Everyone always says, “Relationships are so hard!” But that’s not true. It’s not relationships that are difficult, rather, it’s the people involved in the relationships that MAKE them challenging. In other words, you can make your relationship better by doing two things:
- Requiring more of yourself
- Requiring more from your partner
You see, a lot of people are lazy. They think that relationships should just magically run like a well-oiled machine. But that doesn’t happen in real life. Relationships take effort, and they can be healthy and happy if you know what to do. No one has a magic wand to hand you that will turn your relationship into a fairy tale. But if you follow these tips, you will be pleasantly surprised on how happy you become. Here is some relationship advice for women so you can use every day to make that happen:
1. Have your own life.
You might be crazy in love with each other, but that doesn’t mean the rest of your life should stop. Don’t abandon your friends for him. Don’t take up golf and give up your massages if you don’t want to. Have some independence and an identity of your own. Because if you don’t, things will get boring and routine in the relationship.
2. Don’t be needy.
Being needy and chasing can go hand-in-hand. If you want to see him 24/7, text him 24/7, and basically think the world resolves around him, well, you’re being needy. Needy behavior is suffocating for people, especially men. You think these behaviors will help you hold on to him, but it actually has the opposite effect – it pushes him away.
3. Make sure you connect physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Easier said than done, but these three things are crucially important. If you’re just physically connected, but you don’t connect emotionally or mentally, then you won’t make it for the long haul. Or maybe you connect mentally, but your intimacy is just “meh.” The relationship may be doomed. You have to have strong bonds in all areas of your relationship, so make sure you keep an eye on that from the very beginning.
4. Don’t chase him.
Unfortunately, many women do this a lot. And you might not even know you’re doing it. “Chasing” comes in all forms – it could be obvious, stalker-like behavior such as calling him 100 times a day. Or, it could be more subtle, like you’re the only initiating contact all the time (meaning that you are more interested than he is). Chasing is a turn-off for men. Let him chase you.
5. Love yourself.
So many women complain that they either can’t find the right partner, or they always attract jerks who don’t treat them right. Well, it’s probably because you don’t love yourself enough. You can only attract the level of love that you feel for yourself. So, look at all your good qualities and decide to love yourself exactly the way you are right now.
6. Take care of yourself.
If you love yourself, then you will automatically take care of yourself. This means trying to stay healthy, get enough sleep, go get massages, escape to a bubble bath, or maybe a girls’ night out. You need to feed your soul in other ways outside of your relationship or else you won’t have anything left to give.
7. Don’t be a people pleaser.
Many women mistakenly believe that if they please other people, then they will automatically love them. This couldn’t be farther from the truth! A lot of people will take advantage of you if you give too much of yourself. Instead, strive for a healthy balance of being self-less and selfish. Please your partner, but also make sure they please you too. Relationships are a two-way street.
8. Speak your mind.
When I say “speak your mind,” I mean doing it gently and calmly. Don’t suppress your negative (or positive) emotions. Let them out. Talk to your partner about any problems you are having. Try to see yourself as a team and solve the problems together. You deserve respect and to have your voice heard.
9. Don’t avoid problems.
No one really likes conflict. Well, maybe there are some people who do, but generally speaking, most people don’t. So, what happens a lot of the time is they go into avoidance mode. This does not work. If you avoid problems for years upon years, well, they are going to pile up. And then one day you’ll wake up 25 years later and never be able to sort through them all because they’ve been accumulating too long.
10. Make time for your partner.
I know I said to have your own life and some independence, but on the flip side, you can’t spend too much time alone (or with other people) because then the relationship could die. Relationships need attention. So, make sure you go on regular date nights and have deep conversations to keep your connection strong.
11. Demand respect.
When I say “demand,” I don’t mean stomping your foot down and demanding in in a diva kind of way. What I mean is that you need to believe that you deserve to be treated with respect at all times – everyone does. But here’s the kicker – in order to get respect, you need to give respect. So, by being respectful, you are setting the scene for nothing but kind treatment in return.
12. Strive for equal effort.
People always say, “relationships should be 50-50.” That’s wrong. They should be 100-100. BOTH people need to put in 100% effort every day to keep the relationship strong. It can’t be 100-20, 100-50, or even 100-99. It has to be equal. If it gets out of balance, you need to have a conversation about that so you can get back on track.
13. Talk about gender roles.
Over the last few decades, gender roles have become blurred. Gone are the days when everyone automatically expects the man to be the bread winner and the woman to stay home and raise the kids. These days, conversations need to be had about each person’s expectations within the relationship regarding gender roles.
14. Be a good listener.
Usually, we think women are good listeners and men are bad listeners. This isn’t true. Men and women just listen differently.
Women listen to connect with another person, and men listen to solve a problem. But we all deserve to have someone listen to us. So, don’t forget that your partner needs that too.
15. Show empathy.
Relationships should not be “me vs. you.” It should be “us” as a team. You can’t constantly be only considering your own perspective about anything. You may or may not be right, but perception is reality. If your partner sees it differently, try to understand. Show him empathy, and then most likely he’ll show it to you in return.
16. Be accepting of differences.
No one is 100% alike. Even identical twins aren’t exactly the same. If you have too many expectations of his behavior that are being violated, maybe you should just accept the differences. And if there are too many differences that you can’t tolerate, then maybe he’s not the person for you. Oh, and don’t forget, he should accept your differences too.
17. Don’t settle.
There are way too many people in the world who fear being alone. It’s probably because they don’t love themselves enough to hold out for what they deserve. Instead, they settle for “Mr. Good Enough for Now.” And then they find themselves miserable in a short amount of time. Hold out for “Mr. Right” because you will never find “Mr. Perfect,” but you shouldn’t settle either.
18. Don’t try to change him.
Women are notorious for trying to change their man. They think things like, “If I can get him to lose 30 pounds, then he’ll be more attractive.” Or “If I can just get him to stop playing video games, I’ll be happy.” Or “Once we get married, he’ll change for the better.” Take this important piece of advice – if you don’t like how his is RIGHT NOW, without any changes, then you shouldn’t be with him. Period. Because you can’t really change him anyway. It just won’t work.
19. Teach him how to treat you.
The behavior you allow from another person is the behavior that will persist. So, for instance, if early in the relationship he starts yelling at you when he’s angry, you need to correct him by gently saying, “I don’t’ appreciate you yelling at me. I deserve to be spoken to with respect. So, until you do that, I won’t engage in this conversation.” If you don’t, it’ll only get worse.
20. Become the person you want to attract.
If you don’t love and respect yourself, then you’ll attract someone else who won’t love and respect you either. It all starts with self-love. You can’t metaphorically beat up on yourself and expect others to treat you like a queen. Trust me, people pick up on this stuff. Once you love and respect yourself, then you will get the kind of relationship that you want.
21. Don’t be afraid to be alone if necessary.
There’s nothing wrong with being alone! In fact, it can be quite liberating. You don’t have to compromise with anyone. You can do whatever you want to do when you want to do it. There is no one to answer to. You can get to know yourself better and work on being a better person. So, if you’re not happy in a relationship, then try being alone for a while. It might be a lot better.
22. Show appreciation.
Everyone wants to be appreciated by their partner, so what makes you think your man is any different? Even if he does little things like put dishes in the dishwasher…thank him for it. Thank him for everything and anything he does for you, and then it’ll be more likely that he’ll want to keep doing that in the future to keep you happy. And don’t forget that he should appreciate you too.
23. NEVER tolerate any kind of abuse.
Abuse isn’t just about having him hit you or beat you up. Abuse comes in all forms – mental and emotional too. While physical injuries can heal, the mental and emotional wounds are much more difficult to heal. So, don’t tolerate it if he tries to belittle you, degrade you, or gaslight you. That’s a total deal-breaker.
24. Don’t be jealous or possessive.
It’s understandable that we don’t want to share our man. However, there is a fine line between wanting to keep him for yourself and being overly jealous and possessive. These qualities are smothering and usually pushes men way. Instead, try to be more secure with yourself, so you don’t worry about losing him. And even if you do, you need to know that you’ll be okay anyway.
25. Don’t be bitchy.
It’s easy to be bitchy and moody. But does anyone really want to be around a person like that? I know I don’t. Constantly spewing negativity at your man will make him want to avoid you. Be kind and loving. Stop the bitchiness and ramp up the respect instead. Now you have it – everything you need to know to have a quality relationship. The list might seem daunting, but it’s really not. It just takes practice. However, you will need to constantly keep these in mind. But once you do, you’ll find yourself living happily ever after.
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