In Focus: December 2020

Thursday, 31 December 2020

14 Success Stories of Famous People Who Begin With Setbacks

Do you have a favorite failure? It's a question author Tim Ferriss asks every guest on his podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show. Without fail, each guest can credit their success to a single setback or a long string of failure after failure that ultimately motivated them to improve and try again. It's how we learn. As Henry Ford once said,

"Failure is only the opportunity more intelligently to begin again."

Success isn't linear. If you zoom out on the success story of Amazon over the last twenty years, it appears as if it has only gone up based on stock value. But if you zoom in, there were constant ebbs and flows. There are months where share value tanked and it looked like it would never recover. Inevitably, those downturns were followed by tremendous gains that doubled or tripled their losses. It's those setbacks that are necessary to learn and allow more room for future growth. I guarantee any celebrity or icon you look up to initially struggled in what they wanted to accomplish. Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Steve Jobs, Beyonce—yes, Beyonce—all struggled at some point. They thought they may fail. They probably had self-doubt in pursuing their dreams because they sounded ridiculous. Some thought they make end up working a desk job for the rest of their life. But through a combination of self-belief and determination, they were able to forget their struggles, analyze what they did wrong, and understand how to change their approach to execute flawlessly the next time around. Ellen Johnson Sirleaf once said,

"The size of your dreams must always exceed your current capacity to achieve them. If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough."

What most people don't realize is that failure acts as a stepping-stone towards success. It's through our failures that we learn our ability to grow in life, love, goals, and happiness. Plus, everyone has failed at some point in their life. To put things into perspective, here are 14 success stories of some of the most famous people who began their careers with initial setbacks. Success doesn't come overnight, but so long as you don't give up, it will be there waiting for you.

1. Steven Spielberg

Before releasing the 1975 classic, Jaws, Steven Spielberg was rejected multiple times from USC's School of Cinematic Hearts.((JarredBunch: 15 Ridiculously Influential People Who Had to Fail to Succeed)) If he hadn't taken those early failures to heart, we may never have had E.T., Indiana Jones, or Jurassic Park to thank him for.

2. Chris Pratt

Actor Chris Pratt was homeless and living in a van in Hawaii when he was nineteen before he finally made it onto the big screen.((Go Social: 20 Famous People Who MASSIVELY Failed Before Succeeding)) His first movie only paid him $700. Twenty years of hard work later, Pratt was paid $10 million to film Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.

3. Sylvester Stallone

Rocky star and writer, Sylvester Stallone was so poor at one point that he had to sell his dog for $40 just to buy food. After receiving two Oscar bids for his script and performance in Rocky, he was able to buy the dog back from the new owner for $15,000!

4. Oprah Winfrey

Probably having one of the most famous success stories, Oprah was born into deep poverty in Mississippi, raised by a single mother living on welfare. She was physically, mentally, and sexually abused during her childhood. One thing not many people know about her is that she ran away from home and got pregnant when she was only fourteen-years-old.((Huffpost: 21 Famous Failures Who Refused to Give Up)) She lost the baby shortly after birth. Despite her initial struggles as a young girl, she turned herself into one of the most successful individuals of our time.

5. Jim Carrey

Jim Carrey is one of the funniest people on the planet. He has been the star of some of the most successful movies of all time. But Carrey grew up extremely poor in Canada. When he was a teenager, his family worked as janitors at a school to help pay the bills. And during his first stand-up comedy performance, he was booed off the stage. Not shortly after, he made it big on In Living Color and then went on to star in Dumb & Dumber, The Mask, and Ace Ventura in the same year!

6. J.K. Rowling

Before writing one of the most successful book series in modern history, J.K. Rowling was broke, living on welfare, and supporting a child on her own. It took her seven years to write the first Harry Potter novel, and even then, all twelve major publishing houses at that time rejected the book.

7. Katy Perry

Before dancing on stage with the infamous "Left Shark" at the halftime show of Super Bowl XLIX, Katy Perry's long journey was filled with failures. Her first record label went out of business after her first album sold only two hundred copies. After two more labels dropped her, it took Katy Perry over ten years of hard work before she finally had a hit in 2008 called I Kissed a Girl.

8. Thomas Edison

Thomas Edison is not only the most famous inventor (of the phonograph, the movie camera, alkaline storage batteries, etc.) you know, given his well-known success story, but you also probably know him as a famous failure. In elementary school, we were all taught that Thomas Edison failed over 10,000 times when attempting to invent a commercially-viable electric lightbulb. ((Develop Good Habits: 45 Famous Failures Who Became Successful People)) Edison was a master of trial and error. He was not afraid to make hundreds, or even thousands, of mistakes before figuring something out.

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." —Thomas Edison

9. Henry Ford

The success story of Henry Ford is one that is also well-known. Henry Ford, as you all know, is the father of the automobile and creator of the assembly line. He helped bring transportation to the masses in America with his Ford Model T car. But what you may not know was that his first company went bankrupt. Even his second company also went bankrupt.

10. Beyoncé

Before Destiny's Child, Beyonce was in a group called Girl's Tyme. When Beyonce was just nine years old, the group appeared on the show Star Search and lost. That group went on to become Destiny's Child. But it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. They had internal struggles and of the original six members of Girl's Tyme, only two remained in Destiny's Child after it was formed. In 1996, they were signed by Columbia Records, and the rest is history.

11. James Dyson

If you thought Thomas Edison's failures were bad, let me introduce you to James Dyson, the famous inventor of the Dyson vacuums you see all over television. Dyson developed over 5,000 failed prototypes before finding the bagless vacuum brand. Not only that, he invested his entire savings account into his prototypes over fifteen years! Luckily, the bagless vacuum worked and now Forbes estimates James Dyson's net worth at over $6 billion.((Forbes: Singapore-Bound Billionaire James Dyson Plans $3.6 Billion Move Into Batteries And Robotics After Electric Car Failure))

12. Stephen King

Before Stephen King became known as arguably the greatest living writer—having written over 60 novels, many of which have been adapted for film and television—King was rejected over and over again. In his memoir, On Writing, King describes how he used to post his rejection letters on the wall with a big spike for inspiration. His first novel, Carrie, was rejected 30 times. Just when he was about to give up and move on to his next project, his wife found the manuscript in the trash and asked him to try one more time. We all know what happened after that.

13. Vincent Van Gogh

The success story of Vincent Van Gogh may not be as well-known as the others, but it is still as inspiring. Most people don't know that Van Gogh never actually got to see how much of a success he was. His paintings did not become popular until after his death. Of his 900 paintings, only one was sold while he was alive.

14. Jay-Z

It's no hidden secret that Jay-Z sold drugs in his youth—he raps about it constantly to remind himself of his humble roots. He is in no way proud of it, but it was what he had to do to scrape by in Brooklyn's Marcy Projects. During that time, he developed an interest in music and sold CDs out of his trunk before starting his own label, Roc-A-Fella Records.((MoneyPPL: 41 Successful People Who Failed Miserably Before Making It Big)) Shortly after, his career sky-rocketed into the limelight when his album soared to number 23 on the Billboard 200 before going platinum.

Final Thoughts

Hard work is what gets you through life. The Navy SEALs developed BUD/s, known as the most difficult training program in the U.S. military. They want to make sure the warriors they select have the mental toughness to remain calm under pressure and never quit, regardless of the circumstances. The best way to do that is to expose them to extreme pressure and impossible conditions over and over again. The more they experience setbacks, the more they can learn from them and develop their mental and physical strategies to overcome the obstacles next time. This is exactly what formed some of the most successful people we know of today. They didn't purposely put themselves in difficult situations, but the circumstances they were able to overcome allowed them to develop the confidence in themselves to persevere and learn how to do things better. Self-belief is one of the strongest personal attributes that will lead to your success. So, when you face setbacks in life, don't get down on yourself. That's too easy. Instead, look at it with a smile and say to yourself, "This is why I'm here. This is my opportunity to learn and get better." Besides, look at how many other people have done it.

Toxic Family Members

If you are dating or related to a toxic person, it can be challenging—if not impossible—to stay away from them altogether. For romantic partners and married couples, recognizing the signs of a toxic relationship is a good first step, but it’s not as simple as breaking up and moving on with your life. The same problem arises with immediate family members—it’s just not realistic to avoid them (especially if you live with or near them) and cutting ties is an enormously complicated and emotionally exhausting decision that shouldn’t be made lightly. If this family member is unbearably toxic and unwilling to change, perhaps you’ll eventually reach a point where you can let go of the relationship and move away from them. However, if you want to stay away from toxic people without relocating or inciting tiresome family drama, there are two ways to limit their influence over your life without severing the relationship:

1. Establish Firm Communication Boundaries

The problem with toxic people is that they either lack self-awareness about how their words and actions negatively affect people around them or they’re actually well-aware of their apathetic, manipulative tendencies and aren’t in any hurry to change their ways if nobody presses them to. Remember the Golden Rule of “treat others as you would want to be treated?” Forget that for now, and embrace the principles of the Platinum Rule, which involves treating others how they want to be treated. The Platinum Rule is superior to the Golden Rule when dealing with a toxic family member because it requires a meaningful discussion about how you two interact with each other, rather than leaving you to make assumptions about how the other person wants to be treated. A word of caution: one of the most common traits of toxic people is a persistent refusal to accept personal responsibility or empathize with another person who’s upset or harmed by them. If you approach the conversation from the one-sided angle of “you hurt me and we need to talk,” there’s a good chance they’ll refuse to listen, dismiss your concerns to avoid the discussion entirely, or possibly twist it around and project blame onto you. You don’t owe a toxic, hurtful person anything. However, if you want to increase your chances of them genuinely listening to your concerns and changing their ways, here are some scripts to help you start setting firmer interpersonal communication boundaries:

“When you said ____________, it made me feel ____________ because ____________. I would prefer it if you said/did ____________ in the future instead.”
“I don’t appreciate the way you ____________. It hurts my feelings because ____________. Would you be willing to discuss alternatives with me?”
“I love and care about you, but I’m not a fan of how you ____________ because ____________. I think it would make our relationship/communication better if we could both do ____________.”

2. Practice Self-Distancing

We all learned what “social distancing” is in 2020. But what about self-distancing? This concept refers to psychologically removing yourself from an event and engaging in adaptive self-reflection to moderate your own thoughts and feelings about the person or situation. Self-distancing is similar to mindfulness techniques in that you become more aware of yourself while developing the emotional resilience necessary to successfully manage interpersonal conflicts. For example, say you’re dealing with a family member who refuses to ever take responsibility or apologize for their words and actions. You probably know from experience that there’s no point in arguing endlessly with a toxic person in hopes that they’ll give up at some point and admit fault (truly toxic people rarely concede first, if at all). In this case, self-distancing would involve taking a step back and assessing the issue from the perspective of a neutral, external observer. It helps if you imagine the problem is happening to a friend instead of you. At this point, you might be wondering: if my family member is the toxic person—and thus, unlikely to care much about my feelings—then why shouldn’t I reflect on my own feelings? The answer lies in our tendency to get emotionally agitated or overwhelmed when reflecting on people and experiences that upset us. The Journal of Personality published a study in 2019 that compared the cognitive, emotional, and behavioral implications of self-distancing as a response to adverse experiences as opposed to self-immersion (reflecting on negative people and/or incidents with an emphasis on their own thoughts and feelings on the matter). The study ultimately found that individuals who engaged in self-distancing were more likely to experience significant growth in positive emotionality but no increase in negative emotionality.((PsyArXiv: Self-distancing promotes positive emotional change after adversity: Evidence from a micro-longitudinal field experiment)) It’s not easy at first, but if you genuinely want to stay away from toxic people and achieve emotional freedom from their manipulative clutches, then here are two self-distancing techniques to start practicing in your daily life:

Reflect on events with third-person pronouns. Self-talk is most effective when you frame thoughts and feelings using he/she/they pronouns instead of I, me, or my. For instance, you could ask yourself, “Why did their sister say that to them?” instead of framing it as “Why did my sister say that to me?” This helps with self-distancing by temporarily depersonalizing your connection to the incident, thereby allowing you to reflect on it from a more neutral point-of-view.
Engage in expressive writing. Spend 20 minutes writing down all of your thoughts and rawest emotions related to the conflict you’re experiencing with a family member. This open-ended journaling technique is called expressive writing and should only be done for yourself (i.e., don’t share it with anyone afterward; you’re just getting everything out on paper so you can better manage and articulate your emotions later).

Toxic Friends

Which group brings you the most happiness—your family or your friends? Two studies assessing nearly 300,000 adults worldwide found that friendships tend to produce the best outcomes for an individual’s happiness and health.((The Guardian: Do friends make you happier than family?)) This could be because we consciously choose to interact with friends whereas family relationships feel more like obligations we’re required to fulfill. Interestingly, the aforementioned studies found that when friendships are reportedly “stressful,” individuals are likely to report higher rates of disease as well. On the other hand, family relationships have comparatively little influence over a person’s health and well-being. While these broad statistical findings don’t apply to everyone equally, this nevertheless suggests that toxic friends could be more destructive for your health and happiness than toxic family members. If you’re friends with raging narcissists, aggressive manipulators, or vocal complainers who are negative about everything, you can stay away from toxic people like them without abandoning your friendship or mutual social circles using the following strategies:

1. Discuss the Issue With Them Directly

How close are you to this friend? If you’ve been friends for years and they’ve only recently started acting this way, you should directly address your concerns with them (preferably not over text or email, but these electronic avenues are preferable to never bring up the problem at all). Following some conflict management guidelines, you should calmly introduce the problem, acknowledge any personal responsibility you may have in the conflict, and propose a compromise that’s fair to both parties. If you do all of the above and your friend still blows you off (or blows up), then your next step would be determining whether the friendship is worth continuing in its current state or not. After all, the primary purpose of a friendship is to provide mutual companionship and support. If only one person is willing to put in the time and effort to make it work, then it’s preferable to stay away from toxic people like that friend so you can save your emotional energy for someone else who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

2. Limit Social Media Interactions

If your friendship is more casual or if you don’t want to burn bridges entirely, then your next step should be minimizing your online interactions with them. Staying on close terms with a friend who regularly strives to make you feel envious, posts upsetting things, or disparages you can have devastating consequences on your mental and emotional well-being. What’s worse: your toxic friend’s words and actions aren’t the only problems. The Internet itself—especially social media—is a seemingly endless breeding ground for toxic interactions between people. Yale Professor of Psychology Dr. M.J. Crockett wrote in a 2017 analysis in Nature Human Behavior that digital media encourage expressions of outrage by exacerbating emotional triggers, reducing reputational risks for individuals, and enhancing potential benefits to be gained from toxic rhetoric and behavior online.((Nature Human Behaviour: Moral outrage in the digital age)) A 2020 study of how social media platforms’ technical architectures influence toxic communication among users also found that these sites’ algorithms privilege emotionally-charged, inflammatory content to drive the greatest possible engagement (views, likes, clicks, comments).((Nature: Angry by design: toxic communication and technical architectures)) In other words, social media allows toxicity to flourish while camaraderie flounders. To minimize the negative consequences of engaging with toxic friends on social media without having to de-friend or block them entirely, you can do the following:

Mute or unfollow them. Most social media platforms offer users options to hide a certain person’s posts and stories without notifying the other person that you muted them. Similar to self-distancing, this simple strategy allows you to get a much-needed break from seeing their posts and photos without severing the friendship altogether.
Enhance your posts’ privacy. If your friend constantly makes negative comparisons between you two, harshly judges or mocks you for what you post (even if “it’s just a joke!”), or otherwise uses personal information to make you feel terrible about yourself, then it’s time to tighten up your privacy controls and restrict them from seeing your content.

Final Takeaways

It’s hard to stay away from toxic people when you’re physically and emotionally close to them the way we are with our family members and friends. In these types of relationships, it’s just not as simple as recognizing their toxic traits, realizing you deserve to be treated better, and cutting your losses so you can move on with your life. To preserve your own happiness and well-being, boundary-setting and self-distancing are essential techniques you can use regardless of whether the toxic individual is willing to listen to you and put in the effort to change the way they treat you or not. We can’t control the thoughts, feelings, and actions of others, but we can control our own.

More Tips on How to Stay Away From Toxic People

7 Simple Ways To Improve Your Mental Wellness

If your lifestyle is anything like mine, finding the time to properly take care of your mental wellness can be a real challenge. After all, time is always of the essence, and it’s usually in short supply, especially since you are a real go-getter with a passion for being the best at whatever you do, whether at work or play. With all of those flights to catch, deadlines to meet, and loved ones in need of your full and undivided attention, there never seems to be enough time in the day to get it all done. And for most of us overachieving socially conscientious individuals, that usually means working long hard hours building our brands, vigorously networking with potential consumers, overcoming constant objections, and aggressively marketing our goods and services wherever and whenever the opportunity presents itself. First things first. What is mental wellness all about? It essentially refers to properly taking care of your mental health, which includes your emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It helps determine how you handle stress, relate to others, and make critical decisions in life. For the most part, it is greatly influenced by environmental life experiences and genetic predisposition. Nevertheless, although you may not be able to genetically erase a family history of depression nor substance abuse for that matter, I am confident that you do have the power to improve the environmental factors that impact your mental health by implementing a variety of practical strategies to do so. So, let’s take a look at some real-life practical examples of strategies that everyone should be able to work into even the most time-constricted schedule.

1. Talk to Someone

That sounds simple enough, right? Unfortunately, however, not all of us feel as though we are capable of opening up about our feelings, nor do we have the time to share them constructively with another person. In fact, many people find themselves stuffing their feelings away—deep within the emotional bedrock of underlying and unresolved childhood issues. Nevertheless, although some people have made a conscious decision to live their lives isolated from others, for the most part, human beings are generally social creatures—instinctually interacting with others, forming friendships, families, and larger communities. That’s one of the reasons why I strongly recommend working with a well-trained professional counselor if you find it difficult to open up and express your feelings and emotions with others. No matter how automated and technologically advanced your life has become or how off-the-emotional grid you think that you are, there is just no substitute for the psychological benefits that human contact provides. At one point or another in our lives, we all need to know that our voices are truly being heard by another living and breathing person. Although social media enables us to connect with others anywhere in the world at lightning speed, likes, shares, and instant messaging can never take the place of an intimate human connection through face-to-face conversation. In fact, social media use has been shown to compound the effects of loneliness and depression.((NCBI: Social Media Use and Its Connection to Mental Health: A Systematic Review)) The right professional counselor should be able to help you work through some of your most stubborn personal obstacles by providing feedback and validation to help you maintain mental wellness. And now with multiple on-line counseling platforms available to choose from, you don’t even have to leave your home to make it to your session on time.

2. Read a Book

I know what you’re thinking: Who has the time to read a book? However, studies have shown that reading significantly reduces symptoms of both depression and anxiety.((NCBI: The introduction of a healthy reading scheme for people with mental health problems: usage and experiences of health professionals and library staff)) Reading is like taking your mind on an all-expenses-paid vacation to Tahiti, the Renaissance, the future, and beyond in less than an hour—all from the comfort of your own home. Reading essentially forces you to pay attention to detail, so you don’t miss any of the important plot twists in the story. So, go ahead, carefully grab a hot cup of cocoa, find the most comfortable and quiet spot in your home, put your phone on vibrate, and read a novel by your favorite author. Although you may not be able to finish it in one sitting, schedule enough time to make it through at least a chapter or two. More than likely, the more you read, the more engaged you will find yourself in the story, and therefore, the more you will want to continue reading to find out exactly what happens in the end.

3. Go for a Walk

I am neither a cardiologist nor a professional fitness trainer. However, I do know that I feel great after going for a walk. It’s an uplifting and invigorating experience that’s as good for your heart as it is for your mind. Going for a walk can help improve your mental wellness. As a matter of fact, studies show that walking helps build self-esteem by reducing rates of obesity, stress, and ultimately, symptoms of both depression and anxiety.((News-Medical: Does Walking Help with Mental Health Problems?)) The only equipment you really need is a comfortable pair of sneakers and a bottle of water so that you can stay properly hydrated. Once again, the only real obstacle getting in the way of being able to go for a brisk walk for most of us is having the time to actually do it. However, rather than waiting for the perfect time and place to go for a walk, I recommend that you just go for it! There are always going to be issues requiring your immediate, full, and undivided attention. There is no time like the present to start putting your mental health first by getting some good old-fashioned cardiovascular exercise. Nevertheless, if you are unable to go outside for a walk due to inclement weather or perhaps an unexpected quarantine due to a global pandemic, I recommend mapping out a trail in or around your home with as much open space as possible. You might even want to consider investing in a sturdy treadmill depending upon your budget.

4. Listen to Music

A few hundred years ago, the English playwright William Congreve wrote, “music has the power to enchant even the roughest of people.” No matter what genre of music you’re into, whether it’s by Metallica, Moby, Post Malone, Mozart, or Thelonious Monk, most of us would agree that music affects our mood and both our productivity and creativity. Studies have shown that listening to music helps people relax, reflect, and even recover from both mental illness and substance abuse.((Nature: The effects of playing music on mental health outcomes)) If you happen to think that BTS is dynamite, Harry Styles is golden, or you just have the desire to listen to some classic U2 on a beautiful day, listening to your favorite song can actually improve your mood tremendously. So, if you’re really ready for some sound healing, I suggest that you close the windows, pull down the shades, crank up the volume, and just sing right along to your favorite song whether you know all the words or not.

5. Eat Right

I have to admit that I love to eat pasta, pancakes, and pizza. However, I also know that too much of a good thing—especially foods high in fat, sodium, preservatives, carbohydrates, and calories—can be very bad for you. Studies have shown that eating a well-balanced diet can improve your mental health. Researchers believe that there is a direct connection between what you eat, and how you feel about yourself.((Harvard Health Publishing: Nutritional psychiatry: Your brain on food)) Diets rich in vitamins, protein, fiber, and antioxidants have been clinically proven to improve your overall health, thereby reducing symptoms of mental illness associated with chronic medical conditions, such as depression and anxiety. The idea is to eat foods that can strengthen your immune system, regulate digestion, and at the same time, elevate your mood while calming your nerves. Try to eat as healthy as possible to maintain mental wellness.

6. Keep a Journal

Although you may never sign a multi-million dollar book deal or write a best-selling novel, your life story is awesome because it’s yours! No one can document your thoughts and express your feelings better than you. Keeping a journal helps you maintain a more accurate record of significant chapters in your life making it easier to process your feelings about those events when the time is right. But perhaps the most significant benefit that journaling provides is that it helps you declutter lingering thoughts in your mind, effectively freeing up precious headspace. How many times have you had so many things going on in your mind that you didn’t even know where to get started? Journaling your thoughts makes it easier to prioritize them in the headspace.

7. Sleep Well

Can you remember the last time you slept for a full 8 hours? Sleep is an essential part of maintaining the body’s equilibrium. It helps us essentially re-energize our physical, emotional, and cognitive batteries. When I don’t get enough sleep at night, I am usually cranky, lethargic, and significantly less productive the following day. Perhaps you have experienced the same thing? Research has shown that both sleep deprivation and disturbed patterns of sleep can lead to a whole host of mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and even psychotic episodes with delusions and hallucinations.((Harvard Health Publishing: Sleep and mental health)) One of the easiest ways to improve the quality of your sleep is to try to stay as active as possible during the day and then wind things down in the evening. I don’t know about you, but it’s super hard for me to fall asleep with a mind full of unresolved tasks. Consider practicing mindful meditation before going to bed so that you can release all of your stress by actively strengthening your spiritual energies. Although you can speak with your physician about prescription sleep aids, you may want to explore more holistic natural remedies first, such as camomile tea and melatonin supplements. Finally, try to stay as far away from caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and over-stimulating activities, such as video games at night if possible. Having a good night's sleep is essential to maintaining mental wellness.

Final Thoughts

No matter where you are from or what you do for a living, I know everyone would agree that having a clear mind is an essential part of being able to make decisive and prudent decisions. Similar to servicing your vehicle to keep it running at peak performance, you should take the time to periodically tune up your mind with some simple strategies to improve your mental wellness.

Wednesday, 30 December 2020

How To Keep Pushing Forward And Overcome Any Obstacle

Sooner or later, all of us will face adversity that will make us feel extreme stress, disappointment, and a lot of uncertainty. As we lean into the adversity, we’ll encounter some formidable obstacles. When we face these obstacles, we must keep pushing forward. When life gets really tough, many people get stuck or lose their momentum. They suffer from fear, self-doubt, and other negative feelings. To get past obstacles in your way, you must fully acknowledge the problem and have a strong, motivating reason to keep moving forward. You also have to change any unrealistic expectations. Then, you have to develop a positive mindset, see the problem as an opportunity in disguise, and start taking action. Master these six powerful ways to keep pushing past obstacles in front of you so you can reach your goals.

1. Don’t Avoid Obstacles

“Anyone can give up; it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone would expect you to fall apart, that’s true strength.” —Chris Bradford

The first thing to do is not avoid the obstacle in front of you. Don’t stick your head in the sand and just hope it gets better. Avoiding problems generally makes them worse because small problems now will oftentimes become bigger and unmanageable later. Many people avoid that daunting obstacle by either denying that it’s a big problem or purposely downplaying its significance. They usually do this because they don’t believe they can solve the problem, or they realize how much work it will take to overcome it. Other people avoid problems by distracting themselves. They do other things that take their minds away from the painful situation in front of them. How many times have you faced an obstacle and procrastinated instead of confronting it? Procrastination is another very common reaction to a problem we don't want to face. To stop avoiding problems here are some solutions:

Accept that there is a problem. Acknowledge it’s there. It can be painful, especially if it’s an emotional issue, but you have to realize there’s something wrong and it needs your attention.
Accept that you’re responsible for solving this problem—whether you caused it or not. Don’t waste a lot of time blaming other people or dwelling on how unfair it is. Realize you have to deal with this problem now.
Don’t distract yourself with things that take your mind away from the issue.
If you find yourself procrastinating, remind yourself that the longer you take to confront the problem, the worse it will get.

2. Know Why You’re Doing It

Many people are unable to keep pushing past obstacles in their way because they don’t have a strong reason to keep going. It’s important you know your “why.” Your “why” should be the driving force that motivates you to keep pushing, overcome obstacles, and achieve your goal. Identify your “why.” Why should you work extremely hard to get past these obstacles to reach your goal? Why is this goal important to you? When I got out of prison, I faced a lot of discrimination. I was denied a lot of jobs because of my felony drug manufacturing-related conviction. This was undoubtedly one of my biggest obstacles. I was very angry. I was angry at myself for getting arrested and going to prison. I was angry at the business world for discriminating against me when I was trying to do the right thing. There were times when I felt like giving up. I thought about becoming a drug dealer again. Then, I thought about why it was important for me to get a job. I had a few “whys.” I knew I was capable of using my skills and talents to do good things in life. I didn’t want to go back to prison. I had to create a stable work history. I knew my best days were ahead of me if I just did the right thing. Once I realized I had some strong reasons to keep pushing forward, I stayed the course. I went to interview after interview until I found people who were willing to hear my story and give me a chance. It took a long time, but it eventually worked. I was able to find some good, compassionate people who were willing to hire me. Why is your goal important to you? To keep moving forward when you face obstacles, make sure you have strong reasons to stay the course. Make sure your goals are aligned with your values. Make sure that the big goal is something you love—something worth fighting for.

3. Let Go of Past Expectations

There will be a lot of times in life when you’ll expect a good outcome, hit an obstacle, and then find that you’re going to have to create a new plan. When I was in prison, my mom died. I was devastated because I didn’t get to see her, but I took some comfort in knowing my wife was there for me. When I was released, I’d live with her and start a new chapter of my life. Later, my wife left me. Now, I had nowhere to go. I reached the lowest point of my life. A few months later, I contacted a couple I knew and told them about my dilemma. They graciously agreed to let me live with them when I got out of prison. I stayed with them for almost 9 months. That experience strengthened our friendship and to this day, they are in my inner circle—they’re family. They helped me rebuild my life. They were at my university graduation and helped me celebrate other milestones on my journey to redemption. We continue to help and support each other. I was able to let go of past expectations and make the best out of a disastrous situation. Realize that life is oftentimes unfair. Know that things can and often will change. Accept that many things are out of your control. Let go of past expectations and work positively toward making the best of bad situations. Revise your expectations when it’s necessary. When things change, pivot to a new plan to deal with the unexpected change in the best way possible. Just keep pushing forward. Follow the wise words of John Wooden:

Things work out best for those who make the best out of how things work out.

4. Have a Positive Mindset

Have you ever tried to solve a problem with a negative attitude? It was most likely an uphill battle. You probably had a hard time thinking of solutions to the problem or believed you just couldn’t do it. Having a positive mindset is one of the most important tools you can use to move past obstacles in your life. A positive attitude increases your confidence in your ability to overcome huge challenges. It keeps your mind open to new possibilities and ways of dealing with problems.

“A positive mind finds opportunity in everything. A negative mind finds fault in everything.” —Unknown

Negative thinking makes you feel stressed out, overwhelmed, and afraid of taking action. On the other hand, positive thinking lowers your stress levels. It makes you more relaxed and ready to deal with problems. It’s important to be “rationally positive,” which means you shouldn’t tell yourself you’ll be able to do everything flawlessly and everything will work out perfectly. Instead, realize you have the courage to face tough obstacles, the ability to adapt to unexpected events, and the perseverance to keep getting back up every time you get knocked down until you reach your goal. As Robert Luongo said:

“It doesn't matter how many times you get knocked down. The only thing that matters is how many times you get up.”

5. Look at Obstacles as Opportunities

“The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” —Molière

I initially thought prison was a huge obstacle. I thought it would ruin my life. I didn’t think I’d be able to get a good job later because of my criminal record. I believed people would dislike me when they found out I had been to prison, and I didn’t think I had a future. But when I started looking at prison as an opportunity to become a better, stronger, and smarter person, my life started to quickly change. I realized that prison was the reality check I needed. If I didn’t go to prison, I could’ve ended up dead, like many of my old friends. Prison gave me the chance to think about the purpose of my life for the first time. It gave me time to think about how I needed to change myself and my life. It started me on a positive trajectory to keep pushing forward. When you encounter an obstacle, determine how it can make you a better, stronger, and smarter person by asking yourself these questions:

What lessons is life trying to teach me right now?
How can I use this bad situation to achieve something great?

6. Take Action

Once you’ve accepted that there’s a problem and you have to solve it, you have to take action. This sounds simple, but many people fail to get started because they don't have an adequate action plan. To create an action plan:

List all of your options and the costs and benefits of each one. Find the best options and eliminate others.
Determine how long it will take and when you need to finish.
List the actions you need to take, from the first step to the last.
Make sure you have the proper resources to complete the action plan (time, people, money, technology, etc.).
Begin executing the plan.

Once you take action, don’t stop. Keep the momentum going. Keep pushing forward until you reach your goals.

Final Thoughts

We must develop a positive mindset and see obstacles as opportunities instead of roadblocks. When we see challenges from this perspective, we learn, grow, and develop new skills and insights. We become smarter, stronger, and better able to tackle the challenges we’ll face in the future. When things get rough, our automatic response may be to avoid or minimize the obstacles in front of us. We have to fully acknowledge problems and know we have what it takes to overcome them. And we have to know that all of our hard work and sacrifices are for a worthy cause.

More Tips on How To Push Forward in Life

7 Actionable Ways to Develop Good Listening Skills

Good listening skills are important in just about any area of life. Looking at your own life, can you identify why you want to be a better listener? Is it to get closer to a loved one? Do you want to begin to understand where your boss is coming from? Do you want to make a good impression at work or among a new group of friends? Whatever the reason, if you follow these 6 simple steps, you will be on your way to being an expert listener that people open up to with confidence.

1. Recognize What Kind of Listener You Are

Self-awareness is essential as you're developing good listening skills. You have to know where you are before you can truly change your behavior((Scientific American: Now Hear This! Most People Stink at Listening)). Pay attention to the cues other people are giving you as to what kind of listener you are right now. Do any of these ring true?

The Space out

The space out listener can’t maintain focus on the speaker. They get distracted easily and are not concentrating on what the speaker is saying.

The Interrupter

This person can’t help themselves and butts in while the speaker is talking to share something similar that happened to them recently or share another anecdote they think is related.

The Fixer

This is the person who listens to solve your problem and give unsolicited advice. While their intentions may be helpful, they miss the nuance that the speaker is perfectly capable of handling the situation; they just might need to talk it through.

The Faker

Similar to the space out listener, the faker takes it the extra mile by uttering responses like “Mm-hmm,” “Yep,” “Oh, really?” “Wow, interesting.” They are distracted, on their phone, listening to music, or watching YouTube videos and don't have a clue as to what you're saying. We have all been in conversations with bad listeners. Let’s prevent ourselves from doing that with others through thoughtful and intentional practice of active listening((MIT: Key Tips for Active Listening)).

2. Decide to Be a Better Listener

This is a choice you are actively making in order to improve your relationships at work or at home, so commit to practicing some good listening skills. Here are some things active listeners do on a regular basis:

Listen Without Judgment

They listen to learn and to understand what the other person is saying while setting aside assumptions and experiences they have that might be similar.

Communicate Through Non-Verbal Cues

These cues can include eye contact, nodding, smiling, facing the speaker, and putting their phone away and out of sight. These are also known as body language cues and let the speaker know you are connecting with what they are saying.

3. Make a Plan

Before speaking with someone, plan out your actions in your head. Decide what you will and won't do during the conversation to practice good listening skills. For example:

I will silence and put away my phone.
I will adjust my chair so I am facing the person and making eye contact.
I will listen with curiosity and without judgment.
I will reflect back what they are saying and ask clarifying questions to help me understand their message.
I won’t interrupt.
I won’t get distracted by my phone or other people.
I won’t listen to solve or fix.

4. Change the Channel

Close your eyes and imagine flipping a switch from on to off. Now, do it again but imagine that Channel 1 is “me-focused” and Channel 2 is “empathy focused." When you flip to Channel 2 before a conversation, you automatically prepare by putting away your phone, facing the speaker, suspending judgement, and getting curious about what you are going to learn from this other person.

5. Reflect Back What You Hear

Reflecting back what you hear means summarizing or paraphrasing what they are saying just so they know you hear them. This helps them feel understood and eliminates the possibility of moving forward with incorrect information. For example, if your boss is describing a project they want done next week, you can reflect the information back with a simple sentence like, "Ok, I understand that you want Project X done by Wednesday at noon, correct?"

6. Listen to Understand, Not to Fix

Listen more than you speak, and be aware of what your brain is doing while the other person is talking. Are you making assumptions? Are you thinking of what advice you can give to make the person feel better and solve his/her situation? Remind yourself to listen without judgement and to only offer advice if asked. Good listening skills involve listening to the story the way they are telling it and showing, through non-verbal cues and clarifying questions, that you are hearing and understanding them.

7. Prepare, Practice, Reflect

This is a short routine you can do to improve good listening skills.

Step 1: Prepare Yourself

Similar to Pavlov’s dog experiment from the 1900’s((Simply Psychology: Pavlov's Dogs)), we are going to set up a conditioned response for ourselves every time someone asks “Can I talk with you about something?” Every time someone invites you in to a conversation, you will immediately do these three actions:

Say yes to the invitation.
Silence your phone and put it in a drawer, a purse, or in another room.
Face the speaker and make friendly eye contact.

Now that you are physically set up to listen, let’s discover how you will listen.

Step 2: Practice Active Listening Techniques

Be curious about what you will learn from this person. Suspend judgement and put your advice channel on mute. Listen to understand, not to fix or advise. Reflect back what you hear or ask clarifying questions. These simple techniques will work wonders for any conversation you enter.

Step 3: Reflect on How You Did as a Listener

Were you truly present in that moment for the other person, or was your mind wandering? Was it challenging to maintain focus on the speaker? If the answer is yes, this is totally normal and expected because you are building a new skill and re-training your brain to execute this new skill on command. With consistent practice and focus on building this skill, it will soon become a habit.

Final Thoughts

Being a better listener starts with you. You must intentionally prepare your mind for good listening skills because your brain is much too busy with managing your life, worries, and anxieties. When you make the decision to be a better listener, you are tapping into your empathy. You are actively focusing on the other person and what they need right now. They don’t need to be fixed or told what to do; they need to talk something through, and they picked you as their thought partner. The moment you give the other person your full attention, you are set up for a successful and meaningful conversation.

More Tips on Becoming a Better Listener

4 Steps to Building Self-Esteem Effectively

How you see yourself plays a pivotal role in the type of life you create. When you have positive self-esteem and feel good about yourself, you are more willing to try new things. More importantly, when you experience failure, you are less likely to blame yourself. You will see failure as an opportunity to learn, grow, and perform better the next time. This makes building your self-esteem an important part of living your life to the fullest. Conversely, those with low self-esteem tend to avoid change because they believe failure displays their shortcomings. Self-esteem is often considered a fundamental human need and something we all seek. If you want to build your self-esteem quickly and efficiently, below are four steps you can follow.

1. Recognize Your Triggers

There are days when you feel like a million bucks, and there are days when you feel like five bucks. On the days you feel off your game, what events took place that made you feel that way? Oftentimes, you will recognize some similarities in the days where your self-esteem is lacking. Did you fight with a loved one? Maybe you committed to doing something, but the circumstances changed and you couldn’t keep your promise. Unexpected life changes can also negatively impact your self-esteem. Did you lose a job, move to a new area, lose a loved one, or are dealing with a crisis at work? Each of these events can cause you to doubt your abilities or worry about how the change will impact your life. While the frequency of the event differs, it is important to recognize what creates a “bad” day.

2. Shift the Momentum

Once you know the commonalities in days you suffer from low self-esteem, you need to come up with a plan to overcome it. One of the most common mistakes people make is that they live their life reacting. When they have a good day, it can get no better. On the not so good days, nothing seems to go right. To build self-esteem that endures every situation, you need to build consistency in your process. How you perceive yourself in times of turmoil is key. When things are going well, you see yourself as successful and fulfilling your purpose. In times of trouble, you see yourself as a failure and wonder if things will ever get better. Instead of focusing on what is going wrong in your life in times of misfortune, look for the things that are going right. It's easier said than done, I know. But you must adjust your self-talk on the “bad” days. The good news is this process happens naturally over time. However, you want to stop reacting and start taking control of your life.((Psychology Today: 8 Steps to Improving Your Self-Esteem)) Consider when you lose a loved one. It hurts especially at the beginning because your focus is on everything you lost. You lost your friend, partner, and confidant. You lost the opportunity to tell someone how much you appreciate or love them. However, after some time has passed, you find yourself appreciating the good times you had together. You smile at the thought of their laugh and you slowly realize you are going to be alright. So, what’s changed? The key change is your self-talk. You are no longer thinking about what you have lost but about what you gained—all the wonderful experiences that can never be taken away. For you to build self-esteem in times of misfortune, you need productive self-talk.((Journal of the National Medical Center: The Foundation of Self-Esteem)) When you are speaking to yourself negatively, you are magnifying all that is wrong in your life. It is unreasonable to expect yourself to constantly have positive self-talk, but you should aim to bounce back as quickly as possible. Don’t continue the negative self-talk until things are better around you. Look to take control and increase your positive self-talk on your own.

3. What You Say Matters

As mentioned in the previous step, how you talk to yourself matters. When things are not going well, it becomes difficult to remember things for which to be grateful. Your brain goes into flight or fight mode, and this causes you to focus on the problem in an over-simplistic manner. As your ability to think rationally decreases, you may find it challenging to change your self-talk and reflect reasonably. A quick way to build self-esteem efficiently and effectively is to create a positive mindset journal. If you are not a big fan of the journal, then you can instead fill a shoebox or a scrapbook with pictures of things that make you smile. The goal is for you to quickly reset your mindset when momentum is pulling your self-esteem in a negative direction. In your journal, write down any and everything you have done successfully. Make a note of any goal you have set for yourself and accomplished. If your preference is images, include pictures of your loved ones and things you want to accomplish in your life. For images of things you want to accomplish in your life, think vision board. Do you want to be debt-free, take trips with your family, purchase a home, or learn a new language? Whatever the goal, look for an image that encapsulates your goal. Then, whenever your self-esteem is suffering, take a look in your positive mindset journal and remember all that is right in your life. This will help you leave flight or fight mode and reestablish the proper perspective and mindset.

4. Create Positive Relationships

Another efficient way to build self-esteem is to establish quality friendships. There is a reciprocal link between self-esteem and the social relationships in your life.((American Psychological Association: Positive Relationships Boost Self-Esteem, and Vice Versa)) Think of it as the positive impact a parent can have on their children’s self-esteem. Parents who have a positive relationship with their children influence them into adulthood. Your relationship with your friends can have a similar impact. Friends that encourage and support you will help build your self-esteem. By finding friends who have similar goals and aspirations, you can hold each other accountable—much in the way that friends who workout together are more likely to continue working out than someone working out by themselves. You are not always going to be in the mood to go to the gym, but you tend to go to the gym when someone is expecting you. As you accomplish your goals and keep your promises to yourself and others, your self-esteem will continue to rise. You can also create positive relationships with the actions you want to take through a reward system. Think of it as training a child or a pet with positive reinforcement. If you are a teacher, can you increase your class engagement if you promise extra credit for answering your questions? Of course. The same holds if you give a dog a treat every time they obey your command. By creating positive relationships with your desired results and actions, you train yourself to behave the right way. When I face a difficult situation, I reward myself with a Slurpee once completed. You may not be excited by a Slurpee, but you may enjoy some alone time with a new book or taking a half-day at work so you can go to the park. Whatever your motivation, you want to create a positive relationship with a difficult situation.

Final Thoughts

Low self-esteem can negatively impact almost every aspect of your life. For you to improve your personal and professional life, you need to build self-esteem in a manner that will hold you up during the tough times and flourish during prosperous times. By following the four steps outlined in this article, you will be sure to feel good about yourself and your ability to accomplish your goals. Remember, building your self-esteem is a lifelong commitment. You will have plenty of great days, with a few less-than-great days mixed in. The goal should be to reset yourself as quickly as possible whenever you feel down and unmotivated. Do not expect yourself to always maintain high self-esteem. Instead, work to recognize your triggers and take the steps to shift your self-esteem in a positive direction.

More Tips on Building Self-Esteem

Tuesday, 29 December 2020

Top 7 Self-Management Skills For Peak Performance

If you want to operate at peak performance levels to achieve more in life, then it is important to develop critical self-management skills. These are the skills needed to manage personal abilities to be used in various areas of life. Whether you want to excel in business or your personal life, your success depends upon your ability to manage your own performance. This article highlights 7 self-management skills you will need for peak performance. Each skill listed also includes an actionable item to help you get started. Master these skills for optimized performance and personal growth.

1. Hold Yourself Accountable

One of the most important self-management skills for peak performance is the ability and willingness to hold yourself accountable. If you say that you are going to do something, then make sure you do it. Take ownership of your goals and the work needed to achieve them. If you know that a task or activity requires a certain level of effort, then it is your responsibility to make it happen. If you fail to act or the performance is not sufficient, then be honest with yourself and determine what changes or adjustments are needed to do better next time. Be true to your word. Hold yourself accountable by writing your goal or commitment down on paper. You can carry this piece of paper in your pocket to serve as a reminder or dedicate a journal to these goals and personal promises. Writing it down makes it real and tangible. Reflect on what you have written a few times daily to reaffirm your commitment. Do this until you have completed the task.

2. Set Clear Goals

Have you ever set a New Year’s Resolution that quickly fell by the wayside within a few short weeks? While the media likes to give special attention to New Year’s Resolutions because it is a hot conversational piece, these goals are no more special than any other we might set throughout the year. Top performers know that sexy titles do not make goals any more attainable. Take action by setting S.M.A.R.T. Goals. Use the criteria below with your personal and professional goals.

Specific – Be specific with what you want and state your goal in simple terms. Boil it down to one clearly written sentence. Avoid ambiguity. Perhaps you want to lose weight or earn more money. Each of these ideas is a good starting point, but they lack clarity. Considering the examples noted above, an individual who lost only one pound or earned just one more dollar will have technically achieved the goal. But chances are that a goal setter would be disappointed with such insignificant results. That is why it is important to be specific by stating exactly what you want.
Measurable – Use numbers to help measure your results. This way you will know if you are on track to attaining your goal.
Achievable – This is your goal so make sure it is something that you have the ability to achieve. Assess personal strengths, skills, tools, and resources. Do you have everything necessary to achieve the goal or is something still needed?
Realistic – Determine whether the goal itself is realistic and can be achieved within the predetermined time frame.
Time-based – Put a deadline on the goal. When do you want to achieve it? This creates a sense of urgency and can be a motivator to get things done.

3. Develop Time Management

We live in a world filled with shiny objects and noisy distractions. Everywhere we turn, someone is trying to get and keep our precious attention. That's why an important self-management skill you should develop is time management. Have you ever logged onto social media to quickly respond to a message but an hour later realized you were still scrolling through your newsfeed or had fallen down the YouTube rabbit hole? If this becomes a habit, then those minutes and hours will add up and turn into days and weeks lost. Here are two quick tips for better time management. To promote productivity, create time blocks, and schedule your most important activities for these time periods. To eliminate distractions, turn off notifications on social media apps. This is especially important while attending to activities within your scheduled time blocks. Utilize the calendar on your smart device to schedule important events. There is also a wide range of apps to set reminders, track to-do lists and tasks, and keep yourself organized.

4. Be Self-Motivated

Some people are motivated by external drivers such as money, praise, or purchasing material items. Others are motivated by internal drivers such as feelings of satisfaction, fulfillment, or personal achievement. It is also possible to be motivated by both depending on the situation. When working towards a goal, here are three questions to ask that will help maintain motivation:

Why is achieving this goal important to me?
By achieving this, what will it do for me?
By achieving this, what will it get me or allow me to do?

If you find yourself losing motivation, then ask yourself these questions. You may need to go through these questions a few times to get to the deeper and more meaningful reasons that will serve as primary motivators. Focus on your goal and continue to drive forward. You might not be successful on the first attempt, and that is okay. Get up and try it again. Keep going until you succeed. Sir Winston Churchill said, “Success is the ability to go from one failure to the next with no loss of enthusiasm.”

5. Adapt to Change

One of the most important self-management skills is being adaptive to change. For millions of people around the world, 2020 provided a master class in learning to deal with change that nobody signed up for but were given front row seats to anyway. Change is a natural part of life, and we must be able and willing to adjust course when necessary. Think about the last time you were driving somewhere and saw an orange sign that read “detour ahead.” Chances are you probably let out a short grumble and mentally prepared yourself for the coming inconvenience. While you had not planned for the detour, you navigated the situation and ultimately reached the destination. Develop flexibility by reframing the situation. In other words, learn to view the situation from a different perspective. The proverbial phrase, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade” is a perfect example. The situation might not be ideal, but you can still make the most of it. Learn to be flexible and adjust course as needed, while continuing to drive forward towards your goal.

6. Use Coping Skills to Deal with Stress

Playing at higher levels typically means having to deal with increased levels of stress. It naturally comes with the territory. Take a proactive approach to deal with stress by utilizing coping skills and having healthy outlets to channel negative energy. Effective coping skills could include activities like listening to music, going for a walk, reading for pleasure, or exercising. How do your mood and behavior change when you are experiencing stress? Learn to recognize the signs and utilize the coping skills that work best for you. It might also be a good idea to incorporate activities like yoga or meditation into your weekly routine. Readers who have never meditated before might like to wade in with an easy and relaxing walking meditation. Walking meditation is a form of moving meditation that is exactly as it sounds. Rather than sitting still to perform this meditation, the individual does it while walking. Moving meditations have the same benefits as their motionless counterparts. Simply go for a 10-15 minute walk outside and focus on your breathing. Take deep calming breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Use this time to connect with your inner self and relax. This is your personal time, so leave your phone at home to avoid interruptions.

7. Institute the Habit of Daily Learning

Invest in your future by dedicating 30 minutes every day to learning something new. Advances in technology have allowed people to learn from world-class leaders and mentors at any time of the day in a manner that is most convenient to them. Download your favorite self-help books to read on the go or listen to the audio version in your car or while working out. Watch old TED Talks or attend webinars hosted by experts halfway around the world. Follow your favorite content creators on social media or subscribe to Lifehack and receive tips delivered directly to your inbox. Learning has never been easier. Right now, the podcast industry is booming. There are currently more than 850,000 active podcasts amassing over 34 million episodes. Whether you want to get the winning edge in your market, advance in your career, or simply want to pick up a new hobby, there is a podcast that has exactly what you are looking for.

Final Thoughts

Practice these self-management skills every day. Make them a part of your daily routine to operate at peak performance levels and optimize personal growth. These self-management skills are transferable and can be easily applied and adapted in all areas of life. Practice makes progress. Like anything in life, the more you do it the better you will become.

More Self-Management Tips

Become a Pro at Thinking Strategically in 4 Simple Steps

Thinking strategically is boring—if you don't know how to do it. Getting stuck feels bad and moving forward feels good. In this article, you will learn how to never again have to feel that strategic thinking is boring by becoming a pro at it. First, you will learn how to improve the way your brain functions so that it helps instead of hinders you. After that, you will learn how to think strategically to achieve your goals. Take a second to think about how improving your strategic thinking skills might help you in your life. What problems do you need to solve? What goals do you have? By understanding how to improve how your brain works, you can solve problems and achieve your goals more efficiently. Thinking strategically is defined as a mental process applied by a person to set themselves up to efficiently achieve a goal in a specific context.((Wikipedia: Strategic thinking)) For example, you might engage in the mental process of pondering how to read this article to the end without losing focus. Your pondering of this question is a distraction, so stop daydreaming, keep focused, and read on now! Nah, just kidding. Seriously though, pondering how to read this article without losing focus is an example of thinking strategically. You are considering what things you can do to achieve your goal of efficiently finishing this article. I'll break the process of strategic thinking down more in-depth in steps 3 and 4 of this article. But first, here's an overview of the 4 simple steps to become a pro at thinking strategically:

Meditate to get a clear perspective.
Use cognitive enhancers to sharpen your mind.
Understand the problem/goal you want to solve/achieve.
Find the most efficient methods for solving your problem.

The first two steps are about improving your brain function to get you into a state of mind conducive to strategic thinking, and the final two steps outline how to actually apply this mental superpower.

1. Meditate to Get a Clear Perspective

To think strategically, you will need a clear perspective on the problem you are going to try to solve and the methods available to you for solving it. Meditation is an excellent way to clear any gunk out of your mind. Having a meditation habit can probably improve your strategic thinking skills in the long term, but it is actually in the short term that meditation has the most prominent benefits for thinking strategically.((ScienceDirect: Mindfulness induction and cognition: A systematic review and meta-analysis))((Hindawi: The Meditative Mind: A Comprehensive Meta-Analysis of MRI Studies)) I suggest that you meditate just before thinking strategically for anywhere between 10 seconds and 2 hours depending on the importance of the goal/problem that you want to think about. Specifically, mindfulness meditation without any specific object of attention—just resting your mind and observing everything that comes into your consciousness as closely as possible—is the sort of meditation that tends to help me think more strategically as opposed to instinctively. By deliberately observing your thoughts, you will become more and more aware of your assumptions and preconceptions in regards to the nature of the problem and the solutions to it that you've considered so far.

2. Use Cognitive Enhancers to Sharpen Your Mind

Cognitive enhancers—supplements that if used appropriately enhances cognitive performance for the user—can help you think better. These substances are often also called "nootropics" or "smart drugs". Many people have misconceptions about these, either believing that they are super-effective and should be banned to prevent people from cheating with them or that they don't do anything at all.((ScienceDirect: Cognitive Enhancement: Treating or Cheating?)) Both of these beliefs are mostly wrong. Some nootropics certainly can have cognitive-enhancing effects, but these are only extremely good if you are performing poorly, to begin with. Think of Caffeine for example. It doesn't raise your IQ by 40 points, but it helps you think, especially if you haven't used it in a while. To use nootropics to think strategically, it is important to think strategically about using nootropics. What do you want to improve in your mental toolkit? Memory, focus, mood, energy, or stress levels? I work at Nootralize, which is a company that helps people understand the science of nootropics. In our review of more than 500 placebo-controlled studies that examined the effects of more than 200 nootropics in healthy humans, we found that most nootropics that people use and claim enhance their mental performance are severely underresearched. This doesn't necessarily mean that these substances are ineffective, just that the scientific data needed to know is not available. Overall, the 5 most science-backed nootropics are Omega 3's, Walnuts, Bacopa Monnieri, Caffeine, and Sage. But it's important that you know why you want to use nootropics. Caffeine wouldn't help you at all with decreasing stress levels for example, but Bacopa Monnieri might.((Nootralize: Top 10 Most Science-Backed Nootropics - Nootralize)) There are even some nootropics, such as Cocoa and Lemon Balm, that might help you in your meditation practice.((Psychology Today: 5 Science-Backed Nootropics for Mindfulness)) Meditation and nootropics are just two of many science-backed methods for improving your brain function so that it can help you think more strategically.

3. Understand the Problem You Want to Solve

A strategy is not an end in itself but a means to some other end. The trigger for you to start thinking "Aha! It's time to think strategically!" is when you have just identified a problem. When you have identified a problem that you want to solve, it's time to understand the why, when, and where of the problem. Ask yourself:

Why do you want to solve this problem?
When do you want this problem solved?
Where (in what context) do you want this problem solved?

For example, you could answer these questions by saying, "I'm trying to lose 10kg in 2021 because I think that will increase my day-to-day energy levels." It is clear from this statement that you want to increase your energy levels and also want to solve the problem of how to lose 10kg. It is also clear that you want this done before the end of 2021, and that it is you and not your sister or Donald Trump that you want to change the weight of. Getting clear on the context of the problem will enable you to compare the efficiency of the methods available for solving your problem.

4. Find the Most Efficient Methods for Solving Your Problem

To find the best solution to your problem, you will have to understand the underlying causes of the problem. What factors play a role in the problem at hand? What variables can, if manipulated, help you solve your problem? What resources are needed for you to manipulate those variables? This can be people, money, time, energy, food, information, etc. Based on the resources you have available, you will have to find a way to economically solve your problem. To understand which method is the most efficient and economical, you need to compare your options. Imagine you're trying to learn chemistry. Specifically, you've identified that right now you want to learn the chemical formula for water in a short amount of time. You now understand what you want to do, when, and in what context. Now, it's time to find an efficient method for learning the chemical formula for water. The resources you have available are a glass of water, your phone which has internet access, and your mother, a biologist, who is sitting next to you ready to help. How would you go about learning the chemical formula for water? Most people would probably not even try doing anything with the water to understand its chemical formula. But why? Water on its own doesn't have any of the information that is necessary for you in your quest to solve your problem. You would need advanced chemistry tools and knowledge as well as quite a bit of time to find out the chemical formula for water with the help of the glass of water. Would you ask Google or your mom? For comparison between two options when there's no clear winner in terms of efficiency in helping you solve your problem, a simple pro/con list can be very useful. Your mother can answer your question, likely accurately, in a very short amount of time when you've asked her what the chemical formula for water is. Google can also answer your question, more likely accurately, but it would probably take longer to open your phone, open the web browser, type Google, hit enter, type "What is the chemical formula for water?" hit enter, select a good source, and read the answer. This simple pro/con list could be illustrated in a table:

When comparing options for solving your problem in practice, it quickly becomes clear that knowing the context of your problem is crucial. If you know that you're looking to understand the chemical formula for water because you're going to have a test on this in school next week, then you might accept the fast and high accuracy response from your mother. But if you're going to hold a speech in front of the nation as the president of the United States, you likely will want to invest more time to get an answer that is definitely accurate. This is an example of why you need to fully understand the context of the problem you're trying to solve before looking at methods for solving it. Thinking strategically allows you to understand the context of the problem. Pros/cons, revenues/costs, rewards/risks, benefits/side effects—all of these are terms that describe the positive and negative aspects of solutions or tools that can be used to solve problems. In some circumstances, the problem is so small that it would take more time to create a pro/con list on paper or to create a clear definition of why you want to solve this problem, which is when a clear and sharp mind comes in extra handy.

When Not to Think Strategically

In the many situations that happen daily where small problems need to be solved, you can cut the time needed to select a solution to the problem down to the time it takes for you to think about the pros and cons of a problem. You likely do this more or less consciously already, but becoming aware that you are solving problems can help you take a step back—perhaps meditate for 10 seconds—and with a nootropic-fueled mind, see the entire list of pros and cons of the possible solutions to a problem in front of you. Thinking strategically takes time. People who are really good at strategic thinking know when thinking strategically is overkill. You don't need to write a pro/con list for which pair of socks you will use tomorrow morning or even think of the pros and cons of the alternatives you have. Sometimes, it will give you the best results to just act and to do so quickly. I encourage you to think strategically now about which situations you want to think strategically about in the future. Personally, I find that the more important it is for me that a problem is solved and that the resources needed to solve the problem are used efficiently, the more strategically I want to think. If I had a test next week for which I needed to know the chemical formula for water, I would not get a pen and paper and create a pro/con list. It would take too much time relative to the importance of the problem. I would just act. On the other hand, if I wanted to use a nootropic, I would read quite a lot online and in the scientific literature about its risks and potential benefits because nootropics alter your biology and your biology creates your experience. Since my experience is very important to me, I would invest more time and effort in thinking more strategically.

Conclusion

To become a pro at thinking strategically, you need to when to think strategically and when to just act on instinct. To determine this, understand what sort of problem you have in front of you. When you've understood your problem in-depth, it is time to understand the solutions available and find the best one for your situation. To do these things flawlessly and efficiently, meditation and cognitive enhancers can be useful. They can sharpen your mind to the point at which thinking strategically is easy and fun.

Step 1: See Time as Your Ally, Not Your Enemy

“When you change the way you look at things, what you look at changes.” —Wayne Dyer

The rule is simple: If you view time as your enemy, as an excuse, it becomes easy to blame and not take responsibility for it. When you view time as your friend and ally on your side and helping you accomplish your goals, then you can finally take full responsibility for your actions. You need to look at your relationship with time in a new, positive light. First, you have to deprogram yourself from the way society has taught you to view time. How many times have you heard the following?

“Where will I find the time?”
“I never have enough time.”
“Where did the time go?”
“When I get the time.”
“If time allows.”

But who actually “allows” you to do things? It’s not time—it's you! Recognize that time doesn’t make the decisions, you do. We all have the same amount of time. It’s all up to you whether you use your time to move towards your goals or to get distracted with things that don’t benefit you. Time is an incredibly valuable resource. It’s possibly the most valuable thing you have in life. Imagine your total time on earth as a billion dollars. It’s all yours, and you can do anything you want with it. It can buy you literally anything you want in life. But it can also be stolen from you and drained away. You have to choose where you use it. You have to direct it. You have to make sure that it’s being spent on what matters to you because no one else will. Everyone else will simply try to take it from you. Your time is yours, and it’s your responsibility. Your time comes from you, it’s a part of you, and you are not separate from it. It’s a natural gift of your life—an infinitely valuable resource here for you to become the best version of yourself. Feel grateful for your time and treasure it, and pay attention to where it is being used up. When you stop fighting with time and take responsibility for your time, you get your energy back, you flow in your day, and new opportunities naturally present themselves to you. Time becomes your ally and friend. It is in your corner to support you in everything you do.

“Time is not a thing—It’s a relationship.” —Steven Griffith

Make the decision once and for all to recognize that time is here for you and is on your side to help you be your best. We all get the same amount. What you do with it is up to you and only you!

Step 2: Go on a "Time Excuse" Diet

Here is how you take complete control of your time: Stop using the excuse of time as the reason you are not doing, being, or having what you want in life. Try saying this to yourself: “I’m 100 percent responsible for my time. I own it, I control it, and it comes from me!” From now on, you are on a "time excuse" diet. When you want to get in shape, you go to diet by eliminating the toxic foods that prevent you from improving. The same goes for getting your time back. To slim down the amount of time being lost to distractions, you have to eliminate the toxic thoughts that are preventing your success and personal responsibility. Start choosing what you want to do with your time. Remind yourself every day that it is your time, and you have the power to do what you really want with it. What we choose to say yes and no to and what we decide to do determines when and where we use our time. When we believe that time is outside of us and controlling us, we live in a constant state of scarcity and victimhood without even realizing it. After working with thousands of people, I have seen every version of a time excuse offered as the number one reason people aren’t finding the success, happiness, and achievement they desire. This widespread faulty thinking is the exact reason people are struggling, stalled, or stuck. Time is never to blame—it’s your choices and priorities with time. We can always make or find the time when something is our top priority. Just break a bone and all of a sudden, you have plenty of time to go to the doctor and get it fixed. It really comes down to choice. If you hear the excuse of not having enough time in your mind, get rid of it and choose to be responsible for your time!

Step 3: Use Self-Compassion Daily

This last step probably sounds counterintuitive, but it’s essential to taking responsibility for your actions. Take some time to be grateful for yourself. You see, taking responsibility for all of your time, how it’s spent, and everything that you do or do not accomplish is a lot of pressure. You won’t always succeed perfectly in every task. So, if you start to constantly tell yourself negative things, like “I’m not doing good enough,” then you will lose your motivation and excuses will take over. Positive reinforcement is essential for reprogramming your mind from being full of excuses to being full of motivation and solutions. Here’s the mind trick we play on ourselves: If you believe and know that you will get beat up more often when you “go for it” and don’t succeed, then over time, you will be more likely to make excuses, delay, hold yourself back, or not go for it at all. But to be successful—to take full responsibility for our actions—we have to be willing to take risks and be okay with failure. That’s the only way to push ourselves to new heights and our next level of growth. We have to be able to willingly get back up when we get knocked down. Research shows that when we are kind to ourselves and show ourselves compassion, it allows us to perform better by giving us healthy expectations. Self-compassion increases well-being and our ability to take risks. By being kind we’ll be more responsible for our actions—the ones that are good and the ones that aren’t. Self-compassion is the ultimate way to take self-responsibility. It’s being there for yourself in the face of adversity, obstacles, and challenges so you can keep going. Just the fact that you want to take responsibility for your actions is reason enough to give yourself an emotional pat on the back. Once we show compassion to ourselves and tend to our mental and emotional needs, we can be in a positive and receptive space to reengage and learn from adversity, integrate new lessons, adjust our strategies and tactics, take full responsibility for our actions, and get back out there and accomplish our goals with an even higher level of confidence, resilience, power, and tools to succeed.

Conclusion

When you fall into the “excuse trap” with the belief that “I don’t have enough time,” which our 24/7 connected devices and lifestyles push us into unconsciously, you have a super toxic combo of mental traps keeping you from your goals and dreams. Excuses justify people’s failures in their mind and tell them to give up. A lack of self-compassion tells them that they can’t do it. Given enough time and setbacks, they may start to believe it. They may even want to believe it because it gets them off the hook and allows them to be comfortable with their lack of success. But that’s not you. You want to take responsibility for your actions. You want to take your destiny into your own hands. You have made the choice to be in charge of your life, remove all excuses (especially the time excuse!), and be self-compassionate in a way that puts the choice and responsibility back in your hands. With those 3 steps, you can deprogram your mind from feeling helpless to experiencing total empowerment.

I’m 100 percent responsible for my time. I own it, I control it, and it comes from me! —Steven Griffith, The Time Cleanse

Thursday, 31 December 2020

1. Steven Spielberg

2. Chris Pratt

3. Sylvester Stallone

4. Oprah Winfrey

5. Jim Carrey

6. J.K. Rowling

7. Katy Perry

8. Thomas Edison

9. Henry Ford

10. Beyoncé

11. James Dyson

12. Stephen King

13. Vincent Van Gogh

14. Jay-Z

Final Thoughts

More Success Stories of People Who Faced Setbacks

Toxic Family Members

1. Establish Firm Communication Boundaries

2. Practice Self-Distancing

Toxic Friends

1. Discuss the Issue With Them Directly

2. Limit Social Media Interactions

Final Takeaways

More Tips on How to Stay Away From Toxic People

1. Talk to Someone

2. Read a Book

3. Go for a Walk

4. Listen to Music

5. Eat Right

6. Keep a Journal

7. Sleep Well

Final Thoughts

More Articles About Mental Wellness

Wednesday, 30 December 2020

1. Don’t Avoid Obstacles

2. Know Why You’re Doing It

3. Let Go of Past Expectations

4. Have a Positive Mindset

5. Look at Obstacles as Opportunities

6. Take Action

Final Thoughts

More Tips on How To Push Forward in Life

1. Recognize What Kind of Listener You Are

The Space out

The Interrupter

The Fixer

The Faker

2. Decide to Be a Better Listener

Listen Without Judgment

Communicate Through Non-Verbal Cues

3. Make a Plan

4. Change the Channel

5. Reflect Back What You Hear

6. Listen to Understand, Not to Fix

7. Prepare, Practice, Reflect

Step 1: Prepare Yourself

Step 2: Practice Active Listening Techniques

Step 3: Reflect on How You Did as a Listener

Final Thoughts

More Tips on Becoming a Better Listener

1. Recognize Your Triggers

2. Shift the Momentum

3. What You Say Matters

4. Create Positive Relationships

Final Thoughts

More Tips on Building Self-Esteem

Tuesday, 29 December 2020

1. Hold Yourself Accountable

2. Set Clear Goals

3. Develop Time Management

4. Be Self-Motivated

5. Adapt to Change

6. Use Coping Skills to Deal with Stress

7. Institute the Habit of Daily Learning

Final Thoughts

More Self-Management Tips

1. Meditate to Get a Clear Perspective

2. Use Cognitive Enhancers to Sharpen Your Mind

3. Understand the Problem You Want to Solve