How to Deal with Insecurity and Jealousy in Relationships

We’ve all been there. You know what I’m talking about – when the little green monster of jealousy rears its ugly head. No one likes feeling like this, so how can we overcome these awful feelings and have a successful, happy and healthy relationship? It’s not always easy, but the good news is that jealousy in relationships can definitely be overcome.

What Causes Insecurity and Jealousy in a Relationship?

There can be many causes of insecurity and jealousy in relationships, but they are all rooted in one basic problem – not feeling good about yourself. Sure, there are the exceptions where you might have great self-esteem and you just happened to pick a loser who cheats on you. Well, it could happen. But typically, people with a high sense of self-worth don’t choose romantic partners who will treat them badly. One of the leading causes of low self-esteem (and the resulting insecurity and jealousy) is having a problematic or traumatic childhood. When a baby is born, its brain is like a blank computer. Nothing has been programmed into it yet. However, as the years go by, everything that is said – and done – to the person gets ingrained into their psyche and creates who they are. I always say that a parent’s “voice” becomes their child’s “voice” later in life. In other words, if your parents told you that you are a loser, lazy, and no-good, then you will end up believing that too. But if they told you how much they love you, are proud of you, and that you can do anything in life, then you’ll believe that. As you can see, if you grow up in a household with parents who weren’t loving and didn’t give you positive messages about yourself, well, then you will subconsciously choose romantic partners to match that self-fulfilling image of yourself.

How to Deal with Insecurity and Jealousy in Relationships

Just because you have a track record of being jealous in relationships doesn’t mean that you are doomed to feel that way your entire life. There are things you can do to try to overcome these insecure feelings so you can have a healthy relationship. Let’s take a look at them.

1. Observe Your Jealous Thoughts and Behaviors

First of all, you can’t change what you don’t recognize. You might think that being jealous and insecure are obvious feelings. While they typically are, just knowing you have them won’t automatically change them. What you need to do is try to look at your thoughts as objectively as you can. And from there, temporarily accept them. Pretend like you are a friend of yours giving you advice. It’s much easier to give other people advice than it is to ourselves, right? If you can re-frame your thoughts from a logical point of view, that is the first step to changing them.

2. Examine Your Past and Try to Figure out Where These Insecurities Come From

These feelings come from somewhere. They don’t just magically appear in your mind for no reason. For example, they could be rooted in your childhood. Perhaps your dad had a string of affairs on your mom, and so that’s what you saw growing up. If this is the case, then it’s natural that you would think that “all men cheat.” Or maybe the insecure feelings come from your own experiences. You might have been burned by your first love, and because of that, you find it difficult to trust people. It doesn’t matter where these thoughts come from, but it will help you if you can pinpoint the underlying cause.

3. Just Because You Have These Thoughts Doesn’t Make Them True

One main problem people have in life is believing every thought that goes through their mind. Just because you think something, that doesn’t make it true! For example, you might believe that the government is spying on you, but that doesn’t mean it really is. (Perhaps, but maybe not.) So, you need to acknowledge that these thoughts of insecurity and jealousy might, in fact, be false. Try to examine them and see if you can eliminate any of them based on that theory

4. Don’t Act on Your Feelings All the Time

Many people don’t have a “filter.” In other words, if they have a thought, it immediately comes out of their mouth. Or if they have a negative emotion, they will act upon it without giving it any rational thought. I’m sure you’ve heard the term, “think before you speak.” Well, that’s brilliant advice! Think before you speak – and act. Try to have enough self-control to not say or do anything you will regret because you might make the situation worse if you do.

5. Remember That Uncertainty in Relationships Is Normal

Hey, we are all human. We all have insecurities, and because of that, they will inevitably creep their way into our relationships from time to time. That’s normal. Uncertainty is just a way of life because we can’t control everything. The only thing we can control is ourselves. However, there is a continuum of uncertainty. Some is normal and healthy, but other kinds can be toxic to a relationship. So, make sure that your level of uncertainty is at a lower level if at all possible.

6. Examine Your Assumptions About the Relationship and About Human Nature in General

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you might have learned some very negative patterns for being in relationships. For better or for worse, we learn how to behave in relationships from observing how our parents did it. They are our role models. Therefore, if you had parents who did not have a happy marriage and they were constantly suspicious and jealous of the other person, then you will probably grow up with the assumption that most people are untrustworthy. Of course, this is far from the truth. However, it may have accidentally become your truth.

7. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

There is no shame in admitting that you are feeling insecure or jealous to your partner. As I said before, we’re all human and will feel this way from time to time. But maybe your partner doesn’t know you’re feeling that way… they are not mind readers! So, it’s important to share your feelings. You need to do it in a calm, rational, and peaceful way. You can’t yell, scream, and name-call because it will have the opposite effect. When you talk about things in a positive manner, you both can take steps in the relationship to try to alleviate your insecurities.

8. Watch His/Her Behaviors and Body Language

Sometimes all of our insecurities and jealous feelings are in our heads. But sometimes it’s not. Sometimes you really do have a valid reason for feeling the way you do. It’s important to keep your eye out for any suspicious behaviors your partner might have. For example, do they keep their phone away from you and or hide it when you walk in the room? Are they acting weird? If so, then you might have a rational reason to feel insecure. But if not, maybe you’re just making it all up in your head.

9. Don’t Keep a Tight Rope on Him/Her

It’s almost instinctual to try to limit your partner’s actions when you feel jealous or insecure. You want to know where they are, when they are coming home, and who they are talking to. But this will only drive them away from you. No one wants to feel like they are controlled and not trusted. Even though you are jealous, let them live their life freely. Don’t be a micromanager of their life.

10. Take Action If Something Is Really Fishy

Even though you shouldn’t treat your partner like a caged animal and should give them their freedom, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be on the lookout for any suspicious behavior. You can be observant without being obvious. If you see strange behaviors, or experience anything that makes you uncomfortable, bring it up for conversation. People who have nothing to hide…hide nothing. If you talk to your partner about their “suspicious” behavior, they should be able to come clean very easily if they’re not doing anything wrong. And if they don’t, then you probably have your answer.

11. Talk to a Therapist

Many people think that going to a therapist makes them weak. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Acknowledging that you need to work on yourself, your self-esteem, and insecurities is a brave and noble thing to do. If you can afford it, seek help. A good therapist can help you identify the reasons you are jealous, how to overcome them, and can put you on the path to healing – and a healthy relationship.

12. Write down Your Positive and Negative Qualities (And His/Hers)

Our insecurities come from thinking we are not “good enough” for the other person. But everyone has good qualities, you just need to take the time to recognize them. Write down everything about yourself that you consider to be good. That will help you realize all the reasons that you don’t have to be insecure or jealous. Do the same with your partner. When we are jealous, we tend to focus on negative thoughts – not only about ourselves, but about them too. So, write down all the good qualities they possess. That way, your mind won’t wander into unwanted territory.

13. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Another huge way that we arrive at our insecurities is comparing ourselves to other people. We look at other people and think how much more attractive they are, or that their personality is better, or they make more money than us. You have to stop comparing yourself to others because you are uniquely YOU. Embrace yourself! If you absolutely have to compare yourself to others, then compare yourself to people who you perceive to be worse off than you. Not to judge them, but to put your thoughts into perspective. If you do this, you will be able to appreciate yourself and your life a lot more. Learn more about how to stop comparing yourself to others: The More We Compare, the More We Lose Ourselves

14. Love Yourself Enough to Be Brave Enough to Lose Them

One last thing at the core of our jealousy and insecurities is not loving ourselves, and that leads to the fear of being alone. In fact, many people would rather stay in toxic relationships than be alone. Why? Why would you want to be treated like crap from someone else just so you can be in a relationship? You shouldn’t do that. Here's Why Trying Hard to Stay in an Unhappy Relationship Is Not Love, but Fear. Love yourself enough to have higher standards. Once you are comfortable in your own skin and won’t settle for anything less than you deserve, that’s when you will become more confident. And then your fears and insecurities will slowly disappear altogether.

Bottom Line

As you might suspect by now, getting rid of insecurities and jealousy in a relationship has very little to do with the other person, and everything to do with you. You need to love and value yourself. If you do, then you will most likely attract higher quality people who are naturally trustworthy. And even if you don’t, you won’t hesitate to walk away from anyone who isn’t treating you with the respect you deserve.

13 Most Common Muscle Building Mistakes to Avoid

To get the most effective results in the most efficient manner, the trick is to workout smart. Therefore, when it comes to muscle building, it is important you know the key facts about what not to do, what to do and when to do it. Along with weight loss, building muscle is one of the primary reasons people join a gym. After all, gaining lean muscle not only looks good, it is also important to your overall health. With increased muscle mass, you will experience improved posture, joint protection, stronger bones, stronger joints and tendons, better metabolism, athletic ability and balance. The list goes on. As you are on a muscle building journey, let’s look at the 13 most common muscle building mistakes to avoid:

1. Not Eating Enough

All that time in the gym pounding away at the weights may be all for nothing if you’re not taking in enough calories. This is because, without being in a calorie surplus, you will make muscle building very difficult for yourself. It is important to remember, calories are needed to fuel your workouts and to help your muscles to repair and grow. Calorie counting is far from a perfect science but to get a rough idea of how many you need a day to build muscle, you want to multiply your weight in pounds by 15 to 17.

2. Not Consuming Enough Protein

Protein is important for many functions in the body. It is also important in the process of muscle building known as ‘muscle protein synthesis’. The purpose of your workout will be to breakdown the muscle fibers with microscopic tears and when they repair, they will build back bigger. Over time, this increases muscle mass. To repair and rebuild your muscle tissue, you will need an adequate protein supply -- aim for 0.8 grams of protein per pound of body weight. For example, if you weigh 150 pounds you would want to consume around 120 grams of protein a day.

3. Not Drinking Enough Water

Your body is made up of two thirds water. Out of that, two thirds of that water is found in your muscle. Your muscle cells are made up of protein and water and if you want to gain more of it you need to increase your water intake. The usual 6 to 8 glasses a day is a good guideline but a more accurate approach is to drink half your weight in ounces of water each day. So, with our 150 pound example, you should be drinking approximately 75 ounces of water a day - the average cup has about 8 oz in it, this equals around 9 cups a day.

4. Overtraining

Training breaks your muscle tissue down and then repairs it afterwards. It might seem logical that the more you workout, the more muscle building you’ll accomplish. However, this isn’t the case as training too often can cause your body to burn out because your body will not be getting the rest time to do so. This can increase your stress hormones, leading to injuries and even sickness as it can suppress your immune system. Also, you put your central nervous system at risk by overtraining and this can adversely affect your results.

5. Not Getting Enough Sleep

This is related to point 4 above as a lack of sleep is going to seriously derail muscle building. After nutrition, sleep is what encourages your body to repair and recover. If you deprive yourself of sleep, you’re interrupting the growth and repair process. Sleep deprivation can elevate your stress hormones making gaining body fat easier, drag your energy levels down and negatively affect your workout.

6. Not Eating Enough Carbs

You might do well on a low-carb diet such as paleo or keto but those diets aren’t for everyone. If you’re working out hard, you will need energy and your body can get it through the form of glucose from carbohydrates. These carbs will help push you in the gym to lift more weights, leading to better muscle building results. It is important to keep your carb intake clean, you can do this by opting for complex carbohydrates like wild rice, steel-cut oats, and sweet potatoes.

7. Not Lifting Enough Weight

If your workouts are not challenging you, then you will need to increase the intensity. If you are doing an exercise where you can do 20+ repetitions, you’re not lifting a heavy enough weight. Choose a weight that is challenging and that you can’t do over 10 to 15 reps with while maintaining good form.

8. Lifting Too Much Weight

On the flip side, if you are lifting a weight you can only perform 4 or 5 reps, it might be too heavy. You’ll gain strength training in that range but for better muscle building you want to be doing at least 10-15 reps.

9. Lifting Weights Too Fast

The pace at which you lift the weights is important because your muscles need time under tension as this is where your muscle fibers get the full resistance and muscle building occurs. For example, if you perform a set of 10 repetitions in 10 to 15 seconds, your muscles will not receive the necessary time under tension. To achieve muscle growth, you want sets to last at least 30 to 45 seconds.

10. Lifting with Poor Form

Here you will want to make sure you are using a challenging weight but it must also be one you can control through the repetitions with good form. If you can’t control the weights, you will be working out everything but the intended muscle. If the weight is too heavy and your form is sloppy, you’ll be engaging your joints and tendons more than your muscles and this can also lead to injury.

11. Not Using the Mind-Muscle Connection

This may seem weird, but it is important to be mindful of the muscle you are working. For example, if you are doing a bicep exercise, you want to focus on the bicep and the squeezing to produce the maximum muscle building. If you are doing bicep curls and just going through the motion, you’re not fully engaging the bicep. Focus on the muscles you are using, consciously contract and squeeze them to make them grow bigger and stronger

12. Not Stretching Enough

If you start or finish your workout without stretching, you’re missing out an important part of muscle building. Stretching at the end of a workout not only starts the recovery process but helps prepare your body for the next workout. Without stretching, you can leave your muscles tight and risk injury. Stretching is also important for the muscle fascia – similar to a bag that holds your muscle tissue. It is important to stretch the fascia, because by doing so, you allow your muscles more room to grow. This can be done in between sets during the “pump” and after.

13. You’re Not Getting Enough Nutrients Each Day

You may eat a good amount of carbs and protein but you still need all the micronutrients important for muscle growth. If you are deficient in certain vitamins and minerals, it can throw your body off. You need a good fruit and vegetable intake, aim for double digit servings of non-starchy vegetables each. You can add a multivitamin supplement to your diet.

The Takeaway

Muscle building doesn’t happen overnight, it takes smart, hard work, planning, and dedication. You will want to make sure you’re not making the above muscle building mistakes that can delay your progress.

More Resources About Muscle Building

• How Long Does it Take to Build Muscle and Increase Fat Loss?
• How to Gain Muscle Mass Naturally (A Step-By-Step Guide)
• How to Lose Fat and Gain Muscle to See Results Fast

8 Beginner Yoga Tips for Just About Anyone

Yoga is one of the finest practices that is intended to calm your mind and keep your physical health in check. Whether your goal is to lose weight, or get peace of mins, or maintain a good health, yoga is the better option than any other practice. If you're a beginner to yoga, these beginner yoga tips are for you. But first of all, you need to have a better understanding of what yoga really is.

What is Yoga?

Originated in India, Yoga is a balanced system of mental and physical practices that serves the purpose of helping each one us to attain our highest potential and to endure a good health and happiness. Yoga helps you to extend our health, productivity, creativity, and improve the quality of living. The yoga practice comprises of different postures meant to serve different purposes. For example, some yoga poses are good for weight loss, some for digestion, some for height growth and so on. You can practice the combinations of poses to revitalize your overall health.

10 Beginner Yoga Tips You Must Follow Before You Start

New to yoga? Well, you are definitely not alone. As a beginner, you might face a lot of confusions regarding which yoga poses you should try, what are the tips to get started, and what are the precautions you must take.

1. Set Your Intentions and Goals

Goals is something that motivates us to act. Same is the case with yoga. You must have an achievable goal and right intentions to get started with the whole practise. Achievable goals - because if you set unrealistic goals and become unable to make progress, you'll probably end up not doing yoga. And intentions to make sure that you genuinely want to achieve your goals through Yoga. Both these things are essential to keep you on the track.

2. Get a Good Yoga Teacher

Though most of the people tend to start their yoga journey on their own, it is advised to hire a good yoga teacher to help you practice better. A yoga teacher knows exactly how to build your interest and make the whole practice more enjoyable and effective. An experienced and qualified yoga teacher can help you with all the details including subtle physical and mental aspects especially at the beginning. A living-breathing-teacher can actually see if you are doing it right and respond you in real-time. This will also boost your confidence and keep you motivated to practice yoga regularly.

3. Wear Comfortable Clothes

Keeping your body comfortable throughout the practice should be your topmost priority. You are going to do a lot of stretching in all the directions. So, make sure that you are wearing stretchable and loose clothes to avoid the restricted movements. Avoid wearing belts, jewellery, tight clothes, and the fabrics that might hurt your skin. And if you wear lose clothes, make sure that you wear substantial underwear to avoid exposing more than you wish to.

4. Choose a Good Spot

Choosing a good spot will keep you in good mood and provide you a happy environment where you can practice yoga peacefully. If you have joined a yoga class, make sure you choose a comfortable place where you can see and hear your yoga teacher properly.

5. Start with the Basic Postures

As a beginner, you are required to start your journey from the basic postures that do not require much strength and stamina. You are not supposed to jump directly to something like Power Yoga((Healthifying: What is Power Yoga? What Are Its Benefits?)) or Intense Yoga Poses. Keep it basic in the beginning and start adding more challenging poses to your routine once you have become comfortable with the basic ones. Basic yoga poses are just like a warm-up before heavy exercise - they prepare you for bigger challenges.

6. Challenge Your Limits - One Challenge at a Time

You must practice yoga as comfortably as you can and then go slightly beyond your comfort zone to enhance your capabilities with time. But do not drag yourself into doing something rigorous unless you can handle it. Pushing yourself too much may result in muscle injury. You can take breathing as reference - when it's light and deep, you're probably doing it right; but if it's jagged, then it means you are overdoing it. So, keep challenging yourself from time to time if you want to keep it interesting.

7. Be Consistent

Being regular and consistent with your practice is very important because if you start skipping, you lose touch. Although it's is best if you choose to practice yoga early morning, any time would be still fine till you are consistent with your practice. Schedule the yoga practice as per your time table and make sure you totally follow up to your schedule. Don't let any excuse stop you from becoming a better you!

8. Take Time to Relax

Don't rush immediately to your daily chores and tasks after completing your yoga practice. I know that you have a lot of tasks lines up for the day, but its really a good idea to lie down for a while and cool yourself down so that you can consolidate the energy through your practice. It will also help you relax your mind and increase your productivity.

The Bottom Line

So, these are some of the best tips to get you through yoga practice as a beginner. Once you start practising yoga, you will be able to experience a sense of relaxation and many other deep and subtle benefits in due time. Just give yourself some time, love your body so that it can love you back. If you're looking for some beginner yoga poses to start practicing yoga, these are some nice resources:

• How Practicing Morning Yoga Transforms Your Life (+10 Beginners’ Poses)
• Yoga Poses For Beginners To Achieve A Detoxed And Healthy Body In 7 Days

10 Secrets to Living a Happy Life No Matter How Old You Are

We’re all familiar with the term “the pursuit of happiness.” The question is: How, exactly, do you pursue a happy life? Especially on a daily basis? What is happiness in the first place? We all have those moments of sudden revelation when the world grows a little bit brighter, but how do you integrate those in your daily grind? A good place to start is by defining what the term “happiness” means for you. There are many, and we’re talking many, different definitions of the word. It can come from actions, from what you think, from gratitude, and so on. If you break it down scientifically, you might find some interesting revelations. For instance, did you know that married people are 10 percent happier than unmarried people? What about the fact that happiness is maximized at 57 degrees Fahrenheit? Perhaps the simplest definition of them all is the fact that happiness, at its root, is a choice. It’s actionable. It’s something we can pursue because we choose it. This naturally implies that happiness is something that lies in our own power. It’s not something that happens to us. We must seize it, carpe diem style. And that’s why we’re here, right? Let’s break down some key ways that we can actively pursue happiness, from following our passions to letting go of expectations and everything in between. Here are 10 secrets to actively pursuing happiness in your life. They work for all ages, and you’ll find that some are outwardly focused while others are more about improving ourselves. However, regardless of the specific “happiness hack” you opt to try, remember that all of these only work if you’re open to them working in the first place. In other words, choose that happiness.

1. Use the Power of Community

The concept of community as it relates to happiness is as old as time. Humans have always found comfort in the company of others. But the deep-down truth about communal happiness is that it’s not really about what we’re getting out of community; it’s about what we’re putting into it. Community is a concept that only works when the whole is taken into account, rather than each individual in isolation. For example, one study of metropolitan areas in the U.S. during the recent economic crisis showed that areas with the most civilian-focused social capital tended to yield the highest rates of happiness. In other words, areas with the most functioning and connected communities were the most content during hard times. ((PsychCentral: Community Bonding Protects Your Happiness in Times of Stress)) What does this mean for our day-to-day happiness, though? It means we need to share our pursuit of happiness with others. It’s critical that we find areas in our community where we can plug in and get involved. Help in your church. Find a local food bank or animal shelter. Volunteer as a crossing guard at a school. Coach a sports team. There are so many ways to volunteer within the greater fabric of our societies. However, you go about it, plugging into the world around you and helping wherever you can is one of the absolute most powerful ways to stoke the fires of happiness and contentment within a person.

2. Be Grateful

Before you skip ahead to the next hack, hear us out. This isn’t a command. It’s encouragement. The truth is, gratefulness is hard to come by without a little effort. And that shouldn’t be surprising. Isn’t it always that way with the things that matter? But trust us, the fight for gratitude is well worth the effort. Studies have shown a “robust association” between being gratefulness and a person’s well-being (e.g. their happiness). The simple act of having a grateful attitude can help combat nasty things like stress and depression, help us appreciate the relationships that we often don’t cherish enough, and even give little hidden gifts like a better sleep.((The Guardian: Is Gratitude the Secret of Happiness? I Spent a Month Finding Out)) So, how do we go about garnering gratitude? One of the easiest ways to practice gratitude is to take time to write down things you’re grateful for. Now, we’re not talking about a one-off list here. If you’re looking for real change, challenge yourself to sit down once a day and hand-write a list of three to five things that you’re grateful for. Handwriting is much more personal and can help us dwell a bit longer on each subject rather than simply typing them out. Don’t worry if it’s hard to get started. When we’re struggling to be grateful, it can be hard to see all of the reasons we should be happy. Chances are, though, once you get things rolling, you’ll be writing more than five things per day. Here're 60 Things To Be Thankful For In Life to get you started.

3. Volunteer

It’s easy to roll our eyes when we hear about volunteering. After all, isn’t it just sucking away more of our valuable time? The answer is a resounding no. Not only does volunteering fulfill that community calling that we already touched on, but it also opens doors for us to learn new skills. This is often quite as powerful motivation as a paycheck and can have much longer benefits to our lives and happiness, opening new doors and allowing us to network with other like-minded individuals.((Resume Coach: The Professional Benefits of Volunteering)) While we already discussed the importance of plugging into our communities, when it comes to volunteering, seriously consider where you try to join in the fun. Try to find a nonprofit effort nearby that directly aligns with your own passions, giving you the chance to pour yourself into something that you genuinely care about. If you can’t do that, look for something that will challenge you, helping round out your personality and skill set in the process.

4. Spend Time with Friends and Family

Never, ever underestimate the power of friends and family. These are the people that you can count on to be by your side through thick and thin, in the highs and the lows, in the sad moments and the happy ones. A friend represents a relationship that is worthy of attention and which, if tended, can yield genuine happiness in our lives. Family takes that same concept of friendship and cranks it up to eleven. The bond between family members is a powerful one. When strained or broken, it can be a huge cause of distress and depression in our lives. Take the time to reach out to your loved ones in meaningful ways. It’s as simple as that. You don’t need to buy them things or go above and beyond a normal, loving gesture. A simple hug, kiss, phone call, text, note, or other acknowledgment that you’re thinking of them can do wonders in bringing family and friends together, fostering the happiness that we all share in the process.

5. Unplug

We’ve talked quite a bit thus far about “plugging in,” but in this case, we’re looking at the opposite side of the equation. Study after study shows that happiness isn’t something you can purchase or find online. In fact, our constant attention to our devices and our “online lifestyles” induces anything but happiness.((Global Wellness: Happiness | 2018 Global Wellness Trends)) On the contrary, it’s important that we take the time to turn off those devices, sign out of those social media accounts, and focus on the loved ones that are right in front of us. If you’re anything like so many of us who struggle to balance tech in our lives, it might be a good idea to have a “rest” day when you don’t use any screens. You may even establish hours of the morning and night that you refuse to touch your devices. That’s only half the battle, though. Once the tech is off, that’s precisely when you can start to make meaningful efforts to connect and bond with our friends and family, volunteer, and so on. You may want to try these 5 Simple Ways to Unplug and Be More Mindful In Your Life.

6. Let Go of Expectations

Whether we’re aware of it or not, a ridiculous number of our actions are done with set expectations in mind. If we put any amount of blood, sweat, or tears into something, we typically expect to see fairly specific results from the effort. Detaching from these expectations without detaching from the person or event completely is a difficult process to master. But it’s not impossible. In fact, some teach that the idea of “detachment” is often quite misunderstood. Rather than disconnecting or letting go, we must bring ourselves to love more completely. This can be done, as Thich Nhat Hanh said, by intentionally loving others by “looking and listening deeply so that we know what to do and what not to do to make others happy.”((Uplift: Thich Nhat Hanh: The Art of Letting Go)) This intentional love is meant to find what others need, not what we want to give them. So, the next time you go to help someone you love, don’t do so by giving them what you think they need (something that often comes with a hefty dose of set expectations). Look for the genuine needs of others and try to meet them. The happiness that this produces is well worth the effort.

7. Play Like a Kid Again

It’s a fallacy that fun ends in our childhood. It’s true, however, that adults of all ages have a plethora of responsibilities, cares, and concerns that must be attended to. But there’s a difference between taking care of our responsibilities and letting those responsibilities hamstring our ability to have fun. The simple innocence of a child at play is magical. From matchbox cars and shadow puppets to dancing like you’ve never danced before, plain, unadulterated fun can be an incredible source of happiness right from our first years out of the womb through our teenage years.((KinderCare: 10 Fun Indoor Playdate Ideas for Toddlers )) Challenge yourself to find one childlike activity to participate in. Try to release your inhibitions and get into it. Let yourself have fun. Chances are, you’ll find yourself smiling in no time.

8. Make It a Game

Everyone and their mother knows that exercise is good for fending off depression, which naturally also makes it a good way to help promote happiness. But, honestly, it can be hard to motivate ourselves to get up off the couch and go for a walk. One way that we can help turn the whole exercising and health part of our daily routines into something more attention-grabbing is to turn it into a game. Did you know that, according to App Developer Economics 2016, there were a whopping 259,000 health and lifestyle apps available in that year — which were collectively downloaded over three billion times?((Bradley University: Preventative Health: How Going Digital Can Help Patients)) So what? The point is there are a ton of different ways to track your progress, set yourself challenges, and see what others are doing to get moving. From a seven-minute workout app to a calorie or carb counter (and thousands of other options), pick an app today and start making a plan.

9. Never Stop Learning

Pursuing a hobby is an excellent option that enables us to pursue our passions and learn new things at the same time. Some hobbies, like rock climbing, mountain biking, and yoga, can even deal with two birds with one stone, providing a learning experience and helping you get fit at the same time.((Fit Stays: 6 Fitness-Oriented Hobbies That You Can Start Right Now)) Of course, there are countless other options as well, depending on your own personal interests. Take some time right now to list off things that you like. Not hobbies themselves, mind you, but actual things that pique your interest — especially ones that you’ve never been able to pursue. Now take that list and see what hobbies line up with your interests. Once you’ve got a match, dive in and start challenging yourself to learn something new!

10. Seek Professional Help (Whenever Necessary)

Sometimes happiness really can be elusive, no matter what methods we apply. If you’re genuinely finding it hard to shake your sluggish, unhappy mindset, you may be dealing with something more serious. There’s nothing unusual about this. It’s estimated that over one out of every four adults in the United States suffer from depression, not to mention other mental health struggles.((Regis College: Healthcare's Unsung Heroes: The Psychiatric-Mental Health Nurse)) If this is the case for you, it may be a good idea to seek professional help. It’s important to understand that this isn’t an admission of defeat, but rather a wise move aimed at finding true happiness in the long run. Reaching out for professional help can be an important first step in finding true happiness. Afraid to ask for help? Change your outlook to aim high!

Dive In Today

Remember, happiness is a choice. It’s important that we don’t just skim over lists like these and move on without putting something into action. If you’re ready to pursue happiness in your own life, do it now. Pick one or two elements off of the list and start to apply them today. As you master each thing, come back and find something else to apply. Before you know it, you’ll be smiling from ear to ear.

More Articles to Make You Happier

• How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up
• 10 Scientifically Proven Ways To Stay Happy All The Time
• How to Be Happy Again: 13 Simple Ways to Shake off Sadness Right Now
• Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

Embrace Your Obstacles to Get Ahead in Life

Stuck in a Rut? 6 Steps to Break Free and Live a Happy Life Again

So it has come this far. You're stuck in a rut and feel like you're not living your life to the fullest. You can feel it, but you find it more and more difficult to get rid of this feeling... That's why you are here, right? Some of your friends or colleagues might say to you: "just cheer up!". But you already know that it's not that easy. So instead of offering shallow advice on what to do, this article contains a clear 6-step plan to get you out of your rut and to live a happy life again. These are actionable things you can do right now, that don't involve anything bizarre or life-changing.

Step 1: Write down What's Keeping You Down

This first step might sound rather anti-climatic. You've come all this way to find this article, and now you're asked to write down your feelings? Even though it might sound silly at first, writing down whatever is keeping you in a rut will allow you to become more familiar with the issues you're having. What to write about? Don't think too much about it and just start writing! If you're feeling stuck in a rut, you'll probably feel unhappy right now. Write it down! "I'm feeling unhappy right now". That could be your first sentence. Now ask yourself why. Why am I feeling unhappy right now? "Because I feel unmotivated and don't have any ambitions or goals". Or maybe it's "because I feel like my love life is slowly evaporating". It could be anything. What I want you to do is to just start writing and keep going. Be critical and curious about the things you are feeling. Keep asking "why" and soon enough you'll have a clear idea of what issues are causing you to feel unhappy and stuck in a rut.

Step 2: Create a Plan and Set Small Goals

So you've filled a good page with why you are feeling stuck in a rut? Good! Did you fill multiple pages? Even better! Now it's time to create a plan based on the root causes of your negative feelings. This plan must be specific and should contain small goals. Why small goals? Because it's more difficult to measure progress on a big goal. Imagine you found out in step 1 that you severely dislike your job, so you're thinking of a goal like: I want to find a better suiting job. Now, that goal in itself might be great, but it's better to slice it up into smaller, more attainable goals. Think about it like this:

• Update my resume
• Start looking for openings
• Send out 3 applications
• Schedule my first interview at a different company
• Get hired at a new job

See how this is practically the same goal, but seems much more attainable? Also, tracking progress is much easier when you create smaller sub-goals like this. This is a vital part of your plan: it needs to contain measurable and attainable goals. This will help you stay motivated, instead of forcing you to become paralyzed by the shear size of your goal. You'll notice that you can find your way out of this rut by taking small steps like this. This brings me to the next step of this action plan:

Step 3: Accept That This Process Takes Time

After having written down your feelings in step 1, you probably found out that change won't happen overnight. The negative feelings that you're experiencing right now are a result of a lot of things that may have already been going on for years. These habits that you've slowly built during your life won't always be easy to change. That's why you need to accept that it takes time to get out of a rut like this. Finding long-term happiness again is a delicate process that cannot be rushed. You have created a plan with actionable steps that you can take to get you back on your feet. Now do what it takes and move forwards, one step at a time. What if you failed to move forward after a bad day? Don't sweat it! We are all human, so we are eventually going to encounter some rough weather or bad decision-making along the way. It's crucial that you recognize this for what it is: small speed-bumps rather than complete failures. What if you've had a bad day? Sleep it off, and start fresh again tomorrow.

Step 4: Prioritize Your Sleep

Now, this step might seem silly to you. How is sleep going to help me get out of this rut? It turns out that sleep plays a gigantic role in our mental health. Even though you may not feel tired after sleeping only 5 hours for three nights in a row, you'll be surprised by the potential lasting effects of this sleep deprivation. The USA is one of the most developed countries in the world. A worrying trend that developed countries are showing is that the workforce is becoming more and more sleep deprived. Phrases like "I'll sleep when I'm dead" and "work hard, play hard" are becoming more regular every day. Anecdotally, sometimes when I mention I try to sleep 8 hours a day, I sometimes get strange looks from my colleagues. Like I'm some sort of loser that doesn't know how to live life to the fullest. "Sleep is for the weak!" This kind of thinking is extremely flawed, and one of the reasons why chronic depression is on the rise. It shouldn't surprise you now that depression rates are the highest in developed countries like the USA. I've personally analyzed 1,000 days of my happiness and sleep habits over the last 3 years. I tracked my sleep every night and rates my feeling of happiness on a scale from 1 to 10. What I found out was very interesting:

• I am constantly experiencing a social jet lag
• I sleep much less than average on weekdays, and have to make it up on the weekend days
• I have only been truly unhappy on days where I was heavily sleep deprived

These where the biggest lessons I learned after analyzing my sleep and happiness.((Tracking Happiness: The Effect Of Sleep On Happiness)) This doesn't necessarily mean that your feeling of unhappiness is a result of bad sleep habits, but if there's one thing that most people seem to neglect, then that's sleep. Don't make that same mistake.

Step 5: Spend More Time with the People You Love

Almost everybody has a small circle of people that they trust and love, whether that's a partner, family or friends. These people have a positive influence on your happiness. I want you to focus on spending more time with these people. When you're feeling stuck in a rut, you are more likely to postpone activities that require you to be outgoing. You'd rather be lazy and watch Netflix all day than to go outside and meet up with your friend. You must try to break out of your comfort zone and spend more time with the people who actually have a positive influence on your happiness. These are the people that can help you to get out of your rut. You can even share the plan that you've made in step 2 of this article. If these people truly love you, then they can act as a support net for the moments when you're feeling down. This might sound intimidating and scary, but it's a step that should not be underestimated. Even when you don't feel comfortable sharing your plan with these people, there's another thing you can actively do: be grateful that these people are in your life:

• Be grateful that you have parents who support you, no matter what you do.
• Be grateful for the friends with whom you can laugh your ass off.
• Be grateful that you have a healthy and loving partner.
• Be grateful that you have a kid that looks up to you and thinks you are the best.

Being grateful might sound like a rather pointless thing to do. Why would being grateful help me become happier again? Well, the answer is simple. Being grateful forces you to think of the positive things that you already have in your life. This allows you to face your issues with optimism. People that actively practice gratitude are better able to deal with toxic emotions.((Greater Good Magazine: How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain)) So what do you have to do? Go out there and meet up with the people you love, and be grateful for having these people in your life. Even better: add these things as actionable and attainable goals in your plan!

Step 6: Try to Spread Happiness to People Around You

Wait. What? You're asking me to spread my happiness, even though I'm looking for ways to be happier myself? Where's the logic in that? Well, it may surprise you, but happiness is a funny concept in more than one way. My personal favorite is this: When you are trying to make others happier, you will paradoxically find happiness yourself. How does that work? Here are some examples:

• When we make somebody else laugh, we tend to laugh ourselves as well.
• Giving something to others can give us a feeling of having a positive influence on another life.
• Focusing on helping others allows us to not worry about our own problems for a moment.

These are just a few specific examples that you can probably recognize yourself. Even though they might sound simple and painfully obvious, it doesn't change the fact that spreading happiness can have a positive influence on your own life as well. It will definitely help you to break free from your rut and find happiness again.

Final Thoughts

You may have noticed that this article is different from other "get happier" articles that you have come across already. This list includes steps that you can take and plan for right now. No bullshit advice such as "just cheer up". It all starts with a plan, though. I can't stress this enough: Write down what your issues are, and make an actionable and realistic plan to get back on top. Set small goals. Accept that this process takes time, take it one step at a time. Prioritize your sleep. Spend time with people you actually care about. People who have a positive influence on your happiness. Spread happiness, even though you might feel like this is not possible because you're stuck in a rut. Happiness can be shared in many ways!

More Resources to Help You Get Unstuck

• Do You Have to Give Everything Up to Get a Fresh Start?
• How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late
• Do You Want to Know the Secret to Living a Fulfilling Life?
• How to Get Unstuck in Life and Live a More Fulfilling Life

How to Practice Mindful Meditation to Calm Your Thoughts

Have you heard about the benefits of mindful meditation, wanted to try it, and maybe even sat down to do it, only to find it extremely hard? Your mind is racing, you can’t sit still or calm your thoughts. You think it’s just not for you? Oh yeah, I’ve been there. My husband and I attended a Chopra Center event in January. After three days and a lot of guest speakers, guess what our biggest takeaway was? Yep, you guessed it – meditate. Having a regular meditation practice is one of the most important things you can do for your overall health and well-being. You can start right now, right where you are. I’m going to make this as simple and easy for you as possible so you can experience all those great benefits – without all the stress and frustration. When I first started meditating, the soundtrack in my head sounded a little like this… “Shoot, I forgot to send that email, should I do that first? Is 10 minutes too long, maybe I should just do 5 today? Who’s picking up the girls tonight? Am I doing this right? How long has it been? I have so much to do and I’m just sitting here doing nothing. I’m not sure I can do this. Am I done yet?” I know I’m not the only one who’s felt like this when they first attempted to meditate. Upon asking a client yesterday if she meditated, she replied, “Oh yeah, my head won’t let me do stuff like that.” I can’t tell you how many people I’ve spoken with that say they just can’t do it or it’s not for them. Their mind races too much. They’re too impatient. It’s boring. There’s too much else to do. They can’t sit still. But that’s exactly the point!!! Your mind is going to race. That’s what it does. In fact, most people have an average of 60-80,000 thoughts per day. That’s exactly why meditation is so helpful. Saying, I can’t meditate because my mind races is a bit like saying, I can’t run because it’s hard to breathe and my legs hurt. Like with anything new, it’s not going to be easy when you first start. But the more you do it, the better you get. It’s a practice. So if you’ve tried meditation and think it’s just not for you, or you’ve heard a lot about the benefits and just aren’t sure where to get started, you’re in the right place. There are so many resources on meditation -- how to, when to, why to, where to. So, what makes this article different? Firstly, I’m not a meditation teacher. In fact, it took a very long time for me to drink the proverbial meditation Kool-Aid. I’ve always prided myself of moving fast, being busy and getting stuff done. I grew up in a high achieving, fast-paced, entrepreneurial family who valued hard work, productivity and action. I would much rather go on a hike, go to work or do anything other than sit still. In fact, for a very long time, I took pride in the fact that I couldn’t sit still long enough to meditate. It was a badge of honor. It made me feel productive, busy, important. Can you relate? The same was true with my yoga practice. I’ve been practicing for almost 25 years and I’m completely embarrassed to admit it now, but I used to leave during savasana (you know, the part when you lie on your back at the end of class). I left when the ‘real’ work was done. But what I didn’t realize was that the silence, the chance for integration, the space, the quiet IS the real work. And probably one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. The same is true with meditation. All the benefits they say are true. In this article, I’ll share all about meditation, the benefits you’ll reap from practicing, the biggest mistake you’re making, a basic framework to get you started and a whole bunch of resources to keep you going – and calm that racing mind of yours.

What Is Mindfulness Meditation?

In short, mindfulness meditation is combining the practice of mindfulness and meditation. Mindfulness is:((Mindful: Getting Started with Mindfulness))

The basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us…Whenever you bring awareness to what you’re directly experiencing via your senses, or to your state of mind via your thoughts and emotions, you’re being mindful.

Mindfulness is essentially being aware of what is happening in the present moment:((Wikipedia: Meditation))

It is a practice where an individual uses a technique – such as mindfulness, or focusing their mind on a particular object, thought or activity – to train attention and awareness, and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state. Meditation has been practiced since antiquity in numerous religious traditions and beliefs, often as part of the path towards enlightenment and self realization. Since the 19th century, it has spread from its origins to other cultures where it is commonly practiced in private and business life.

Meditation is essentially about finding quiet in your mind, being in the present moment, and entering a deep state of peace and relaxation. It’s not about clearing your mind from all thoughts and feelings. It’s about learning to observe those thoughts and feelings without attachment or judgement. Deepak Chopra defines meditation as: Mindfulness meditation is just one type. From active meditation to walking meditations, guided meditation to transcendental meditation, there are many types of practices (and even definitions). Many people feel prayer, contemplation, and mantras are forms of meditation. Regardless of which form you choose, meditation has all sorts of benefits mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically.

Benefits of Meditation

Meditation allows you to calm your thoughts, achieve greater mental and emotional clarity and enables you to access your true self – the one free from the weights, stresses, fears and anxieties of the world we live in. Studies have shown that meditation can transform your life and:

• Lower stress levels and blood pressure((Harvard Study: Clearing Your Mind Affects Your Genes And Can Lower Your Blood Pressure))
• Help you sleep better
• Improve your overall health and relationships
• Increase productivity
• Create more joy and connection in your life
• Manifest your deepest desires
• Create an expanded sense of awareness and even..
• Increase world peace

Research has also shown significant proven benefits in the areas of depression,((The Harvard Gazette: When science meets mindfulness)) anxiety and chronic pain. Meditation is quite literally the answer for all that ails you. It's backed by science: 10 Benefits of Meditation That You Might Not Know About

Common Mistake Made with Meditation Practice

Want to know the biggest mistake you’re making with your meditation practice? It’s how you’re thinking about it. It’s likely your beliefs around meditation that are getting in the way, not the practice itself. You think you’re doing it wrong. You think you can’t do it. You think it takes years of practice to receive any benefits from meditation, or on the flip side, you meditated once and are frustrated you don’t see the benefits already. You think a successful meditation means you’re not having any thoughts. You think it’s just for yogis, airy fairy folks and ancient philosophers. You think you don’t have enough time. Here’s what I want you to know: First and foremost, you can’t do it wrong. And there’s really no one right way. In fact, as we mentioned earlier, there are hundreds of meditation practices and techniques. It’s about finding what works for you. You don’t have to meditate every morning for 30 minutes. You can start with 5 minutes and work your way up to there. In fact, you could start with five, mindful breaths. There, you just practiced mindful mediation! See? You can do it. You will most likely have a multitude of thoughts while you’re meditating, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. You don’t have to dress up in flowy clothes, burn incense and chant ‘OM’ if you don’t want to. But feel free to if that’s what you connect with. You can mediate at your desk, in your car - not while driving please - or on your hike. So stop being so hard on yourself. If you think you’re doing it wrong, your mind is going to want to throw in the towel and stop – or worse yet, not get started in the first place. Repeat after me: I cannot meditate wrong. There are many different ways to mediate and I just need to find what works for me.

No One-Size-Fits-All Approach

I’m a big fan of this premise in all of life. The thing about most advice (on any topic really) is not that it doesn’t work, it’s that it doesn’t work for everybody. Any habit you are trying to create needs to take into account your unique personality, lifestyle and challenges. Have you ever set out with great intentions to do something – a new diet, exercise regimen or meditation practice, only to fall flat on your face a few days or weeks later? Then what? You beat yourself up that you didn’t do it ‘right’, that you failed. However, you haven’t failed, you have just found something that doesn’t work for you. And now, it’s time to find something that does. What works for a friend, colleague or spouse will not necessarily work for you.

There is a perfect form of meditation that will work for YOU - you just have to find what that is.

For me, quiet, silent, breathing meditation was SO hard when I first started. I found it much easier to follow guided meditations as it kept my mind more engaged. So, I would scour YouTube and try out meditations on everything from anxiety to calmness, confidence to happiness. I’m also an avid hiker, so I would look for walking and hiking meditations and eventually learn to do them myself. Even now, after years of mediation, while I can mediate in silence, I prefer a guided or group mediation. It helps to calm my active mind. So if you’ve tried meditation and it hasn’t worked for you. Try one of the suggestions below. Try until you find something that resonates with who you are.

A Basic Framework for Meditation

To get you started, I reached out to yoga, meditation and mindfulness teacher, Libby Carstensen, to give you a basic framework for mindfulness meditation. Her first reminder?

Meditation isn’t about quieting the mind but about finding the quiet that is already there.

Here's her advice. I recommend my clients begin their daily practice by starting with a simple breathing technique to calm the mind and then begin their meditation practice. Remember this teaching, the breath controls the mind. "Pranayama" is the yogic technology of breath control. When consciously breathing, or breathing on purpose, the breath will restore control over the mind and allow you to focus and direct your awareness. As Yogi Bhajan, the great Kundalini Yoga master said,

"The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master."

Start with the 4-7-8 Breath.((Dr. Weil: Video: Breathing Exercises: 4-7-8 Breath)) This technique, developed by Dr. Andrew Weil, forces the mind and body to focus on regulating the breath, rather than replaying your 60-80,000 thoughts. The 4-7-8 count, also known as the relaxing breath technique, is one of the easiest to do and the benefits are immediate. Dr. Weil has even described it as a “natural tranquilizer for the nervous system.” It's perfect for anyone looking to calm their mind before meditation or whenever you’re feeling anxious. The 4-7-8 Technique: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gz4G31LGyog

1. Rest the tip of your tongue at the top back of your teeth
2. Let out a deep exhale, along with a big sigh or whooshing sound
3. Close your mouth and slowly inhale through your nose for a count of four
4. Hold your breath for a count of seven
5. Exhale deeply though your mouth and completely for a count of eight, being sure to let out a big sigh or whooshing sound
6. This is one breath. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.

Always inhale quietly through your nose and exhale audibly through your mouth. The tip of your tongue stays in position the whole time. Exhalation takes twice as long as inhalation. Now you’re ready for your meditation.

Here’s a simple framework for meditation:

1. Get clear and set your intention.

Why do you want to meditate? What matters to you? I believe if your “why” is big enough then anything is possible. Is it health, peace of mind, inspiration, forgiveness, or connection?

2. Set yourself up for success.

Eliminate any distractions, close the door, use the bathroom, silence your phone, ask your family to leave you alone for the next 5 to 20 minutes.

3. Set your posture

Lying down is a signal to the body to go to sleep, so I don’t recommend lying down for meditation. You can sit in a chair or cross-legged in easy pose using a pillow or a bolster. If you’re not comfortable, you won’t be able to relax. But don’t get too comfortable. The point is to focus your awareness, not to shut it down.

4. Keep a tall spine.

Inhale, roll the shoulders up to your ears. Exhale, roll them back and down. This stacks the head atop your neck while floating the shoulders over hips. Consider this a neutral, tall spine. Every time you feel yourself hunching forward or slumping, reset your spine. Rest your hands comfortably on your knees or lap.

5. Close your eyes.

With your eyes closed, direct your attention towards the brow point or the third eye.

6. Focus your attention on your breath.

With your eyes closed, bring attention to your breath and notice how the body moves with each inhalation and exhalation. Slowly inhale and exhale though the nose. If your mind begins to wander to one of your thoughts, and it will, return your focus back to your breath.

7. Relax your body.

Begin with a body scan: start at the scalp and move your attention slowly downward, methodically relaxing and softening each part of the body. Consciously relax your body and let go of any tension from your head, neck, or shoulders. Releasing body tension will help you open to whatever arises during your meditation.

8. Repeat the mantra So Hum.

Take a slow, deep breath through your nose, while thinking or silently repeating the word So. Then slowly exhale through your nose while silently repeating the word Hum. Continue to allow your breath to flow easily, silently repeating So . . . Hum . . . with each inflow and outflow of the breath. Whenever your attention drifts to thoughts in your mind, sounds in your environment, or sensations in your body, gently return to your breath, silently repeating So . . . Hum.

9. Now you’re meditating.

Continue the practice for as long as it is comfortable. Start with 5 minutes a day working up to 20 minutes once or twice a day. When your practice is complete, stop the repetition of the mantra and sit silently with your eyes closed, taking a moment to rest in the stillness and silence.

10. Never run to or from meditation.

Notice if you want to quickly move onto the next thing after your meditation practice. Take a few minutes to stretch and bring your awareness back into the present moment before you rush off on all the things you need to do.

Bonus Advice

If you're looking for some additional ways to get going. Here are a few additional ways to start meditating:

Download an App

Headspace and Calm are both fantastic and popular apps that my clients and I have used. They contain guided meditations and breathwork on everything from stress, anxiety, self-esteem, concentration, walking, forgiveness, gratitude and sleep. You can choose from shorter meditation to longer as you progress and get more comfortable. Both offer a free trial so you have nothing to lose.

Join a Group or Class

Feel like you just can’t do this on your own yet? There are plenty of group meditation practices and classes out there. Search for ones that are close to you. These are often held at Yoga and movement studios. You can search online for local Meetup Groups, check out Meditation Finder or Google “local meditation groups” or “local meditation classes” to find something nearby.

Surf the Internet

There are some incredible meditation resources on the web, including:

• The Chopra Center
• Roger Gabriel, Chopra Cent er Educator
• Top 25 Best Meditation Resources: Guided Meditation, Meditation Music, and Meditation Apps
• YouTube. Just search for topics you’re interested in. Guided Meditation for Anxiety? Check. Guided walking meditation? Yep, there’s 200. Morning Meditation? Here’s one of my favorite 5-minute ones. Test a bunch and see what you like. At one point, I did a new one almost every day as I explored what worked and what didn’t work for me.
• Deepak and Oprah’s 21 Day Meditation Experiences. I love these as you feel like you’re part of something bigger. And they are amazing. A few minutes of Oprah’s words of wisdom, followed by Deepak Chopra and then the mediation.

Final Thoughts

It’s time to practice. It’s time to commit. It’s time to choose a method that resonates with you and try it. No more excuses. Set a goal. Commit to a month. Too long? Commit to 10, 5 or even just 3 sessions. But start somewhere. Studies show changes in the brain in as little as 8 weeks of meditation,((The Washington Post: Harvard neuroscientist: Meditation not only reduces stress, here’s how it changes your brain)) but you’ll start to feel changes in your overall mental health and well-being long before then. In fact, start practicing mindful meditation today and you’ll begin to feel the benefits in all areas of your life. You’ll be able to bring the calmness, awareness, and clarity into each day and your relationships, career, conversations and activities. The longer you stick with it, the easier it will become and the more benefits you’ll notice. You can do this. Your mind will calm. Your thoughts will start to slow. You've got this. The time is now. Let’s get started.

How to Write a Cover Letter for a Career Change (Step-By-Step Guide)

Embarking on a career change, tiny or big, can be paralyzing. Regardless of the reason for your desired career change, you need to be very clear on ‘why’ you are making a change. This is essential because you need to have clarity and be confident in your career direction in order to convince employers why you are best suited for the new role or industry. A well crafted career change cover letter can set the tone and highlight your professional aspirations by showcasing your personal story.

1. Know Your ‘Why’

Career changes can feel daunting, but it doesn’t have to be. You can take control and change careers successfully by doing research and making informed decisions. Getting to know people, jobs, and industries through informational interviews is one of the best ways to do this.((Harvard Business Review: How to Get the Most out of an Informational Interview)) Investing time to gather information from multiple sources will alleviate some fears for you to actually take action and make a change. Here are some questions to help you refine your ‘why’, seek clarity, and better explain your career change:

• What makes me content?
• How do I want work to impact my life?
• What’s most important to me right now?
• How committed am I to make a career change?
• What do I need more of to feel satisfied at work?
• What do I like to do so much that I lose track of time?
• How can I start to explore my career change options?
• What do I dislike about my current role or work environment?

2. Introduction: Why Are You Writing This Cover Letter?

Make this section concise. Cite the role that you are applying for and include other relevant information such as the posting number, where you saw the posting, the company name, and who referred you to the role, if applicable.

Sample:

I am applying for the role of Client Engagement Manager posted on . Please find attached relevant career experiences on my resume.

3. Convince the Employer: Why Are You the Best Candidate for the Role?

Persuade the employer that you are the best person for the role. Use this section to show that you: have read the job posting, understand how your skills contribute to the needs of the company, and can address the challenges of the company. Tell your personal story and make it easy for hiring managers to understand the logic behind your career change. Clearly explaining the reason for your career change will show how thoughtful and informed your decision-making process is of your own transition.

Be Honest

Explain why you are making a career change. This is where you will spend the bulk of your time crafting a clear message. Speak to the mismatch that may be perceived by hiring managers, between the experience shown on your resume and the job posting, to show why your unique strengths make you more qualified than other candidates. Address any career gaps on our resume. What did you do or learn during those periods that would be an asset to the role and company?

Sample:

I have been a high school English and Drama educator for over 7 years. In efforts to develop my career in a new direction, I have invested more time outside the classroom to increase community engagement by building a strong network of relationships to support school programs. This includes managing multiple stakeholder interests including local businesses, vendors, students, parents, colleagues, the Board, and the school administration.

Highlight Relevant Accomplishment

Instead of repeating what’s on your resume, let your personality shine. What makes you unique? What are your strengths and personal characteristics that make you suited for the job?

Sample:

As a joyful theater production manager, I am known to be an incredible collaborator. My work with theater companies have taught me the ability to work with diverse groups of people. The theater environment calls for everyone involved to cooperate and ensure a successful production. This means I often need to creatively and quickly think on my feet, and use a bit of humour to move things forward to meet tight timelines.

Feature Your Transferable Skills

Tap into your self-awareness to capture your current skills.((University of Victoria: Top Ten Transferable Skills Most Likely to be of Interest to Employers)) Be specific and show how your existing skills are relevant to the new role. Review the job posting and use industry specific language so that the hiring manager can easily make the connection between your skills and the skills that they need.

Sample:

As the first point of contact for students, parents, and many community stakeholders, I am able to quickly resolve problems in a timely and diplomatic manner. My problem solving aptitude and strong negotiation skills will be effective to address customer issues effectively. This combined with my planning, organization, communication, and multitasking skills makes me uniquely qualified for the role of Client Engagement Manager to ensure that customers maintain a positive view of .

4. Final Pitch and Call-To-Action: Why Do You Want to Work for This Company?

Here’s your last chance to show what you have to offer! Why does this opportunity and company excite you? Show what value you’ll add to the company. Remember to include a call-to-action since the whole point of this letter is to get you an interview!

Sample:

_________ is a global leader in providing management solutions to diverse clients. I look forward to an opportunity to discuss how my skills and successful experience managing multiple stakeholders can help build and retain strong customer relationships as the Client Engagement Manager.

Summing It Up

Remember these core cover letter tips to help you effectively showcase your personal brand:

• Keep your writing clear and concise. You have one page to express yourself so make every word count.
• Do your research to determine ‘who’ will be reading your letter. Understanding your audience will help you better persuade them that you are best suited for the role.
• Tailor your cover for each job posting by including the hiring manager’s name, and the company name and address. Make it easy on yourself and create your own cover letter template. Highlight or alter the font color of all the spots that need to be changed so that you can easily tailor it for the next job application.
• Get someone else to review your cover letter. At a minimum, have someone proofread it for grammar and spelling errors. Ideally, have someone who is well informed about the industry or with hiring experience to provide you with insights so that you can fine-tune your career change cover letter.

Check out these Killer Cover Letter Samples that got folks interviews! It is very important that you clarify why you are changing careers. Your career exploration can take many forms so setting the foundation by knowing ‘why’ not only helps you develop a well thought out career change cover letter, ((University of Northwestern: Cover Letter for a Career Changer)) but can also help you create an elevator pitch, build relationships, tweak your LinkedIn profile and during interviews. Remember to focus on your transferable skills and use your collective work experience to show how your accomplishments are relevant to the new role. Use the cover letter to align your abilities with the needs of the employer as your resume will likely not provide the essential context of your career change. Ensure that your final pitch is concise and that your call-to action is strong. Don’t be afraid to ask for an interview or to meet the hiring manager in-person!

More Resources About Career Change

• Signs You Need a Career Change (And How to Change for Success)
• How to Make a Career Change at 40 and Stop Feeling Stagnant at Work
• Why a Career Change at 50 Is a Great Opportunity & How to Make It Work

Your Life Is a Mess? How to Fix It and Turn Things Around

Your home is a mess, but not even half as messy as your life. Your partner isn’t talking to you, your work life seems out of control, your social relationships don't go the way you want, and you feel like something is missing in life... We all go through a point in our life where everything seems out of control. Once you get to that point, it’s hard to know where to start. If you’re reading this, then chances are you're at this point. The bad news is that it will be hard. The good news is that you will get through it. In this article, you’ll learn 3 steps to fix it and turn things around.

Step 1: Recognize the Mess You Have

It’s easy to say that you have to take back control of your life, but how do you actually do this? If there was one right answer, most people wouldn’t deal with this problem for more than a minute. The true is there isn’t one. There is no quick solution, but there are ways to deal with it. First, you have to recognize that you have a problem. If you tell yourself everything is fine, then there is nothing to fix. The moment you don’t prioritize dealing with your problems is the moment you lose. It’s possible to get through your days even though your life is a mess. Because maybe your home isn’t a mess. Maybe everything looks alright from the outside. We can still go to work and pick the kids up from school despite our problems, but day by day you’ll become more and more anxious and depressed, until it finally hits you all at a once. The first step is therefore to take your problems seriously and actively decide to turn things around. Maybe you’re not at a breaking point yet, but you will get there if you keep ignoring the mess.

Step 2: Know What Are out of Control, and Let Go of Them

When your life seems like a mess, it often comes down to a lot of things around us that aren’t going the way they are supposed to. It can be the small things like a messy kitchen and the big things like personal relationships not working out, or bills that are overflowing. Start out by figuring out exactly where it all seems to go wrong at the moment. Sit down and write down everything that’s been bothering you. It may seem basic and stupid to spend time on a list like that, because with everything you should be doing – making a list about it just creates even more pressure on you. But by writing it down, you’ll be able to get a good look at your messy life. Sometimes, we need to see the problems on a paper written down in our own words. My boyfriend keeps cheating on me. I’m way over my budget every month. My co-worker doesn’t like me. Once you do this, you’ll be able to see that a lot of the things that seems to make your life a mess is out of your control. Underline all the things on the list that you can’t control and then let go of them. It’s very normal (and okay) to have a lot of these out-of-our-control things on the list as well as problems that aren’t even really problems. Humans need problems, but we need to be able to solve them. Mark Manson explains it like this,((Mark Manson: The Sublte Art Of Not Giving A F*ck, page 31))

“Problems are a constant in life. When you solve your health problem by buying a gym membership, you create new problems, like having to get up early to get to the gym on time, sweating like a meth-head for thirty minutes on an elliptical, and then getting showered and changed for work, so you don’t stink up the whole office. When your solve problem of not spending enough time with your partner by designating Wednesday night “date night”, you generate new problems, such as figuring out what to do every Wednesday that you both won’t hate, making sure you have enough money for nice dinners, rediscovering the chemistry and spark you two feel you’ve lost…”

Problems are a constant in every human life, but stop creating problems you can’t fix. We get so caught up in small things like our partner liking someone else’s picture on social media. It’s much easier to let our bottled-up anger out on a person about a picture instead of saying you’re not happy anymore and that you should have broken up six months ago. So, to recap step 2: Pinpoint all the things that are brining you down that you can’t control. Problems are okay. They are a part of human existence, but if you want to move on and fix your life, then you need to only focus on the problems that can be solved.

Step 3: Don’t Get Lost in Distractions and Fantasies

When your life starts to feel like a mess, it’s often because we’ve been moving forward at a fast pace, but somehow still feel like we’re standing still. You thought that if you just kept going for another week, another month, or maybe even another year, you would get “there”. You’re not sure where, but you told yourself that you would know this happy place once you got there. Then you wake up one day and all the problems are still there. The magic solution you thought would save you from all the negative things in your life was nothing else than a tale. We tell ourselves that we can overcome problems like having too many bills, if we just find our true love, or that it doesn’t matter you’re alone and miserable as long as you get the promotion at work. We like to idealize the idea of a few good things in life that we’ve seen in all the movies: the perfect job, the perfect partner... And then we tell ourselves that instead of focusing on the small problems in our life, we should focus on getting those. It’s in fact delusional to think that one good thing in life can make all the bad things go away. It’s a fantasy. Even if you do get that one good thing that you’ve put so much pressure on getting, it will end up backfiring and make you feel even more sad once you get it, because you realize that all the other things in your life did kind of matter as well. Instead of finding a quick fix, or chasing a fantasy, you should embrace the suffering. Mark Manson expressed his concern about today’s society in his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck:

“I believe that today we’re facing a psychological epidemic one in which people no longer realize it’s okay for things to suck sometimes.”

While it’s important to not spend time caring about all the problems we can’t fix, it’s just as important to care about the things we do have the ability to fix. Maybe you can run away from your problems for a while -- getting caught up in a new relationship that makes you forget that you’ve broken the one with your family, or a new promotion can make you forget that you actually wanted to do something else with your life. Unfortunately, the on-going problems in your life will come back and they will hit you much harder. The final step is therefore to keep your focus on the problems that can be fixed. The problems in front of you that you are in control of. Embrace them. Deal with them. One day at a time. Don’t get lost in distractions. They might make you feel better for a minute, but they’ll make everything worse in the long run. It doesn’t mean that you can’t fall in love or enjoy some good news at work while you’re dealing with your problems. But remember to deal with your pain and problems instead of pushing them to the side.

More to Boost Your Motivation

• How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late
• How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up
• Feeling So Stuck in Life That You’re About to Give Up? Help is Here!
• Do You Want to Know the Secret to Living a Fulfilling Life?

How to Find New Growth Opportunities at Work

Career advancement is an enticement that today’s companies use to lure job candidates. But to truly uncover growth opportunities within a company, it’s up to you to take the initiative to move up. You can’t rely on recruiter promises that your company will largely hire from within. Even assurances you heard from your direct supervisor during the interviewing process may not pan out. But if you begin a job knowing that you’re ultimately responsible for getting yourself noticed, you will be starting one step ahead. Accomplished entrepreneur and LinkedIn Co-Founder Reid Hoffman said,

“If you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backward.”

It’s important to recognize that taking charge of your own career advancement, and then mapping out the steps you need to succeed, is key to moving forward on your trajectory.

Make a Point of Positioning Yourself as a Rising Star

As an employee looking for growth opportunities within your current company, you have many avenues to position yourself as a rising star. As an insider, you’re able to glean insights on company strategies and apply your expertise where it’s most needed. Scout out any skills gaps, then make a point to acquire and apply them. And, when you have creative ideas to offer, make it your mission to gain the ear of those in the organization who can put your ideas to the test. Valiant shows of commitment and enterprise make managers perk up and take notice, keeping you ahead of both internal and external competitors. Employ these other useful tips to let your rising star qualities shine:

1. Promote Your Successes to Your Higher-Ups

When your boss casually asks how you’re doing, use this valuable moment to position yourself as indispensable: “I’m floating on clouds because three clients have already commented on how well they like my redesign of the company website.” Tell your supervisors about any and all successes. Securing a new contract or signing a new customer should be a cause for celebration. Be sure to let your bosses know.

2. Cultivate Excellent Listening Skills

Listen well, and ask great questions. Realize that people love to talk about themselves. But if you’re a superb listener, others will confide in you, and you’ll learn from what they share. You may even find out something valuable about your own prospects in the company. If others view you as even-minded and thoughtful, they’ll respect your ideas and, in turn, listen to what you have to say.

3. Go to All Office Networking Events

Never skip the office Christmas party, your coworker’s retirement party, or any office birthday parties, wedding showers, or congratulatory parties for colleagues. If others see you as a team player, it will help you rise in your company. These on-site parties will also help you mingle with co-workers whom you might not ordinarily have the chance to see. For special points, help organize one or two of these get-togethers.

Take the Extra Step to Show Your Value to the Company

Managers and HR staff know that it can be less risky – and a lot less costly -- to promote from within. As internal staff, you likely have a good grasp of the authority structure and talent pool in the company, and know how to best navigate these networks in achieving both the company’s goals and your own. The late Nobel-Prize winning economist, Gary Becker, coined the term “firm-specific,” which describes the unique skills required to excel in an individual organization. You, as a current employee, have likely tapped into these specific skills, while external hires may take a year or more to master their nuances. Know that your experience within the company already provides value, then find ways to add even more value, using these tips:

4. Show Initiative

Commit yourself to whatever task you’re given, and make a point of going above and beyond. Position yourself so that you’re ready to take on any growth opportunities that present themselves. If you believe you have skills that have gone untapped, find a manager who will give you a chance to prove your worth. Accept any stretch assignment that showcases your readiness for advancement. Stay late, and arrive early. Half of getting the best assignments is sticking around long enough to receive them.

5. Set Yourself Apart by Staying up on Everything There Is to Know About Your Company and Its Competitors

Subscribe to and read the online trade journals. Become an active member in your industry’s network of professionals. Go to industry conferences, and learn your competitors’ strategies. Be the on-the-ground eyes and ears for your organization to stay on top of industry trends.

6. Go to Every Company Meeting Prepared and Ready to Learn

A lot of workers feel meetings are an utter waste of time. They’re not, though, because they provide face-time with higher-ups and those in a position to give you the growth opportunities you need. Go with the intention of absorbing information and using it to your advantage -- including the goals and work styles of your superiors. Respect the agenda, listen more than you speak, and never beleaguer a point.

Accelerate Your Career Growth Opportunities

A recent study found that the five predictors of employees with executive potential were: the right motivation, curiosity, insight, engagement, and determination. These qualities help you stand out, but it’s also important to establish a track record of success and to not appear to be over-reaching in your drive to move up in your company. Try to see yourself from your boss’s position and evaluate your promote-ability. Do you display a passion and commitment toward meeting the collective goals of the company? Do you have a motivating influence with team members and show insight and excellence in all your work? These qualities will place you front and center when growth opportunities arise. Use these strategic tips to escalate your opportunities for growth:

7. Find a Mentor

With mentorship programs fast disappearing, this isn't always easy. But you need to look for someone in the company who has been promoted several times and who also cares about your progress. Maybe it’s the person who recommended you for the job. Or maybe it’s your direct supervisor. It could even be someone across the hall or in a completely different department. Talk to her or him about growth opportunities within your company. Maybe she or he can recommend you for a promotion.

8. Map out Your Own Growth Opportunity Chart

After you’ve worked at the company for a few months, work out a realistic growth chart for your own development. This should be a reasonable, practical chart -- not a pie-in-the-sky wish list of demands. What’s reasonable? Do you think being promoted within two years is reasonable? What about raises? Try to inform your own growth chart with what you’ve heard about other workers’ raises and promotions. Once you’ve rigorously charted a realistic path for your personal development within the company, try to talk to your mentor about it. Keep refining your chart until it seems to work with your skills and proven talents. Then, arrange a time to discuss it with your boss. You may want to time the discussion around the time of your performance review. Then your boss can weigh in with what he feels is reasonable, too.

9. Set Your Professional Bar High

Research shows that more than two-thirds of workers are just putting in their time. But through your active engagement in the organization and commitment to giving your best, you can provide the contrast against others giving lackluster performances. Cultivate the hard skills that keep you on the cutting edge of your profession, while also refining your soft skills. These are the attributes that make you better at embracing diverse perspectives, engendering trust, and harnessing the power of synergy. Even if you have an unquestionably left-brain career -- a financial analyst or biotechnical engineer, for example -- you’re always better off when you can form kind, courteous, quality relationships with colleagues. Let integrity be the cornerstone of all your interactions with clients and co-workers.

The Bottom Line

Growth opportunities are available for those willing to purposely and adeptly manage their own professional growth. As the old adage says,

“Half of life is showing up.”

The other half is sticking around so that when your boss is looking for someone to take on a more significant role, you are among the first who come to mind. Remember, your career is your business!

More Resources About Ever-Growing

• 30 Amazing Tips To Make Your Personal Growth 10 Times Faster
• 10 Reasons Personal Growth Is Important No Matter How Old You Are
• 42 Practical Ways To Improve Yourself
• 5 Ways to Cultivate a Growth Mindset for Self Improvement