Is Relationship Counselling for You? Find Your Answer Here

Most people have heard of relationship counseling, but very few believe it is for them. We all want to believe our relationship is perfect, unique, and meant to last. Even if we acknowledge there is room for improvement, we often want to be able to resolve it ourselves. And it doesn't help, either, that relationship counseling suffers from the same stigma as every form of counseling: that if you go, there must be something wrong. For these reasons and others, Brian Doss, Ph.D., an associate professor of psychology at the University of Miami, says the average couple endures six years of unhappiness before seeking couples counseling. But in my opinion, you don't need to wait that long. You don't even need to be unhappy. You just have to know what relationship counseling is, how it can help, and whether it's for you.

When you should consider couples counseling

"Same issues, different tactics, same results" -- that's what I tell anyone who asks me whether they should seek couples counseling. Here is the three-step consideration:

1. Same issues. Fighting is only natural. Along with strong positive feelings toward a person naturally come negative ones. But the first consideration is whether these fights are over the same issues. If so, it demonstrates that you and your partner are not communicating past them. Some type of blockage is taking place.
2. Different tactics. If the above is true, I recommend trying a different tactic. Example: every time you and your partner get in a fight, you end up talking over one another. Next time, try remaining silent while your partner speaks. See if this makes any difference.
3. Same results. Have you tried a few different things and ended up with the same result? If so, couples counseling can help.

Couples who fight about the same issues, try different tactics, and end up with the same results, are having a difficult time communicating past their issues. What does communicating past an issue mean? It means working through it within the relationship. It means reaching a point where it no longer remains such a trigger. Since couples will inevitably experience hardship together, it's essential that they have this ability to eventually move beyond issues; otherwise they will continue to pile up.

What exactly is relationship counseling (and how does it work)?

Relationship counseling is an opportunity for a couple to examine why their communication is blocked. Now, sometimes the content, or what the couple is fighting about, is the problem. For example, a couple might disagree about whether to have a child. In this case, couples therapy can be helpful for the basic reason that it represents a space where the conversation can take place. More often than not, however, the process -- or how the couple is fighting -- is the important consideration. It does not matter what the issue is if the pattern of discussing it is one person yelling and the other person crying. Couples therapy, then, is where these patterns can be noticed by the therapist and presented to the couple as something that needs changing. Of course, this is hopefully done in a space that is comfortable, safe, and neutral. Here's a basic four-step process:

1. Couple is introduced to the therapist. Each person is given an opportunity to tell their story. Therapist explains the rules of the therapy, emphasizing that this is a safe place for exploration and healing.
2. As couple begins to discuss some of the issues they have been experiencing, therapist takes note of how they communicate. He/she eventually brings their communication patterns into the work, asking whether these patterns are bringing about the results the couple wants.
3. Assuming the patterns are not ideal, therapist begins to explore each person's motivation or willingness, to change their pattern. Any resistances to changing are explored.
4. The therapist helps the couple brainstorm new ways of communicating with each other. It is important that the couple have an active hand in this, otherwise it will seem forced from the outside. Therapy now becomes a place where this new style of communicating can be practiced.

Benefits to you and your partner

On a relationship level, couples counseling provides, in many cases, the best chance you and your partner have for reversing destructive communication patterns or making big, life-altering decisions. On an individual level, couples counseling can help each of you become a better communicator. What does this mean, exactly? In session, you will learn that healthy communication takes practice. It is not easy to place ourselves in the shoes of another person and feel what they are feeling. Good communication also takes awareness. Your therapist will work with each of you to uncover your attachment modes -- in other words, the way you communicate based on early life experiences.

How to make relationship counselling work for you (step-by-step)

Now that you understand the benefits of relationship counselling, what should you do to make it work for you and your partner? Here're the steps:

1. Be honest about your motivation. You may be going to find a way to break up. You might be going to receive confirmation that you are right and your partner is wrong.
2. Discuss what you want to accomplish beforehand.
3. Try to procure a referral; otherwise, choose a profile together. I have seen too many couples choose separately and then fight. If you cannot come to a decision together, that is a data point. It may be worthwhile to try individual therapy first, in that case.
4. Be honest. There's no point in going to couples counselling and not being honest. This does not mean you spill everything all at once. But it does mean that being untruthful is not going to help your therapist help you. If there are certain things that are important, but you are not sure if you are comfortable sharing with your partner, most couples therapists will have individual sessions within the first five sessions: try bringing it up then.
5. Discuss what is said in your sessions outside of your sessions. Not at first, necessarily, and not always, but if things get better, recognize that couples counselling (unlike individual therapy) is supposed to be temporary: you want to move it outside the room.

Final thoughts

Though many people have heard about relationship counselling, not so many couples are willing to try it even if they have relationship problems. Many couples have the question "Is relationship counselling for me/us?" Hopefully, this article has answered all the common questions people have about relationship counselling - When should they consider it? How does it work? Does it really work? How to utilize it for their best benefits? You don't need to reach the saddest point in your relationship to reach out for relationship counselling. Just take relationship counselling as an opportunity to help your relationship grow and better you and your partner's communication patterns!

How to Help Anxiety When Life Is Stressing You Out

Feeling stressed or anxious? Then you’re not alone. In the UK, according to a new survey from the Mental Health Foundation, 74% of people have at some point felt so stressed that they felt overwhelmed or unable to cope.((Mental Health Foundation: Stressed nation: 74% of UK 'overwhelmed or unable to cope' at some point in the past year)) In the US, that figure is slightly higher with 79% of Amercians who feel stress sometimes or frequently during their day.((News Gallup: Eight in 10 Americans Afflicted by Stress)) The terms ‘Stress’ and ‘Stress Management’ and ‘Stress Relief’ now receive up to 1million monthly searches on google. The most common causes of stress involve work pressure, lack of time, financial stress, children, health, relationships, and political climate. Stress will make you feel anxious, it also causes you a number of physical health problems. Given the potential impacts of prolonged stress, learning ways of managing, reducing, and preventing stress can be important tools for mental and physical health and wellbeing. Here are 16 actions you can take to help anxiety caused by your stressful life:

1. Spend More Time Gardening

Researchers have shown that spending time in your garden will boost your mood and lower your stress and anxiety.((VeryWellMind: Gardening for Stress Relief)) By spending half an hour a week tending to plants or vegetables in your garden can reduce feelings of tension and fatigue, leaving people less prone to anger and depression. When you’re feeling stressed and looking for something to get you out of bed in the morning, head to your garden and spend some time tending to your plants. If you don’t have an outside garden think about creating a mini herb garden for your kitchen or balcony.

2. Take up Yoga

Yoga is great for improving flexibility and strengthening our core. But it is also fantastic for inducing feelings of calm and improving your heart health, if you do it regularly. By spending 15 minutes a day, you could reduce your blood pressure by as much as 10%. In a recent study by Canadian researchers, they found that, among people being treated for high blood pressure, those who spent 15 minutes five time a week in quiet relaxation, saw no improvement to their condition.((Heart & Stroke: High blood pressure)) However, those who stretched for the same time experienced a 5% drop in blood pressure, and those who practiced deep breathing saw a 7% drop.

3. Celebrate Small Wins

When we pursue our goals and view our daily successes, we have two options:

• Look at how far you’ve come, what you’ve achieved and celebrate success every day (Growth Mindset)
• Look at how far away you are from the goals you have in life and feel more anxious and stressed because you haven’t achieved what you want (Gap Mindset)

With the Growth Mindset, you will always be making progress, your confidence and capabilities will grow every day. Rather than worrying about doing everything perfectly and comparing yourself to others, a major source of stress and anxiety, you are focused on staying on the path and daily growth. Try this: At the end of every day, write down 3 things that you achieved that day. It could be big or small. The point is that you made progress, even if it was just a little step.

4. Take up Meditation

Meditation can improve physical health, boost the immune systems and increase our ability to cope with stress. Dr. Elizabeth Hoge, assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, says mindfulness meditation is perfect for reducing anxiety both short- and long-term:((Health Harvard Publishing: Mindfulness meditation may ease anxiety, mental stress))

"People with anxiety have a problem dealing with distracting thoughts that have too much power ... You might think 'I'm late, I might lose my job if I don't get there on time, and it will be a disaster!' Mindfulness teaches you to recognize, 'Oh, there's that thought again. I've been here before. But it's just that--a thought, and not a part of my core self.'"

Meditation can help improve our attention and concentration, improve our self-control and give us greater overall psychological well-being. By meditating for just 10-15 minutes per day, it can help reduce stress hormone levels, increasing serotonin, and strengthening your ability to let go of thoughts that don't serve you. You can download a meditation app such as Headspace to help you, work with a meditation partner or just give it a go, and see how it helps you.

5. Just Breathe

A powerful way to stay centered and to counteract the physical effects of anxiety and stress is to focus on your breathing. If your breathing becomes shallow and chest-centered, then breathing deeply or “belly breathing’ can help by lowering cortisol and signalling to your nervous system to rest. Learn these 5 breathing exercises for anxiety to calm anxiety quickly.

6. Exercise Regularly

Maintaining a regular exercise plan can provide relief for many of the symptoms of stress and anxiety. Exercise can enhance our mood, increase energy levels, give us goals to focus on, improve motivation, challenge us and improve the quality of our sleep. Exercise allows our muscles to move, it encourages blood flow and gets us breathing a lot deeper. Try any racket sport, going to the gym, HIIT training, boxing or more mind-body activities such as tai-chi or Pilates. The point is to get your body moving and find an exercise activity that works for you. This may be doing something by yourself, in a room of people or part of a team. Pick something that fits you.

7. Detach Yourself from Work

Do you feel overcommitted at work? Do you struggle to switch off from work when you get home? If you feel overwhelmed with time pressures at work and struggle to switch off when you get home, you are more likely to additional stress and anxiety. It is essential to unplug daily and create healthy boundaries upon yourself that separate your work and home life. Detaching yourself from work can be hard if your jobs are highly stressful, demanding and all consuming. But to ensure you are productive at work and fully present when you are at home, it's crucial. It can help create less work fatigue and procrastination, build better work-life balance and improve mental health. If you don’t detach from work, it’s much easier for you to be more distracted, burned-out and increase feelings of stress. Your sleep, happiness and general sense of wellbeing will also be affected.

8. Disconnect from Technology

When you make yourself available to everyone 24/7, you can expose yourself to numerous stressors. Forcing yourself to take a break from technology can help. This includes taking a break from your phone and taking a break from email. Technology enables constant communication and often the expectation that you are always available. It is difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an email or message can change your train of thought and get you thinking about work. Constant notifications on your phone also don’t help. We take a look at what our friends and network are doing, often, because we don’t want to miss out. That fear of missing out can cause anxiety – what have I missed? It also creates a lot of stress when we start comparing our lives to those of others. Create your own path and take a break from the technology.

9. Practice Daily Intentions

The art of practicing daily intentions can be a powerful way of managing and reducing stress. It can be as simple as stating what you want to happen that day or writing down at the start of each day what you feel grateful for. I write down 3 things I’m grateful for as well as my weekly and 90 day goals. I share these with others to gather support and stay positive. Gratitude brings together positive emotions like joy, contentment and hope and gives your mind a positive boost.

10. Declutter Your Home and Work Space

Excessive clutter can be a symptom and cause of stress and anxiety. Your home and work environment can often be an external representation of what’s happening internally. It can overload your sense and your mind. If something is cluttered, it’s very difficult to focus and it can feel like there are a million things to do, scattering your thoughts. Clutter can distract, weigh you down and can create stress in your life. This clutter can also include the relationships that take up lots of time and energy, don’t really go anywhere and cause you more stress than joy. So, start small and focus on different areas at a time. When I started decluttering, my first focus was my office and then I moved into my home. Although it might feel worse before it gets better, committing to and taking small steps can pay big dividends.

11. Find Someone to Talk To

When there are lots of stresses and anxieties in your life, one of the best things you can do is reach out and talk with someone. When you share your concerns or feelings with someone, it can help relieve some of the stress or anxiety you feel. It starts with choosing someone you can trust, someone who gets you and can validate you. So, call a trusted friend, family member, colleague or mentor and just talk. You can also create a group of people going through similar feelings of stress or anxiety. Just like with a Mastermind group for business owners comes together to collaborate, learn and support each other, explore creating a similar group.

12. Read More

When was the last time you sat alone with a good book? Reading is one of those activities that we do on our own and can help us escape from the daily stresses of life. This could be a book to help you increase your wisdom, or learn something new, or a piece of fiction to transport you away from daily anxieties and stresses. In addition to the learning benefits, reading also improves the connectivity between our brain cells, lowering the risk of neurodegenerative diseases.

13. Start Walking More

Have you ever taken a walk to clear your mind? Walking is something you should be doing every day. It boosts your mental and physical health and there are numerous studies out there that advises walking to remove stress and anxiety. Walking also helps you think more clearly. During the day, you are inundated with information and it can be difficult to just get some time away to process our thoughts. Walking helps. Some of my best ideas, for example, come from taking a simple 15-20-minute walk and letting my mind process everything that’s going on. To amp up the benefits of walking, try visiting a forest or some woods and taking a nice long stroll through nature. This surrounding can calm the mind. At the end of your walk, you could find somewhere with an inspiring view and just sit quietly for a few minutes. This gives you a real sense of perspective and can create a sense of awe, creating higher levels of oxytocin.

14. Start Journaling

Writing down positive emotions and thoughts can help to reduce stress and anxiety. This is one of the simplest techniques you can use for stress management, as you can assign a small amount of time to it, and it is hugely enjoyable. Journaling can help you work through your anxious feelings as well as highlight the positive things that are happening in your life. By spending just 5 minutes a day journaling, you can examine both anxious and positive thoughts. Write down how you’re feeling, and explore how you can change your mind-set around the things that are causing you to be stressed. Journaling is also beneficial simply by giving you somewhere to get all of the thoughts from your mind down onto paper. A space to analyze, a place to ask questions and a place to empower. Another good use for your journal is to express gratitude for what you have. Every day, write down three things you are grateful for. This could be a person, something that happened to you, your environment, anything. The point is to focus on appreciation. Try doing this for 7 days to see if it creates more positive feelings.

15. Take up Knitting

This may seem a bit left field but stay with me. Knitting is actually really beneficial for a healthy mind and body. Taking up knitting as a hobby can reduce depression and anxiety, as well as slow down the onset of dementia. According to Knit for Peace, a network of 15,000 knitters in the UK,((Independent: Knitting Can Reduce Anxiety, Depression, Chronic Pain and Slow Dementia, Research Reveals))

“There is an enormous amount of research showing that knitting has physical and mental health benefits, that slows the onset of dementia, combats depression and distracts from chronic pain.”

A 2007 study from Harvard Medical School’s Mind and Body Institute, found that knitting lowers heart rate, by an average of 11 beats per minute and creates an “enhanced state of calm” similar to yoga.((Prima: Knitting shown to lower blood pressure, tackle depression and help you cope with pain))

16. Get More Sleep

I’ve written before about the Benefits of Sleep and The Importance of Sleep Cycles on Productivity and Health. If you’re experiencing stress in your life, chances are that you might be struggling to fall or stay asleep at night. Your anxious worry about life and its problems may keep your brain from settling down, and the disruption of sleep is likely to keep you feeling more on edge the next day. Getting enough sleep and mood are closely connected. Not getting enough sleep on a regular basis can cause irritability and stress. Getting the right amount of sleep (7-8 hours) can enhance well-being and set you up for a purposeful, productive day. The quality of our sleep directly affects the quality of our daily life and can affect mental sharpness, productivity, emotional balance, creativity, and physical vitality. Start focusing on getting a better night’s sleep.

The Bottom Line

These 16 tips can help you reduce anxiety and stress. Some will work better than others, whilst others can be incorporated together into your daily life. Try them. See which ones make a real difference in your business and life. If they work, share the knowledge with someone in a similar position.

7 Reasons Why You Should Find a Life Coach to Reach Your Full Potential

Life coaching is not just a fad. It is a useful and practical service industry that is here to stay. Life coaching is a life changing partnership that helps people reach their potential. It is not counseling. Here is an easy explanation to differentiate between counseling and life coaching: Counseling helps you deal with major life problems, such as depression, divorce, and death of a loved one. Whereas, life coaching helps you realize your goals and dreams, such as getting a job promotion, writing a book, or achieving a weight loss goal. Every life coaching practice is different, but the premise of life coaching is for an individual to partner with a coach so they can receive counsel and encouragement to achieve their personal and/or career goals. Before I married my husband and had children, I had a life coaching practice for several years. I also personally use a life coach. We have an hourly call once a month. Life coaching works. I am stating this not only because I have seen it in my own clients' successes, but it has worked for me personally. While these are some signs that you need a life coach, here are more reasons why you need to find a life coach today:

1. Find Your Life Purpose

We all have the innate desire to be special and important. It doesn't necessarily mean that you want to be on a stage or receive a standing ovation. It means that we each have an intrinsic desire to have a life that is of meaning. To be of value to this world in some way is the cry of our soul. We each have a purpose in this world, but for most of us, it is not exactly clear what that purpose may be. A life coach can help you discover this in yourself. For many, we have life experiences that shape and mold who we have become. We can use these experiences, both good and bad, to find our meaning in the world. A life coach can help you unlock this potential for meaningful purpose. They can help you process your past and find the meaning and purpose for your life. It can be something positive. For example, you may have twice performed CPR on strangers who had medical emergencies. You saved their lives and this left a lasting impact on you as a person that you felt within your soul and being. After you talked with your life coach for several sessions, you may decide that your job at a hardware store is not your purpose. You have come to realize that you react well in emergency situations and you find great meaning in helping others. Your experience of saving those two individuals by your quick thinking and actions left an impression on you. You now realize that you want to become an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician). You have found that your purpose is to save lives in real emergency situations. The next step with your life coach is working on discovering and creating a plan of action that will get you to the goal of being an EMT. You may love your career, but you don't feel that is your end purpose. Perhaps you have a yearning for something more meaningful. Your life coach can help you discover that purpose even if it means staying in your current career. Also, it should be noted that it doesn't necessarily need to be a positive experience that drives your purpose. For example, perhaps you are a widow because your spouse committed suicide. It happened a number of years ago and you have healed and found that telling your story to others now has helped a number of individuals and families. You discover in your conversations with your life coach that you would like to channel your story and experience into helping others. This is your purpose. Your life coach can help you discuss what kind of options are out there and what you may be thinking. In the end, after weeks of discussion and researching possible options, you have decided that you will become involved in your local suicide prevention organization. You find that there is a very active local chapter with opportunities for speaking. Your life coach helps you set goals including meeting with the chapter president so you can help with the organization's goal of suicide prevent. The end result is that you meet with the president and you asked to speak at their next public event about suicide prevention. You are able to share your story along with the warning signs and how families can help their loved one who may be suicidal. Your purpose has clearly come into focus and fruition because of your life coaching partnership.

2. Unlock the Answers Within Yourself

Are you your perfect self? Have you achieved everything you want to be in life? Have you run out of things to improve in your life? If you answered no to any of the above questions, then you can benefit from hiring a life coach. Even if you don't know what you want to improve just yet, or you don't know what purpose you have in this world, a life coach can help you discover these things in yourself. A life coach does not have the answers for you. However, they can help you unlock the answers in yourself. Sometimes, you don't even know it is in you, until the right questioning and person comes along. That right person is likely a life coach if you can't put your finger on your future and what you want. Life coaches are trained to question. They are not advice givers. Instead, they know the right questions and how to ask them in a way that gets you thinking introspectively. They are positive, encouraging, and open to your ideas, thoughts, and their desire is to unlock the answers within you for yourself. They don't want to provide you with your answers. They can guide you, but truly the answers lie within yourself. A life coach will partner with you to help you find the answers in you about yourself, even if you don't know or believe that you have the answers. You do. You just have to trust the process and trust yourself.

3. Develop Steps to Improve Yourself

Once you know what it is that you want to achieve and you have unlocked your passion, desires, and hopes, it's then that the work begins. Your life coach can help you achieve your goals, whether they are self improvement or career related. They partner with you to help you develop a plan of action. Your life coach will work with you to develop a step-by-step plan in achieving your goals. For example, imagine that you have decided that your goal is to write a children's book about overcoming cancer. You made this decision because you overcame cancer as a child and you want to help other children with cancer have hope in their bleak situation. You also have the desire to create an awareness among children about cancer and its affects. Your life coach will likely ask you questions about how long you think it will take you to write the book, how you plan to obtain illustrations, and thoughts about publishing options. Those discussions will help you brainstorm the process of everything it takes (that you know) to write and publish a children's book. From there, you set goals to achieve before your next call. For example, you decide that you will try to write a first draft of the book before your next call that is happening in two weeks. You also determine another task or goal in the next two weeks is reaching out to your friend who is an artist, and may be interested in drawing for the book. A third task on your list is to research online how children's books are published. Your discussion along with the tasks and goals to achieve in the next two weeks have you moving forward toward your goal of publishing this children's book. You have practical and realistic steps that will move you in the direction of your goal. Whatever your goal or life purpose may be, your life coach can help you zone in on what needs to be done in the here, and now to work toward making that dream a reality.

4. Set and Achieve Goals With Someone Who is Holding You Accountable

This is one of the primary reasons I have a life coach. I am great at setting my own goals, both personally and professionally. However, life gets in the way and the lack of achieving those goals slips from days, into weeks, and then into months. With my monthly life coaching sessions, I have overall goals. My life coach helps me break those big goals down into smaller achievable goals. During our coaching sessions, she will ask me how much time I believe it will take to achieve the tasks involved in achieving my goals at hand. Then, I write down on my calendar the date I plan to achieve those tasks by. This helps me keep moving forward on my goals by breaking things down into achievable tasks. I know that she is also keeping track of those dates, as she is jotting them down during the call. She will be asking me during our next call about all of the line-items and dates we had set during the previous call. We go through each of these during the next session. It works! I don't want to let her down. I also don't want to let myself down. Just knowing that I have someone holding me accountable in completing the tasks and jobs that are getting me toward my dreams and goals helps me complete everything on time. You may be thinking, "why can't I just have a friend hold me accountable." Sure, that may work, but it likely will not be as effective. How committed are they going to be in checking in on you and your completion of tasks every month that are helping you reach your goals? Also, when you have money invested in the process, you have a vested stake in the matter. When you put money into something, it creates care and dedication because you don't want that money to be wasted.

5. Start Doing Instead of Dreaming

Do you have a dream that has been put on the shelf? Perhaps it is a book you have in your mind that you have wanted to write for years, or maybe it's a dream to travel abroad but you have been too busy with life to schedule in the trips you have dreamed about for years? Now is the time to make that change happen. You can take your dreams off the shelf where they have been waiting and begging to be removed. You can begin to make those dreams a reality when you partner with a life coach. A life coach can help you discover what it is that is keeping your dreams shelved, so that you can overcome the obstacles standing in the way. For example, imagine you have wanted to adopt a dog for years, but your job has kept you too busy. You engage with your life coach to discuss this dream. Your life coach may help you discover that you do have options even with a busy job. Through your discussion, you realize that your work load will be changing in the coming years and that there are plenty of dogs in shelters that need a home now. You are willing to pay for daily doggy daycare until you have more time at home during the week. Until that day, you can enjoy evenings and weekends with a dog who needs you and you need them. You had shelved your dream because you felt you didn't have enough time for the dog. However, once you realized that you have the money to provide the daytime care needed, and you could save a dog who may otherwise be euthanized, your perspective changed. You became empowered to make your dream happen. You adopt a dog from a local shelter and the rest is history. You wouldn't have thought about the options and your perspective being changed had it not been for the right questions being asked by your life coach. Your coach helped you discover a real and feasible plan to make your dream a reality. The result is that you not only have your dream of owning a dog realized, but you also saved that dog's life.

6. We All Need a Personal Cheerleader

Wouldn't it be great to have someone cheering us on in life? Someone that rejoices in our successes, even when they are small? If you hire a life coach, you can have your own personal life cheerleader. Your life coach wants you to succeed because it is a reflection of their work with you. They are cheering you on because you have partnered together. One of the first people I texted after I got a book agent was my life coach. She knew I had the appointment scheduled. She responded instantly to my text with an overjoyed message of congratulations. I knew she, of all people, would understand the work that had gone into my goal of landing a book agent. She had helped me each step of the way in setting small goals and tasks to get the agent. She was cheering me on in my proposal writing stage, my editing phase, and my pursuit of meeting with the agent. She was excited and cheering me on with words of encouragement and praise of the work that I had done to get me to that point. Once the appointment happened and the contract was offered, I was thrilled to tell my life coach because I knew she would be excited too. It was a success for her as well. She had been helping me set my goals and was cheering me on all these months. It is so nice to know that I have someone walking beside me in the process of pursing my goals. Friends are enthusiastic and sweet of course, but none are partnered with you like a life coach. A life coach wants you to be successful, because your success is their success. They will be your cheerleader and don't we all need one in this tough world!

7. Gain Better Self Understanding and Confidence

When you know who you are, you can become confident in who you are. A life coach can help you better understand yourself. They ask questions that help you identify what matters to you most. A life coach does not tell you what to do or how to do it. Instead, a good life coach will delve into questions that help you discover for yourself what you may not consciously know. For example, imagine you are struggling as a mom. You can't put your finger on what it is that is causing your failure as a mother. You just know that you feel that every day is a struggle and you don't feel like you are doing things right. You begin to discuss with your life coach your childhood. You realize in her probing questions that your feelings of failure and inadequacy come from your own childhood. Your mom is a perfectionist and was an incredible super-mom. You don't feel that you could ever measure up. In discussing what you do as a mother on a daily basis, you also realize that you are a hard working mom doing your best and trying your hardest. Your realizations help you come to the conclusion that it is your confidence in your abilities that are lacking, and not your actual mothering abilities. You decide that you will work on these issues with your life coach. Once you can discover why your confidence is being undermined, you can begin to dismantle the false thoughts that were keeping from being a confident mom. Your shift in mom thinking has changed because your life coach asked the right questions to help uncover the truth about where your lack of confidence was stemming. Once that was uncovered, it could be taken head on to dispel with thoughts from your past that still had a hold on you. Your life coach can then help you discover what you are doing right as a mom and build on those qualities, so you can gain even more confidence as a mother. Sometimes, we think we know ourselves and simply think that there is something wrong with us when we feel inadequate. Instead of chalking things up to inadequacy and failure, we need to delve deeper. Often, we can find thoughts and beliefs founded in falsehood that are keeping us from being our best self. Things that we think to be true may not be truth at all. Don't accept the lie that you are not good enough. Find out what is causing your feelings for not being or doing enough. Partnering with a life coach will help you discover in yourself the root of these thoughts so that they can be overcome. Your life coach will help you become more confident in who you are and what you do.

How to Find a Life Coach

Word of mouth is usually the best way to find a life coach. It you know of a friend who uses a life coach, then ask them about their experience. If they highly recommend their life coach, ask for their contact information. If you use social media, it can also be a great resource. Ask your friends and family via social media if they know of a reputable life coach. Be sure to put below your request "no negative comments please." There are some people who have negative opinions about therapy, life coaching, and counseling. Their opinions are not needed to hinder you in your pursuit of making yourself better. If you are more private and not wanting to ask others, then there are websites that allow you to search for life coaches. Keep in mind that many life coaching sessions are done by phone or even Skype. You do not need to live near a life coach to hire one. Instead, think about looking for a coach that either specializes in a specific topic in which you are searching for help, or look for one that you think would be a good match for you personally. Don't be concerned about location, since most coaches work by phone anyway. Think you're too late to find a life coach? Surely not! Here's the proof: How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

How to Start an Online Business That Will Grow and Succeed

There are thousands and thousands of free guides available online on how to start an online business. However, the most valuable lesson they probably never discuss is that starting a new business online is probably going to fail. Successful professionals that excel at some point with a venture never gave up, had a passion about creating a meaningful service or product idea, and never stopped trying. Starting a business is a great opportunity for anyone with a passion to work on something you never get tired of. If people like coming to you for advise or to help them with work-related tasks, then you have the necessary skills and experience to start a business. In addition, if you have a curiosity on how services and products, maybe you have the capacity and capabilities to create something more innovative. In the next section, we will examine comprehensively a thorough approach about what are the core elements to start a business. It will not necessarily catapult you to create Google, Facebook or Apple, yet guide you to create a successful business.

1. Remember the likelihood of your business failing are high

Building a product or service is a process that takes a lot of time, so do not think that successful CEOs did it with a snap of their fingers. According to the Small Business Association (SBA), only 30 percent of businesses will fail in the first two years and 50 percent will probably stay open in the first five years.((Fit Small Business: Small Business Failure Rates: Why All The Stats Have It Wrong)) It is something to think about when launching your online business. However, this does not mean you should be discouraged, and it's actually a valuable lesson to fail since it will give you clues on what to do right the next time.

2. Focus on your audience and targeted niche market

One of the most difficult things to figure is who your customer is and how to tailor your product or service. Depending on your available resources and the size of your network, the scale of your venture will be contingent on this. If you are launching a business, will you go the retail route or create an online store? Will your service satisfy the needs of a startup, small business, enterprise or a corporation? There is no right or wrong answer. Think about your audience and what the size of your customer base will be. Without knowing your customers, you cannot start a business.

3. Conduct a lot of research and examine the segment of your potential market

Depending on the sort of business, you will have to do hours of research and ask a lot of questions. It helps a lot to look at specific companies or businesses to get an idea on how they go started. This may be a daunting task for some and there are other avenues to explore to assist you with building a business. The web has tons of resources and you can check out Fundera's list of 50 tools to help grow your business. In addition, you must tap into a reliable business networking list of people to guide your journey to creating an online business.

4. Tap into the reach of social media and expand your message

Gone are the days of paying expensive advertising budgets. Thanks to social channels like Twitter, YouTube and Facebook, businesses can advertise for free. On the other hand, you can spend and create marketing campaigns on those different platforms. Figure out which one is best suited to your needs and where that audience is active. When your online business has figured out where its message has the most impact and at the same time customers are responding to your message, then you know you are in the right place.

5. Network with influencers and brand your company on an optimized blog

Depending on the size of the organization and the number of employees, you may need to consider networking in the initial phases. Social media is a valuable tool and you can reach out to brand influencers depending on the line of products or services you wish to promote. Gone are the days of just putting an advertisement campaign and expecting a big return. Instead you will have to create partnerships and blog about your branded efforts. Make sure you have an optimized blog with search engine optimization (SEO) tools built-in, so you can focus on attracting customers and followers.

6. Create monetization plan tailored to your products and services

Whether you are a startup, small business, enterprise or a large company, you have to be strategic with your company efforts. Do you have an omni-channel strategy in place to attract clients and potential business? In other words, you must have the integrations with your site and selected social media channels to generate revenue from products or services. Believe it or not, not having a clear investment plan on how you will generate business is one factor often overlook. The technology is there and depending on your institutional resources, you will have to look at a couple of vendors to see which one gets you the best value for your company.

7. Monitor your progress and schedule meetings on a weekly basis

When your business is live online, you need to monitor progress. You must look at your data, key performance indicators (KPI)s and financials to see how your company is progressing over time. This is a very different mindset when you are in a large company, but an average-sized online business has to do housekeeping procedures. The products or services advertised online are just one part of the equation. Are you attracting customers? Are interactions with clients translating to transactions or conversion? These questions can only be answered by looking at your data and financial statements. When you can compare both, you will have an excellent understanding on the current state of affairs.

8. Once you have refined your online product or service, officially launch your business

Once you have more or less found the online product or service to serve customers, you are ready for prime time. As long as your monetization plan lines up carefully with your your investment, you can go live with your business. This can be the form of an official announcement via your site, hosting a live event, or reaching out to media outlets to plug your company launch. There is no right or wrong way to go about his process, yet make sure the state of the company propels you to launch the online service or product.

9. Once business is growing, retain customers and attract new ones

Having customers at the beginning is crucial for an online business. In fact, it is important for any business period. The customers who have decided to adopt or buy your service, make sure you are delivering above and beyond customer service. They will not only continue to buy services, but they will likely recommend your service to others. So go the extra mile to thank them for their business. If possible, develop perks programs and giveaways since customers enjoy the red carpet and celebrity treatment.

10. Use social media networks ethically and steer away from shady business practices

It is tempting to use several social media platforms and buy fake followers. The problem is if the business is a lot bigger than it seems, it will come back to hunt you. There is nothing more embarrassing or outright unprofessional to have thousands of followers who never interact with posts you share. Unfortunately, social media has lost credibility when it comes to building fake followers and fake news. So, do not fall in the trap of trying to grow your brand artificially. Aim for organic followers. Meaning, to have real customers following you and engaging their brand in authentic ways.

11. Continue to track results of the business

Meetings are essential to tracking the state of affairs and the state of your staff. These meetings should also include tracking the performance as a result of your online business (product or service). Are the results positive? Are they negative? Are they producing productive results? Analytics is vital to understanding how the business is performing, so make sure you are able to get a snapshot of where you are at. Successful businesses cover their tracks and that includes look at the bottom line performance of their product or service.

12. Utilize search engines to attract targeted customers to your site

There are advertising systems and price tiers for the different social networks, but search engines like Google and Bing are still important. Pay-per-click (PPC) advertising is offered in tiers through the Google search engine and Microsoft's search engine Bing. This remains one of the simplest and most effective way to generate traffic to a brand new site. As reported by Entrepreneur, the PPC offers two advantages:((Entrepreneur: How to Start a Business Online)) One advantage is that PPC ads show up on the search pages right away, while the other is it allows you as a business to test different keywords including headlines, prices and selling approaches.

13. Provide expert advice and testimony through different mediums

It can be challenging to get brand visibility when you are a brand business. However, if you have some significant knowledge and expertise on your company product or service, offer insight. It means you can publish a blog post with powerful visuals, an infographic, a webinar, a YouTube video, etc. The idea is to plug your service, but make it an interesting testimony that tells a story. It is not enough to tell the story of your product, but connect with to popular culture if possible. Be creative and take risks because that may be the different between success and failure if you do not try.

14. An online business cannot succeed without effective email marketing strategies

When you are compiling customer data, one of the most valuable pieces of information is a phone number and particularly an email address. With an email, you can build an opt-in list. This list allows you to create newsletters or announcements to be sent to their inbox for exclusive offers. You can setup a provider or a third party to analyze customer interactions with your email offers. What it will provide your business is cost opportunity and it is cheaper than print, TV or radio.

Final thoughts

After you have found your calling in building a product or service, put the building stones to creating your service and product. It needs to solve a problem that no other business offers. If you are about solving problems, an online business is the right venture for you. Launching an online business is a complicated undertaking, so do not expect instant results. Building a successful online business takes time, investing money and developing a service that makes a profit. Finally, make sure you have the available resources and a reliable team that will accompany you throughout your journey. They need to be loyal and have to bring something unique to your big idea. Take risks and fail early because these experiences are the foundations to launching a successful company.

How to Work with Different Communication Styles in the Office

We all have our own unique way of communicating with each other. This is true in our personal lives as well as at work. We all have run into people at both work and play that we just don't seem to get. Not only do we not hit it off with them, we honestly have a hard time understanding the point they are making. It can be very frustrating interacting with someone when it seems like we are miles apart in the understanding department. On the flip side, it's awesome when we hit it off with people that just seem to "get us". The conversation flows and there is an immediate sense of connection. There's a reason for that. In this article, we will look at 4 different communication styles. While we will focus on how to understand and work with different communication styles at the office, this can hold true in our personal lives as well. It will benefit you greatly at work to be cognizant of these different communication styles. Once you are familiar with them, you will find it easier to navigate communicating with different communication styles at the office. Let's look at four primary communication styles at work.

4 Communication Styles

There are certainly more than 4 communication styles. We all have our own unique way of communicating. Most people tend to have components of the communication that will place them more towards one of these 4 styles. It's worth noting that very few of us fit exactly into one of these communication styles. We do have a stronger tendency and show attributes towards one or two. Let's take a look at the four primary communication styles. You will see characteristics in yourself that have similarities to one or more of these. It also helps provide you with some insight into others communication style. This will allow you to be more aware of how we talk, interact, and communicate with each other and help you be a more effective communicator.

1. Functional

A functional communicator is someone who likes to get deep into the details. Someone who likes to understand how everything works. They tend to be methodical, process driven and very detail oriented. He or she likes to work with timelines and milestones. Think of a functional communicator like a detail oriented project manager. They like to see the whole picture as well as the details that make it all happen. A functional communicator likes to ensure they have a full understanding of projects before they kick things off and get started. Functional communicators rarely make big mistakes because they focus on the many details. People like working with functional communicators because they work on a granular level and uncover possible mistakes that can be made. Jumping right into something and "winging it" makes a functional communicator very uncomfortable. They can tend to be long winded and over detailed so when presenting to others don't be surprised to see numerous glassy eyes in the audience.

2. Analytical

Analytical communicators have similarities to functional communicators. They tend to be less emotional. They like hard numbers and are data driven. An analytical communicator likes direct conversation and does not do well with ambiguity or shades of gray. They tend to be good at making fair, fact based decisions without the emotional baggage attached to it. They sometimes come off as cold and emotionless. Analytical communicators have little patience for emotional words and feelings when communicating. When you tell them sales are down, they want to know how much, as in a specific percentage. One of their really great assets is that they are able to look at issues logically and analytically. On the downside, other people sometimes think of them as detached and robotic.

3. Personal

People with a personal communication style value emotional language and connection. They find a lot of value in not just what someone is saying and what they are thinking but also how they are feeling. Being good listeners and a tendency to being diplomatic are trademarks of the personal communicator. A personal communication style can help smooth over conflicts and are very interested in the health of relationships. Personal communicators really value connection and use that as a way to discovering how someone is truly thinking and feeling. A huge upside to a personal communicator is that their style of communication tends to build deep personal relationship with others. They can be the glue that keeps things together. On the downside, personal communicators can be viewed as too "touch feely" or "warm and fuzzy" by analytical communicators. I have a lot of traits of a personal communicator.

4. Intuitive

People with an intuitive communication style like to see the big picture. They don't like getting bogged down in the weeds or too many details. When communicating, many times they will get right to the point without any fluff. They don't have to hear the whole story or chain of events to get to the end result, just skip right to the good stuff. As you might imagine the upside to an intuitive communicator is that, they are direct. No nonsense and extra information needed, just right to the end game. The not as great side to being an intuitive communicator is they usually lack patience. When dealing with other communication styles, they lose interest and focus fast. They aren't big fans of all the details or the step by step process that led something from point A to point B. Again, they are great at looking at the big picture and being direct in communication. They aren't so great in the details pieces of communication which can be an issue.

How To Work With Different Communication Styles

Now that we've taken a look at the 4 primary communication styles, let's take a look at how to work with each style at the office. In this section, you will learn the best way to interact and communicate with each style. As a reminder, understanding different communication styles will help you work and communicate better at work.

How to Work with a Functional Communicator

When you work with a functional communicator here are some key points to keep in mind.

The whole picture

Remember, functional communicators like to see the details in relation to the whole picture. Therefore, it's a good idea to show them the complete plans of what you are speaking to them about. Same thing goes in a written communication. They like to take the time to review the entire process and details. It's important to them to understand their role and responsibilities in the project.

Provide feedback

Functional communicators enjoy hearing feedback throughout the journey. Provide them with your input on how they are doing. They are typically open to feedback from their peers.

Questions

They will tend to ask a lot of questions. Again, this comes from wanting to understand the entire scope of the project before they get going. Allow them to ask as many questions as they need. A functional communicator will work best with a boss or manager that allows them to ask a lot of of questions AND will provide real feedback. This is of major importance to remember when working with a functional communicator at the office.

How to Work with an Analytical Communicator

Bring the numbers

As a reminder, analytical communicators like numbers and hard facts. When you interact with an analytical communicator, be ready to back up your story with facts and figures. Data means everything to this communication style so the more you bring, the better off things will go.

Be logical Spock

Just like Spock was always spouting about how things were or weren't logical, so is the analytical communicator. They live in the logical world and don't have high regard for emotions. When they are ready to make a decision, it is almost always based on the numbers, not on how they feel about it.

Cut the chit chat

Analytical communicators aren't great conversationalists. They don't like stories that make a point. When you interact with this communication style, get to the point with your data and facts and figures. Don't waste your breath on small talk. At least don't spend much time on the small talk and chit chat.

How to Work with a Personal Communicator

Open up

Remember that personal communicators focus first and foremost on relationships. They like to understand what someone is feeling as well as thinking. Be willing to share with them how you feel about a subject. It doesn't have to be anything too personal but more about if you are feeling good or not about how a project is going. That's what is important to them. Personally, I respond very well when someone opens up to me about how they are feeling about something. In my opinion, it develops a sense of trust.

Be live

Personal communicators respond better to conversation in real life as opposed to over email or the phone. Whenever possible, talk to them in person. They thrive on the in person experience and don't always respond well to emails.

Don't sweat the data

Personal communicators don't respond as well to data and metrics and numbers nearly as much as emotion and connections. Unlike analytical and functional communicators who love and thrive on data, it doesn't do much for the personal communicator. Don't worry too much about providing detailed numbers to back up your point. I enjoy data to a point but can't spend too much time analyzing a spreadsheet.

How to Work with an Intuitive Communicator

Short and sweet

Since intuitive communicators like to understand the big picture without the details, it's best to keep conversations short and sweet. Don't worry about bringing lots of details and instructions. Keep the conversation on point. Feel free to provide a quick overview of the steps of the process or the big picture overview but don't get into the weeds. An intuitive communicator will lose patience and interest fast.

Provide visuals

As intuitive communicators like to see the whole picture, having a visual or two is great when interacting with them. Don't be surprised if they whip out a pen and paper, and begin sketching the idea you are talking about. Being able to see it and not just speak it goes a long way with an intuitive communicator.

Allow ideas

They love being able to see and understand the big picture. If you are managing an intuitive communicator, allow them the space to share their ideas. Let them talk to you about their ideas, and provide them with an outlet for sharing the big picture ideas they bring to the table. This can be a real asset if you allow it and conversely a point of contention if you don't.

Conclusion

We've taken a look at 4 major communication styles that many of us see in the office. Now that you have a good understanding of the communication styles, take a look at yourself and see what your communication style is. Do any of these seem like you? Like most of us, you probably visualize yourself as primarily being like one of the 4 styles with some traits of one or two of the others. It's important to keep these communication styles in mind when working with others. Once you understand and work with different communication styles in the office, you'll be able to communicate more effectively. And communicating more effectively with others at the office will pay rich dividends in your career.

Feeling So Stuck in Life That You’re About to Give Up? Help is Here!

In my 15 years at Lifehack, I’ve come across many concerns and problems that readers have written to me about, in hopes of finding answers and advice. A common one I receive time and again, is readers asking for help on how to get unstuck in life, or how can they stop feeling stuck. It’s quite a broad question if you think about it. Unstuck in what aspect of your life? And just how stuck are you? You may be at a point in life where you’ve reached a wall or crossroad, and you don’t know how to progress forward. You don’t know what your next steps are. A total career change? A promotion with more responsibilities you’re not sure you’re ready to take on? Not ready to get married or to have kids? Not sure if you should carry on with your full time job or become a stay home parent to devote your time fully to the kids? Or have you found yourself in a situation where you just want to get out of it, but can’t seem to? Have you been at this job for 10 years now, and you don’t see yourself progressing and don’t feel challenged at work? Do you not look forward to going to work, yet you can’t find the courage to quit because you’re too comfortable or perhaps afraid? Or are you not sure if you can find something better and if the risk is worth taking? And so you end up putting that thought on hold and on hold and on hold…

How Stuck Are You?

And, there are also different levels of feeling stuck. Some could be feeling stuck only temporarily, whilst others could be feeling stuck for months or even years. Often, as time passes, the feeling of being stuck intensifies when nothing is being done or changes. And ultimately, some people end up settling, or just resigning to their fate. Subconsciously, without even realizing it, they end up pushing their dreams and goals further and further away. For others, the feeling of being stuck becomes so unbearable that they have to make changes. They have to get out of the situation, and so they make those life changing decisions in hopes of finally feeling free and unstuck. So how is it that we even end up feeling stuck in life? Take some time to recall an instance when you were feeling that way. When you felt trapped and stuck, as if there was absolutely nothing you could do to turn things around, do you know how that happened as you think back now?

Why Do We Feel Stuck?

There are many reasons for why we end up feeling stuck in life. Sometimes, it’s because we’re too afraid of taking risks or making mistakes. We play it so safe that we do end up living ‘risk free’ lives, but they also end up being uneventful or unsatisfying, which leads to us feeling stagnant or stuck. Here are some common reasons for feeling stuck:

You Don’t Know What You Want

You may feel stuck if you don’t really know what it is that you want in life. You don’t have concrete goals or dreams to work towards. Even though you may be hustling at work everyday, getting on with your roles and responsibilities, you ultimately don’t feel fulfilled. There’s always something missing, and so you feel stuck, trying to figure it out.

You’re Not Getting Help

You could also be feeling stuck because you’re not getting enough support or help. You’ve only been relying on yourself to solve problems. After a while, there’s only so much you can do on your own. You need fresh perspective, advice and support from others; whether they be mentors, counselors and coaches, your elders or loved ones. Influence is a good source of inspiration and motivation. If you surround yourself with peers or mentors who have succeeded or achieved goals and dreams in their lives, then you’ll likely be influenced positively.

You’ve Been Chasing the Wrong Objectives

It could just be that you’re feeling stuck because you’ve been giving yourself false objectives. You see what others have and you start comparing. Your colleague just got a promotion while you’re still at the same spot. Your best friend just got engaged, and here you are, still single with time ticking fast away. Your friends are buying luxury watches, bags and shoes, but you can hardly afford to pay off your credit card bills every month. Comparing is one of the worst things anyone could ever do, because it often leads to extreme feelings of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. You start questioning your life, and that’s how the feeling of being stuck arises because you don’t feel adequate compared to your peers. You don’t feel as accomplished. While this may sometimes be a good force to push you towards working harder, it can also become a huge demotivator when the wrong objectives are being compared.

How Do You Get Unstuck?

The list of reasons why we feel stuck in life goes on, but the good news is that it is possible to get out of whatever rut you’re in. It starts with accepting where you are right now and being willing to take a step out of your situation. Feeling stuck is, only a feeling--a state of mind. Which means that it is possible to get out of that feeling once you make necessary changes or actions in your life. If you’re feeling stuck because of false objectives or a lack of objectives, then the first thing you can do is to start setting some realistic and achievable goals. Whether it is in relation to your career or personal life, make sure the goals that you think about from here on are meaningful and truly matter to you. Choose goals that align with who you are at the core, and work toward goals that align with your inner strengths and gifts. This will help you maximize your potential and minimize the stuck and frustrated feelings. Once you’ve set the right objectives that are true to you, you’ll start to realize that the motivation to achieve them comes much more naturally. If you’ve been feeling stuck because you’re afraid of even taking a step or risk, then I’d urge you to stop and just take the plunge! While breaking out of your daily routine can be uncomfortable, it can be a great way to change your life around. Playing it safe doesn’t always mean not taking risks, and stepping out of your comfort zone almost always bring about better changes in a person’s life. Fear should not be seen as a negative thing, in fact it can be a powerful tool to push you towards becoming a better you! Always remember that you’re never alone. There are so many avenues of getting help and advice these days. Especially in this digital age we live in, we’re more connected than ever before. No matter what area of your life you’re feeling stuck in, chances are, someone’s been through it. So whether it’s talking to your loved ones, seeking professional help, or even going on sites like this, seeking help is a powerful and affirming act. Many people continue to feel stuck often because they never actively ask for help.

The Power of Transformation

Feeling stuck is never a nice situation to be in. Yet more often than not, it is possible to get out of that situation once you’re able to transform your mindset and start taking action. Whether it’s wanting to get out of an unfulfilling job or toxic relationship, move up the career ladder or find more meaning in life, it is going to require more than one change. What do I mean by that? You don’t just embrace fear as what I’ve mentioned--to quit your job and that’s it, victory! You’re not going to be unstuck just like that. Sure, you may feel a temporary feeling of relief, but if you don’t make other changes in your life, chances are you’re going to end up feeling stuck or trapped again after sometime. So if you want a lasting change, one that will allow you never to be in a situation of feeling stuck in life again, then you’ll need to master the 7 Cornerstone skills for a total transformation. These aren’t exactly new skills to you either. You simply just haven’t connected the dots enough or sharpened them deep enough to use them to your advantage. These 7 Cornerstone Skills are what’s going to truly help you get out of your rut no matter what the situation. Tired of being stuck time and again? It’s time to resolve that permanently and start living out your best days. We’ve got the solution, now will you take that step?

How to Work Under Pressure so You Won’t Burn Yourself Out

The stress to perform above and beyond at work can have unwanted effects if not managed efficiently—especially when working in a high-pressure environment. One of these effects is called burnout. Burnout can make you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated, unmotivated, and just plain done with your position. (Here're more early signs of a burnout!) Feeling burnt out at the office is the exact opposite of feeling happy and fulfilled in your work, and can lead to a huge dip in overall life satisfaction. As such, we want to ensure you have the tools to work well under pressure, so you can avoid burnout and stay motivated from nine to five. Here's how to work under pressure so you won't burn yourself out:

1. Learn how to recharge

In many industries, it's not uncommon for workers to experience long hours or to find themselves working during their time off. Focusing on work for more than 50 hours a week is a fast-track to burnout, but the good news is, it can be prevented. To stop burnout in its tracks, the key is to learn how to recharge. Often, when we devote so much of our time to maximizing our productive output, we try and find ways to squeeze in extra productivity wherever we can. This could be (you guessed it) more work, chores around the house, working on side businesses, you name it. In order to prevent ourselves from becoming burnt out, it's important to relax during your downtime in order to fully recharge whenever possible. If you're like me and have a tough time letting yourself "do nothing" but relax, it may be time to try meditation or proven relaxation techniques to get your mind and body into the zone of total relaxation.

2. Utilize workplace perks

Does your employer offer unique benefits such as a gym membership, yoga classes, or company-sponsored outings? How about common offerings like a health club or book club? Partaking in your workplace's special benefits and events can help you de-stress from work and provide an opportunity to get to know co-workers outside of a work setting. Participating in workplace events while focusing on your health can have a fantastic effect when preventing burnout. This route will help you take care of yourself and find some time to unwind and enjoy your time—two things that should take high priority when preventing burnout.

3. Be a team player

A major contributor to burnout is a sneaky one: the pressure to do everything on your own. If you prefer to do all of your tasks alone without an ounce of help, you definitely aren't alone. However, you're probably at an increased risk for burnout if you let the pattern continue. There's no shame in asking for help from your coworkers or management team. In fact, colleagues who often work together are more likely to reduce stress at work and lower their chances at burnout.((BMJ: Hours, sleep, teamwork, and stress)) Asking your management and support staff for assistance can also reduce stress, as you gain the opportunity to get on the same page as your boss regarding expectations and workload, as well as the chance to get to know them better. When you have a strong team and support system, you'll open yourself up to more resources when it comes to reducing stress while meeting goals at work.

3. Get your priorities straight

When it comes to performing under pressure, my favorite tip is prioritization. Prioritizing all the tasks and goals you need to accomplish at work can set you on a clear path to achieving them while cutting out overwhelming clutter and less important items from your schedule. Check out this Ultimate Guide to Prioritizing Your Work And Life. When you narrow your focus point, you allow yourself to see exactly what needs to get done and the bulk of your time becomes devoted to accomplishing those set goals. So, not only will you be effectively managing your tasks and time, but you'll be preventing burnout head-on by reducing the stress from becoming overwhelmed by unnecessary or secondary tasks on the job. Bonus: the feeling of accomplishment you get from tackling your most important tasks can help keep you motivated and even raise your overall job satisfaction!((Inc.: Examining the Relationship Between Workplace Satisfaction and Productivity))

4. Ban procrastination

While prioritizing can be a surefire way to perform well under pressure while simultaneously preventing burnout, this plan of attack only works if you actually do it. As we've mentioned earlier, a cause (and subsequent symptom) of burnout is the feeling of being overwhelmed and exhausted at work. The best way to feel overwhelmed in the office is to let tasks, especially the big ones, pile up until you're faced with a mountain of work with an impossible deadline. So, the solution is easy: you have to ban procrastination from your workplace habits. By forgoing procrastination and focusing on prioritization instead, you'll already have the tools and plan of attack to perform well under pressure while preventing burnout from interrupting your life. The best part of banning procrastination is that this habit can also follow you into your life outside of work, allowing you to be more productive and get important things done quickly. Learn how to stop procrastination here. This is a huge bonus since you'll have more time to relax, guilt-free, knowing you've taken care of your priorities.

5. Reflect

If you start feeling the signs of early burnout, like feeling mildly cynical, irritated, exhausted, or overwhelmed at work, then you may need to set some time aside for reflection. During this time, it's a great idea to take a look at your work situation from the big picture to the little details. Do you have the ability to change the things that stress you out in the workplace? Do you like your role? Do you feel fulfilled? Would a department switch or less work make you feel less overwhelmed? What about working at a brand new company, or a brand new career? Perhaps your main stressor is a difficult coworker or a temporary task? Really analyzing your situation can show you if your early burnout is a sign of temporary unease or a sign of worse things to come. But don't be alarmed—if your analysis makes you realize you're on the road to full-blown burnout, there is hope yet. You have the ability to begin making changes for the things you can control, and working on accepting the things you can't. Even better, catching the signs of burnout early can help you make big decisions like going for a promotion or switching companies (or even careers!) with a clearer head. This is why it's important to catch early, as once you've fully reached burnout, the stress, anxiety, and overwhelming nature of the situation can influence your decisions, and not always for the better.

Key takeaways

The important takeaways from this post are to allow yourself to perform well under pressure by prioritizing and taking care of yourself. This means making the most of your downtime, staying healthy, asking for help, and setting good work habits that can help you manage tasks, time, and stress. And remember: it's never too late or too early to do a little (or a lot of) self-reflection when it comes to your work—it could mean the difference between succumbing to early burnout or preventing it and thriving in your position.

The Definitive Guide to Get Out of Debt Fast (And Forever)

If you want to learn how to get out of debt, don't worry, you can do it. Yes, Getting out of debt isn't impossible. Like any big goals, all that it takes is an action plan to identify where you are and create a plan to zero out your debt.

Identifying All of Your Debts

The first part of paying off your debt is getting a complete picture what you owe. When you have everything written out in front of you, it makes it much easier to create an action plan. Depending on how much you owe, it might also help you realize it's not as bad you might have originally thought. Here's how you can get started identifying your debts:

1. Own Your Debt

Before you start identifying all of your debts, take a moment to process that you have debt but want to get out of debt. Forgive yourself for any past mistakes, missed payments, or overspending. It might be painful to accept how much debt you have at first but you must own it.

2. Make a Debt Tracker

It's astonishing how few of people ever created a tracker to understand their total debts. Most likely, it comes from not wanting to accept the guilt of having debt; but if avoided, it can make it nearly impossible to get out of debt. Open up a new Google or Microsoft excel sheet and list out all of your debts. Start with the name of the creditor, interest rates, total balance, loan term length (if any) and the minimum amount due each payment. This will include student loan, credit card, and any other type of debt owed.

3. Get Your Debt Number

Once you've made your debt tracker and taken the other steps, identify your total payoff number. This is crucial as you will have a starting point and a clear goal that you are trying to achieve.

How to Prioritize Your Debts

All debt is not created equal. It's so important to understand there are different types of debt.

1. Understand Bad Debts and Good Debts

Bad debts are usually paying for things you want instead of always need. While there might be some emergencies that max out your credit cards, often times it's excessive spending. There are three main types of bad debt:

• Credit Card Debt: The average American household owes over $16,000 in credit card debt!
• Auto Loan Debt: According to CNBC , the average auto loan in the US is $30,032!
• Consumer Loan Debt: Consumer loan debt isn't as common as credit card and auto loan debt, but still considered bad as interest rates are usually between 10-28% interest fees!

Good debt is identified as investments in your future. Here are three common types of good debt:

• Student Loan Debt
• Mortgage Loan
• Business Loans

2. Decide What Debt to Pay Off First

Once you know each type of debt and interest rates, you can begin to pay off debt quickly! Focus on paying off bad debt first, regardless if it is a credit card or auto loan. Start by paying off the loan with the highest interest rate first. If you have several credit cards with different interest rates, you want to focus on the one with a higher APR. You will actually save more money by eliminating the card with the highest interest rate.

3. Don't Pay the Minimum Amount

Paying the minimum amount digs you into a hole as interest rates will offset your payment. Even a small amount more than the minimum can help you pay off debt much faster.

Remove Obstacles to Pay Off Debt Quickly

Creating a debt tracker and prioritizing a plan is simple but avoiding temptation can be difficult.

1. Set a Reminder to Track Your Debt

"If you can't measure it you can't manage it." - Peter Drucker

It's so important to track your debt to ensure that you get it paid off quickly. Similar to working out and measuring your results, you need to track your debt constantly. Start with a weekly reminder where you sign on and log your updated number. Did you increase, decrease or stay the same? Regularly tracking your student loan balance can be incredibly motivating as well. You will get a huge confidence boost each time you see your total debt amount decreases. Set weekly and monthly goals so you can have short term wins and keep the momentum going.

2. Hide Your Credit Cards

If your biggest debt is credit cards, you need to eliminate temptation and remove them from your wallet. Some people have gone to extreme measures and even freeze their credit cards. Why? This would create an ice block around your card which would require you to chip away it slowly. This will give you time to think if it's the best idea or leave them alone until the debt is paid off.

3. Automate Everything

Willpower can be a huge downfall to being able to get out of debt. By automating your bills each month, you will ensure that willpower isn't involved.

4. Plan Ahead

Getting out of debt will require some sacrifices but with enough planning, you can make it work. For example, if you know that you have a friend's birthday or family dinner upcoming, plan ahead for the costs. Whether you need to cut back on spending the week previous, pick up a side job or meet them after dinner do what is needed.

5. Live Cheaply

The only way to get out of debt is to make some sacrifices on your spending habits. Find ways to save money each month so you can apply that amount to your outstanding debts. Here are some ways to save money each month:

• Live with roommates
• Cook dinners and prepare lunches for work instead of eating out.
• Cut cable and choose Netflix or Amazon Prime
• Take public transit or bike to work

Find the Lowest Interest Rates

The higher your interest rates, the harder (and longer) it will take you to get out of debt. If possible, you want to find ways to lower your interest rates to help get out of debt quickly. Here's how you can get started:

1. Maintain a High Credit Score

Your credit score will have a large impact on your ability to refinance your loans and receive a lower interest rate. If you have a low credit score, it's unlikely you will be able to refinance your loans. Use these credit tips to increase and maintain an excellent score:

• Never miss a payment
• Don't exceed 30% of your credit limit
• Don't sign up for more than one card at once
• Limit hard inquires like auto-loans and new credit cards
• Monitor frequently with free credit tracking software

2. Find Balance Transfer Offers

Start by opening a free account on credit.com. Credit.com offers you to open a free account and see what type of balance transfer offers you can receive. Some of your existing credit cards might already have 0% or lower APR balance transfer offers available. Contact each of your credit card providers to ask about lowering your rate for a one-time balance transfer offer. If you do take advantage of this option, make sure that you use a balance transfer and not a cash advance. Cash advances have a ton of high interest fees (15-25%, depending on your credit card) and will only compound your debt problem.

How to Get Rid of Debt Forever

Setting up a plan, removing temptations, and getting the lowest interest rates is the first step to get out of debt.

1. Keep Monitoring and Adjusting

Once you have a plan, don't get comfortable. Track your debt payoff plan and make the necessary adjustments when needed. Monitor your credit scores with a free site like CreditKarma. The higher your credit score climbs, the more likely you will be to secure a new, lower-interest loan.

2. Earn More Money

There are only so many ways to save money. Instead of clipping another coupon or making sacrifices for your morning coffee, find ways to earn more money! Think about it, it is much easier to find ways to earn an extra $1,000 per month than find $1,000 to cut from your budget. Here are some examples of ways to earn more money:

• Have a conversation with your boss about current salary and/or commission rates. If you're not satisfied or want a change, don't be afraid to look around at other positions. Some of them might even have a student loan debt reimbursement plan!
• Start a side hustle. This could be coaching students on the weekends, driving for Uber or taking paid online surveys. There are tons of ways to make money outside your 9-5. Now that you have a clear plan to pay off your debts, you'll be more motivated than ever to figure out creative new ways to earn money.
• Create an online business. There are so many websites and blogs that earn money from ads, affiliates and other online products.

3. Celebrate Your Wins

As you progress in your debt payoff journey, don't forget to celebrate your wins. You need to always reward yourself for the hard work and discipline that is required to get out of debt. While you shouldn't celebrate so big that it increases debt, make sure to factor in little rewards to keep you motivated.

4. Set New Financial Goals

Eventually, with a plan and these steps, you can get out of debt. Once you do, make sure to celebrate your monumental achievement but don't stop there. Now, you can focus on acquiring wealth and increasing your net worth. Set new financial goals so you have a new target to aim toward. Here's how to set financial goals and actually meet them. These could be anything now that you are debt free! Think about where you want to travel, buying your first home or saving for your future retirement. Just like before, make sure that your goals are specific, measurable, and achievable.

Conclusion

Congrats, you can now set a plan in motion to finally get out of debt quickly (and hopefully forever)! Remember if you want to get out of debt quickly, it's not always easy. Just like any big goal, there will be sacrifices, challenges, and problems to overcome.

How to Get Unstuck in Life and Live a More Fulfilling Life

We all know the feeling—when you sense that you are not completely happy and fulfilled with your life—things are not where and how you envisage them to be. You go through the motions everyday, angry with yourself and the universe for throwing you such an unfavorable dice. You can’t help yourself but feel a perennial envy towards those who are smiled upon by karma—the lucky individuals who seem to have the Midas touch and everything they undertake ends up with success, recognition and greater opportunities. Life must be so exiting. Unlike yours. We call this sensation many names: I’ve hit a wall; I’m not making progress; I’m stagnant; I’m moving in loops; Something is off in my life; I’m off balance. Or simply: feeling stuck. In this article, we'll look into the reasons behind this feeling and how to get unstuck in life and live a more fulfilling life.

Is Being Stuck Really Such a Bad Thing?

Is it really so bad to be stuck in the status quo? After all, not everyone can be a super-star, right? What’s wrong with living a quiet life, with not many turns and twists and just going with the flow? True—there is not much fun in this, but there is not disappointment, anxiety, stress and ill-ambition either. Life is easy and uncomplicated. So why do we keep hearing over and over from the greats that staying is one place is not a good thing? Tony Robbins gives us an elegantly simple answer to this question:

“If you are not growing, you are dying. “

“Progress equals happiness,” he says. “That ’s because reaching a goal is satisfying but only temporarily. Life is not about achieving the goals, life is about who you become in pursuit of those goals."((CNBC: Tony Robbins: This is the secret to happiness in one word)) There you have it—staying in one place makes us unhappy. We all know that the comfort zone can be great. It’s like a warm old blanket you wrap yourself around on a cold winter night, cuddled in front of your favorite TV show. But just because something feels comfortable, does it mean it’s ok to stick to it forever? Progress equals happiness, remember. You may not even fully be aware of the small voice in the back of your mind that’s been bugging you, but you better learn to listen carefully—because you may wake up one day and realize that your productive life is gone and you haven’t achieved many of the things you wanted for yourself. Pretty gloomy picture, indeed. Simply put, what the wise men advise us of is not just some self-help fluff for them to gain more popularity or sell more books. It is true—as you will learn below—that not moving forward, not even making the effort to do better or become better—even if you don’t always succeed in these endeavors—is a mental demise and a waste of your potential.

The Common “Stucks”

There are many reasons why you may feel stagnant in your life—some may be completely out of your control even. The main thing, though, is to be able to identify the reasons and then try to take some remedial actions. But it starts with an awareness—because you can’t fix what you don’t know about, right? Here are some of the main contributors to your feelings of stuck-ness:

You lack purpose in your life, or the “why” of what you do

Simon Sinek, the best-selling author and motivational speaker tells us in his famous TED talk that every successful endeavor—be it related to an organization, your career or personal life needs to begin with defining the “Why.” You need to be able to explain to yourself why you do what you do and what drives you. It is the thing (s) that gives meaning and inspires you to wake up in the morning and to want to take on the world. It is your reason for being.

You like the status quo

You may like your comfort zone. After all, it’s…well, comfortable. But as we established, the good old blanket is not necessarily going to make us fulfilled in life. You can watch so many TV shows wrapped in it before you get bored. We, humans, still carry our ancestors’ fighting instincts—for hunting, for self-preservation, for taking actions to make our lives better. Inaction is not what made the mankind create all the innovations we enjoy today.

The good-old fear of failure and of the unknown

Admittedly, it’s not an emotion to be taken lightly—it can be quite real and powerful for many of us. According to a Gallup poll done a while ago among U.S. teenagers, the fear of being a failure and not succeeding in life was at number four.((Gallup: What Frightens America's Youth?)) More specifically, this feeling was described as “making mistakes that will mess up my life,” “not measuring up,” “not leaving a mark.” So, fear can be a powerful paralyzer and can elicit a “safe-mode” response—i.e. stuck-ness.

Your crowd

We all know the famous adage that we are the average of the five people we rub shoulders with. So, if your in-crowd is similarly stuck as you are, although it may be consoling at times, you won’t be motivated to make much progress yourself. It’s called a social proof bias—if everyone around you is doing (or not doing) something, then it is ok for you to follow suit.

Comparisons to others

While comparisons are not always bad, according to the Social Comparison Theory,((Psychology Today: Social Comparison Theory)) they have to be handled with caution. Faring against others can make you very unhappy with yourself. Failing to recognize that your path is not the same as others’ and that there are many ways to get to an end-point (goal) can be very discouraging to taking the first step to unstuck-ness.

Personality

Our temperaments can also contribute to a sense of feeling stuck. For instance, you may be more of a passive, dreamy kind of person who prefers observing to taking action, pensiveness to gregariousness, solitude to venturing out in the world. That is, you have more of a slow-burn personality vs. a fiery one—therefore, it takes you longer to contemplate all alternatives before taking the plunge. And that’s ok. But you need to recognize that this may also be the reason why you are not progressing as fast or as much as you would like towards your goals. And while changing who you are is hard (impossible even, according to some psychologists), there are things that can be done to make it so much better for yourself, which I will discuss a bit later. A final point to note here is that, paradoxically, it is possible to feel both stuck and unstuck at the same time. For instance, you can have a great career, but your family life may feel a bit stale, or wise versa. As our personal and professional lives constantly fight for the top spot on our attention list, the feeling of stuck-ness may also depend on where you are on your life’s trajectory. For someone who is younger and single, stagnation may be felt more vividly in their professional lives, as opposed to someone who is in their mid-life, where family takes priority—such individuals may not feel as down-hearted that they are not progressing quickly enough professionally.

How to Get Unstuck in Life

The neat thing about your path to becoming unstuck is that it follows the so-called Principle of Equifinality,((Management Mania: Equifinality Principle)) which states that the end state can be reached by many means. It’s not just one thing that can help you to start moving forward again. There are many avenues you can explore to find out what works for you and with your own story and personality.

1. Show up and be willing to do the work

Woody Allen has famously said that “80% of success is showing up.” That is, you need to begin with the right motivation and willingness to take action towards unstucking. You must want to improve your current state. And you must follow through.

2. Self-reflection

Spend some time alone. You need to figure out why you are stuck—that is, what is the root of your discontent. Meditation may help here too. But this step is essential: Packing on some self-knowledge and awareness on why you are where you are in life can help you discover a whole new universe of ideas on how to make it better for yourself. It is as the saying goes: Identifying the problem is half of the solution.

3. Break a sweat

There is an avalanche of research on the benefits of exercising for the body and the mind. The latest research tells us that if you want to put your mind in the best possible focus shape, a 15-minute jog will do the job better than 15 minutes of relaxation and meditation.((The British Psychological Society: A brief jog sharpens the mind, boosting attentional control and perceptual speed. Now researchers are figuring out why)) It also clears your thinking, improves your attention spans, and can generally make you feel like a “brand new person.”

4. Find a purpose

As I already touched-upon, the “Why” behind your actions is a prime driver of self-progress. If you link your goals—be them personal or professionals—to a “bigger-than-me” aspiration, then it will be so much easier to convince yourself to keep moving. According to recent research,((Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology: Collegiate purpose orientations and well-being in early and middle adulthoodCollegiate purpose orientations and well-being in early and middle adulthood)) we all have a specific purpose-seeking style—similar to our own way of writing, dancing or speaking. There are four types or “Whys”—creative, prosocial, financial and personal recognition. The prosocial approach to finding meaning, though, which is based on kindness and compassion towards ourselves and others, is the best one in the long-run—it was shown to lead to greater caring, integrity and personal growth.

5. Find a passion

It’s barely a secret that if you enjoy something, you will want to do more of it and it won’t feel like an obligation. You will have an internal motivation to keep going despite setbacks, despite the stress or the tiredness you may experience at times. So, find what thrills you and makes you come alive and strive to become better, the best even, at it. The more progress you make, the more confidence you will have that you can apply the same passion and dedication to all other parts of your life that feel stagnant.

6. Nudge yourself

The Nudge Theory((Independent: The Nudge Theory)) has been around for a while and has shown some wonderful results in positively influencing people’s behaviors—from making us conserve more energy, to improving the payment rates of fines, to making job-seekers more engaged and involved. Small things as daily reminders in terms of micro-goals you can set on your phone, for instance, can have a profound favorable effect on becoming unstuck. Nudging can also help overcome some of these personality traits we talked about—like passiveness or acute proneness to procrastination.

7. Seek different experiences

Even if you are in a happy relationship, you may still feel stuck—i.e. you may be unfulfilled, uninspired, or bored even of doing identical things over and over. The same rings true for your professional life. The end-point is that you need to feed your brain different experiences if you want to get unstuck. If you repeat more of the same thing, you will end up with more or less similar outcomes. Change requires taking the path less trodden, experimenting, learning new ways, seeing new places, reading, travelling—it’s an endless list, really, to personal growth. According to research covered in Psychology Today,((Psychology Today: What Happy People Do Differently))

“Activities that lead us to feel uncertainty, discomfort, and even a dash of guilt are associated with some of the most memorable and enjoyable experiences of people's lives. Happy people, it seems, engage in a wide range of counterintuitive habits that seem, well, downright unhappy.”

8. Leave behind the things that are not constructive for you

Arianna Huffington put it in a great way:((HuffPost: Arianna Huffington On The Third Metric: You Can Complete A Project By Dropping It))

“You can complete a project by dropping it.”

Assessing the things that make you feel stagnant is important. But equally valuable is to recognize that just because it may be hard or even impossible to get something that you really want, it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed or that you are necessarily stuck. Maybe it’s simply not your thing. For instance, you may want to become a professional golfer. You practice and practice but you can’t quite reach the level of Tiger Woods that you aspire to. Perhaps it’s time to take stock of your life and shift your focus.

9. Compare wisely

Comparisons can often make you feel down and create a sense of stagnation, which may not always be valid. You must realize that your pace of progress differs from your friends’, neighbours’, siblings or even significant others’. Just because you are not a millionaire by the age of 30, or haven’t started your own business, or written your third bestseller yet, doesn’t mean that you are not moving forward. So, mind how you measure your progress and your state of stuck-ness. Your perceptions may differ from reality. Besides, it's never ever too late to start things over! Here's how: How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

10. Ask for help

Finally, remember that you don’t have to do it all alone. If you feel stuck in your personal life, you can speak to your close ones and find a solution together. Maybe they feel the same way. At work—raise your hand, speak to your manager, volunteer to do things that can help you learn and become more valuable. You don’t have to come up with all the answers right now. The most important thing, going back to the first idea, is to be willing to make a change.

When Is Enough Enough?

Seeking progress is a great thing. Who wouldn’t want to become a better version of themselves after all? But the pursuit of growth should be handled with caution. It can become very addictive and sometimes even be counterproductive. It’s true—you may experience a “runner’s high” and success can make you overflow with dopamine, but the constant chase of “more” can toss you into a never-ending spinning wheel. You will never be happy with the status quo and won’t accept things as they are—which, naturally, can open a Pandora box of mental health issues. That is, too much of a self-improvement drive may leave you unable to enjoy your life, to be fully present in the Now and to appreciate the person that you are. And this is not necessarily a good thing. So, should you strive to improve yourself, so that feel unstuck and free again? Absolutely. But remember to take a breather and be grateful for what you have.

Summing It All Up

The feeling of being satisfied or unsatisfied with one’s life is very personal. Similar to its cousins—happiness and success, it is best measured by and depends on our individual histories, personalities and paths—i.e. my trajectory is different than yours and what makes me feel content may not create the same feeling for you. For instance, you may be happy to be in a position where you help others and their gratitude is sufficient enough reason for you to wake up in the morning. But for someone else, this situation may create a sense of stuck-ness. The main take-away here is that you shouldn’t compare your story to anyone else’s because you may end up feeling constantly stuck. And this, speaking from experience, is not the best place in the world to be. Progress is great, but don’t forget that your life is here and now. So, try to enjoy yourself some too, while making your grandiose plans to take on the world, will you please?