking, but a lot of us are probably guilty of not making the most of it. Not to worry, there’s an easy fix for this, it just means getting off your digital butt and getting active. Rather than simply scrolling your feed, engage with the content you see. Like it, share it, comment on it — and add your own content. This could be an article you really enjoyed, a professional milestone, or simply an observation about an aspect of your industry. You don’t need to get obsessive about engaging with a connection’s content on LinkedIn, but by regularly doing so, you’ll slowly build a familiarity with one another. Check out this article and learn how to network on LinkedIn: How to Network on LinkedIn (6 Dos and Don’ts)

8. Follow up and Nurture Those Connections

People aren’t sitting around thinking about ways they can offer you a great job. You have to present the possibility for that to happen and this means staying in touch with networking connections. If you recently met somebody at an event, through another contact or simply connected on LinkedIn, a good rule of thumb is to send an email or text a day or two later. It doesn’t need to be anything complicated, simply “enjoyed meeting you” or “thanks for the advice” will work. Take the time to occasionally touch base and maintain this new connection, but be patient. Remember, networking the right way is about organically fostering a professional relationship.

9. Make Everyday Networking Part of Your Life

There’s no reason to wait for a big networking event, there are opportunities to network, build, and strengthen connections all the time. Make it a goal for yourself to reach out to a few of those old LinkedIn contacts that you haven’t spoken to since you connected with them five years ago. Chat with your neighbors and the guy or gal who makes your morning cup of coffee. And do it over and over again. Adopting the mindset of making everyday networking a part of your life will eventually make it feel like second nature!

More Networking Tips

• How to Network So You'll Get Way Ahead in Your Professional Life
• 5 Steps to Master Networking Skills and Perfect Your Personal Branding
• The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You

How To Feel Awake In The Morning: 7 Easy Tips

https://youtu.be/GzUH9KZ-OzM Do you want to feel more awake in the morning? All great successful people always say their early morning routine is sacred to their success. At first, I admit I was cynical but through experience, I have learned that actually, I am way more productive. By waking up early and getting things done, it feels like the day is so much longer and you feel so much more on top of things. I no longer feel like the day is running out of time, I feel like I have so much time in the day. In this episode of The Lifehack Show, I'm diving into all my best tips and tricks on how to become a morning person and feel bright and awake in the morning!

9 Killer Self-Confidence Tips For a Confidence Boost

So much of our internal confidence and external facade is shown by our body language. The way you think of yourself portrays how others think of you. If you think of yourself as awkward, timid, or shy, you subconsciously feel you need to live up to those expectations. Why not flip that on its head? If you think highly of yourself, you have no choice but to live up to those expectations. And this is where self-confidence tips prove to be useful. Think of the difference between someone smiling with their hands on their hips versus someone with a straight face and their arms crossed. One comes off as supremely confident, calm, and relaxed while the other seems disinterested or frustrated, even. Your physical demeanor not only affects how you're seen by others but also how you project your own internal feelings. There are subconscious inklings that give rise to how you come off to someone for the first time. But how do you portray the confident, calm demeanor rather than the disinterested one? There are ways to not just act as though you are confident but to also earn that confidence and belief in yourself habitually.

"Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence." —Vince Lombardi

According to Albert Bandura, a Canadian-American psychologist, confidence refers to the strength of belief.((University of Kentucky: Self-Efficacy)) To instill confidence, you need to have convictions in your own belief. Rosabeth Moss Kanter, author of Confidence: How Winning Streaks and Losing Streaks Begin and End, writes,

"Confidence isn't optimism or pessimism, and it's not a character attribute. It's the expectation of a positive outcome."

You need to expect things to fall the way you want, and you instill that through consistent belief and positive self-talk. There are also tiny habit changes that can intrinsically give you the boost you need to walk a little more upright. I began to take notice of body language as I entered the corporate world. It may not seem important but when dealing with high-level executives, it is critical that you portray optimism and openness. You don't want to come off as nervous or indecisive, no matter what decision you are making—that goes for buying a car, applying for a loan, or a job interview. Your non-verbal cues say a lot about what you are thinking. A wide stance and open palms show honesty and openness. According to Lillian Glass, author of The Body Language Advantage: Maximize Your Personal and Professional Relationships with this Ultimate Photo Guide to Deciphering What Others Are Secretly Saying, in Any Situation,

"Putting your hands in your pockets is one of the worst things you can do if you want to appear confident."

Putting your hands in your pockets indicates that you're nervous and feel uncomfortable.((Business Insider: 8 body language tricks to instantly appear more confident)) How you choose to stand may actually be a gigantic indicator of how you are perceived. If you have your arms crossed while listening to a business pitch, it may indicate to the person pitching that you are disinterested or closed off. On the other hand, leaning back in your chair may show that you are relaxed and confident, according to one Harvard psychologist.((SR Press Gazette: A Harvard psychologist says these simple body-language tweaks can instantly boost your confidence)) Lean in toward the conversation by leaning back. It's a perfect way to assert confidence and comfort level in an office setting. Here are a few quick self-confidence tips that can help you not only project an air of confidence to others but also give your internal monologue an encouraging boost. None of these are particularly revolutionary, nor will these actions take care of everything by themselves. Pick and choose the ingredients that work for you. Give a couple a try, if they work, stick with them. If they don't, try others.

1. Stop Caring About What Other People Think

The most common self-confidence tip is to stop caring about what other people think. I know so many people who spend lifetimes thinking about how other people think of them. "Did I talk too much?" "Was I weird?" If you're going to be weird, be confident about it. It's only embarrassing if you're embarrassed. You wouldn't worry so much about what people really thought of you if you knew just how seldom they do. People don't care about you as much as you think. They're too busy thinking about what other people think about them. Now, isn't that liberating?

2. Smile

The first thing you do when you wake up in the morning should be to smile. Dr. Eva Ritvo, a psychiatrist and the co-author of The Beauty Prescription: The Complete Formula for Looking and Feeling Beautiful, suggests smiling at yourself in the mirror because it not only helps triggers something called "mirror neurons," but it can also help us calm down and re-center if we're feeling anxious.((NCB News: Smiling can trick your brain into happiness—and boost your health)) When you see a stranger on the street or in the aisle at the grocery store, smile at them. It makes their day better, and it instantly boosts your mood. If you find a way to make people smile, they'll remember you for that over anything else.

3. Be Aware of What Your Body Is Saying

Another self-confidence tip is to be aware of your posture and body language. Research says that posing in certain positions is beneficial for boosting your mood. The "Wonderwoman" stance with legs spread and hands and hips tends to show the biggest post. Before a big talk, do this pose in the bathroom or behind the curtain and it will give you a sense that you can conquer anything. Overall, having a good posture helps improve confidence. Keep your shoulders back and down and your chin held high.

4. Pay Attention to Your Hands

Other than our face, our hands are one of the most expressive parts of our body. Actors pay special attention to their hands in scenes because they know that certain hand gestures can express emotion without a word being spoken.

5. Alter Your Look

Getting a new haircut may provide a temporary boost in your self-esteem, but it can also give you that pep in your step for a first date, a speech, or just going over a friend's place. You could also have your clothes tailored, even if it's as simple as hemming that pair of jeans to your ankle. Wear glasses if they give you a style boost or if you already wear glasses all the time, try taking them off and wearing contacts for a change. Changing your look can get you noticed in new ways and may even give you a boost in confidence you never would have experienced otherwise. I didn't start wearing glasses until I was 23. But as soon as I put them on, I felt smarter, more sophisticated, and more confident in what I had to say. Participants in a study at Columbia Business School who wore a white lab coat, pretending they were doctors, exhibited more focused attention.((The New York Times: Mind Games: Sometimes a White Coat Isn’t Just a White Coat)) In other words, how you dress is often how you behave.

6. Change Your Physiology

Motivational speaker Tony Robbins says that the way to change your state of mind is to move your body.

"Emotion is created by motion."

Changing your physiology is an often overlooked self-confidence tip. Observe your body's feelings when you are happy or sad. There's a difference, right? Try taking deep breaths before diving into a project. Experiment with changing your physiology with hot or cold contrast in the shower to elevate your immune response and jack up your energy. In between chores, do some jumping jacks, push-ups, or mountain climbers to get your body moving. Do a spin class or walk a couple of miles. Break a sweat. Being able to say you conquered your inner comfort demons will automatically give you a feeling of triumph.

7. Use Positive Self-Talk and Visualization

Before bed or first thing in the morning, close your eyes and relax your body completely. Stay connected to positive thoughts and feel the sensations of those things happening in your mind's eye. See yourself accepting an award on stage or crossing the finish line of a race. In a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Ethan Kross and Ozlem Ayduk found that encouraging people to think about an intense experience consistently helped them control their thoughts and ruminate less.((APA PsycNet: Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: How you do it matters)) Speak to yourself with self-compassion and encouragement. The most important relationship you have in life is with yourself, so make it a good one!

8. Focus on Other People as Opposed to Yourself

The more interested you are in others, the more interesting they find you. To be interesting, be interested. Make eye contact and really make an effort to listen to what the other person is saying. People generally want to share stories and talk about themselves. Play into that by asking questions and showing interest. It will make the other party aware of how genuine you are. Another practice I enjoy is saying "I love you, I love you, I love you" in your head to everyone you pass on the street. It sounds weird but it instantly makes you happier. The habit of focusing on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will always leave you satisfied no matter the situation.

9. Do Uncomfortable Things

According to Charlie Houpert, the author of Charisma On Command: Inspire, Impress, and Energize Everyone You Meet and the founder of a 2.7 million subscriber YouTube channel of the same name, confidence stems from being comfortable in situations that would make most people uncomfortable. This self-confidence tip may not make sense at first, but it does work! By stretching yourself beyond your comfort zone each day, you will quickly have a larger tolerance for uncomfortable situations and can be at ease rather than panicking. This is a common approach for dating. By slowly building up the confidence of approaching someone each day—just saying "hi" to someone on day one, then asking a stranger their name on the second day—it eventually becomes a completely normal thing and something that is no longer uncomfortable. It's by stretching this zone that we help ourselves grow to grow. As author Tim Ferriss says,

"What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do."

Final Thoughts

Building confidence is a process. It ebbs and flows and takes work to build, develop, and maintain. There are days when you just don't have it in you, and we all experience that. But what are the small changes you can make to push through those areas of doubt? These self-confidence tips are good starting points. Through consistent habits of positive self-talk and visualization, coupled with experimental methods like body positioning, new clothes, or just putting on a smile, you can begin to alter your self-perception along with the way others perceive you. But to be truly confident, you need to think and feel confident every day. As the great Muhammad Ali said,

"What you are thinking about, you are becoming."

Become that confident person!

More Self-Confidence Tips

• How to Be Confident: 51 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence
• 12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now
• 10 Things You Haven’t Tried To Boost Your Confidence At Work

How To Focus on the Positive To Achieve Your Goal In Life

Focusing on the positive seems harder than ever. A global pandemic, civil unrest, and political tensions galore have made thies year tough. In spite of all the challenges this year has thrown at you, there are ways you can stay positive and continue to pursue your life’s goals. Remember, more trials are yet to come. You need to be able to overcome them all in order to turn your dreams into realities. Motivation can be tough to come by in times like these. Here’s how you can keep your head up and keep moving forward:

1. Perform an Attitude Check

Whenever you hit a snag in your life, take a step back. Think about how you’re reacting to the situation. Are you thinking rationally? Is your behavior warranted? Are your actions helping or hurting your cause? If you take the time to evaluate yourself, you’ll be able to stop negativity in its tracks. With a little practice, you’ll learn to reframe pessimistic thoughts into more positive, realistic ones.

2. Keep a Journal

Even on the bleakest of days, you can come up with one shred of silver lining. All it takes is a little reflection. At least once a day, make a point to jot down something good about your day in your journal. By focusing on your blessings, you’ll start to see more and more of them. Also, use this journal to record progress you make toward your life goals. If you want to become a professional athlete, write down your day’s workout routine. Day by day, you’ll see just how much progress you’ve made. Look back at your journal entries on tough days, and they will remind you of how far you’ve come.

3. Surround Yourself With Similar People

When you’re on your own, it’s much easier to get discouraged. The solution is to find a support group. Communities exist for every conceivable interest. If you’re a freelance writer, Writers Guild of America can help you hone your skills. If you’re a combat veteran, All the Way Home can get you outdoors with other wounded warriors. If you like trivia, join a local quiz bowl team. Don't underestimate The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You.

4. Quantify Your Goals

Pursuing your goals will get frustrating if you don’t give yourself specific markers of success. The solution is to put hard numbers to your goals. For example, if your life goal is to become wealthy, how rich is rich enough? Will you be satisfied with $1 million? What about $10 million? Unless you have a figure in mind, you’ll never feel like you have enough. Even more ambiguous goals can be quantified. Maybe being happy for you means getting out of debt and spending at least 10 hours per week with family and friends. Learn about how to set goals in this article: How to Set Goals and Achieve Them Successfully

2. Remember Your ‘Why’

While reaching for your goals, you can’t lose sight of your “why.” This is what pushes you through the bad days and motivates you to keep going. Without a “why,” your goals might start to seem arbitrary. If you have a goal to run a marathon, what gets you on your feet every morning? Is it to get in shape? Perhaps it’s to feel a sense of accomplishment as you cross the finish line. Keeping your “why” top of mind will get you out the door when you don’t feel like training.

3. Tell Others About Your Progress

Public recognition is a powerful thing. When you hit a new milestone, share it publicly. Not only will you feel good doing so, but you’ll be more motivated to reach the next one. Say you have a sales quota at work. Announce when you’ve hit 50%, 75%, and 100% of your goal, and encourage others to do the same. Celebrating together encourages the whole team to stay positive and to reach higher.

4. Develop a Mantra

“Just do it.” Sound familiar? Nike’s motto is also an excellent example of a mantra. A mantra is a word or phrase you repeat to yourself for motivation when times get tough. Mantras are commonly used by professional athletes who need to keep a level head while performing under extreme physical stress.((Built For Athletes: 6 Real Mantras Used By Elite Athletes)) But mantras work just as well to get people through mentally or emotionally taxing periods. Make your mantra meaningful and easy to remember. When you need a boost, you can say it out loud or simply think it to yourself. You can get some inspirations from these 50 Self-Affirmations to Help You Stay Motivated Every Day.

5. Try Meditation

When you get too wrapped up in the negative, it can be tough to think your way out of it. When that happens, turn to meditation. Meditation helps you calm your mind and see problems with fresh eyes. The best part is, there’s no “wrong” way to meditate. You can do a guided meditation, or simply shut yourself away in a quiet place and listen to your breathing. If you’re not sure where to start, download a meditation app. Popular options include Headspace, Calm, and Sattva. After a few sessions, you’ll feel the difference.

6. Make Time for Yourself

Pursuing your goals and fighting off the worries of the world can take a toll on your wellbeing. A little “me time” can get you back on track. There’s nothing wrong with taking a day off. Use this day to indulge in a hobby, a favorite TV show, or even just a nap. When you get back to the grind, you’ll be that much more productive. Learn How to Take Time for Yourself and Restore Your Energy.

7. Get Enough Sleep

How many people do you know who do their best work when they don’t get enough sleep? Chances are, it’s the same as the number of Super Bowl rings in the Cleveland Browns’ trophy case (hint: zero). When you’re sleep deprived, a positive outlook can be elusive.((Harvard: Sleep and Mental Health)) Develop a night routine that helps you put your devices away and get to bed on time. If you still struggle to get the sleep you need, try supplements like melatonin. Speak with your doctor if conditions like sleep apnea are interrupting your rest.

8. Exercise Regularly

No doubt: Exercise is important for your physical health. But did you know it can also lift you up mentally and emotionally? Exercise releases endorphins in your brain. These chemicals combat pain, stress, and even depression. Unless you live on a farm an hour outside the nearest city, you’ll find a gym nearby. If a gym membership isn’t in your budget, you can do calisthenic exercises at home or take up running. Another good option is yoga, which can also improve your balance and focus.

9. Eat, Drink, and Be Merry

What you put into your body is just as important as what you do with it. A healthy diet coupled with plenty of water is key if you want to function at your peak. Junk foods, sugary drinks, and alcohol can sap your energy and harm your self-esteem. If you have trouble sticking with your diet, set up a meal plan. Portion out meals for yourself so you don’t eat too much or too little. Set reminders in your calendar to ensure you sip water throughout the day. Here's How to Find a Healthy Eating Plan That Actually Works for You.

10. Switch Up Your Routine

Doing the same thing day in and day out can get old. And when your life gets stale, you may struggle for motivation or a positive outlook. Don’t let yourself fall into a rut. When you do, try a different approach. Changing course even slightly can help you see things in a new light. Instead of taking a walk at noon, for instance, could you go on one before work? Take this same approach to your professional development. If you’re sick of learning about physics, it’s going to be tough to become the next Albert Einstein. What about a dose of math or chemistry?

Final Thoughts

Despite all these tactics you can use to stay positive and accomplish what you want in life, the most important one can be summed up in three words: Don’t give up! Quitting won’t get you any closer to your goals, nor will it put you in a positive headspace. Use this guide to keep moving forward no matter how difficult life can be.

More on How To Think Positive

• 11 Positive Thoughts for Your Everyday Motivation
• How to Think Positive Thoughts When Feeling Negative
• 11 Tips for Maintaining a Positive Attitude Every Day

8 Time-Tested Confidence Buildinng Habits You Can Start Now

Confidence is one of the greatest things you can learn and practice. But it can be confusing, overwhelming and hard. It is a skill and it does take practice but by making some things into habits, you can help your confidence blossom.  Confidence is “a belief in one’s own self and one’s ability to succeed.” It is made by a simple process: First, you have to want to achieve a goal or improve, then you are afraid of the change. But you do it anyway, fail and do it over again over until one day, you aren't afraid of it anymore. You are confident in your ability to succeed at a task. Just like learning to ride a bike or any skill really, you took a deep breathe and you tried, you fell off your bike and cried, but eventually, you got back on. Until one day, you cycle without even thinking that you are going to fall off. It is same for any area of your life, if you want to be more self confident, do more things that scare you and incorporate these 8 essential habits into your daily life.

1. Reminding Yourself of Your Victories

Stop reminding yourself of your failures that you habitually do it -- putting yourself down, criticizing yourself and over-exaggerating your failures. It is time to draw a line in the sand and start letting that old mindset go, it is undermining your confidence. It's scary and new and you may feel afraid, but it is the best choice you will make. Instead of reminding yourself of your failures and how you aren't good enough, remind yourself of your wins, all you have overcome. Remind yourself of all the good you have done and all the good you can do. Focus solely on the positive and what you can do and when the hating thoughts come up, just let them pass by or argue with them. If it says "you aren't good enough." You say "actually I am." "You aren't perfect." You say "No I am not perfect but that is more than good enough, I am enough just as I am, I don't have to be perfect." Your confidence depends on it so get into the habit of reminding yourself that actually, you are pretty great and have a lot of reasons to be confident.

2. Ask Yourself: What Did You Learn?

Moving forward with changing your inner narrative, you have to start to ask the question: What did I learn? With practicing confidence, you come across a lot of failure. Instead of beating yourself up and going "why me?" Ask yourself: "What did I learn? How did that not work? What can I do better?" Nothing undermines your confidence more than you beating yourself up all the time. Instead of focusing on how you have failed and not achieved the result you wanted, make it a habit to ask yourself questions so the next time around, you can try again from a new angle. Ask yourself how you fell off the bike so next time, you can avoid potholes. By getting in the habit of questioning your failures instead of bullying yourself, your confidence will become unbreakable because failure won't shatter your confidence. Just keep learning and keep moving forward.

3. Don’t Judge Others

This is such a key habit when it comes to building confidence. When we judge others, especially negatively, we create a negative cycle in our head that encourages insecurity. When you judge someone negatively, it makes you think that someone else is negatively judging you. Breeding this type of insecurity will only ever undermine your self esteem and confidence. People are wonderful but they aren't perfect. It isn't their job to perfectly adhere to the way you want the world to be. So to put it simply, don't judge and let people be as they are. Don't get caught in that negative mental cycle. On the flip side of this, you have to understand that people are going to judge you and that their opinion of you, is none of your business. You can't control how other people choose to see you, you can only control how you judge others. Don't play a game you can't win by trying to control other people's thoughts. It's like trying to play chess underwater at night. If you tried really hard, it could possibly be done but what is the point.

4. Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone

If you want to get into a habit that will help you become more confident, this is it. Everything you want is on the other side of your comfort zone; this applies to confidence. You gain confidence by challenging yourself and overcoming obstacles. Don't shy away from challenges and things that make you uncomfortable. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Get into the habit of saying "Oh this makes me uncomfortable, better tackle it head on then" and get in the habit of saying Yes and No: Saying Yes to things you would like to do even if it scares you and No to things you would not like to do. By saying Yes to things you enjoy and challenge you, you grow in confidence as you overcome them. By saying No to things you don't want to do, things that bring your down or make you feel low, confidence can also bloom. By standing up for yourself, you assert yourself and your self confidence can blossom.

5. Have the "I Can Handle It" Mindset

This is a beautiful habit to get into in general and it will help your confidence bloom and your anxiety go down. Get into the habit of having a I Can Handle It Mindset. You have overcome so many things in your life but we still have the overwhelming fear that we can't handle bad things coming your way. But you can, you can handle it because you have handled it time and time again. Stop telling yourself that you can't and start telling yourself that you can. Whatever comes your way, whatever adversity. You Can Handle It. With this habit, confidence can blossom and grow because you are unstoppable.

6. Find Validation From Within

If you rely on other people for constant validation and praise to give you a confidence boost, you will struggle. As soon as they don't validate you, you will feel less confident than before. This is whyThe Desire to Be Liked Will End You up Feeling More Rejected. Get in the habit of validating yourself, whatever you want to hear from someone else, say it to yourself. When you accomplish something, pat yourself on the back, don't go looking for outward validation. This simple change of supporting yourself and search within for the support you need will help your confidence bloom! There is one very simple logic to this, your happiness and your confidence are your responsibility. Why would you put your life in the hands of someone else? It isn't their job to make you happy or validated, it is yours. You also can't control them at all, which means your confidence and self worth are completely out of your control. Change that. Find support and validation from within - Don’t Wait for People to Praise You. Do It Yourself Every Single Day.

7. Get Fit

Fitness is the perfect habit to get into if you want to grow confidence because everytime you go, you get better. You grow, you learn new things, you fail and then you amaze yourself with what your body can do, over and over again. Nothing has helped my confidence bloom as much as taking up a sport. There are so many options for you. Running is the perfect example, the first one is awkward, hard and exhausting. But the next run is a little easier, a week later, you start looking forward to it and then finally, you are running 5K without stopping. If you want to get into a habit that reminds you that you are capable, find a sport that interests you and start.

8. Practice Gratitude

Now this isn't groundbreaking I know, but gratitude is such an important habit to get into if you want to be more confident. When you practice gratitude, you put yourself in a much better headspace which will in turn, help you feel more confident. Most importantly, when your confidence gets knocked by something or someone, you can always come back to gratitude and be happy for all that you have. It helps keep you aligned and focused on all the good and positive in your life, stopped all the negativity from creeping in and keeping you down. If you practice gratitude once a day, your life will change because it reminds you of the reality that you are good enough as you are -- that is never up for debate. Try these 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

Final Thoughts

These habits might be small but they can create an intense boost to your confidence and your rebound when you have had your confidence knocked. You are exceptional and you should be confident in your ability to do things and in who you are. If you are still struggling with that, spend some time working out what you're afraid of and go and do it right now, overcome it and remember that you are unstoppable.

More Confidence Boosting Tips

• How to Be Confident: 51 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence
• 15 Things Highly Confident People Don't Do
• 11 Killer Ways to Gain Confidence and Boost Your Self-Esteem

How To Embrace Change In Life (Even If It’s Hard to Change)

The very nature of life is change, think of the seasons, life and death, the passing of time constantly marching forwards, it’s upon us and our duty to embrace it. Now I know what you’re thinking, “but I don’t want to embrace it, I didn’t ask for it, I like things the way they are”. If this is you, I hear you, I was the world’s biggest fan of knowing where to get my coffee in the morning, cruising through life on autopilot, enjoying the steady flow of consistency, routine and familiarity… until I wasn’t. One day, I had the realization that my resistance to change was holding me back, keeping me from exciting opportunities that were rightfully mine yet seemed always slightly out of grasp. The fact of the matter is we dig our heels in because change challenges us to move out of our comfort zone and take responsibility for where we are going whilst trusting ourselves to handle what comes. What if we could shift our interpretation of change? What if willingness to embrace change could be our greatest advantage? As Heraclitus said,

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man”.

Now more than ever it’s imperative we find new ways to embrace change because learning to embrace change gives you an incredible advantage, a winning edge and a sense of resilience that you never knew you had and once you discover, becomes your defining factor. Let’s lean in to the discomfort, upheaval and uncertainty, after all, when we have nothing to fear that’s when we excel and produce outcomes no one thought possible. Below are vital steps you can take to master the art of embracing change. Think of these as tools to help you when you next get blindsided, caught off guard or dealt an unexpected hand as well as add flexibility to your repertoire

Your Response Can Quite Literally Save Your Life

Firstly, let’s ensure change doesn’t knock us off our game for good. Research by Health Psychologist Kelly McGonigal has shown that it’s better to chase meaning and trust that you can handle the journey than to look for ways to seek comfort and mediocrity. Backed by data, this remarkable study tracked 30,000 adults in the United States for 8 years mapping stress experience against death records.((Business Insider: This Incredible TED Talk Shows How Changing Your Perception Of Stress Could Save Your Life)) What they found had huge implications! The biggest contributing factor to death were people’s perceptions of the effects of stress on their health. The results were shocking, when reviewing the past year participants who categorised themselves as ‘experiencing high stress’ and also ‘believed that stress was harmful for their health’ had 43% increased risk of dying. What’s even more surprising is that by contrast, those that didn’t believe stress was harmful to their health even though they had also reported experiencing high levels of it in the previous year had the lowest risk of dying of anyone in the entire study. This clearly shows that how we perceive stressful events (i.e. change) in relation to our health, matters, especially in times like these. This begs the question, what if we could shift how we perceive change at the time it occurs?

Simple Solution Requires Practice

Breathwork has been well documented, but not nearly enough for the benefits it provides and the credit it deserves. There’s a reason all top entrepreneurs and visionaries regard daily time in solitude and meditation as sacred. It allows them to focus on their breathing. By breathing slowly (through the nose), especially when panicked, taken by surprise or in response to stressful news like a big change it causes tiny amounts of nitrous oxide (aka laughing gas) to be released. This has a biological effect on the brain which expands the blood vessels and increases blood flow. All good things when dealing with change as more oxygen into the brain promotes clarity of thought, centeredness and feelings of safety. Along with this sense of calmness, the long term benefit is that we create new neural pathways that can become our default for stressful situations and times of change. Due to the increased ability to remain present and focused, we experience more successful outcomes as a result. Over time, this allows us to form a new association between the physiological signs of an anxiety response (sweaty palms, increased heart rate) and our ability to switch to slower breathing patterns. In essence, we learn to associate the physiological response with success. The key here is to build muscle memory around this neural shift, so that when you experience stress and feel your heart rate start to rise, you automatically slide into deep slow breathing (6 breaths per minute). The equation then becomes experience change or stressful event equals to getting ready to dominate and produce to our fullest potential.

The Link Between Values and Change

When change is upon us (even though we might not like it at first) much like the unpredictable times we face now, it might feel difficult to look ahead without feeling overwhelmed. The way to master this type of unprecedented change is to gain control over your mindset through heightened awareness and disciplined application for your values. By getting closer to our core values and living in accordance with them, it makes it easier to make decisions, develop momentum and push through because we are driven by a deeper purpose. Your values are your guiding principles and they hold the key to self-confidence and identity. For example, you might think, my family is important to me, so I will choose to look at this situation with a growth mindset. Which in turn allows you to create solutions and thrive in uncertainty because you seek to find ways to provide for them instead of being a victim of circumstance. Adopting a growth mindset centred around your values makes all the difference, it elevates you to rise to the challenge, set a new standard for yourself and on top of that it’s fun!

Action is Key

One way to increase self-confidence in unpredictable times is by doing admirable things, like getting started on a project, taking action in spite of fear, giving more, this helps to construct a positive self-image that you feel good about. This also makes another case for living in accordance with our deeper values and making time each day for goal setting to help us maintain worthiness and boost our self-confidence. Remember why, not what. Which brings me to my next point, in a similar vein by focusing on why you do what you do, not what you do, it adds a degree of flexibility to any situation. Maybe you need to rethink that job transfer, relocation or being laid off as an opportunity to deliver more of your why to the world. If you’re in sales, you deliver solutions and joy not the product. Starting a new business? You relish the challenge not the security. Leading a company? You inspire and give mission not title and prestige. Whatever your chosen field, it’s the why, not the what, that keeps you going. You are not defined by your title, LinkedIn profile or awards, but why you do it – get closer to this and watch yourself overcome all manner of obstacles.

Leverage Different Domains

When you’re facing a challenge in one domain, yet are experiencing success in another, leverage it! For example, an acquisition sees your company taken over (which makes for a lot of change) leaving you feeling uncertain and doubting your abilities, yet at home in your family life you are the rock and have it together, this is an opportunity. It is possible to bring the confidence you feel at home into the workplace to help you navigate the new challenges in this domain. Then, your overall self-integrity is not compromised because you allow your success in one area of your life to flow through into another.

Focus on Delivering Value

When change happens, consider it an opportunity to bring value. When we shift from victim to value adding crusader, it develops a new perspective and builds confidence. Giving becomes a gift to yourself as well as others and like a self-fulfilling cycle we reap what we sow. This has synergies with the philosophy taught by Tony Robbins which is based on not falling in love with your product but falling in love with your customers and the process of delivering value to them instead.((Tony Robbins: Don't Fall in Love With Your Products)) This is where transformation in the midst of change and adversity occurs and it is where you can gain a huge competitive advantage whilst others are descending into victimhood and wallowing in despair.

Creatively Mix It Up

As Matthew McConaughey says in his new book Greenlights, you must learn to respect winter. Once a week, force yourself to work from a new part of town, you will have new ideas, meet new people and build your resilience muscles. Do this even if you don’t feel like it. Once you have mastered prioritizing taking action above your emotions, dealing with the unexpected winds of change won’t be difficult. By getting creative and taking the initiative to work from a new location, it interrupts your normalised pattern of behavior and you will have to rely on your gut instinct again. This is much like the Stoic philosophy that Seneca used to impart,

“Set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with coarse and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: “Is this the condition that I feared?”

This helped Seneca respect winter and also increase his confidence that he could, if he had to, after all if we aren’t afraid of the worst case scenario then we are liberated. The thing about change that causes us to feel so uneasy is it feels like it is happening to us, like we don’t have a choice, much like a tide swiping us out into the ocean, no matter how hard we try it forces us in that direction. To deal with this, we must flip this feeling on its head. Trick the mind into believing that it is what we want, it’s part of our grand master plan and that we have the wherewithal to deal with whatever might be to come. This is where self-trust, self-identity and self-confidence come in, variables we must ensure to instil and nurture in droves. It’s this choice of perception that gives us control because by going with it, we bring our awareness to the opportunities for advancement, we take more courageous actions as a result and have higher expectations of ourselves and the situation. We have removed the fear from the equation and as a result, it has lost its power over us. This is what having an open mind in the context of change does, it free you up to witness the miracles and by moving with it creates a self-serving cycle of ascension amidst crisis.

Small Actions Make a Difference

Research by Yeager & Walton (2011) has also shown that even the smallest of actions can help to boost our self-confidence and perceived ability to handle future challenges.((Yeager DS, Walton GM. 2011. Social-psychological interventions in education: they’re not magic. Rev. Educ. Res. 81:267–301)) This in turn helps you become more resilient and cope better, in a self-fulfilling cycle. Anything from focusing on simple tasks, spending time with friends, serving a high purpose, being there for family members or even shopping for high status goods, has been shown to make a difference. This brings me to my next point.

Tap Into The Positive Feedback Loop

There's a deep link between self-identity and social reinforcement that promotes high performance. For example, imagine your company is going through large scale change but because you are self-affirmed (i.e. you have confidence in your abilities) you achieve better performance at work. As a result, you feel even more self-affirmed and because of this top performance, your boss expects more from you. Due to this expectation, your own standards are raised and others in the workplace draw out even higher performance from you through recognition feedback and rewarding behaviours as well as recognising your position as a top performer. Then, you feel more self-affirmed and seek opportunities for growth, training and development which leads to producing even better results. This is the type of positive feedback loop that if developed early can have dramatic and advantageous effects even in the midst of change and disruption as long as you begin at once.

Your Go To Outlet

Finally, there’s a powerful tool right at your fingertips, available to you at every stage, that can help you have mind-blowing ideas, improves productivity and focus throughout the day and helps you have more confidence in who you are and where you are going. I’m talking about journaling. Here are a couple of activities to get you started.

1. Write about the situation you are facing and how you can align with your core values.
2. Commit to journaling for 10 minutes a day on topics like creative ways to solve problems.

In conclusion, these are some powerful game-changing strategies to help you embrace chance and reach your full potential.

Want To Know More About Embracing Change?

• 7 Tips for Overcoming Challenges in Life Like a Pro
• 15 Characteristics of High Achievers You Need to Know
• How to Find Motivation When Tough Times Won’t Seem to Pass

How to Say No Politely And Professionally

Do you find that you have a hard time saying "no" when something is asked of you? I felt like this for most of my life and still fight the urge not to immediately blurt out "sure!" when someone asks me for their help. I could probe under my mental hood for why I have this innate inclination to say yes but at the end of the day, it's simply part of who I am. I know I have a lot of company in feeling this way. There's a whole plethora of books and reading material on how to say no to the many things asked of us in life. Many of us are raised in such a manner that we feel we should always be helping others. That we should always be willing to lend a helping hand whenever possible. And many of us are taught that to get ahead in our work life, we should be willing to "do what it takes" and take on additional responsibilities. You have to work hard to get to the top of your profession. And these things are true to a point. It's when we always say yes to things that are asked of us that we risk burnout and overcommitting ourselves. With that let's look at how to say no politely and professionally.

Why Saying Yes all the Time Isn't a Good Thing

There's a well-used term for people that say yes to everyone and everything. It's called being a people-pleaser. And I was a world class people-pleaser. It's not bad, of course, to help out when asked to or pitch in when needed. The problem arises when you say yes to everything. In short, you realize you are living your life for others and not for yourself. Saying yes to everyone all the time can lead to some bad long term issues.

Resentment

One of the worst things that come from saying yes all the time is a growing feeling of resentment towards others. When your friend who never does his homework asks you yet again for your notes, how does that make you feel when you slide them over to him? One time, I was training a new person on my team. I showed them how to do something. And then I showed them again. And again. After a few months, I realized I was doing a ton of this person's work simply because they asked for my help again, claiming they didn't quite get it. When I realized what was going on, I told them it was time they figured it out on their own. I woke up to how resentful I was to be working with someone who took my kindness and turned it into a way for them to do less work.

Mentally and Physically Fatigued

Something else that commonly happens when we say yes all the time is we become fatigued, both mentally and physically. If you have to lose sleep in order to check everything off your to do list and a lot of that is for other people, you're going to wind up getting more and more tired. I know from experience when I am trying to tackle too much, I have a hard time sleeping because I can't shut my brain off. I can't turn it off because I keep thinking about everything I have to take care of, much of it not impacting my own life. This is taxing to say the least.

Not Your Life Anymore

When we wind up doing more than we should for other people, we wind up not working on our own lives as much as we should. We can get to the point of feeling like we aren't even living our lives because we are paying too much attention and time on things that are important in other people's lives. This is not a good place to be in at all. An extreme example of this is someone that is taking care of another person who can't take care of themselves for one reason or another. Of course, we want to be there for our loved ones when they need our help. That said, when one person has to take care of another for an extended period, it can feel like the person tending doesn't have their own life any longer.

Losing Boundaries

One of the best ways to get to a place of how to say no politely and professionally is to establish boundaries. Boundaries are something I learned about later than I would have liked to but once you discover them, it's a very freeing feeling to establish them in your life. Boundaries are essentially something you create in order to live the type of life you want to. It's sort of like a set of guidelines that you have set in your life. From time to time, you share them with others depending on the situation. Some examples may include working no more than 45 hours in a week at your job, or not staying in an unhealthy relationship. We typically learn to set our boundaries when something happens in our lives that makes us say 'I don't want that situation again." Here's a few examples of my boundaries: I bought a truck several years ago. Almost immediately, people began to ask me help them move something. Which of course, I did at first. Once it got to a point where I was helping people numerous times a week, I decided I would help someone with my truck once every two weeks and only at a time that was convenient for me. I enjoy having a full life. That said, I don't like my life to be full with just my day job. Therefore, I limit the number of hours worked per week in my day job to 45. If the number of things on my plate take up more than 45 hours, and they almost always do, I prioritize working on what's important first and foremost. Now, let's find out how to say no politely and professionally in order to keep our sanity.

How To Say No Politely and Professionally

The key to saying no politely and professionally is to frame the "No" in different manners so you're not just awkwardly staring back at someone and then mumbling a "I can't do it". There's different ways to say no to various people you interact with in a way that works for you, and still be polite and respectful towards the other person. Here's a few to consider.

To Your Boss

Saying no to your boss can be intimidating. And unless you enjoy eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner at your desk, sometimes you will reach a point where you have to tell your boss thanks but no thanks. To your boss, you want to paint the picture that you are honored to have been considered for the additional work, but other priorities will make that not possible right now. Something along the lines of: "I really appreciate you thinking of me for this project. Currently I was planning on spending this week/month on projects X,Y, and Z. As I recall those were high priorities". "Wow, thanks so much for bringing this to me. Right now I have a full load working on project X & Y. Would you prefer I set aside that work and spend my time on this new project instead?"

To Your Colleagues

I love helping out my colleagues and really appreciate their help from time to time as well. However, sometimes I am not able to lend a helping hand due to the workload I have at the moment. In this case, you'll want to keep it pretty close to the truth whenever possible. "That's a very exciting initiative to be heading up Brian, you must be stoked! Thanks for asking for my help with the survey piece of it. Truth be told, this is not what I'd consider an area of strength for me, I'd probably slow things down. Lisa is pretty good at those, you might ask her". "You know I normally love doing this type of work Beth and I really appreciate you asking for my help with the layout part of it. Unfortunately, the timing isn't good, our boss Mark has me working on a presentation to the ELT for next week".

To Your Clients

Saying no to a client can be tough. After all, they are the ones paying you. The main thing here is to make sure your client feels heard and understood. Once you fully listen to their input or want, share with them how you are addressing this very issue from another angle. "You know Bob, I completely get what you are saying and couldn't agree more. I was thinking that we would be able to address the 36-45 age range when we highlight the positive results in compound XYZ". "Karen that is great, I appreciate you pointing that out and bringing it up to make sure we address it. Mandy on the team has been looking into that as well, I'll ask her to share her thoughts on what she has discovered in our meeting on Thursday".

In Your Personal Life

With people in your personal life, it's best to say no and the reason why. Maybe you've already got something else planned, or it could be you just don't want to. Of course, you want to be respectful of people's feelings; but with your closer, more personal relationships, it's best to be honest about why you are saying no. One of my rules to help keep me on the path of not always saying yes is that I am always happy to help someone, providing they are doing the main work. After all, someone is asking me for my help in their life, so they should be the one doing the heavy lifting. This has come up in many situations. When my oldest daughter would complain about not having any money, I'd offer to help her make a budget. She would need to set a time and place and I'd be happy to help her. When someone has asked me to help them move something with my truck, of course I'm happy to help - here is when I am available: You want me to help you in the yard? Sure I can certainly do that. However I am not available today, I already have things planned.

Bottom Line

With a little luck, you've learned something about how to say no politely and professionally. Helping others out from time to time is great, it's nice to know that you can count on others when needed and visa versa. It helps us feel connected and part of something greater than ourselves. Unfortunately, it can become too easy to say yes to too many requests for help. This can lead to resentment and burnout. When someone asks for your help, take a moment to consider if it's something you genuinely want to do and can do, or if it's better to say no politely and professionally.

More About the Art of Saying No

• What You Need to Do to Stop Being a People Pleaser
• 16 Things You Don't Need To Say Yes All the Time
• The Gentle Art of Saying No For a Less Stressful Life