You want to meet someone and have decided to go online. That is proactive, forward-thinking, and a very great move, but care must be taken not to fall into habits that will spoil your dating experience- especially if you are an older person. Studies show that senior online dating is increasing daily and also that seniors tend to have better date choices than younger people. However, studies also reveal a lot of challenges online daters commonly face that result in bad dating experiences. Keeping these tips in mind will help a great deal.
1. Never go “Wow!” over the pictures.
While on the internet, it’s very easy to feel in control and maintain very high expectations. The feeling of being in control is wonderful and anyone would confess that it makes them feel powerful, but you have to fight it- especially as an older person.
If what you desire is a true connection- a true relationship with a person whom you love and who loves you in return, you must bring your most empathetic and mature self into the dating adventure. This probably is the reason why seniors often make better choices in online dates and why senior online dating sites are experiencing more success compared to other online dating sectors.
This simply means not saying, “Wow, she is gorgeous but I prefer blondes to brunettes.” You wouldn’t behave this way sitting across from this person, so don’t do it online. What you need is happiness, so go for it!
2. Avoid being obsessed about details.
Your focus shouldn’t be on which movies they like, bars they frequent, schools they attended, or restaurants they visit. If what you want is true happiness and you intend genuine love, your focus should be on where he or she lives, whether or not he or she seems intelligent, and whether or not he or she has similar interests. Don’t be deceived into believing that someone out there exactly suits your preferences. Instead, focus on the most important and desired traits. What’s most important is the profile tone, and evaluating it should be your focus. If you can evaluate the profile tone (which may seem difficult), you may have a better chance of guessing what the person is like even without profile images or meeting him or her in person.
If you focus on trivial things, there is the chance you will pass over the profiles of people who could actually make you happy. Finding a genuine relationship is about how you both understand your differences, yet meet each other’s desires. The key to this is reading between the lines to get a clear understanding of the person. Is he or she well-adjusted, reasonable, friendly- a person to whom you would be naturally attracted if you were to meet him or her in person without regard for movie tastes, books, and restaurants?
Never ignore signs of bitterness, boastfulness, and insincerity. You can easily detect if someone is insincere if there are any claims of perfection! Everyone has flaws, and claims of perfection in many areas is a warning sign. Also beware of a person whose profile states, “My friend did it and suggested I have the same experience so I took it on”.
3. Mind personality claims.
Most explicit claims about a person’s personality should be ignored. People are very unreliable when reporting about themselves, and understanding this will save you a lot of trouble. People who ignore warning signs about personality claims in profiles have bitter stories to tell about online dating. Claims about oneself may not always be lies, but the way people see themselves is frequently different from how others see them. It’s best to meet people and confirm their claims before putting confidence into those claims. Keep in mind that we humans are expert “self-justifiers” and only external events can really reveal negative traits. Am I right? The only claims worth believing are age, education, location, and job. When it comes to self-evaluation, people are biased and self-aggrandizing.
4. Don’t get too attached when judging a profile.
You may have evaluated a profile but that’s not all. No matter how great you are at evaluating profiles or how great a person seems to match your tastes, there is still lots more to know about him or her. You can learn only a little from a profile, but you can learn much from behavior: the tone of voice, eye contact, how responsively and beautifully they smile, how attentive they are during discussions, how and what they say about themselves, how they ask questions, and so much more. Never ignore the fact that vital information is only disclosed by people when they are relaxed and in a good mood. Your goal shouldn’t be to look for the perfect person that suits your taste but to have fun with the possibility of meeting your match.
5. Don’t move too fast.
It’s never advisable to do this. However, there is a greater chance of moving too fast in online dating. It is a big temptation. “His profile says he needs a relationship. Would he even be on a dating site if he were not really serious? I have gotten to know so much about him/her even though we’ve met only once. What am I waiting for?” Getting impatient with dating and moving too fast in a relationship is the worst thing you can do. After a few dates you are still getting to know this person while growing the connection. Getting attached too soon can scare off your date or dampen your budding relationship. Note: It’s difficult when you badly want to have a connection with someone, but getting to know another person takes time, so take the time.
Featured photo credit: fr.canoe.ca via living.alot.com
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